It’s An Emergency! But It Can Wait. JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, NURSES, USA | HEALTHY | SEPTEMBER 7, 2020

Nonagenarians Living On The Edge
ASSISTED LIVING, HEALTH & BODY, HOME, PENNSYLVANIA, PITTSBURGH, USA | HEALTHY | APRIL 28, 2020
I am an aide for the elderly. I’ve been sick for a few days and since all of my clients are high-risk — as am I because of asthma — I decide to call in sick for a week, just to make sure it isn’t anything serious.

One of my clients has managed to get my personal number and gives me a call.

Client: “[My Name]? Hello!”

Me: “Hello, Miss [Client], how are you?”

Client: “I’m fine. Listen, I was just talking to my son and he is worried about all this nonsense. He wants to cancel your appointments for the month.”

Me: “Oh, that’s actually a great idea! You’re very high-risk because you’re in your nineties and on oxygen. I’m glad you listened to him. Plus, I’m sick, too, so I was really worried about infecting you if this is more serious. “

Client: “You know I don’t care. If I get this disease, then it’s a good day.”

I’m used to her talking like this.

Me: “No, no, no, you don’t want to die from this; it’s pretty bad. You want to go peacefully in bed, remember?”

Client: “Right, right. So, I won’t see you during this month. But you can stop by anytime if you’re in the neighborhood!”

I’m trying not to laugh.

Me: “Miss [Client], I can’t. The whole purpose is to keep you safe.”

She is one of my favorite clients. She’s one of those tough cookies but has a good heart. I’m sure she’s going to be super lonely this month but I told her to call me anytime she wanted to! Also, for those curious, I am feeling a little better but still coughing and having trouble breathing. Yay, asthma.

Pussies Playing Possum
AUSTRALIA, BIZARRE, NEW SOUTH WALES, PETS & ANIMALS, VET | HEALTHY | APRIL 27, 2020
I have a cat who had a rough life before she came to me. She was wandering around in the bushland for most of her life and leaving her kittens with people who worked in a building in the area. She was eventually trapped and brought to me as a feral for my barn program. However, we discovered she was friendly and I adopted her and named her Possum.

Possum has some health problems which means a trip to the vet every six months or so. She’s had to have most of her teeth removed, and she has skin problems, pre-cancerous nodules on her throat, and arthritis.

Possum has a purr that sounds roughly like a cross between a demented kookaburra and a lawnmower with a broken blade. She’s also incredibly loud to the point where it’s difficult to hold a conversation in the same room with her when she’s stressed, which means most of this conversation is carried by yelling over the top of her.

I’m leaving the consult room with Possum in a carrier.

Me: “Thanks again for everything. I’ll see you soon.”

Possum: “BRAAAAAAAAAP!”

Me: “How much do I owe?”

Vet Nurse: “It’s [price]. We’ll just get the tablets for you.”

Possum: “BRAAAAAAAAP!”

Other Client: “What do you have in there?”

Me: “Possum.”

Possum: “BRAAAAAAAAAAAA AP!”

Other Client: “You have a possum in there?”

Me: “What? No, she’s a cat. Her name is Possum.”

The other client looks into the carrier. Possum chokes on her purr and squawks like a dying chicken.

Other Client: “What the f***?”

Possum: “BRAAAAAAAAP!”

I laughed so hard I had to put the carrier down and hang on to the counter.

Suffocating Under The Weight Of Lazy Doctors
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, EMERGENCY ROOM, HOSPITAL, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, USA, WASHINGTON | HEALTHY | APRIL 26, 2020
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

I have a medical condition that makes colds and the flu very dangerous for me. I could die from either. I catch the flu despite having gotten vaccinated; the shot doesn’t always work 100%. I am prescribed antiviral medication and actually start feeling better.

But then, I wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I am trying to breathe through Jello. The flu has triggered bronchitis, so I pack a bag and go to the ER.

The doctor there isn’t taking it seriously at all but I know I am in no shape to go home with oral antibiotics. The ER doc has been on the phone with my specialist.

ER Doctor: “Doctor [Specialist] said to send you home with oral antibiotics.”

Me: “Absolutely not. This is probably the sickest I’ve ever been. You never even listened to my lungs, so how can you give my doctor an accurate picture of what’s going on? I’ve had doctors listen to my lungs when I come in for a sprained ankle!”

ER Doctor: “Well, the hospital is pretty full right now, so we’re not going to admit you.”

Me: “Yes, you are! Figure it out, because I’m not going home!”

ER Doctor: “Uh, well… I’ll see what I can do.”

He had a nurse come in and put a pulse-ox monitor on me to measure my pulse and oxygen level and then had me walk. I didn’t make it twenty feet before my oxygen tanked. The doctor was shocked. He thought that everything would be fine and it would prove to me that I was healthy enough to go home. But I obviously wasn’t fine, so they admitted me.

I had a room upstairs about an hour later. He never did listen to my lungs which infuriated my specialist. I spent a week in the hospital and another month recovering at home. I also filed a grievance against that ER doc.

Did You Try Reading The Directions?
PHARMACY, RHODE ISLAND, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | APRIL 25, 2020
A customer comes up to me with a book and a pair of reading glasses.

Customer: “Hi. I have a question. Maybe you can help me.”

Me: “Okay. I can try.”

Customer: “My doctor told me I should get reading glasses, but I don’t understand. Do I put the glasses on over my others? I asked my doctor and he didn’t answer me.”

Me: “Um… no. You just put the reading glasses on.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay. I mean, I can see the writing better this way, but I don’t know why my doctor wouldn’t answer when I asked him. I mean, how am I supposed to wear two pairs of glasses?”

Hope You Like Puppies
PETS & ANIMALS, STUPID, USA, VET | HEALTHY | APRIL 24, 2020
I work in a veterinary hospital. A client walks up to the desk.

Client: “I want to give the vaccine to my dog to make her have no more babies.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Client: “You know! The vaccine you give so she can’t have babies.”

Me: “Unfortunately, there is no vaccine that can do that.”

Client: “Oh, then how do you do it?!”

Me: “It’s a surgery; we remove their uterus and their ovaries.”

Client: “Dios mío, no. I’ll leave now. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Have a good day.”

“Opportunistic” Might Be Less Harsh
CRIMINAL & ILLEGAL, FINLAND, PHARMACY | HEALTHY | APRIL 23, 2020
Customer: “To whom can I give this medical waste?”

I notice that the product contains a mild opiate.

Me: “You can give it to me; I’ll make sure it’s properly discarded.”

Customer: “Yeah, I figured that I could have made some money selling it on the street, but that would have been too much of a hassle!”

Me: “Not to mention illegal…”

Just What Labor Needs: Complications
CURRENT EVENTS, EMERGENCY SERVICES, HEALTH & BODY, SILLY, UK | HEALTHY | APRIL 22, 2020
The hospital where I’m going to have my baby is currently restricting the number of people who can enter due to a global outbreak of illness. This means my partner can’t be with me for the delivery. This has led to a couple of interesting conversations.

The main one is when my labour starts at home. My partner is talking to the 999 operator on speakerphone to get an ambulance. Halfway through, this happens.

Partner: “Will they get here soon? I think the baby’s coming.”

Operator: “Ma’am, we have to ask that you and your baby stay at home. We can only take the patient. We’re trying to limit the number of people in hospital to reduce the infection rate.”

Partner: *Pauses* “I think you misheard me. I mean the baby currently exiting my wife’s uterus.”

I started laughing so hard I was distracted from contractions for a few minutes.

When A Date Leaves You Cold
CALIFORNIA, DATING, NON-DIALOGUE, SKATING RINK, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 18, 2020
Back in January of this year, I went on a date with a guy I had met on a popular dating app — the one where the girl has to make the first move.

We met up for dinner and drinks and things were going very well! He was nice and funny and I was enjoying his company. He was an EMT; this is important later in the story.

After dinner, he suggested we go to an ice rink to go ice skating. I was skeptical, as I’m a very clumsy person and can barely stand up on my own two feet on solid ground, and I knew I was going to thoroughly embarrass myself at the rink. But I said yes anyway.

For the first hour, things went well. We were both hobbling along the side of the wall and making fun of each other’s form, but I got cocky, pushed away from the wall, and ate it. I landed on my butt and tried to catch myself with my arm. I landed so hard my ears were ringing and I was woozy.

My date had to help me off the ice and he immediately went into EMT mode, rolling up my sleeve and feeling around my arm to see if he could feel any breaks.

Besides the numbness in my arm, we both agreed that it probably wasn’t broken, and I turned down his offer to take me to the emergency room.

We spent the next six hours on a cliff overlooking the beach, with me flinching at the slightest touch to my arm.

When I woke up the next day, I was in tears. My entire arm was black and blue and swollen beyond belief; I couldn’t even put a shirt on without crying out in pain. I had to have my brother take me to Urgent Care.

While at Urgent Care, the doctor on call told me that not only was my elbow broken, but that I had fractured my wrist, as well, when I tried to stop myself from falling. The impact of me landing on my wrist fractured it and broke my elbow almost immediately, but the massive swelling that immediately took place is what made my date unable to tell that my arm was broken.

There was so much fluid in my arm that it felt like a normal arm.

I was immediately taken off work for the next four months, as I am a barista while finishing school, and I teased my date about my arm all the time. We dated for a month but decided we were better off as friends.

We’re still friends to this day, and I still give him crap about my elbow.

It still hurts when the weather gets cold, too, even after having it out of a sling for six weeks.

Nurses Aren’t Always Faithful To Listen To Their Patients
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, MEDICAL OFFICE, MINNESOTA, NURSES, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 16, 2020
Unfortunately, I have notoriously difficult veins to hit when I need blood drawn. Many, many seasoned medical professionals have tried and failed to hit the veins in my arm. Usually after poking me up to six times — ouch! — they find a vein in my hand they can use that I have started calling Old Faithful.

Doctor: “We’re going to draw some blood for labs.”

Me: “Okay, but I have really, really bad veins despite all the water I drink. Send in your best vein finder — it’ll save everyone a lot of time — and tell them to go for this vein in my hand.”

Doctor: *Chuckles* “Oh, I’m sure it’s not that bad. People always say they have bad veins but usually it’s because they had a bad experience. You’ll be fine.”

Me: “I had cancer two years ago. My blood is drawn all the time at every doctor I visit. My veins are so bad people have had to use ultrasound machines to find them. Whoever is drawing my blood needs to go through my hand after using a warming pack. I cannot stress enough just how hard my veins are to hit.”

Doctor: “It’s more painful when we stick your hand instead of your arm.”

Me: “Usually, it’s more painful, yes, but I have Old Faithful here, and someone hitting her on the first or second try is much better than them trying four or five times on each arm before going through my hand anyway.”

The doctor leaves, shaking his head, and sure enough, the nurse who comes in ten minutes later tries my arm first despite my pleading. She tries twice before I say anything more.

Me: *Pained* “Please just use my hand.”

Nurse #1 : “Oh, but it’s so painful through the hand! I’ll go get [Nurse #2 ]; she’s very good at hitting veins!”

[Nurse #2 ] enters and sticks my arm three more times before switching to my other arm, despite my protests. My entire forearm hurts at this point, and I’m annoyed that three different people have ignored me. [Nurse #2 ] misses yet again.

Me: “Go through my hand, please; you’ll hit Old Faithful so much faster.”

Nurse #2 : *Trying my arm yet again* “The hand is more—”

Me: *Snappy* “More painful! Yes, I know! Everyone keeps saying that, but you know what really hurts? Being jabbed seven times in the wrong place because no one will listen when I tell them I have bad veins! Just go through my hand, please!”

Nurse #2 : “Fine, fine, I’ll give it a try. It’s gonna hurt.”

She hit Old Faithful easily and immediately and got the blood needed in less than two minutes. The arm that was jabbed five times predictably had four large bruises — two had merged into one huge super-bruise — where the vein finding attempts were made, and now I refuse to let anyone touch me until they confirm they’ll try my hand first. Old Faithful hasn’t let me down yet.

“Patient Presented With Symptoms Of Not Being Dead”
HEALTH & BODY, HIGH SCHOOL, NURSES, TEACHERS, USA, WISCONSIN | HEALTHY | MAY 15, 2020
In gym class, we are learning how to check our pulse by placing our index and middle fingers on the carotid artery, on the neck to the side of the windpipe. The teacher is having the class run laps and take our pulse.

My friend is having a hard time finding her carotid artery and can’t take her pulse. She approaches the gym teacher for help. The teacher tries to find her carotid artery on her neck.

Teacher: “I don’t know… Go see the nurse.”

Friend: “Seriously? I have a pulse. I’m fine.”

Teacher: “Well, I can’t find it. Go see the nurse.”

My friend reported to the very puzzled school nurse who confirmed that she did, in fact, have a pulse and helped her find it. I sometimes wonder if that nurse had to keep medical records for students, and what on earth she wrote for that patient encounter.

Preventative Procedures Protect Patients And Pets
CURRENT EVENTS, JERK, PATIENTS, PENNSYLVANIA, USA, VET | HEALTHY | MAY 14, 2020
Because of the recent health crisis, our vet has decided not to allow people in the building. This is made clear when you make the appointment. You call to say you’ve arrived and someone comes out to take your pet. Then, the vet calls to discuss the visit and payment is taken when your pet is returned. It’s extra work and wait time, but I understand their caution.

I am waiting in my car for my vet to run my bank card when a woman pulls up and gets out of her car. She has a small dog in a blanket in her arms. She approaches the door and pushes, but it is locked. She looks through the window, knocks, and then steps back. I think that is when she notices the sign on the door, explaining the new procedure. The woman takes a picture of the sign using her phone camera and then knocks again, harder this time.

Finally, the receptionist comes to the door. Before unlocking it, the receptionist pulls her mask over her face. The woman on the outside — who is not wearing a mask — rolls her eyes and twirls her free hand in a “hurry up” motion.

Receptionist: “Yes, ma’am?”

Woman: “We have an appointment.”

She tries to push the door open but the receptionist holds her ground.

Receptionist: “Okay, I’ll get your paperwork together if you’ll just head back to your vehicle and—”

Woman: “No, just move. This is ridiculous.”

Receptionist: “I know it’s strange, but we have adapted a new protocol because of—”

Woman: “I don’t care. You can’t deny me entry when you’re expecting me.” *Pushes again* “Move!”

The receptionist does not move but pushes the door shut and locks it. The woman pounds on the glass so hard it shakes. A moment later, the receptionist returns with the vet. This time they do not unlock the door.

Woman: “Finally! This girl won’t let me in!”

Vet: “I am sorry, but we cannot allow you in the building.”

Woman: “This is illegal!”

Vet: “No, ma’am, I assure you it’s not.”

Woman: “How can you do this?”

The vet explains how things are currently being run.

Woman: *With her nose in the air* “Well, I’ll just go to another vet!”

Vet: “Have your new veterinarian call me for your dog’s medical history.”

The vet and receptionist walk away, leaving the woman fuming at the door. She stands there for a little while before getting back in her car and driving off. The receptionist then comes out with my bank card and receipt.

Receptionist: “Hi, sorry for the wait. I was coming out to you before… but… that woman…”

Me: “Totally understandable. I wouldn’t have come out, either.”

I don’t know what happened with that woman, but I do know that every vet office in the area is run by the same medical staff and operating under the same protocol.

Revenge Served Cold And With A Side Of Cotton Swabs
AUSTRALIA, CURRENT EVENTS, HOSPITAL, NEW SOUTH WALES, NURSES, PATIENTS, SILLY | HEALTHY | MAY 12, 2020
As part of the world outbreak, the hospital that I work for is doing a free drive-thru clinic that you have to ring and make an appointment for. The swabs are nasopharyngeal, which means throat first and then up the nose to an unpleasant degree.

One of the nurses taking the samples is looking through the list of people coming.

Nurse #1 : “Oh! [Patient]! I call dibs on him.”

Nurse #2 : “Um, sure, but can we ask why?”

Nurse #1 : “Sure. Thirty years ago, he broke my nose at a school dance. I can finally get payback!”

Sure enough, when he arrives, she goes to his door.

Nurse #1 : “Hello! [Patient], do you remember me?”

Patient: “You are covered head to toe in PPE; I can’t see you!”

Nurse #1 : “Oh, right. I’m [Nurse #1 ]; you broke my nose thirty years ago.”

Patient: “Oh, my goodness!” *Starts laughing* “Yes, I remember that. I’m still sorry. Get on with it, then!”

She does. He coughs and splutters and, with tears in his eyes, he asks:

Patient: “Are we even?”

Nurse #1 : “Yup! Good luck with your results!”

Patient Patients Make The World (And Not Illnesses) Go Around
CURRENT EVENTS, HOSPITAL, INSPIRATIONAL, KIND STRANGERS, PATIENTS, UK | HEALTHY | MAY 11, 2020
My new job is booking appointments for radiology services, and work is split into modalities — obstetrics, x-ray, fluoroscopy, CT, MRI, etc. So, they start me on an easy modality: obstetrics.

I have to work out twelve-week scan dates, book the appointments, and let the women know that due to the recent global health crisis, they must attend their appointments alone to reduce visitors to the hospital and reduce risk of infecting mother, baby, and other patients and staff.

Most are so polite; some even ask how our day is.

The best patient I’ve spoken to was a foreign lady.

Me: “Hi. Can I speak to [Patient], please?”

Patient: “Speaking.”

Me: “Hi. It’s [My Name] calling from [Hospital] appointment centre.”

Patient: “Oh, hi! How are you?”

Me: “I’m good, thanks, and you? You have an appointment, and we just need to check. You have no symptoms of the recent outbreak?”

Patient: “No, no, love.”

Me: “Great. Unfortunately, you do have to attend your scan on your own…”

Patient: “That’s fine. I’ll just leave him at home.”

Me: *Laughs* “Okay, we just wanted to check.”

Patient: “No problem. You have a wonderful day, [My Name]!”

Me: “You, too! We’ll see you then!”

This was the best call I ever made.

However, some pregnant women don’t like being told what to do. One tried to bend the rules by asking if her husband could attend in full Personal Protective Equipment!

She wasn’t happy to hear no.

The Flu Shot Isn’t Hazardous, But The Nurses Might Be!
IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, JERK, NURSES, PHARMACY, UK | HEALTHY | MAY 10, 2020
I have just had a flu shot. As I have a fear of needles, I tend to get quite dizzy and sweaty beforehand, and it takes me a couple of minutes for me to recover afterward. I’m sitting in a chair when the woman who gave me the shot comes over.

Woman: “You didn’t say you were allergic to eggs?”

Me: “I’m not.”

Woman: “Well, you are. It’s very stupid that you didn’t tell the truth. Now I’m going to have to phone for an ambulance.”

Me: “No, I’m just feeling a bit sickly. I’m not allergic to eggs.”

She is already on the phone talking to someone saying “how stupid” I am. By the time an ambulance arrives, I’m already better and trying to leave, but the woman is refusing to let me. When the paramedics come in, I’m forced onto a gurney while the woman talks over me.

Paramedic: “Okay, the pharmacist says you have an egg allergy. Did you know before having your shot?”

Me: “I do not have an egg allergy!”

Paramedic: “Are you certain?”

Me: “Do I look like I’m having a reaction? I’ve had these shots every year of my life, and if you don’t believe me, I had three eggs in the cafe next door for breakfast. Ask them!”

The paramedic checked me over just to be sure before leaving. I was left alone with the woman. She tutted at me and disappeared through a door. I’m never going back.

Humans Aren’t The Only Creatures Capable Of Drama
CALIFORNIA, EDITORS' CHOICE, PETS & ANIMALS, POLICE, USA, VET | HEALTHY | MAY 8, 2020
The office I work at has a contract with the city police department. We take and treat all sick and injured strays and anything the animal control officers feel needs medical care before going to the shelter. We are open late nights for emergencies, and we get calls fairly regularly from police dispatch saying an officer is bringing in something.

One night, we are running short-staffed due to family emergencies with the people scheduled. Thankfully, it’s a slow night. Then, we get a phone call.

Me: “This is [Clinic]; how can I help you?”

Dispatch: “This is [Police Department] dispatch. We have an officer-involved shooting, officer injured, in route, eta ten minutes.”

Me: “Um, this is the veterinarian.”

Dispatch: “I know; it’s a K9 officer.”

Me: “Oh, um, okay. How bad is he hurt?”

Dispatch: “Unknown. All I know is that they are on their way to you and I was told to call and give you a heads-up.”

Me: “Okay, then, thanks”

I go tell the doctor, he freaks out, thinking this officer has been shot in the chest or something and is going to die on our table because we are really not equipped to handle a gunshot right now. We get the surgery room as ready as we can and wait until they pull up.

The officers all get out of the car. The K9 is limping but walking on his own, and we all let out a sigh of relief.

The K9’s partner can’t tell us much for confidentiality reasons, but this is what he could tell us. There was a suspect with a knife, an officer with a gun, and an officer with a dog. During the capture of the suspect, the dog was released and the gun was fired. While the other officers were booking the suspect, the K9’s partner noticed that the K9’s paw was covered in blood, and the K9 would not let his partner touch his foot. So, they came to us.

We get the officers inside and get the K9 on the exam table, and then it takes a muzzle, his partner, both our techs, and me all holding onto different parts of the dog to keep him on the table while the doctor tries to look at his paw. The paw is soaked in blood. Step one is to pour hydrogen peroxide on it to clean it up and find the wound.

After a while, the doc asks a question.

Doctor: “Are we sure this isn’t transfer from the suspect?”

Partner: “Suspect was not injured.”

Doctor: “Are you 100% sure about that? I’m not seeing any cuts or anything”

The partner called in over the radio to confirm that the only injury involved was to the K9.

The doc had a completely clean paw in his hands and was looking between toes and not finding any broken skin. And then, we saw it: a single drop of blood forming midway down a toenail.

Big brave police dog chipped a nail and acted like his foot had been shot off.

Watch Your Mouth, Or I’ll Call Your Father!
BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA, CURRENT EVENTS, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, HOSPITAL, INSPIRATIONAL, PATIENTS, SILLY | HEALTHY | MAY 6, 2020
I have injured the inside of my mouth to the point where I am drooling a copious amount of blood. I text my parents telling them what’s happening before I head to the emergency room. While I wait, I text back and forth with my mother until I’m seen by the doctor.

Due to the current global health crisis, the emergency room is practically empty and I am admitted almost ten minutes later.

Doctor: “Your name is [My Name], and your birthdate is [date], correct?”

I nod, as it’s hard for me to speak.

Doctor: “All right, I’m going to have a look at your mouth here.”

She begins my exam and chuckles slightly.

Doctor: “You know, you share the same last name as one of the doctors here. What a small world, huh?”

My last name, though somewhat common, is uncommon in the area we live in. I type on my phone so she can see.

My Text: “My dad is the chief of emergency medicine; [Father]. Please treat me like a normal patient and just let him know what your action plan is, or he’ll worry.”

Doctor: *Reading* “Oh! I thought your mouth looked familiar!”

I try my best not to smile as she finishes her exam, which ends with me gaining seven stitches at the back of my mouth. The doctor disappears for a few minutes, returning with a lollipop for me for being “such a brave boy.”

Doctor: “Well, since you were such a good boy, I got you a lollipop, and there is a surprise waiting for you at the front door. Have a good night and take care of yourself, [My Name]!”

I thanked her and began to leave, walking through the deserted lobby. I suddenly heard my name being called from behind one of the doors to the emergency department, and there was my father, who I hadn’t seen in three weeks due to the crisis.

Red Paint In A Hospital Ward Is Just Asking For Trouble
ART/DESIGN, AUCKLAND, HOSPITAL, NEW ZEALAND, NON-DIALOGUE, PATIENTS, SILLY | HEALTHY | MAY 4, 2020
I was in hospital for a severe illness. Because doctors were unable to identify what was causing it at my age, given I was in my twenties, I was in a ward for many weeks while they did multiple tests.

Being a fairly active person prior, I didn’t take sitting idle very well. So, after a few days, I was restless, despite being unwell.

I really enjoy crafty activities. The hospital happened to be holding an in-house competition where each individual ward got a theme, with the best decorated getting a prize.

Being absolutely bored out of my mind, I asked if I could help them out with making decorations, which they agreed to. They provided the crafting gear and paints, and we made some pretty cool decorations.

However, I will never forget the poor cleaners that came to do their rounds through the ward one afternoon and found me cross-legged on my bed, arms and gown covered in red paint, because I had dropped a large painted piece of decoration on myself.

One emergency call to nurses later, and I ended up not doing most of the painting activities following that.

That ward won the competition, and after an emergency surgery, I’m doing much better.

Phoning In The Excuses
CANADA, CURRENT EVENTS, LIARS/SCAMMERS, OPTOMETRIST/OPTICIAN, PATIENTS, RECEPTION, VANCOUVER | HEALTHY | MAY 3, 2020
I work as a medical receptionist for a retinal specialist. The medical building where our office is located has nineteen floors and each floor has up to five medical offices in it.

Due to the current health crisis, the main door of the building is closed; for the patients to get access, someone has to physically let them in. For the last month, this has been my task. When someone approaches the door, I have to greet them, ask them to step back six feet as required by CDC and WHO, and ask them about their recent travel and health history.

There are still quite a few of the specialists in the building that need to see their patients in person, but not all of them have enough staff on payroll to have a greeter. I am only authorized to let my own doctor’s patients in after they have passed the screening and check them off my list. I am forbidden from letting anyone else in unless they are an employee that I recognize or has a valid pass.

A lot of the people stopping by do not feel that they have to be inconvenienced by the rules meant to protect them.

One of the doctors I don’t work for requires that once their patients arrive, they call their office so one of the staff can come down and collect their patients. I am the one that has to explain this to them. The majority comply but quite a few give me trouble. One particular lady, though, takes the cake.

Me: “I am sorry, but due to the current crisis, I can only let my own patients in and no one else.”

Lady: “I do not have my phone with me.”

Me: “I am unable to help you since I do not work for your doctor.”

Lady: “YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN! I AM ALREADY LATE!”

She moves very close to me, less than two feet. I quickly close the door. She starts banging on the glass. I gesture for her to move further for nearly five minutes before she will comply. I look around for the security guard but do not see him.

The lady moves away from the door. I open the door and repeat the rules to her. She screams at me that she does not have her phone with her. I repeat that, in that case, I am unable to help her since I can’t leave my station.

A few minutes later, as I escort a leaving patient out — both because said patient has mobility issues and to prevent the lady from sneaking in — I spot her staring at her phone.

Me: *Somewhat smugly* “I was under the impression that you did not have your phone with you?”

The lady turned bright red and glared at me.

Time To Terminate Your Relationship With This Receptionist
JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, RECEPTION, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 2, 2020
I recently found out that I am pregnant. After discussing it with my husband and taking into account our extensive family history of medical problems along with our own, we decide to terminate the pregnancy.

I call a well-known health and wellness center to schedule a date for the procedure and am told that, due to my health history, I have to go to my gynecologist before I can terminate. I call to schedule that appointment.

Receptionist: “[Doctor]’s office.”

Me: “Hi. My name is [My Name]. I’d like to schedule an appointment with [Doctor].”

Receptionist: “Okay, is this an annual review?”

Me: “Um, no, I’m pregnant.”

Receptionist: “Oh, [Doctor] only deals with exams. She doesn’t do anything with pregnancies.”

Me: “Oh. I was told to meet with her—”

Receptionist: “Who said that?”

Me: “[Wellness Center].”

Receptionist: *With an attitude* “Why are you going there?”

Me: “That’s something I’ll be discussing with the doctor, thank you.”

Receptionist: “Are you having an abortion?”

Me: “Again, that is something I will discuss with the doctor.”

Receptionist: “Well, like I said, she doesn’t do those appointments.”

Me: “Fine. I’d like a wellness visit, then.”

Receptionist: “No, we can’t see you.”

She hangs up on me. Unfortunately for her, the doctor’s office has recently started using an app to help patients get in touch with their doctor and track their health. I send a message to my doctor, detailing my interaction with the receptionist.

The next day, I get a call from the office. It is the same receptionist.

Me: “Hello?”

Receptionist: *Huffy* “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Receptionist: “The doctor will see you on [date] at [time]. Will that work for you?”

Me: “Yes, that’s fine.”

Receptionist: “Fine.”

She hung up again. At my appointment, the doctor apologized for the receptionist and said she was dealt with. I don’t know if she was fired or they just had a conversation. My doctor supported my decision and I had no complications.

Always Be Honest At The Doctor’s
EDITORS' CHOICE, HEALTH & BODY, MEDICAL OFFICE, PATIENTS, PENNSYLVANIA, PITTSBURGH, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 1, 2020
I have to go get routine blood work and I am not required to fast. I normally get lightheaded and dizzy when doing blood work but only when I have to fast. Still, I’m not the best with needles so I always try to warn the phlebotomist ahead of time.

Me: “Hey, just so you know, I’m not good with getting blood drawn and I have nearly fainted in the past once.”

Phlebotomist: “Nope, not again. Stand up.”

She has me get up off the chair so she can recline it so I’m less likely to get woozy.

Me: “What did you mean not again?”

Phlebotomist: “I’ve had three appointments already today where people have fainted because they neglected to tell me they had issues with getting blood drawn until after they were on the ground.”