A Close Shave To Get Those Teeth Clean
Assisted Living, Awesome, Canada, Inspirational | Healthy | September 10, 2020
It’s my first day working as a care assistant in a home for adults with learning difficulties. Every resident is treated as a member of the family. A more experienced colleague is showing me around.

Colleague: “This is John. He needs a lot of personal care, but he’s a great guy. He’s quite happy and easy to take care of.”

Later, we are putting him to bed and my colleague is demonstrating to me how to clean his teeth. John won’t open his mouth for the toothbrush.

Colleague: “He really doesn’t like the taste of toothpaste. We have to be patient.”

Two minutes later, he still hasn’t opened his mouth.

Colleague: “Would you switch on John’s shaver? It’s on the shelf there.”

Me: “Huh? We haven’t finished cleaning his teeth yet.”

Colleague: “Just switch it on and watch carefully.”

Confused, I switch it on. Then, I look at John to watch the reaction. He grins and opens his mouth wide. My colleague puts the toothbrush in and cleans his teeth without issue.

Colleague: “You see, he hates getting his teeth cleaned, but he loves getting shaved. The sound of the shaver is enough to distract him. Getting shaved is his reward for letting us clean his teeth.”

I was amazed that something so simple would work! Several months later, I enjoy working with him.

It’s An Emergency! But It Can Wait.
Jerk, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | September 7, 2020
I have a concerning problem and decide to ask my insurance’s nurse advice hotline if I should go to the ER. This is what happens at the end of our conversation.

Nurse: “I definitely think you should call 911 and have an ambulance take you to the hospital. But before you do that, would you mind answering a few survey questions about my performance today?”

Me: *Incredulous pause* “No.”

I hung up, pretty shocked. I could not believe that she did that. An online survey later, sure. But in a situation urgent enough to call 911?

As for my medical issues, a new medication was causing serious complications. Reversing the medication, plus a few other things, solved it. I should be fine.

Attention-Seeking Isn’t Always A Bad Thing
California, Doctor/Physician, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | September 5, 2020
This happens when I am sixteen, almost seventeen. My mom is out of town on a business trip and I insist that I am fine to stay home while she is gone. I haven’t been feeling well for a few days, so I go in to see a doctor. My regular doctor isn’t in that day so they send me to see a different doctor.

The doctor comes in and starts to look over my medical history. While he’s doing so, we have the following conversation.

Doctor: “What seems to be the problem?”

Me: “My stomach really hurts and I haven’t been able to keep anything down for a few days. The pain keeps getting worse, and then I throw up and the pain gets better for a while, but then it gets bad again.”

Doctor: “Can you describe the pain and where it’s located?”

Me: “It’s sharp and right here.”

I point to the lower right part of my abdomen.

Doctor: “Uh-huh.” *Looks up from the computer* “Well, just get plenty of fluids and rest and you should be fine in a few days. Nothing to worry about.”

Me: “I really don’t feel good. It feels like something is wrong.”

Doctor: “Well, I can see from your medical records that you’ve been seeing a therapist for the past year and are on antidepressants. I’m putting in your file that you are having attention-seeking behavior. There is nothing wrong with you other than a stomach virus. I will follow up with your therapist.”

With that, he left the room.

I called my mom and told her that the doctor said it was just a stomach virus and that it should go away soon. My mom got home late the next day and checked on me. I still wasn’t feeling well and we made another appointment for me for the next day. I woke her up at two am because something felt wrong. The pain was gone but I couldn’t get warm. She took me to the ER; my appendix had ruptured. I ended up spending a week in the ICU with an infection and it took another month to fully recover.

Taking A Page Out Of Jean Milburn’s Book
Editors' Choice, Funny, Health & Body, Hospital, Parents/Guardians, Rude & Risque, UK | Healthy | September 4, 2020
My mother is a retired midwife. I was raised with a clear understanding of motherhood and everything it entails. As a ten-year-old boy, I would read her professional magazines. I could have an intelligent conversation about menopause or explain an epidural. Then, in my early teens, this happens.

Mum: “Hey, [My Name]. How are you? You won’t believe what happened last night. We had a model breast.”

Me: “A model— Wait, what?”

Mum: “We had some professional development training to do in breastfeeding, and they had a model breast for it.”

Me: “Er, model breast?”

Mum: “A model of a boob; it’s supposed to imitate a functioning boob. It came complete with a nipple that dispenses a liquid.”

Me: “Right… but almost all midwives are women. Aren’t there enough boobs in a maternity hospital for this to be obvious?”

Mum: “We all thought that, so we repurposed the training boob.”

Me: “I— Wait, what? A model boob was supplied to your colleagues for training and… Where is it now?”

Mum: “In the bathroom.”

Me: “Model breast in our bath… huh?”

Mum: “Since we didn’t need it, we reused it as a soap dispenser.”

Me: “I… What?”

Mum: “We obviously didn’t need it, so we might as well put it to good use. So, we glued it to the wall of the staff bathroom and added liquid soap. Press the nipple and soap comes out.”

I nearly peed myself with laughter.

Help Me Help You
Bad Behavior, California, Hospital, Nurses, Patients, USA | Healthy | September 3, 2020
I am in the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. While I am there waiting for surgery, I overhear a conversation with a man being extremely loud and a nurse trying to tend to him.

Nurse: “Sir, I need to ask you to calm down so we can treat your injuries.”

Man: “No! I bet you gonna try and sew me up so you can pass it off to my insurance! I ain’t falling for that s***!”

Nurse: “Sir, I’m gonna ask you to please calm down so we can stop the bleeding and at least bandage you up!”

Man: “NO! YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO STEAL MONEY FROM ME! I’M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR S***! SEND ME ANOTHER NURSE OR SOMETHING!”

Nurse: “Listen! I don’t have to deal with your attitude, but it’s my duty as a nurse to tend to injuries. Now either you can calm down and let me at least bandage you up and give you pain relievers and send you on your way, I can have security escort you out while we clean the mess you made, or I can send you to [Nearest Hospital, in another city] if you want to be rowdy as you are. What’s it gonna be?!”

I don’t hear anything for ten minutes, or I pass out from the painkillers, but I overhear the nurse and another nurse speaking after a while.

Nurse #1 : “I can’t believe he was that stubborn over a ‘paper’ cut on his arm.”

I’m guessing that is a code term for minor cuts and whatnot.

Nurse #2 : “Paper cut? That did not look like a paper cut!”

Nurse #1 : “Trust me; when you’ve had to file paperwork as much as I have in my time, you realize the difference between a ‘stab wound’ and a nasty paper cut.”

I have been thankful ever since for how kind the nurses were while I was in the hospital, after seeing what they put up with daily.

Apparently, Not Everyone Hates Needles?
Hospital, Liars/Scammers, Non-Dialogue, USA, West Virginia | Healthy | September 1, 2020
My coworker is working registration in the emergency department. A visitor for a patient comes in, and after my coworker checks with the nurse, she tells the gentleman to have a seat in the waiting room and she will get her as soon as he can go back.

Shortly after, a nurse comes out calling the names of a few patients ready to be seen.

She is busy helping a new patient check in when she believes she sees the gentleman sneak in with the group of patients.

She is busy and doesn’t have time to stop him and she figures staff will end up sending him back out.

After a few minutes, she has everyone checked in and a patient comes out of the waiting room enquiring how long until he can go back.

Once he tells her the name, she instantly recognizes it as one the nurse had just called. She looks up the name, and sure enough, it’s showing him roomed in the ED.

She quickly calls the nurse who is about to put an IV in the visitor’s arm.

Unlike sneaking to visit a patient like my coworker expected this guy would do, instead, he followed the nurse to the room pretending to be someone else.

I don’t know how he faked his way that far since all nurses ask for name and birthday confirmation before they do anything.

Security removed him quickly after they realized what was going on.

Which Hurts Worse? The Broken Bone Or Worker’s Comp?
Billing, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Jerk, USA | Healthy | August 31, 2020
I fall down at work and badly injure my foot and ankle. I limp to the bathrooms and feel it; it’s puffing up quick. My supervisor comes over and asks what happened. I tell him; he facepalms and tells me to drive myself to the hospital and not to worry because I have worker’s compensation.

I do, but the adrenaline wears off. I can’t use my right foot because it’s too painful, so I have to use my left. Luckily, there’s no traffic because it’s very awkward and painful to drive. I have to bite my tongue to keep from screaming. Once I get there, I park and hop to the lobby. My supporting leg buckles and I can’t go further.

I yell for help and the receptionist gives me a wheelchair. I check in and tell her it’s worker’s compensation and she says okay. I’m feeling quite sorry for myself, and then I hear sobbing. There’s an older woman whose foot looks black and rotted. I stop feeling so sorry for myself.

After a long wait, I’m taken to get x-rays, and after a longer wait after that, the doctor comes in.

Doctor: *Very cheerily* “Well! I looked over your x-rays and you have sprained your ankle and broken your foot!”

Me: “Oh, no! I’ve never broken anything. Will I need surgery?”

Doctor: *Big grin* “No, it’s just a foot! Ha! You can just use a boot!”

Me: “Oh, but I need it.”

Doctor: “Now, let me just wrap your foot!”

She grabs my poor, already black and blue foot, roughly.

Me: “Owwwwww!”

Doctor: “Oh, I’m sorry. Does it hurt?”

Yeah, it’s broken, duh.

She wrapped it up while humming and gave me a boot and crutches. Then, I was thrown out, and later, the hospital said I needed to pay. I told them again that it was worker’s compensation and they said okay. But they kept calling and sending letters every day, saying the worker’s compensation company wouldn’t answer their calls! They kept harassing me until I finally gave in. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have, but anyone who’s been harassed every day for years would go nuts. I still have pain in my foot.

More Like “Harmacist”
Employees, New Jersey, Pharmacy, Stupid, USA | Healthy | August 30, 2020
My boyfriend and I decide to have sex one night, so we grab a condom, but it breaks halfway through, and we don’t realize until we finish.

I decide to go to the pharmacy to get a morning-after pill. I don’t look particularly young. When I arrive at the pharmacy, the pharmacist comes right up to the counter.

Me: “Hi. Can I get the morning-after pill?”

Pharmacist: “Did you speak with your doctor?”

Me: “Um, no.”

Pharmacist: “You need to speak with your doctor, first, sweetheart. And I need your parents’ consent.”

Me: “Um, first of all, no, you don’t. Even if I was underage, you don’t need their consent. And I should get the pill if I ask for it right here; I shouldn’t have to speak to my doctor.”

Pharmacist: “Underage? How old are you?”

Me: “Twenty-four.”

The pharmacist looks surprised before consulting with another pharmacist. They both come over, the first pharmacist watching from behind the second pharmacist. The second pharmacist hands me the package with the pill.

Second Pharmacist: “Sorry about that. She’s never acted like that before. I’ll have a talk with her.”

That’s The Trouble With Affordable Healthcare
Emergency Room, England, Hospital, Impossible Demands, London, Nurses, Parents/Guardians, Stupid, UK | Healthy | August 28, 2020
I work in a hospital. A mother brings her daughter into the emergency room.

Nurse: “Hi there. Could you describe the nature of your medical needs?”

Mother: “My daughter stepped in dog poop and I’m afraid she might have an infection.”

Nurse: “Okay, does your daughter have any open wounds, blisters, warts, etc., near where she came into contact with the dog poop?”

Mother: “No.”

Nurse: “Did you wash her foot afterward with warm water and soap?”

Mother: “That’s disgusting! Why would I do that?”

Nurse: “To protect your daughter from infection?”

Mother: “No, I just threw it out.”

Nurse: “Wha…” *Lightbulb moment* “Was your daughter wearing shoes when she stepped in the poop?”

Mother: “Yes! Of course.”

Nurse: “So, you’re telling me that your daughter stepped into dog poop wearing shoes and socks, and she has no open wounds on her feet, and you are worried she has an infection?”

Mother: “Yes, of course, I’m worried.”

Nurse: “No offence, but this is an emergency room. It is very unlikely she got an infection, and since this is obviously a very low-priority case, you may be waiting here for up to six hours to see a doctor. I recommend you go home and make an appointment with your regular doctor in a couple of days’ time. If your daughter does take any severe turns, you can always bring her in or call an ambulance and she will be seen immediately.”

Mother: “Oh, no, you don’t! I want you to get my daughter to see a doctor as soon as you can!”

Nurse: “Very well. Please be aware that you could be waiting a very long time as we assign cases on a priority basis. Also please be aware that, whilst we make every effort to remove the risk of infection, this is a hospital and there is a chance that infected blood or bodily fluids may be present. Also be aware that, since this is a walk-in center, we do get a lot of homeless men and drug addicts coming in to get out of the rain.”

It is clear that the nurse is doing everything in her power to dissuade this mother from trying to see a doctor.

Mother: “Whatever. Those infections probably aren’t as bad as the ones you can get from dog poop.”

Nurse: “Actually, blood and bodily fluids might be contaminated with any number of infections, including HIV.”

Mother: “Oh, don’t be silly.”

The woman and her daughter moved on to the waiting room and were sat there for approximately four and a half hours. The woman was told by the doctor to do exactly what the nurse had advised and left looking overly smug

Not Quite What They Meant By “Immaculate Conception”
Emergency Room, Health & Body, LGBTQ, Minnesota, USA | Healthy | August 26, 2020
I’ve been in the ER enough to know that there is no avoiding the “you’re a woman; you must be pregnant” song and dance, despite the multiple variables that stand in the way of me personally conceiving. I’ve started having fun with my answers.

Nurse: “Is there any chance you might be pregnant?”

Me: “Nope.”

Nurse: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Positive. Unless… babe, did your lack of penis knock me up again?”

Wife: “I’ve gotta stop doing that.”

On another occasion:

Nurse: “Is there any chance you might be pregnant?”

Me: “I’m on a few different birth controls, so I really hope not.”

Nurse: “What method of birth control do you use?”

Me: “An IUD and lesbianism. I really hope that second one still works.”

On one memorable occasion, the nurse replied, “Girl, me, too

Listen Well To This Painful Lesson!
Health & Body, Home, Missouri, Non-Dialogue, Stupid, USA | Healthy | August 25, 2020
Have you ever wondered why your doctor tells you not to shove things in your ears?

I know all of the conventional wisdom: no Q-tips, cotton balls, hairpins, etc. However, that doesn’t mean my ears don’t get occasionally itchy, and sometimes, you just have to scratch.

One night, I was lying in my bed, and I felt the irresistible urge to scratch an itch inside my ear. So, I did what any reasonable adult would do. I slid my pinkie in my ear, twisted it, and pulled it out, quick as you like.

It should be noted that I have notoriously tiny ears — ridiculously so — and that I’m used to feeling a little suction when I scratch my ear with my pinkie.

But this time was different.

This time, when my pinkie caught suction, it caught hard — so hard it created a vacuum inside my ear canal.

When my pinkie made it out of my ear, there was a loud POP and such pain that I immediately started to cry. It felt like someone had jabbed a screwdriver into my ear.

Within two hours, the pain had partially subsided, but my ear was hot and leaking clear pus. Sounds were muffled, and I couldn’t hear my own voice in my skull on that side of my head. So, I once more did what any reasonable adult would do and tried to sleep it off.

Fight the inevitable as I might, when I woke up the next morning, I knew I had to go to urgent care. The hearing loss had grown profound, my head was tilting to the left, and everything was muffled and uncomfortable.

The doctor looked in my ear for less than two seconds and gave me the bad news I’d been dreading, along with $500 in antibiotics. Healthcare in America is a b**** if you’re on a state-funded plan, and I was on vacation 2,000 miles outside the area my insurance would cover. Yay, America!

And that’s how I ruptured my eardrum by scratching an itch with my pinkie.

App-ly Your Brain To This Situation
Australia, Current Events, Medical Office, Patients, Stupid | Healthy | August 24, 2020
I’m a receptionist checking in a patient.

Me: “Okay. Have you been tested for [widespread illness] in the last two weeks?”

Patient: “I have the app.”

I patiently waited for an answer. The patient just stared at me.

App-ly Your Brain To This Situation
Australia, Current Events, Medical Office, Patients, Stupid | Healthy | August 24, 2020
I’m a receptionist checking in a patient.

Me: “Okay. Have you been tested for [widespread illness] in the last two weeks?”

Patient: “I have the app.”

I patiently waited for an answer. The patient just stared at me.

Make Sure You Stretch First
Health & Body, Home, Pennsylvania, Spouses & Partners, USA | Healthy | August 23, 2020
I am old enough that I’ve gone through menopause. A few months ago, I had some bleeding, so my doctor wanted to do a biopsy. This was very uncomfortable, not because of the biopsy itself, but due to me having to be dilated. Having never had children, I’d never experienced the pain.

Today, I have a followup biopsy to make sure everything is still okay since the first one turned out okay.

I tell my husband that when I come home I’ll take one of my strong painkillers to help with the pain. The following exchange takes place.

Husband: “Why are you going to do that? They’re only taking a snip of tissue.”

Me: “It’s not the snip that hurts. It’s the dilation!”

The kicker is that he and his ex have two kids. It shouldn’t be a foreign concept to him!

But on the plus side, my mother-in-law who took me got me a pack of snack-size dark chocolate bars! That’s one of my favorite takeaways from “Harry Potter”: that chocolate makes everything better. And best of all, it’s scientifically proven

This Patient Needs A Patience Refill
Jerk, Oregon, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | August 21, 2020
I’m at a drive-thru for my local pharmacy. There are two lanes: one for drop-off, one for pickup. I’m in the pickup lane when a lady pulls up to the drop-off lane. It’s currently Saturday afternoon.

Pharmacy Tech: “Good afternoon. Are you dropping off today?”

Lady: “Actually, I need to get a refill on a prescription. I’ve been unable to reach you guys by phone for a week and a half.”

Pharmacy Tech: “Okay, can I get your info?”

The information is passed and a minute or so passes.

Pharmacy Tech: “We do not have the prescription in stock, but we’ll have this filled for you by Monday afternoon.”

Lady: “I can’t wait that long! I need my prescription. Can you see if any other location has it?”

Pharmacy Tech: “Just a couple of minutes.”

A couple of minutes go by.

Pharmacy Tech: “The other pharmacies in this area also don’t have it; it’s not a common prescription. If you had called it in prior to now, we’d have it all ready for you.”

Lady: “This is unacceptable!”

Pharmacy Tech: “We didn’t know you needed a refill. We do have an automatic refill service.”

Lady: “I don’t like those automatic refill things.”

Pharmacy Tech: “If you needed the prescription today, you should have called it in a couple days ago, or you could have done it online.”

Lady: “I don’t have time for this. You should have my prescription ready. It’s not my fault I didn’t call for a refill.”

The lady speeds off.

An Honest Doctor Is A Good Thing
Doctor/Physician, Funny, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | August 19, 2020
I develop a hernia on vacation so I go to my urologist for help.

Me: “Is this a hernia?”

He has done other surgeries for me before.

He pokes it a few times — ouch! — and agrees.

Doctor: ”Yup, that’s a hernia. Good.”

Me: ”Why is this good?”

Doctor: ”Because I get paid more to fix this.”

He retired a few years ago. I miss that guy.

Have A Heart, Use Your Brain
Estonia, Hospital, Jerk, Patients, Stupid | Healthy | August 17, 2020
This story was told by my neighbour. She is waiting at the hospital for an appointment with an orthopaedist. Her number is called, but before she can stand up and go to the correct office, another woman quickly runs in before her. Puzzled, my neighbour goes to the receptionist.

Neighbour: “Excuse me, could you please help me? I have an appointment with [Doctor], but another lady ran in when my number was called. I have been waiting for that appointment and I would hate to miss it.”

Receptionist: “What? Please, come with me.”

She marches to the doctor’s office with my neighbour following her and opens the door to the office where the doctor is just starting with the woman who stormed in.

Receptionist: “Is your name Mrs. [Neighbour]? And was your number [number #1]?”

Woman: “No, my name is [Woman]. And my number is [number #2 ].”

Receptionist: *Looking puzzled* “[Number #2 ]? Isn’t that a number used in a different building? Cardiology?”

Woman: “Look, I found a parking spot closer to here and I’m in a hurry. Do I really have to go to a different building? Couldn’t this doctor look at me now?”

Orthopaedist: “Given that my office is not equipped for diagnosing heart issues, it would be useless. Please leave.”

Doctor Obvious Is Afoot
Current Events, Doctor/Physician, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, USA, Vancouver, Washington | Healthy | August 14, 2020
I’ve had severe pain in both of my feet on and off for two years. I’ve been diagnosed with tendonitis, mild tendon tears, plantar fasciitis, Morton’s neuroma, and arthritis. I’ve tried everything that two doctors have suggested, plus a few things I learned about doing my own research. I’ve also had an MRI.

I’m getting pretty desperate for relief. This means that I’m willing to see a doctor despite the rapidly spreading illness going around, even though I’m at extremely high risk for it.

At my most recent appointment, the doctor proudly announced that I had metatarsalgia. This was a fancy way of saying that the bones in my feet hurt. No kidding, doc! He recommended highly cushioned shoes — which is all I’d been able to wear for two years — and that’s it.

I’ll be seeking out yet another doctor for this.

They Might Be Coming On To Something…
Arizona, Current Events, Health & Body, Hospital, Phoenix, Rude & Risque, USA | Healthy | August 10, 2020
A bit of backstory for anyone reading old stories years from now: there’s a global health crisis going on, and a lot of people are acting like it’s either fake or no big deal. I’m waiting for an x-ray, and I overhear some medical workers talking.

Worker #1: “Did you hear that [disease] causes a loss of ability to orgasm?”

Worker #2: “No! Where did you hear that?”

Worker #1: “My girlfriend and I made it up, but if we spread that around, maybe people would actually care.”

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Someone Else
England, Friends, Gym, Health & Body, Instant Karma, Jerk, Non-Dialogue, Sports, Sports Center, UK | Healthy | August 6, 2020
This took place about eight years ago. My younger brother and I join a group of guys for a game of indoor football — soccer — at our local sports centre every weekend. Everyone else is college age, seventeen or eighteen, while I am the eldest at twenty.

Things go by smoothly. One of the guys is a friend of ours, and there is a clear mix of ability so there is little in the way of unbalanced teams. Nonetheless, one of the guys is super competitive and continually body-checks others into the walls in order to tackle them. As the eldest in the group, I have de facto responsibility to ensure everyone’s health and safety, so I gently ask him at the end of the session to tone down his tackling, since he could seriously injure or be injured in doing so. As I feared, he simply brushes it off and says everything will be fine.

Cut to a few weeks later. My brother is unable to come with so it is just me this time. Everything goes fine until a harsh tackle from me on another guy causes me to roll my ankle, causing me to fall hard on my lower back. As play stops, the idiot I mentioned has the brilliant idea of grabbing me by the arms and ankles and carrying me away from the playing area!

While they carry on their game without a care in the world, I am lying there in agony. Between the now worsened ankle injury, they also jarred my lower back by unceremoniously dumping me on the floor. My friend stops playing and comes over to see if I’m okay. I immediately order him to get a member of staff, which he does. When the on-duty first aider — also the manager — arrives, the guys laugh and tell me to “stop acting like a p****,” to which my friend replies that this is serious.

An ambulance is called and my mother arrives after my friend used my phone to call her. About six hours later, I leave the local hospital on crutches with a severe high ankle sprain and strained lower lumbar muscles, and a metric crapload of various prescription painkillers. The following morning, my ankle has swelled to twice the size and looks the colour of a ripe blackberry. I take a photo for my university as proof — I commute to the uni and will be in no shape to get there for at least a week, maybe even two — and settle in to working out how to use my crutches effectively.

Six months later, I start training again to get my fitness back, and my brother and I go back to the football group. Naturally, they laugh that I took half a year off for “diving”…

…until I wordlessly walk up to the idiot in charge and show him the photo of my blackberry-coloured, inflated ankle. I stress my warning back to him from way before, and I swear I have never seen the colour fade so fast from someone seeing consequences of their actions.

Nowadays, my ankle is fully functional, if slightly more tender, while my lower back has developed into full-on sciatica. Still enjoy football, though!

Just Call Him Hal
Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Lazy/Unhelpful, New Hires, USA | Healthy | August 2, 2020
I’m a nurse on a busy med surge floor. Shift change has just occurred. My CNA calls me to let me know one of my patients’ blood pressure readings is high. I pull up the chart, check the newest results, and realize their drug test is positive for absolutely everything drug we test for and they also have a very high alcohol score. I go into the room to access my patient and as soon as I get in, I know they are starting to go through withdrawals.

I call the doctor immediately to get a drug and alcohol withdrawal medication bundle on. I end up getting a brand-new resident. I introduce myself and explain the issue.

Me: “…and I need a stat order on the drug and alcohol withdrawal med bundle. Thanks!”

Resident: “I’m new; I don’t know what that is.”

Me: “No problem.”

I list the meds I need, the dosages, frequency, etc.

Resident: “I can’t write those orders; those are controlled medications.”

Some of them are, but most are anti-nausea and anti-diarrhea meds.

Me: “You’re a doctor; you can write controlled meds. This is a standard medication bundle for this issue.”

Resident: “I don’t think I can write those.”

Me: “Is [Doctor] there? Can you put him on speaker, please?”

He does and I repeat the request.

Doctor: *To the resident* “Start typing what the nurse tells you.”

Resident: “But I can’t write those orders; they are controlled.”

Doctor: “I’m only going to tell you this once more. Put in all the orders the nice nurse tells you right now. We have a patient who is about to go into severe drug withdrawals. She is trying to avoid the massive projectile vomiting, diarrhea, and seizures that are about to happen. Nurse [My Name], how long do you think we have?”

Me: “Thirty minutes, maybe less. They are already starting to sweat and look a bit green around the gills.”

The new resident was still arguing with the doctor that he couldn’t write those orders. The doc got fed up with him and told him that from then on he was to write every effing order I told him. I got my orders.

A few days later, the new resident was on the floor. I went up to get a med order and he started again with the “I don’t think I’m allowed to write that.” I smiled and let him know that I was nurse [My Name], and that he might remember that the doctor in charge of him told him not to argue with me about med orders. I did have to show him how to put them on, but it got done.

The other nurses asked how I managed to get orders out of him because he’d been pulling the same garbage with all of them. The doctor ended up giving him blanket orders that he was to listen to the nurses, and if he really wasn’t sure to call him or the pharmacist, but he was not allowed to utter “I don’t think I can write that” ever again.

We are wondering if he’ll last through the end of the month.

Whatever She Saw, They Had It Comin’
Awesome, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | August 1, 2020
I’m usually pretty chatty with my doctors; I’ve learned that they have seen and heard much more shocking stories than mine since I live a pretty boring and standard life. Every time I get a new doctor, I’m sure to be honest and unashamed because they kind of need to know things like that.

I start rambling this point to a new doctor and point out how she’s probably dealt with more embarrassing things than someone being a virgin when asked about their sexual history.

She gives me a knowing look and then says, “I was an ER doctor in Chicago.”

Now I definitely know that there’s no scaring her!

We Need No Further Evidence Regarding Her Sanity
Bizarre, Jerk, New York, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | July 31, 2020
I work in a pharmacy and I get a call from an older customer.

Me: “[Pharmacy], how can I help you?”

Customer: “You gave me the wrong pills!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am; did the bag have your name on it?”

Customer: “It’s my name, but the wrong pills are in the bottle!”

Me: “It’s possible we refilled one of your other prescriptions on fi—”

Customer: “No! The wrong pills are in the bottle!”

Me: “All right, can I have the number on the bottle?”

Customer: “Oh, no, you don’t! I’m not giving that to you.”

Me: “All right, can I have your name, please?”

Customer: “No! I’m on to your tricks!”

Me: “Ma’am, I need to look up your file so I can figure out what the problem is.”

Customer: “No, you don’t! I know your sly ways. You’re just going to change my file so you can cover up your mistake!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have that ability. I’d like to help give you the proper medication. Can you please tell me your name?”

Customer: “No! You’re going to change the names of the medications on my chart to hide your screwup!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, can you come back to the store so I can verify the wrong pills were given?”

Customer: “No! I’m holding onto this bottle! It’s evidence!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t change any ‘evidence,’ since you have a printed label on the bottle. Can you tell me the name of the medication?”

Customer: “No! Do you think I’m stupid? I’m not telling you anything!”

Me: *Sigh* “Okay, ma’am, if you won’t let me see your file or the pills, and you won’t bring it back, then what would you like me to do?”

Customer: “I want you to know that you’re a horrible pharmacy. And you are a terrible person!”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m trying to help—”

Customer: “No, you are an awful person! You don’t deserve to be in business, trying to poison me with the wrong pills!”

Me: “Well, can you describe them to me? Are they white? Oval?”

Customer: “I’m not telling! You are a bad person!”

Me: “Ma’am, I would really like to help you, if you could give me some informati—”

Customer: “No, you don’t! Shame on you for trying to kill me and then hiding the evidence!”

She hung up.

A Pathological Need To Be Cautious
Australia, Current Events, Health & Body, Medical Office, New South Wales | Healthy | July 30, 2020
I finally have an in-person appointment with a psychologist after having several phone appointments during the global health crisis. The secretary calls me the day before to do what is now the usual health check.

Secretary: “Hello, [My Name], is now a good time to ask you a few questions before your appointment tomorrow with [Psychologist]?”

Me: “Yes, absolutely.”

Secretary: “Oh, great. Have you had any coughs, fevers, sore throat, or body aches and pains?”

Me: “No, to the cough, fever, and sore throat, but the body aches and pains are common with my fibromyalgia.”

Secretary: “That should be fine. Have you been overseas or in Victoria in the last fourteen days?”

Me: “No.”

Secretary: “Okay, and have you been in contact with anyone who could have [spreading illness] recently?”

Me: “I work in a pathology lab.”

Secretary: “Oh. Um… I don’t know what to say to that.”

She laughs awkwardly.

Me: “I was tested a week ago and I was clear. But I also appreciate it if you don’t want me in the building; I can have a phone appointment again.”

Secretary: “Um, do you mind if I go and ask?”

Me: “Go for it. Just call me back. This isn’t the first time I have flustered people.”

Secretary: “Thank you for being so understanding! I will call you back soon.”

Me: “All good.”

They are going to let me in.

Need Something Stronger To Deal With This Doctor
Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Medical Office, Singapore | Healthy | July 29, 2020
I suffer from chronic gastritis. Most doctors who do not realise the severity of my condition will prescribe a mild drug that is not strong enough. I often have to request something stronger.

At the clinic, I get a very condescending doctor who looks down her nose on the patients, as though she thinks she’s too good to waste her time on us. She doesn’t even look at me the entire time while I describe my symptoms but stares somewhere to my right, and she talks to me as though I am a five-year-old kid.

Doctor: “This is just a stomach ache. I’ll give you [Drug #1 ].”

Me: “I’ve taken that before; it’s too mild. Can I have [Drug #2 ], instead?”

Doctor: “You don’t need that. [Drug #1 ] is good enough.”

Me: “I have a history of chronic gastritis. I’ve taken [Drug #1 ] before; it’s not strong enough.”

Doctor: *Even more condescendingly* “Oh, what medicine do you want to take, then?”

Me: “I’ve taken [Drug #2 ]; it’s more effective.”

Doctor: “I’ve never heard of that medicine. Are you sure of the name?”

I figure I may be mispronouncing the name because, after all, I’m not a doctor. I try to describe it.

Me: “I’m not sure if I’m mispronouncing it. It’s by the same company as [Drug #1 ] but with three active ingredients instead of two. It comes in a green bottle.”

Doctor: *More condescendingly than ever* “Well, girl, I can give you something else, but I can’t guarantee it will come in a green bottle.”

Me: “Do you think I’m two years old? Wanting a medicine for the colour of the bottle like candy? I’m describing it to you in simple terms since you don’t seem to know which drug it is.”

The doctor looked stunned like she didn’t think I was smart enough to know the difference. She sputtered something and changed the prescription. I ignored her, checked the prescription to see that she did give me the stronger drug, and left without saying another word to her.

When Patients Have No Patience
Emergency Services, Germany, Home, Ignoring & Inattentive, Impossible Demands | Healthy | July 29, 2020
Sometimes, when we go to patient’s homes to get them to the hospital, we can’t bring them to the closest one because it’s full. This patient was set to go to the closest, but it was not possible.

Patient’s Wife: “So, you’ll bring him to [Hospital], right?”

Colleague: “Ma’am, [Hospital] is currently full.”

He opens the website that shows the availability of hospitals in the area.

Colleague: “See? It’s red. We could bring your husband to[List Of Different Hospitals in the area].”

Patient’s Wife: “But he has always been treated at [Hospital]! They know him there!”

Colleague: “They might know him, but that doesn’t mean they can magically fit him in the already full hospital.”

Patient’s Wife: “This is outrageous! My husband’s sick and you refuse to get him to the hospital!”

Me: “No, ma’am. We simply can’t get him to [Hospital]. But we’re offering you hospitals in the area that’ll surely treat him just as well. Just give us the physician letters from the hospital and the other hospital will surely know how to proceed and properly treat him.”

Patient’s Wife: “I demand you call the hospital and ask if you can bring him!”

My colleague and I look at each other and sigh. He starts calling the hospital. He explains the situation to the woman sitting at the ER desk. He then puts her on speaker.

Woman At The ER Desk: “Ma’am, we are pretty busy here. The paramedics could bring him here, but he would have to wait a very long time until he’s being treated.”

Patient’s Wife: “I don’t care! He has to be at [Hospital]!”

My colleague and I shrugged and decided to just drive the patient to the hospital. We dropped him off, apologizing quietly to the ER staff for giving them more work. A few hours later, as we passed by the ER to pick a patient up to drive them home again, we saw the woman loudly complaining to the ER desk and asking why it was taking so long for her husband to be treated. My colleague and I just looked at each other, shook our heads, and moved on with our days.

Probably Should Have Asked Beforehand
Patients, Pennsylvania, Pharmacy, Stupid, USA | Healthy | July 28, 2020
My mom works as a night pharmacist in a retail chain.

Patient: “Hi, I had surgery the other day, and I just wanted to know what I had removed.”

Mom: “You would have to call your surgeon’s office. I can’t look that up.”

Patient: “But he’s so hard to get a hold of, and everyone always says if you have a question to ask your pharmacist!”

Mom: “That’s not really how it works.”

Everyone always says she should have just said “lobotomy.”

She Blinded Me With Science! Kind Of.
College & University, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive, Non-Dialogue, Students, Teachers, USA | Healthy | July 27, 2020
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

I am an exercise science major. For one of my classes, we have to perform a treadmill test on one student and use the data collected for a lab write-up.

The day of the lab, my class prior to this is also in the exercise science laboratory, so I am sitting in a chair inside when my professor walks in. She asks me to come and help her set up the lab because I did the same lab with the same professor last semester for a different class.

I go in and start to put together the headpiece that will monitor the subject’s breathing. The rest of the small class walks in — only five people — and they stand around talking amongst themselves until the professor asks them who is going to be the subject. They decide to use “nose goes” to determine who the subject will be.

I do not participate because I have gloves on to keep the headpiece sanitary — it goes inside of the subject’s mouth — and I kind of assume I am exempt from this because I am basically setting up the whole lab by myself. The only things that have to be done after this are connecting the headpiece to a tube and writing down the data that a computer collects for us.

The other students don’t care about this and tell me that I have to be the subject because I lost “nose goes.” I agree because I’m not a confrontational person due to my severe anxiety. So, the professor and one other student help me put on the headpiece. As they are putting it on, the professor tells me she is taking off my glasses to get it on, but she’ll put them back on before the test starts. The professor then gets distracted because my heart rate monitor is not working and forgets about my glasses.

This is a very big problem because I am almost legally blind with my glasses, and I try to tell her this, but I can’t speak due to the headpiece. So, they start the treadmill and I quickly realize how bad this is. The treadmill is all black, so I am unable to tell the difference between the belt and the plastic siding. During the first minute of the test, I step too far forward, partway onto the front plastic, and almost trip.

This sends me into panic mode, because I know I am going to fall, hurt myself, and completely embarrass myself by the end of this fifteen-minute test. I try to hold onto the sides of the treadmill for security, but the professor hits my hands away and tells me I can’t do this. So, I start to flap my hands, one of my stims that I use to calm myself when I get incredibly anxious.

At the three-minute mark, another student holds a paper in front of my face to determine my rating of perceived exertion, or how hard I feel the test is at this point. I try to tell them I can’t see the words on the paper, but they take me gesturing towards the paper as pointing at a specific rating and then tell me not to talk so I don’t mess up the data.

I get seven minutes into the test. My vision is going black and my heart is beating so fast I feel like I’m about to have a heart attack. I later find out that I was way above my maximum healthy heart rate and the test should have been stopped, but the students were not paying any attention to my heart rate so it went unnoticed.

I finally decide that I can no longer go on with the test and give them the indication that I need to stop. My professor asks me to go “one more minute” but then notices my heart rate and tells the other students that I need to get off the treadmill immediately. The test is stopped, the headpiece is removed, and I am able to sit in a chair. I’m shaking and hyperventilating, still feel like I’m about to have a heart attack, and am incredibly embarrassed that I was unable to complete the test and that I’m having a full-blown panic attack in front of my class.

The professor looks over the data and sees the ratings of perceived exertion that were collected when I was wildly gesturing towards the paper. She asks me, “Why did you rate these so low; wasn’t the test hard for you? You were having a hard time.”

I manage to basically hiss out between my gasps for breath, “I couldn’t see. You didn’t give me my glasses back. I’m almost blind.”

The professor shuts up and the other students get me to re-rate the test. After this, I am able to go home, thinking that this will be the end of it.

However, the professor proceeds to mention how I was unable to complete the test every week, assuming it was because I was out of shape, not because I was having a panic attack. This is so embarrassing that I end up having minor panic attacks before I go to this class every day, fearing that she is going to mention it again.

I wish there was some sort of incredible ending to this story where I stood up for myself and yelled at the professor, but due to a certain illness outbreak, I ended up having to complete the class online and did not have to deal with that professor for the rest of the semester.

People Are Waiting Longer And Longer To Have Kids
Hospital, Nurses, Pharmacy, Stupid, USA | Healthy | July 23, 2020
My dad is a clinical pharmacist before retirement. One hospital he works in for about thirty years has some nurses that are clearly in need of some extra training. The pharmacists can see the entire profile for the patient, including medications currently prescribed, what they are in the hospital for at the moment, etc.

Dad receives a prescription marked “urgent” that does not correlate with the patient’s diagnosis, and he immediately calls the nurse.

Dad: “Hi, this is [Dad] from the pharmacy. I am unable to fill the script you just sent me. Please double-check and resend it.”

Nurse: “Um, no. I sent it to you; you fill it. Do your d*** job!”

Dad: “Not happening. Have the doctor call me immediately if you won’t comply.”

Nurse: “What the f***?! How dare you insinuate I can’t do my job?!”

Dad: “Because you just requested a drug to induce labor for an eighty-five-year-old patient here for a heart attack. I’m not going to kill her.”

My dad hung up and dialed the doctor directly to get it handled.

Luckily, it was something my dad could start on while waiting on the doctor to send the CORRECT prescription and had already done so based on the semi-close names of the drugs, and the lady was okay. Unluckily, the nurse reported my dad for “unprofessionalism” and he had a long investigation started. The nurse didn’t last long.

Caution Is Important, But Um…
Current Events, Health & Body, Medical Office, Patients, Stupid, Texas, USA | Healthy | July 21, 2020
Me: “This is [Heart Clinic]; how can I help you?”

Patient: “I have an appointment tomorrow, and I really need to come, but I found out my aunt had [rapidly spreading illness].”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that! Did you have contact with your aunt?”

Patient: “No, I haven’t seen her in months.”

Me: “You had contact with someone who has seen her recently, then?”

Patient: “I haven’t had contact with anyone lately. I get my groceries delivered, even.”

Me: “Okay. So, you have to go see her, then?”

Patient: “What? No! She’s in the hospital. I can’t go see her.”

Me: “Are you having any of these symptoms?”

I read off a list of symptoms.

Patient: “As far as I know, I’m healthy as can be, except for the heart issues.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m confused. If you need the appointment, then why are you cancelling?”

Patient: “Because my aunt has [illness].”

Parenthood Doesn’t Come With Clairvoyance
Impossible Demands, Insurance, Non-Dialogue, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, USA | Healthy | July 19, 2020
My son was born with a very slight heart murmur. The pediatrician said he needed to see a cardiologist so they called one in right away. He was only an hour old.

One month later, I got a letter saying the insurance wouldn’t pay because it needed a pre-authorization twenty-four hours before the visit. I called the insurance company and said that twenty-four hours before the visit, my son was negative twenty-three hours old. They paid the claim.

He’s eighteen now, and he’s fine.

Do They Teach Entitlement In Medical School?
California, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Impossible Demands, Jerk, USA | Healthy | July 18, 2020
I work in central supply at a hospital. Besides individual items, we carry prepackaged kits.

One evening, I’m returning to the department after making my deliveries. I find a man in scrubs trying to force the door open.

Me: “Can I help you?”

Doctor: “Why is this door locked?!”

Me: “Because it’s after hours and I’m the only one here.”

I unlock the door and he follows me inside.

Doctor: “I need [Specific Brand Kit we don’t carry].”

Me: “We don’t carry [Specific Brand]; we only have [Our Brand].”

Doctor: “I don’t like [Our Brand]! I ordered [Specific Brand]! You’re supposed to have it!”

Me: “I’m sorry. We haven’t received any new products in a while.”

Doctor: “How do you know?”

Me: “Any time we get something new, my manager puts one on the dry erase board. She writes the item number and the location where it’s kept here in the department.”

He’s still not convinced, so I show him the shelves where the kits are stored. Of course, he doesn’t find the one he wants.

Doctor: “Fine. I’ll have to take one of these. I’ll need a couple of other things, too.”

He grabs a few more things and starts to leave when I stop him.

Me: “I need to know where that stuff is going.”

Doctor: *Rolling his eyes* “It’s going with me.”

Me: “You’re taking it home?”

Doctor: “No! I’m going to use it on a patient.”

Me: “Then I need the location of the patient. I have to log it in the book so the correct floor is charged.”

Doctor: “Oh. It’s going to [floor].”

I got everything logged in the book and he finally left.

We never did carry that other brand of kit.

Too Bad Money Doesn’t Spread Like Disease
Current Events, Employees, Health & Body, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, The Netherlands | Healthy | July 12, 2020
I have to visit my local hospital. At this moment, the health crisis is still ongoing, but it is not really spreading fast or causing many deaths in my country anymore.

When you enter the hospital, there are people there who ask you what your business is and if you have any symptoms related to the illness. The way this hospital is set up is that you have a big open space right after the doors. During this time, they have taped off a section for people entering so they catch everybody going in and are able to ask them questions.

The way they set this up is that they have a couple of tables surrounded by plexiglass screens about two meters in height and U-shaped. The area for employees is further restricted by tables which sort of create corridors for people to go through. These tables are not protected by the plexiglass. The employees are standing behind those tables, calling us through. Luckily, it is not very busy and I get through easily.

When you exit, you get close to that area again. I linger a bit when I exit because I have to get some stuff in and out of my bag. As I do, I overhear a conversation.

One man asks why the hospital staff has plexiglass screens but doesn’t stand behind them, instead choosing to stand behind the unprotected tables. I take a look at the setup again and I realise that the way these areas are set up, they clearly meant for patients and visitors to go up to the front of the screens, answer the questions required, and then pass through the little artificial corridors to enter the hospital. This way, the employee would be protected at all times and never get close enough to the visitor/patient without a barrier in between them.

However, as it turns out, in order for plexiglass to stand on its own, it has to be quite thick. And what happens if you’re standing behind thick plexiglass? Well… predictably, they will have trouble hearing each other. Apparently, after trying it out, the employees realised that communication was impossible through these screens and that is why they abandoned them. I guess they still managed to stay far enough away from the patients and visitors, at least as far away as required by our laws — 1.5 meters — but it amazed me that the hospital didn’t think of the communication problem.

And for everyone asking if they couldn’t have used microphones and speakers to communicate, here’s a couple of reasons why they didn’t. This setup is in the middle of a big open space. There are no plugs anywhere near. And it is too dangerous to put a wire over that floor. On top of that, the more important reason I guess is that hospitals already don’t get much funding and, as such, are notorious cheapskates.

That Instant Karma Can Be Hard To Swallow
Australia, Current Events, Health & Body, Instant Karma, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, Nurses, Pranks | Healthy | July 11, 2020
I’m a nurse working in a drive-thru screening clinic for a widespread illness.

Getting swabbed for this illness involves a throat and nasal swab and it is not a pleasant experience at all. I try my absolute best to be friendly, courteous, gentle, and comforting to make the best of a bad situation for our patients.

And most patients are lovely.

But some are not.

I have one guy drive up with two peers in the car, and he is clearly trying to impress them with bravado.

After ranting at me that “all this s***” is just a scam and how I must like hurting people if I do this job, giving me fake, rude names, etc., we finally get around to taking his throat swab.

I have the swab in his mouth when he lets out a sudden, loud shriek, obviously with the intention of frightening me and making me jump as a “hilarious” joke.

However, due to the fact that I have the swab in his mouth, when I do jump slightly, I end up jabbing his throat with the swab.

“Mate, maybe don’t do that when I have a stick deep down in your throat, okay?” I suggest.

With his eyes downcast, looking humbled and like someone who just got poked sharply in the back of the throat, he says in a small voice, “I’m sorry.”

Ears Are Becoming Vestigial Organs These Days
Canada, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office | Healthy | July 6, 2020
I work at a clinic where we frequently send people for surgery. Sometimes we send people to the hospital for emergency surgery right from the clinic, but most often, we have their surgery scheduled anywhere between a week from when we saw them up to a few months in the future.

In these cases, we give the patient a quick explanation of the paperwork they need to fill out, as well as how the process works. When we are able to tell patients what day their surgery will be, we explain that we get the time for their surgery right from the hospital but we won’t get that information until the day before their surgery day.

One day, I am answering phones at work when I get the following call.

Caller: “Hi, I was just at the clinic and they said my dad is going to have surgery on [date], but they didn’t give us the time!” *Laughs*

Me: “We always call patients the day before their surgery in the afternoon to inform them of their surgery time.”

Caller: “Oh, that’s what the girl at the desk said.”

Me: “…”

I get that people are a little nervous and preoccupied when they are told they will need to have surgery. However, we get calls like this every single day! Some people just don’t listen, I guess.

Giving Your Children A Time-Release Heart Attack
Health & Body, Home, Non-Dialogue, Parents/Guardians, USA | Healthy | July 5, 2020
My father contacts me to let me know he is in the hospital. Something is going on with his heart; they are not sure what yet. After a lot of testing, and a lot of panic on my end, he is released with some new medication. He says they are not exactly sure what happened; he didn’t have a heart attack, though.

Fast forward several months, and the topic comes up. I ask him if they have figured out what happened that day.

“No,” he says. “Just that it was some kind of myocardial infarction.”

Cue my bio-nerdy stare of disbelief. That was the day I got to tell my engineer father that “myocardial infarction” is the technical term for a freaking heart attack!

A Most Receptive Receptionist
Awesome, Health & Body, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, Patients, Reception, Sweden | Healthy | July 4, 2020
I suffer from recurring bouts of erysipelas and have had it twelve times for the past nine years. Each time, I amass a lot of fluids in my body and gain twenty to twenty-five kilograms in a couple of days, which is great fun. I then work hard to shed the unwanted weight and drop back to the original weight, only to get erysipelas again. It’s rather draining mentally.

The first time I got sick, I didn’t understand what was happening. My legs were so filled with fluid that they stopped working, and it took me four hours to drag myself from the living room out to the phone in the hallway to call for an ambulance. I ended up spending four months isolated in the hospital, and I lost all skin on my right leg, from the hip and all the way down to under my feet and around my toes. Instead, green gunk gushed out from the open wound.

It took me six months before I could walk again and I became a “frequent flyer” at my local health clinic during this time, when I also battled cancer.

About eighteen months ago, it was my best friend’s birthday and I was looking forward to visiting her. When I woke up that morning, I felt unwell, but since I had called out sick the two previous times we were supposed to meet, I didn’t want to disappoint her again. She picked me up, we went to her home, and she gushed over her gifts as I started shaking more and more violently. I fell off my chair as I couldn’t stop shuddering. My friend got this huge blanket and wrapped me in it, but I couldn’t speak as I was shaking too much. She dragged me out to her car and drove me home, where I called the health clinic.

I knew from the shaking and the state of my leg that I had erysipelas again.

I was informed by an automated message that they had filled their daily quota for walk-ins, but I was welcome to try again the next day. I knew it was erysipelas but it also felt different as it was progressing much faster than normal.

I called the national health helpline and talked to a rather snotty lady. She told me to call an ambulance right away.

I refused, as I had had erysipelas eleven times before. I knew that I just needed antibiotics and I would get better in a few days — no need for an ambulance or clogging up the emergency room with something unimportant.

So, barely conscious and shaking violently, I went out into the kitchen and made schnitzels. After all, it was what I had planned to cook that day. They were delicious, but… it was not the most logical action. I was rather delirious, though, which might excuse my lack of logical thinking.

I then called the health clinic again and spoke to the receptionist. I knew I would only need a five-minute appointment to come in, show my glaringly red leg, and get a prescription for antibiotics. Could they possibly squeeze me in?

“Yes, if you can get here at 12:45, we can fit you in.”

“Great! I’ll take the bus in ten minutes, at 12:20. See you!”

By now, my legs were swollen, filled with fluid, and horribly infected, and it was difficult to lift my feet. I used my distance walking sticks as crutches to stumble to the bus stop.

It’s only a three-minute bus ride to the health clinic.

When I entered the health clinic, the reception was deserted. A woman was seated in the waiting area but not waiting for the receptionist; I don’t know if she was the companion of another patient or waiting for her ride home. I sat down by the receptionist with my identification ready and more or less lost consciousness. I was shaking so badly. After a while, the receptionist returned. I was too ill to notice, but the other woman went up for me.

“You have to see her immediately!” the woman told the receptionist. “She’s really sick.”

She handed over my ID and my wallet to the receptionist, who ran me through the computer, and together they managed to shake some life into me and I managed to hop on my own to the waiting room.

My leg hurt so badly that I couldn’t sit properly, and I had to place it on the table. It was pretty disgusting, but the leg hurt so bad.

The nurse came over and said, “Hi, [My Name]! Oh, my! Wait here!”

She rushed over to the doctor’s office; I could hear her urge him to come out right away.

“Hi, [My Name],” the doctor said. “Wow, you have erysipelas. When did it start?”

“Two hours ago,” I said.

“Two hours? No, that can’t be. Can I check your arm?”

Yeah, of course, he could. I wasn’t going to use it myself, so check away.

“Wait here! There’s no need for any exam or testing.” Off he went for a couple of minutes before he returned, chatting on a cell phone. “It’s urgent! You have to rush!” he begged on the phone. Then, he turned back to me. “Okay, [My Name]. You have erysipelas, which you already know, because you know this disease better than any of us doctors here. But… you’re going into sepsis. In two hours, the sepsis has spread from your calves to your elbows. It’s really, really bad. I’ve called an ambulance.”

The ambulance arrived in less than ten minutes. I was quickly treated at the hospital and made a full recovery.

If the receptionist hadn’t squeezed me in, I would have gone to bed, instead. Considering how fast the sepsis was spreading, the outcome would not have been good. I am eternally grateful for the wonderful treatment I got that day

A Most Unreceptive Receptionist, Part 3
Current Events, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, Reception, USA | Healthy | June 22, 2020
I have a compromised immune system, so I’ve been working from home and haven’t been going out much. My doctor has set up telehealth visits where we can video chat instead of going to the office.

A few days before my visit, I get a call from the office.

Me: “Hello?”

Receptionist #1 : “Hi, this is [Receptionist #1 ] from [Doctor]’s office. Am I speaking with [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, this is her.”

Receptionist #1 : “Okay! I need to go over some basic information before your appointment. It’s just the check-in stuff we would normally do in person. Do you have about fifteen minutes for that?”

I glance at my schedule and see that I don’t have anything pressing coming up.

Me: “Sure.”

We go over my basic info — name, date of birth, weight, medications, etc. — and she verifies that I know how to log in to see the doctor. We hang up and I go back to work.

The next day, I get another call from their office. Unfortunately, I’m already in a call with a client, so I can’t answer. After I’m done, I listen to the voicemail.

Receptionist #2 : “Hi, this is [Receptionist #2 ] from [Doctor]’s office calling for [My Name]. I just need to go over some basic information with you before your appointment. Please call us back at [phone number] prior to your visit. Thank you.”

Thinking this is about something new, I call back.

Receptionist #2 : “[Doctor]’s office.”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. I just received a call about some information before my visit?”

Receptionist #2 : “Okay. Let me pull up your file here… Okay, we just need to do your basic check-in before your visit. Do you have about fifteen minutes?”

Me: *Confused* “I did that yesterday. Is there something new?”

Receptionist #2 : “Hmm, I don’t see anything here. Are you sure it was with us?”

Me: “Yeah, same number, same appointment.”

Receptionist #2 : “Well, I’m not sure what happened but nothing is charted here. Can we go over it to make sure?”

Me: “I have a few minutes, yeah.”

We go through everything again, and after the receptionist assures me it’s all been documented, we hang up. The following day I get ANOTHER call from the same office. I’m still working, so I let it go to voicemail again. It’s a third receptionist, wanting to verify all of my information yet again. I call back, annoyed.

Receptionist #3 : “[Doctor]’s office.”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. I received another call about my upcoming appointment.”

Receptionist #3 : “I see. Well, it looks like we’ve been trying to reach you, I see. I can go over your info now if—”

Me: “Look, I’m sorry. I’m sure this isn’t your fault, but I’ve done this twice already. Is it not being logged or something?”

Receptionist #3 : “I don’t see anything about us talking with you. Do you know who it was?”

Me: “Well, I have [Receptionists #2 & #3 ] in voicemails but I can’t remember the first one’s name.”

Receptionist #3 : “Mmhmm, I called today. I see that [Receptionists #1 & #2 ] also reached out. Are you sure you spoke with us, not another office?”

Me: “Yes. I’m sure. How is this not being recorded? Can you ask the other receptionists?”

Receptionist #3 : “I’m not sure what’s going on, but I can go over your information with you now.”

Me: *Sigh* “Fine.”

For a third time, I went through everything. I guess it finally stuck because that was the last call before the doctor’s visit. When I asked her if other people had the same problem, she said she didn’t know anything about it. Suddenly, I miss those in-person visits.

A Most Unreceptive Receptionist, Part 2
Employees, England, Jerk, Medical Office, Reception, UK | Working | July 7, 2020
I’ve recently legally changed my name but haven’t quite updated it everywhere as some places require me to physically visit them, and it’s hard to keep track of everywhere.

I’m a university student home for the summer and am made a temporary patient at the local doctors. After my appointment, I notice my name is wrong and go to ask at reception about changing it. There are two receptionists.

Me: “Hey, so, uh, my name legally changed, and I’m wondering if I need to give you guys anything to update it? I have my deed poll here.”

Receptionist #1 : “Let me see. How did you change it?”

Me: “By deed poll; I have it here.” *Holds out the paper*

Receptionist #1 : *Takes the deed poll* “Is this our copy?”

Me: “No, that’s my legal copy. Do you need it?”

[Receptionist #1 ] goes to a cupboard; I assume that’s where a photocopier is or something.

Receptionist #2 : “Wait, you’re a temporary patient. right? You need to update it with your GP up in [University City], not us.”

Me: “Oh, okay, thanks.”

I don’t move as the first receptionist is still holding my deed poll.

Receptionist #1 : “You really need to update your name. Legally, you have to.”

I hold out my hand for the deed poll.

Me: “I know. I just can’t afford to go up to [City] for one day.”

Receptionist #1 : *With a sort of “gotcha” tone* “Then how are you getting back for university? You need to change it; it can cause problems if you don’t.”

Me: “I know.”

Receptionist #2 : *Cutting in* “Their parents are probably helping them move back in; they just can’t go up a random day in summer. Hon, I’ve got it all set on the system. You’re fine. Have a good day.”

[Receptionist #1 ] said nothing and handed me my deed poll.

I thanked the second receptionist and left. I know updating my name is important, but it’s also expensive enough without having to travel just to hand over a piece of paper.

A Most Unreceptive Receptionist
Jerk, Medical Office, Reception, USA | Healthy | February 17, 2020
(I have a potential diagnosis of a rare and extremely painful neurological disorder. I have to schedule with a neurologist, who lives a four-hour drive from where I live. By this point, I’ve been in severe pain for several months, and my patience for rudeness is admittedly running a bit thin.)

Me: “Hi, I’m calling to see if I need an MRI before I come down.”

Receptionist: “The doctor will inform you if you need that at the appointment.”

Me: “Yes, I understand that, but it’s a four-hour drive to see this doctor and I have to stay overnight and I’d rather not have to do it more than once.”

Receptionist: *much more snippy than is necessary* “Well, that’s not my problem, is it?”

Me: “Pardon me, but I’ve been in fairly serious pain for a while and that’s why I’m calling your office — to make sure that the appointment to get rid of my pain runs smoothly.”

Receptionist: “There’s no reason to take that tone.”

Me: “Are you f****** kidding me?!”

Receptionist: “Young lady, if you insist on using that language with me, I will disconnect the call and inform [Doctor] of your attitude, and we’ll see if you see another neurologist in this hospital.”

(I disconnected the call, had a panic attack, and then cried with my mom for an hour. No one is making a first appointment with a specialist for happy fun times. If you don’t understand that someone is probably calling because they’re in pain or sick, maybe you shouldn’t work in healthcare.)