Might Actually Be Worth Getting Whooping Cough, Instead
Dublin, Ireland, Jerk, Medical Office, Reception | Healthy | July 27, 2018
(I’m midway through my pregnancy and have been putting off getting the whooping cough vaccine, so I call my doctor to schedule an appointment.)

Me: “Hi. I was wondering if I could book an appointment for the whooping cough vaccination?”

Receptionist: “What’s your name and date of birth?”

Me: “That’s [My Name] and [date].”

Receptionist: “It says here you’re 22 weeks.”

Me: “Yep.”

Receptionist: “Then, no, you can’t have an appointment.”

Me: “Um, right. Is there any reason why not?”

Receptionist: “The vaccine is only available from 26 weeks.”

Me: “Oh, right. I thought [Doctor] said I could get it from 16 weeks. I must have misheard. It’s okay, though, I can wait another four weeks.”

Receptionist: “Let me check with the doctor. Hold the line.”

(Pause.)

Receptionist: *sarcastically* “Well, I guess the doctor just knows more than me, huh? Clearly I’m just a receptionist, so I wouldn’t know anything. Apparently you can get it from 16 weeks.”

Me: “So, can I book an appointment?”

Receptionist: “At 11 on Monday.”

Me: “That’s perfect. Thank you.”

Receptionist: “The vaccine isn’t free, you know.”

(Most health care is free while pregnant in Ireland, but things like vaccines aren’t.)

Me: “Yep, that’s fine. I have no issue paying.”

Receptionist: “Good, because you have to pay. You’re not getting it free.”

Me: “I know.”

Receptionist: “Because it’s not free. You have to pay.”

Me: *Pause* “Is there anything else you need from me?”

Receptionist: “No, but when you come in for the appointment you have to pay.”

Me: “Okay, bye now.”

Ugh… Mondays
Germany, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive, Patients, Wordplay | Healthy | July 27, 2018
(I work as a speech therapist. While I mostly work with children, I have a handful of adult patients with brain damage. As most of them aren’t able to walk, I visit them at home. All of the patients have fixed appointments once or twice a week. After some recent changes, I end up with an awkward schedule — driving from one end of the town to the other, back and forth — that makes me lose about two hours a week due to driving. I plan to coordinate this better and ask all of my patients if they are okay with different times and/or dates. It works well with everyone at first. I talk to one of my patients, a senior citizen, whom I visit every Monday and Wednesday.)

Me: “I plan to change my weekly schedule. Would it be okay if we moved Monday’s sitting from 11:00 to 13:50?”

Patient: “Well, the physical therapist is there until 13:45, so it should be fine.”

(On the next Monday, I arrive at 13:55. The physical therapist is still with her.)

Me: “Oh, am I early? I am sorry. I thought you two would be done by now”

Physical Therapist: “Oh, no, we still have 15 minutes left. We always have until 14:10.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I didn’t know that. [Patient], we need to reschedule our Monday’s appointment.”

Patient: “Huh? Why? I thought it would be only once. I figured we could cut the therapy a bit shorter today and go back to normal next week.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that, as I already gave that time to another patient. I am so sorry that I didn’t make it clear that the change would be permanent. My schedule is packed, but what about Tuesday, 11 o’clock instead of Monday?”

Patient: “I am at the daycare on Tuesdays and Fridays”

Me: “That isn’t a problem for me. We have lots of patients in day care. I could visit you there, if that’s okay with you?”

Patient: “Yes, let’s do this.”

Me: “Okay, so now, instead of Monday, I will visit on Tuesdays every week.”

(With everything being clear, we start practicing. On Wednesday I visit her as always, reminding her of our new permanent appointment once again. The next Tuesday, I drive to the day care facility to find her completely surprised, but not by the fact that I showed up there today.)

Patient: “Where were you yesterday?”

Me: “We’ve moved the appointment from Monday to Tuesday. That’s why I’m here today.”

Patient: “Yes, we talked about you coming here on Tuesday, but I didn’t know that meant Monday would be cancelled.”

Me: “We have to have therapy twice a week, so instead of Monday and Wednesday, we now do Tuesday and Wednesday.”

Patient: “Ah, I see.”

(We go on normally. Everything works fine for two weeks, until I get stuck in traffic one Tuesday morning and don’t make it to her. I call her to let her know. The next day, I visit as usual.)

Patient: “Where were you on Monday? I thought you’d be here on Monday.”

(I start explaining again why I can’t come in on Mondays and how we moved it to Tuesday.)

Patient: “But I thought that would be only once. I didn’t know you wanted to come to the day care every week. Every time you come, I miss out on the games and quizzes we do there.”

Me: “I am sorry, but that’s why I asked you if it’s okay before I actually changed the plan. I don’t have many options left right now.”

(I feel bad for her, as I obviously didn’t explain it to her properly, so I explain it again and make extra sure she understood what happened. Finally, I offer to sacrifice one of my lunch breaks to make room for her.)

Me: “The only open appointment would be Thursday at 11:30.”

Patient: “No, that’s not possible, either. Can’t we do Monday, 11:00?”

Me: “As I already explained, I am on a huge tour and can’t be back before 13:30, which won’t work because of the physical therapy. Is there something else you do on Thursdays?”

Patient: “No, it’s just so inconvenient. Why can’t we do Monday?”

Me: “Because I asked you if we could change the time and date. If you had said no, I wouldn’t have changed anything. But I did, and your old appointment is no longer available. What would be a more convenient time for you?”

(Surprisingly, Monday at 11 was still the only time she was willing to agree, so I had to re-reschedule about ten patients, and now I’m back to my old awkward plan.)

A Taste For Bad Taste
Doctor/Physician, Home, Malaysia, Silly | Healthy | July 26, 2018
(My family is friends with another family whose dad is an obstetrician/gynaecologist and also a huge joker. In our part of the world, there are sometimes weird pseudo-scientific food fads, including products containing colostrum which is the special milk that comes out just after a mother mammal gives birth — even though cow colostrum isn’t really going to help you unless you’re a calf. At a party, someone shows up with some of these “health” products:)

Friend: “Look, I brought these colostrum biscuits.”

Obstetrician: *takes one and munches on it* “Hmm, doesn’t taste like colostrum.”

That Explains The White Gloves
Detroit, Hospital, Michigan, Patients, Silly, USA | Healthy | July 26, 2018
(I am the strange one in this story. I have just woken up after a colonoscopy and my mind is still a bit fuzzy, but I still don’t know what drove me to do this.)

Doctor: “How do you feel?”

Me: “Are you Mickey Mouse?”

Doctor: “No, I’m not.”

Me: “You’re lying. Hi, Mickey!”

(I feel more awake and realize what I just said.)

Me: “Oh, my God. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”

Doctor: “That’s okay. That’s not the weirdest thing I’ve heard today.”

The Rest Were Trying In Vein
Australia, Hospital, New South Wales, Patients, Sydney | Healthy | July 25, 2018
(My baby was born with a congenital heart disease and required many cannulas and blood draws in the first four weeks of her life. Nurses would try, and then call upon doctors — neonatologists and consultants — and everyone struggled. They would all talk about how small her veins were and how hard it was when she squirmed and cried as they stuck her over and over. The worst part was, when she had a cannula finally inserted, she’d often rip it out within the next couple of hours. After three open-heart surgeries, her last lots of blood are being taken to give us the all-clear to go home.)

Me: “Just be aware, everyone else who has taken blood has had a lot of trouble.”

Young Phlebotomist: *draws blood efficiently and quickly, first time* “All done.”

Me: “Oh, wow! Everyone else has had such trouble; they keep saying she’s got such small veins.”

Young Phlebotomist: “Of course she has small veins. She’s a baby!”

As If Having Cancer Isn’t Already Bad Enough
Canada, Copy Shop, Jerk, Ontario | Healthy | July 25, 2018
(We have universal health care in Canada, and the card in Ontario is called an OHIP card, although OHIP does not cover everything. I am booking in a copy order when the customer notices my silicone bracelet which has, “[Friend] beats cancer,” on it.)

Customer: “That’s not a cure for cancer.”

Me: “Um, no, that’s my friend’s nickname. She’s just selling these bracelets to help support her cancer, since she has to take time off work and stuff. It’s her second time with it.”

Customer: “She must not have applied for sick leave, then!”

Me: “Um, of course she did. You don’t get your full pay on sick leave.”

Customer: “Nope, only 50%.”

Me: “Right. Hence the bracelets.”

(I try to go back to booking in her order.)

Customer: “There are lots of things she can apply for, you know. Tell her to look stuff up and do her research! She’s not trying hard enough!”

Me: “Well, I’m not one to tell her what to do about her cancer, but I will support her this way, since that’s what she’s doing. Plus, she might have to get pills this time and pay for those.”

Customer: “No, that should be free.”

Me: “Um, no, she was under the impression these drugs weren’t covered by OHIP. I think it’s just because it’s not as serious as it was the first time she had it, so she is just supposed to be getting them from the pharmacy.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I never said it would be covered by OHIP. Drugs are rarely covered by OHIP unless it’s going to save your life—” *which I beg to differ* “—but her work benefits should cover them!”

Me: “Not all of it.”

Customer: “Well, it should cover most of it!”

Me: *irritated by this point* “It depends on the jobs people have and what kind of coverage it provides.”

Customer: “Well, I know all about it! Tell her to do some research!”

(Ugh, I wanted to smack her! I didn’t, of course!)

Hope You Get Good Reception
Employees, Jerk, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, Reception, UK | Healthy | July 24, 2018
(My GP surgery usually has a two- to three-week wait for non-urgent appointments, but also has a limited number of on-the-day appointments available on a first-come-first-served basis. As these go very quickly, most people phone as soon as the surgery opens, so the phone lines are usually busy. I live close to the surgery, so I walk in just as it opens. One receptionist is on the phone, the other calls me forward.)

Me: “Hi, can I make an appointment today to see a doctor?”

Receptionist: “You have to phone for an on-the-day appointment.”

Me: “I… have to call? I can’t make one right here?”

Receptionist: “No, you have to phone.”

Me: “Why can’t I make one now?”

Receptionist: *glaring* “You have to phone. You can’t just walk in and book it.”

Me: “What’s the difference?”

Receptionist: “You have to phone.”

Me: “Okaaaay…”

(I step literally two steps away from the desk, pull out my mobile, and dial the surgery. Nobody else is waiting, so the receptionist is now free to answer the phones. Glaring at me the entire time, she answers the phone… to me.)

Receptionist: “[Surgery], how can I help?”

Me: “I’d like to make an appointment today, please.”

(The other receptionist had finished her call at this point, and just sat there open-mouthed looking backwards and forwards between us as I made an appointment, over the phone, with the receptionist sitting right in front of me.)

Read The Bloody Chart
Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, New York, USA | Healthy | July 24, 2018
(I start menstruating at 12 years old, but my periods never become regular over time like they are supposed to. Sometimes they last three days, sometimes six or seven. Sometimes I wait three weeks between periods, sometimes five or six weeks. For a while, it doesn’t bother me, but when I am 22, I decide to go to a gynecologist and ask if there is anything to worry about. I should also note that I look very young and am often mistaken for a teenager. At the doctor’s office, I am taken to an exam room where the nurse takes my history and tells me the doctor will be there in a few minutes.)

Doctor: *does not look at my chart* “I hear you’re concerned that your period isn’t regular yet.”

Me: “That’s right; it’s always a surprise. I just want to make sure it’s nothing I should be worried about.”

Doctor: *condescendingly* “Well, it’s not uncommon for periods to be irregular after they start. It can take a few years for your period to become regular.”

Me: *realizing she thinks I’m a teenager* “Ten? Is ten enough years? Because it’s been ten years.”

(The doctor goes white, quickly grabs my chart, and realizes I’m older than she assumed.)

Doctor: “Oh! It definitely should be regular by now; let’s run some blood work.”

Shouldn’t Have Followed The White Rabbit
Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Non-Dialogue, Pet Store, Pets & Animals, USA, Wisconsin | Healthy | July 23, 2018
I work for a very small, in-state pet store chain. All of us employees are major animal lovers and have pet experience of some kind or another; it’s pretty much a requirement if you want to get a job there. We offer, among other things, nail clippings. Most of the animals we see come in are obviously loved and well-cared for, especially if their owners are regulars. However, that’s not always the case.

A customer came in with a year-old male rabbit of an unidentified breed for a nail clipping. Rabbits don’t come in too often, but things seem fairly normal. Things started to get weird — in hindsight, anyway — when the customer asked us for any vets in the area that took rabbits. Apparently, the rabbit hadn’t been eating for three months — later corrected to three weeks — and she felt that something was wrong. Oh, boy, she had no idea.

According to my coworker who clipped the rabbit, he yawned during the clipping, revealing some very overgrown incisors. How overgrown, you may ask? So overgrown that the lower teeth were starting to poke into the poor bunny’s nostrils. Worse, he had matted fur on his butt, consistent with sitting in a cage for long periods of time. Even worse than that, the nails themselves turned out to be nearly an inch long. And considering he hadn’t been eating for so long, it was a wonder that he was still alive and not emaciated. The rabbit was also a total sweetheart, further adding to the heartbreak.

To make matters worse, the customer left the store for nearly an hour. We practically ceased all operations looking for her and figuring out what to do with the rabbit, since, as time ticked by, we gave up hope of her ever coming back for it. Thankfully, the customer did come back; it turned out she just stopped by the dollar store nearby. Once we told her the condition of her rabbit, she was genuinely shocked, especially when we showed her his teeth. It turns out that not only was she not getting his teeth trimmed, but she only gave him paper towel tubes to chew on, because, “That’s what Google said,” hence the overgrown lower incisors. And yet she wondered why he wasn’t eating!

We finally managed to give her the address of the nearest 24-hour emergency vet clinic to get the rabbit some fluids and grind down his teeth. We also gave her tips on how to get rid of the mats safely and recommended getting the rabbit out of the cage more often. She thanked us deeply, paid for the clipping, and left with the rabbit in tow, hopefully to the vet. I sincerely hope the owner learned from this experience and will start taking better care of the sweet little thing, but at the same time just thinking about it still pisses me off. No matter how understanding the lady was, I will never get over how much she neglected that poor little rabbit.

Moral of the story? Some people really should not own pets, and those who do should do their research before getting it.

Pet Owners Are Barking Mad
Bar, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive, Pets & Animals, UK, Weather | Healthy | July 23, 2018
CONTENT WARNING: Animal Abuse

(The UK has been struggling with a heatwave. We’ve just finished a lunch rush and things are a little quieter. We just cleaning up the bar area while people finish up their food when my coworker and I hear the most awful, rasping panting from a dog entering the door. An older couple enter with their small dog, who is barely able to to walk in a straight line, and sit themselves down at a table. The woman approaches us.)

Woman: “Hi, are you still serving food?

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Would you like some water for your dog before you order? We want to make all of our guests to be comfortable.”

(I ask this because I’m increasingly concerned for the dog’s wellbeing — its panting is sounding significantly worse and it is drooling excessively for a small dog — but I don’t want to sound too nosey.)

Woman: “Oh, no, he’s fine. He’s just tired from our walk up [Popular Tourist Cliff Walk about 2.5 miles long]. We have some water, anyway.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am.”

(I take her order and serve their drinks quickly, watching the dog drink almost half a litre of water rapidly with no change in comfort. Just as I go to check on another table, the dog gets briefly to its feet to vomit violently, only to collapse into the vomit. I quickly try to keep my other customers, including children, calm while the dog’s owners seem oblivious to the severity of its condition, which is now clearly heatstroke.)

Woman: “Oh, dear, someone’s drank too quickly and is tired!” *to my coworker and myself* “Will you be dears and help us clean up?”

(My coworker goes to clean up the vomit while I swiftly go into the kitchen to explain the situation to my boss, who is also the chef.)

Me: “Hey, [Boss], I think we have a dog with heatstroke out there. Is there anything we can do? I’m willing to call [Friend of mine who is a veterinary nurse], if you’d like.”

Boss: “There’s not much we can do, [My Name]; it’s not our dog. Offer to call [Vet a few miles up the road] for them and try to get them to go there; otherwise, you just have to continue as normal. I’m sorry.”

(I go back out and do as I’ve been told to do, offering help as much as I can.)

Woman: “I’m sure he’s fine. We’ll consider it if he doesn’t improve by the time our food comes out.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. No problem.”

(I try to continue with my other tasks while still watching for any change in the dog. A few minutes later, the food is ready and I take it out to them. The dog is still severely panting, and the owners have now taken the water away to stop him from vomiting it up again. I have to bite my tongue and say nothing, cleaning dirty glasses behind the bar so I can listen to them talking and be ready to do something if the dog ends up going into shock or a seizure.)

Woman: *to a concerned customer* “Oh, he didn’t make it to the top of [Cliff Walk], but luckily we had a deck chair with us and we used that as a stretcher to carry him there! It was beautiful up there, you know? The sun and the heat was warming up all of our old bones wonderfully! There weren’t any other dogs, either, so we had most of the cliff to ourselves! It really was fantastic.”

(The couple left with their dog after an agonisingly long time eating their food, with all of us encouraging them to go to the vet again before they left. Several hours later when my shift ended, I went to the vets to pick up some wormers for my own pets only to find out the couple hadn’t come in. It wasn’t until the next morning my friend texted me to let me know they ended up coming in during the night. They had found the dog unresponsive in its own vomit again shortly after coming back to their caravan after visiting friends. The poor little thing died of heatstroke less than an hour later. I can’t help wishing I could have done more, and that the owners had not been so stupid as to take their dog for a walk in that heat.)

You’ll Stress-Knit A Whole Outfit At This Point
Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Massachusetts, Medical Office, Psychiatrist, USA | Healthy | August 1, 2018
(I’m waiting to see my psychiatrist for a medication check-up. This office schedules meds appointments in fifteen-minute blocks; they’re a quick in-and-out to make sure the meds are working before the prescription is refilled. I arrive five minutes before my appointment and am told I’m seeing a new doctor. I’m a little annoyed that they didn’t tell me this when the appointment was being set up — my father works in the mental health field and I’m uncomfortable being seen by his coworkers — but whatever; maybe my regular doctor is out sick. So, I go to the waiting room. And wait. And wait. At twenty minutes past my appointment time — so, five minutes after it is supposed to be over — I hear the receptionists chatting. They say something about the new doctor having computer problems. Okay, stuff happens. Forty minutes past my appointment time, the person who is waiting before me gets into a shouting match with the receptionists about how late things are running. I’m frustrated too, but an extra person yelling won’t change anything, and I have plenty of time, so I keep waiting. Finally, fifty minutes after my scheduled time, a harried-looking man calls my name and introduces himself as the doctor. I’m expecting him to apologize for the delay, or offer an explanation, or anything. Nope. He doesn’t say a word until we get to his office. Now my appointment starts in earnest.)

Doctor: “So, do think you’re depressed?”

Me: *pause* “This appointment is literally to treat my diagnosed depression, so, um, yeah.”

(He doesn’t respond at all to this. He doesn’t even look at me. He has a walking desk, so he’s power-walking in place while he types on his computer. And he keeps typing. For almost ten minutes. I almost stand up and walk out. But I’ve already been here forever, I don’t want to have to do this all again, and I need my meds refilled. So, I take out my knitting and work on that for a bit.)

Doctor: “Do you want to keep taking [Medication #1 ] and [Medication #2]?”

Me: “Yes, please.”

(He types for a few more minutes.)

Doctor: “I’ve sent in the prescriptions for those. I’ll see you again in five months.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(I get up to leave.)

Doctor: “Wow! You’re so fast at knitting! What are you making?”

Me: “A sweater. Bye.”

(I was at that office for over an hour, but in the appointment for less than fifteen minutes. He said almost nothing to me, and half of what he did say was about knitting. And when I went to the pharmacy, only one of the prescriptions had actually been sent over!)

The Rest Were Trying In Vein
Australia, Hospital, New South Wales, Patients, Sydney | Healthy | July 25, 2018
(My baby was born with a congenital heart disease and required many cannulas and blood draws in the first four weeks of her life. Nurses would try, and then call upon doctors — neonatologists and consultants — and everyone struggled. They would all talk about how small her veins were and how hard it was when she squirmed and cried as they stuck her over and over. The worst part was, when she had a cannula finally inserted, she’d often rip it out within the next couple of hours. After three open-heart surgeries, her last lots of blood are being taken to give us the all-clear to go home.)

Me: “Just be aware, everyone else who has taken blood has had a lot of trouble.”

Young Phlebotomist: *draws blood efficiently and quickly, first time* “All done.”

Me: “Oh, wow! Everyone else has had such trouble; they keep saying she’s got such small veins.”

Young Phlebotomist: “Of course she has small veins. She’s a baby!

Hope You Get Good Reception
Employees, Jerk, Lazy/Unhelpful, Medical Office, Reception, UK | Healthy | July 24, 2018
(My GP surgery usually has a two- to three-week wait for non-urgent appointments, but also has a limited number of on-the-day appointments available on a first-come-first-served basis. As these go very quickly, most people phone as soon as the surgery opens, so the phone lines are usually busy. I live close to the surgery, so I walk in just as it opens. One receptionist is on the phone, the other calls me forward.)

Me: “Hi, can I make an appointment today to see a doctor?”

Receptionist: “You have to phone for an on-the-day appointment.”

Me: “I… have to call? I can’t make one right here?”

Receptionist: “No, you have to phone.”

Me: “Why can’t I make one now?”

Receptionist: *glaring* “You have to phone. You can’t just walk in and book it.”

Me: “What’s the difference?”

Receptionist: “You have to phone.”

Me: “Okaaaay…”

(I step literally two steps away from the desk, pull out my mobile, and dial the surgery. Nobody else is waiting, so the receptionist is now free to answer the phones. Glaring at me the entire time, she answers the phone… to me.)

Receptionist: “[Surgery], how can I help?”

Me: “I’d like to make an appointment today, please.”

(The other receptionist had finished her call at this point, and just sat there open-mouthed looking backwards and forwards between us as I made an appointment, over the phone, with the receptionist sitting right in front of me.)

Read The Bloody Chart
Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, New York, USA | Healthy | July 24, 2018
(I start menstruating at 12 years old, but my periods never become regular over time like they are supposed to. Sometimes they last three days, sometimes six or seven. Sometimes I wait three weeks between periods, sometimes five or six weeks. For a while, it doesn’t bother me, but when I am 22, I decide to go to a gynecologist and ask if there is anything to worry about. I should also note that I look very young and am often mistaken for a teenager. At the doctor’s office, I am taken to an exam room where the nurse takes my history and tells me the doctor will be there in a few minutes.)

Doctor: *does not look at my chart* “I hear you’re concerned that your period isn’t regular yet.”

Me: “That’s right; it’s always a surprise. I just want to make sure it’s nothing I should be worried about.”

Doctor: *condescendingly* “Well, it’s not uncommon for periods to be irregular after they start. It can take a few years for your period to become regular.”

Me: *realizing she thinks I’m a teenager* “Ten? Is ten enough years? Because it’s been ten years.”

(The doctor goes white, quickly grabs my chart, and realizes I’m older than she assumed.)

Doctor: “Oh! It definitely should be regular by now; let’s run some blood work.”

Shouldn’t Have Followed The White Rabbit
Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Non-Dialogue, Pet Store, Pets & Animals, USA, Wisconsin | Healthy | July 23, 2018
I work for a very small, in-state pet store chain. All of us employees are major animal lovers and have pet experience of some kind or another; it’s pretty much a requirement if you want to get a job there. We offer, among other things, nail clippings. Most of the animals we see come in are obviously loved and well-cared for, especially if their owners are regulars. However, that’s not always the case.

A customer came in with a year-old male rabbit of an unidentified breed for a nail clipping. Rabbits don’t come in too often, but things seem fairly normal. Things started to get weird — in hindsight, anyway — when the customer asked us for any vets in the area that took rabbits. Apparently, the rabbit hadn’t been eating for three months — later corrected to three weeks — and she felt that something was wrong. Oh, boy, she had no idea.

According to my coworker who clipped the rabbit, he yawned during the clipping, revealing some very overgrown incisors. How overgrown, you may ask? So overgrown that the lower teeth were starting to poke into the poor bunny’s nostrils. Worse, he had matted fur on his butt, consistent with sitting in a cage for long periods of time. Even worse than that, the nails themselves turned out to be nearly an inch long. And considering he hadn’t been eating for so long, it was a wonder that he was still alive and not emaciated. The rabbit was also a total sweetheart, further adding to the heartbreak.

To make matters worse, the customer left the store for nearly an hour. We practically ceased all operations looking for her and figuring out what to do with the rabbit, since, as time ticked by, we gave up hope of her ever coming back for it. Thankfully, the customer did come back; it turned out she just stopped by the dollar store nearby. Once we told her the condition of her rabbit, she was genuinely shocked, especially when we showed her his teeth. It turns out that not only was she not getting his teeth trimmed, but she only gave him paper towel tubes to chew on, because, “That’s what Google said,” hence the overgrown lower incisors. And yet she wondered why he wasn’t eating!

We finally managed to give her the address of the nearest 24-hour emergency vet clinic to get the rabbit some fluids and grind down his teeth. We also gave her tips on how to get rid of the mats safely and recommended getting the rabbit out of the cage more often. She thanked us deeply, paid for the clipping, and left with the rabbit in tow, hopefully to the vet. I sincerely hope the owner learned from this experience and will start taking better care of the sweet little thing, but at the same time just thinking about it still pisses me off. No matter how understanding the lady was, I will never get over how much she neglected that poor little rabbit.

Moral of the story? Some people really should not own pets, and those who do should do their research before getting it.

Waiting For Cancer
Bad Behavior, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | July 16, 2018
The nearest clinic that takes my insurance is a pretty far drive for me, so I try to book multiple medical appointments for the same day, or at least get more than one thing scheduled each time I go in. On this particular day, I’ve booked two appointments: one consultation that should take about thirty minutes, and a prescription renewal for a psychiatric medication that should only be about fifteen minutes. The receptionist and I agree that it makes sense to put in some buffer time, just in case the consultation takes a little longer than expected, so my psychiatric appointment is scheduled to start fifteen minutes after my consultation should end.

I arrive at the clinic fifteen minutes early, check in for both my appointments, remind the receptionist of my schedule, and settle into the waiting room. It’s not unusual for appointments at this clinic to run a few minutes late, so I’m not surprised when we’re five minutes past my first appointment time and I haven’t been called back; I left the buffer time for a reason. However, by the time we approach the twenty-minute mark, I’m pretty concerned. I go to the desk and ask, and the receptionist promises someone will be with me soon. I remind him that I have the second appointment, and he tells me that the psychiatrist’s schedule isn’t jammed, so if I’m a few minutes late, that’s all right. I’m getting a little annoyed, but I try to let it go and go back to wait.

Another ten minutes pass before a nurse brings me back to take my vitals, at what was supposed to be the end of my appointment time. I ask him about the delays, and he tells me that it will be fine and the doctor will be right with me, and leaves me in the office, alone.

I wait in the office for another twenty minutes, now officially five minutes into my psychiatric appointment time, before I step back into the front office. The receptionist says that the consulting doctor’s schedule is completely backed up, so he sends me back to do my psychiatric appointment while I wait. The psychiatrist is very understanding when I explain the whole confusion, and we’re just starting to talk about my medication when another doctor throws the door open without knocking first. Apparently, this is my consulting doctor.

She’s very angry, and starts laying into the psychiatrist, yelling about how it was absolutely unprofessional for him to take me back before I’d met with her, how it was screwing up her whole schedule, and how my consultation today was already going to be difficult, going into details about why it would be. Finally, she turns to me and tells me that if I want to meet with her at all, I have to do it now, because her schedule is so tight today. The psychiatrist tells me to go ahead, and he’ll talk to the receptionist and make sure I can still see him today.

I really don’t want to deal with this woman, but the consultation is for a cancer screening, for a fast-acting type that runs in my family. I’m high risk for it, and if I have it, even the few weeks it might take to rebook a consultation with a less-PO’d doctor could seriously impact my treatment. She’s professional enough during my appointment, and can tell me that I am, in fact, cancer-free, but I’m still very uncomfortable with her.

Luckily, I am able to rebook the psychiatric consultation after just another twenty-minute wait, although I’m now here over an hour later than I’d planned to be. I’m ready to just run out as quickly as I can, but the psychiatrist asks me if I can stay and speak to a staff member about my experience today.

Turns out, the reason there was a twenty-minute wait was because he filed a report against the other doctor for barging into my appointment with him without even knocking first, and then for yelling at him, including information about my appointment in her rant that he had no reason to know, since it didn’t relate to his treatment of me. I’m not sure if what she did was technically a HIPPA violation, or if it just violated the clinic’s policy, but when I go to book another appointment six months later, and specify that I’d like to be seen by any doctor except her, I’m told that she’s no longer with the clinic.

Hopefully You Have A Good Vinyl Collection
Australia, Jerk, Medical Office, Nurses, Sydney | Healthy | July 15, 2018
(I am allergic to both latex and nitrile, but they’re both relatively new allergies for me, so I don’t think to mention them at first. I need blood taken, so the nurse and I are chatting as she gets the vials ready. As she reaches for the gloves, I notice the box.)

Me: “Oh, sorry. I forgot to say, I’m allergic to both latex and nitrile. Do you have different gloves?”

(The nurse looks at the box, as well.)

Nurse: “These are latex free.”

Me: “I know, but they’re usually nitrile, and I’m allergic to that, too. Do you have vinyl?”

(She grabs a box of vinyl gloves for me.)

Nurse: “Do you know how often I need to wear these? Maybe once a year. They’re horrible! They’re too big, and they feel awful on your hands! I hate them so much!”

(She continued to complain about the gloves as she took my blood. I know vinyl gloves are horrible; I have to wear them for work, too. But I’d also rather not spend the next few hours itching because I got latex or nitrile on my skin!)

Hopefully You Have A Good Vinyl Collection
Australia, Jerk, Medical Office, Nurses, Sydney | Healthy | July 15, 2018
(I am allergic to both latex and nitrile, but they’re both relatively new allergies for me, so I don’t think to mention them at first. I need blood taken, so the nurse and I are chatting as she gets the vials ready. As she reaches for the gloves, I notice the box.)

Me: “Oh, sorry. I forgot to say, I’m allergic to both latex and nitrile. Do you have different gloves?”

(The nurse looks at the box, as well.)

Nurse: “These are latex free.”

Me: “I know, but they’re usually nitrile, and I’m allergic to that, too. Do you have vinyl?”

(She grabs a box of vinyl gloves for me.)

Nurse: “Do you know how often I need to wear these? Maybe once a year. They’re horrible! They’re too big, and they feel awful on your hands! I hate them so much!”

(She continued to complain about the gloves as she took my blood. I know vinyl gloves are horrible; I have to wear them for work, too. But I’d also rather not spend the next few hours itching because I got latex or nitrile on my skin!)

Has Been Trying In Vein
Bad Behavior, Blood Donation, Employees, Jerk, New York, USA | Healthy | July 14, 2018
(I have been donating blood at least twice a year ever since I was 18 years old. Once the needle gets into a vein, I have no problems filling the bag. The problem is my veins tend to “squirm” under my skin, and if they don’t get pierced straight on, they have a habit of popping. Due to this, I am rather used to them needing multiple attempts to stick me. One time, I go in to make my donation, and after doing all of the paperwork, I am sat on the bench. The phlebotomist — blood drawer — walks up with a young guy.)

Phlebotomist: “Mr. [My Name]? This is [Trainee], and he is a trainee with us. He is almost done with his training. Would you be okay if he did the needle insertion on you today?”

Me: “I mean, it’s fine with me, but he might have a hard time. I’m sometimes hard to stick.”

Phlebotomist: “Okay, [Trainee], I’ll be over there if you need me.”

(The phlebotomist then walks away to go do a draw from another donor across the room.)

Me: “All right, [Trainee], looks like it’s just the two of us. Just to warn you, my veins tend to squirm a bit, and are easy to pop. Just take your time.”

Trainee: “Don’t worry, sir. This should be easy. Just squeeze on this ball, and… Shoot.”

(He slid the needle into my arm, and, like I warned him, my vein moved out of the way. He tries to change the angle of the needle while it is in my arm, causing a good bit of pain, and then scrapes the side of the vein, popping it.)

Trainee: “Darn! Don’t worry; this is fine. There is another vein I can use. Just make sure you sit still, please. Please squeeze. D***!”

(Another squirm and another pop, luckily with no digging inside of my flesh this time.)

Me: “Do you think you should get your trainer to come and look?”

Trainee: “No, sir. I am almost fully trained, and I have done this before. Is it okay if I move over to your other arm and give that one a shot?”

Me: “Sure, but you are going to have the same problem over there.”

(He moves over to my other side, cleans the skin, ties off the band, pokes at my vein with his finger a couple of times, and lines up the needle.)

Me: “Are you sure you don’t want to call your trainer over?”

Trainee: “I’m sure, sir. This will be fine. Just please don’t move while I’m inserting the needle. Squeeze. Fu… Um… Hey, [Phlebotomist], could you come over for a second, please?”

(He has managed to pop the third vein, and when extracting the needle, he ripped my skin a bit, causing me to start bleeding. When the phlebotomist gets over, he says to her:)

Trainee: “I don’t know what this guy is doing, but he keeps moving his veins while I’m working.”

Phlebotomist: “I doubt he is doing it on purpose. Let me try another vein, and I’ll show you how to do it.”

Trainee: “Umm… I already tried both elbows, and the veins all popped under me.”

Phlebotomist: “Why didn’t you call me when you started having trouble?”

Trainee: “It would have been fine if he hadn’t been wiggling his veins. Look, I tried both in his left arm, and one in his right, but his right is bleeding now, so I can’t do the other. Do you think I should go for an artery?”

Phlebotomist & Me: “WHAT?!”

Phlebotomist: “NO! YOU DO NOT TAKE BLOOD FROM AN ARTERY! NOT WITH THE TRAINING YOU HAVE! That donor over there is almost full; go take his needle out when he is done, and point him to the snacks.”

(The trainee walks away, muttering something under his breath that I can only assume is more blaming me for moving my veins. The phlebotomist apologizes profusely, saying that she hasn’t had any trouble with him yet today, he has been good with other donors, etc. As they can’t get blood from popped veins, she tells me to come back in a month after they have healed up. As I’m walking to the front door, I walk past the trainee, who gives me a glare, and says:)

Trainee: “Next time, sir, please hold still while we are inserting the needle.”

(When I went back in, the phlebotomist recognized me, and came up to apologize again, and said that the trainee no longer worked there, at least partially due to the fact that he kept blaming the donors if anything went wrong.)

Did You Write This With Your Feet?
Costa Rica, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, Wordplay | Healthy | July 13, 2018
(Recently I discovered I have a mass next to my right knee; this, mixed with constant pain on my back, makes me go to a doctor. She recommends I get x-rays for both knees and back, and gives me a paper with all the indications for the professional in charge. Problem is, I can’t understand the handwriting, but she assures me they will.)

Receptionist: *on the phone* “Welcome to [Clinic]. How can I help you?”

Me: “I need two x-rays for my back and knees, as well as an ultrasound of my right knee.”

Receptionist: “What kind?”

Me: *tries to read indications* “Sorry, I can’t read my doc’s note.”

Receptionist: “Send it to us through [number].”

(I do, and wait ten minutes for the receptionist to return to the phone.)

Receptionist: “According to this, you need one x-ray of your knee, one of your feet, and one ultrasound. Be here at 10:20 am.”

Me: *not really paying attention* “Okay, great. I’ll be there.”

(I go in and pay first. Just then, I notice the x-ray for my back is missing. The receptionist asks for my instructions and shows me it doesn’t mention my back, only knees and feet. At first I let it go… but eventually it bothers me, so I call the doctor.)

Me: “Doc, I’m sorry to bother. Why didn’t you send me to get an x-ray of my back? The instructions only say knees and feet.”

Doctor: “Mmm, send over the instructions through a message, please.”

(I do.)

Doctor: “[My Name], it doesn’t say, ‘of feet,’ it says, ‘Take x-ray of back while on her feet.’”

(Penmanship is important, kids!)

Filling In Her Memory
Bad Behavior, Dentist, Ignoring & Inattentive, Illinois, USA | Healthy | July 12, 2018
(When I was a teenager I had two fillings put into separate back molars. The dentist didn’t wait until I was properly numb to do it, and both of them ended up coming out within the next few days while I was just watching TV. My family wasn’t exactly the best and didn’t believe me when I told them they came out, so I didn’t go back. Fast-forward to about a year ago. I’m out on a date, and I bite down with one of the teeth and the whole thing shatters into five pieces. I make an emergency appointment with the only dentist in town that can take me on such short notice — the dentist from before — and suffer for a day or two until I go in. When the dentist comes in and asks me why I’m there, I tell her about the tooth being shattered. She visibly rolls her eyes at my expense and takes a look, only to freeze in shock.)

Dentist: “Oh! It’s actually shattered. You know, that happens when you don’t get your cavities filled.”

Me: “I’d had it filled before, but it wasn’t done right and came out the next day. I was under eighteen, and my family wouldn’t bring me back.”

Dentist: “And you didn’t eat anything you weren’t supposed to?”

Me: “No, it wasn’t my first filling, and I followed the instructions.”

Dentist: “Well, whoever did the filling obviously didn’t know what they were doing.”

Me: “Well, you’re not too far off the mark, since you’re the one who did it.”

(She suddenly remembered me and actually looked embarrassed. She never apologized, but she was extra careful with explaining my options and giving me a crown — making sure I was properly numb this time — and when I went to pay, she’d knocked down the price a bit. This isn’t the only horrible story I have about her, but this was the last time I let her work on me. I’m glad we finally got a new practice in town and I can go somewhere else.)

A Good Comeback Helps The Medicine Go Down
Jerk, Medical Office, Nurses, USA | Healthy | July 12, 2018
(I am in high school, and for this semester I need to have a physical done so that I can participate in a mandatory PE class. My mom brings me over to the doctor’s office the school recommends, since our regular GP is currently out of town. At this time in my life, I am very active; I regularly go to karate lessons, hike, swim, and go mountain biking. I also take after my mother’s side of the family, who are built very squarish: short, with broad shoulders and hips. After going through all of the questions and tests, we have this gem of a conversation.)

Nurse: “It looks like everything is in order. Just remember that walking from the fridge to the couch is not ‘exercise.’”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Nurse: “Honey, calling it ‘hiking’ doesn’t make it any better for you.” *she turns to my mother* “Especially with that as an example.”

Mom: “I’m sorry; I didn’t realize that judgemental comments were part of the package. We don’t have to pay extra for them, do we?”

(The nurse looked shocked, but we got the paperwork we needed and headed out. We also let the doctor know about his nurse’s behavior.)

Their Brain Is In Another Box
Airport, Bizarre, Health & Body, Non-Dialogue, USA, Wisconsin | Healthy | July 11, 2018
I work at a medical courier company. Basically, I go to different hospitals and pick up and drop off blood and urine samples because different hospitals are equipped to do different kinds of tests. There are some cases where the samples have to be sent on a plane because only a couple hospitals in the country do those certain tests. I go to the airport, where I drop off the box of samples. The box is big and clearly marked, “Biohazard,” and there are some stickers that say, “Biological Substances.”

I’m in line, and a woman comes up to me, looks me straight in the face, and asks, “So, is that like… arms and legs?” I just looked at her for a good 15 seconds before saying, “No.”

A Lack Of Blood To Their Brain
Blood Donation, France, Ignoring & Inattentive, Reception | Healthy | July 10, 2018
(I am a regular blood donator, something like ten times already in around five years, but I haven’t donated my platelets for almost a year due to a lack of time. I regularly get vocal messages from the Blood Donation Center asking me if I would agree to a new donation. This time, I call them back, around 20 minutes after the original call. I moved to [City #1 ], and the Blood Donation Center here does not have the proper equipment to perform platelet donation, so I am required to go back to [City #2 ] to do it, which I can only do during weekends.)

Me: “Hello, you just called me for a platelet donation. I would like to schedule an appointment, but I can only come to [City #2 ] during weekends as I’m living in [City #1 ], and I know I can’t do this at the local blood donation center.”

Lady: “Oh, yeah, please let me check.”

(She puts me on hold for around three minutes, which is rather unusual. I’m a bit busy, so it gets on my nerves, but hey, it’s supporting a good cause.)

Lady: “Well, [City #1 ]’s center never had the proper equipment for platelet donation.”

Me: “Yes, I know. That’s why I want an appointment in [City #2 ], on a weekend.”

Lady: “Well, okay. I have something on [date two weeks later] at 10:00 or 10:30; is that okay for you?”

Me: “Yeah, 10:30 would be perfect.”

Lady: “So 10:00.”

Me: “No, 10:30.”

Lady: “Okay. May I have your name?”

Me: “It’s [My Name].”

Lady: “I can’t find you. You’re not in the registry. You never donated your platelets, did you?”

Me: “Well, how could you call me, and leave me a vocal message asking me to come back to donate platelets, if I’m not in your registry?”

Lady: “I can’t find you. You’re not in the registry. If you had ever donated blood or platelets, you would be in the registry.”

Me: “You see, that’s also why I almost never call back.”

(I called back the next day, got another lady on the phone, and surprisingly — not really — got an appointment booked, as she very easily found me in the registry.)

Sick Burn, Bro!
Doctor/Physician, Germany, Health & Body, Home, Siblings, Stupid | Healthy | July 10, 2018
(The minute my brother graduates from medical school, my family turns him into their private doctor. Every little ailment or problem is run by him, even if it’s something completely normal. Our grandparents especially tend to call him at the oddest times to ask about this thing hurting or this bit feeling weird. One day in my kitchen, I burn myself very badly all over my upper arm. I don’t have time or money to go to the ER or see a doctor, so I just treat it the way I learned in first-aid class. It heals fine, except the area of skin is now a darker shade than the rest, and rougher.)

Brother: *noticing the dark, scarred areas a few weeks later* “[My Name], what’s that? It looks like burn marks.”

Me: “Yep. I burned myself with boiling water, but I treated it this way–” *explains everything I did*

Brother: “Okay, luckily you did do everything properly, but I’m still angry. You’re literally the first one in the family to actually need my medical expertise, and you didn’t ask for it?!”

Me: “I didn’t want to bother you like the grandparents do all the time.”

Brother: “You had second degree burns! Maybe even third! You should’ve seen a doctor, like your own brother.”

(I agree now that I was young, naive, and quite dumb not to call him. I’m planning to cover the scars with tattoos, anyway. My brother has requested at least one tattoo dedicated to him to remind me of my own stupidity.)

OMG-YN
Columbus, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, Ohio, Silly, USA | Healthy | July 9, 2018
(After 20 years of seeing only female OB/GYNs, I have moved to a new city and can only get in to see a male gynecologist. I have been reassured by a friend, who is also a doctor, that he is one of the best in his field, but I’m nervous even after chatting with him at his desk. Once I’m by myself and getting “into the position” in an exam room, I notice only one stirrup is up, leaving my foot away from the wall hanging loose.)

Doctor: *knocks politely before entering* “Okay, are you settled in?”

Me: “Well, I couldn’t scoot to the edge of the table because only one stirrup is working. Is it broken?”

Doctor: *smiling and wincing* “No, I just wait until I’m seated to move up that one. Walking into it once was enough to never let that happen again.”

Me: *realizing it would be at groin level for him as well as for me* “Well, that is an occupational hazard I wouldn’t have considered!”

(He’s still my doctor a dozen years later.)

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When Patients Need Patience
Bad Behavior, California, Hospital, Jerk, Los Angeles, Nurses, Patients, Time, USA | Healthy | July 8, 2018
(I am in the waiting room of an OBGYN office I’ve never been to before. It is the only one in the area that is in my HMO insurance network. It’s late morning; appointments are not meant to be longer than 20 minutes, so I am planning to attend classes afterwards. When I walk in, I’m told that there is an extremely long wait time, even though we all have timed appointments — and are actually meant to be seen at that time. Though every hospital and office in this entire HMO company has a policy that if a patient checks in more than 15 minutes late they lose their appointment, obviously no equal rules have ever applied to providers being penalized for lateness. I have waited an hour already. Another patient, who is waiting for the same doctor, is sitting next to me with her newborn baby.)

Patient: “Oh, yeah. It’s aaaaalways been this way in this office for as long as I’ve been coming here. They’re aaaaalways extremely behind schedule.”

(This is not reassuring; since she’s got a baby, one can assume she’s been a patient with frequent appointments here for at least nine months.)

Patient: “Yeah, that’s why I’ve always made sure to get the very first appointment super-early in the morning. That’s absolutely the only way to get out of here on time. I just couldn’t manage it today. Oh, but don’t worry; I’ll be super-quick with my appointment, only five minutes. So you all won’t have to wait too much longer!”

(It’s nice of her, but we’re all already extremely late, anyway. I’m pretty appalled that a woman with a newborn is being made to wait around like this for well over an hour; luckily, her baby keeps on sleeping. I also wonder, if this office always runs severely late, why don’t they at least warn patients when we make our appointments? Many patients go up to ask the nurses several times what is going on with the excessive wait time. From overhearing them, it becomes clear that at least half a dozen of them are waiting for the same doctor I am, who appears to be the main cause of waiting-room congestion. The nurses seem extremely practiced at politely fobbing us off while giving non-answers about why this is happening or how much longer it’ll be, as well as pretending to be helpless and confused themselves, while giving off the heavy impression that this is actually all “business as usual.” I’m extremely unhappy; there is no end to the wait in sight, and it’s clear I’ll miss my classes. In other circumstances I’d just leave, but I am there because of suspicion of a uterine tumor and absolutely need to have tests done. Most people resign themselves to waiting, except for one young woman, who checked in 20 minutes after me, and keeps on whining to the nurses over and over. After waiting less than an hour, she starts going towards the exit door in showy slow-motion, while she declares extra loudly to the entire room that she’s leaving since she must get back to her job. I feel extremely skeptical of this, as she is dressed very unprofessionally, even by the standards of the most casual minimum-wage job, and has multiple large, prominent facial piercings.)

Nurse: “Oh, no! No, Ms. [Whiny Patient], don’t leave!”

Whiny Patient: “Oh, I absolutely have to get back to work! There’s no way I can stay here any longer!”

Nurse: “If you wait just a moment, I’ll go right away to ask the doctor if she can accommodate you sooner! Just wait right here!”

(The nurse goes inside the medical office, and comes back within two minutes to call the whiny patient in to be seen by the doctor immediately. I am shocked, as I know this girl was in line behind me, and there’s still at least one other person in front of me, as well. I go up to the nurses again.)

Me: “Excuse me, but I believe that young woman who just went in is seeing the same doctor as me, and several other people here.”

Nurse: “Well, yes, she is in with [Doctor].”

Me: “Did you really just call her in ahead of all of us, including those that were here first?!”

Nurse: “Well, yes. You see, she is in a very great hurry to get back to work. So we just had to see her now. [Doctor] did her a favor and managed to squeeze her in sooner.” *without appearing to realize the actual obvious meaning of that sentence*

Me: “Oh, my God, really?! [Doctor] did her a favor and squeezed her in?! What you’re actually saying is you talked Dr. [Doctor] into seeing her sooner, at all of the rest of our expense, without even consulting us! Neither [Doctor] nor any of you lost anything by doing this! You all just chose to steal several other people’s time for your own convenience of not having to explain the reason behind the patient’s appointment cancellation after she’d already showed up and paid for it! Wow, I wish I’d thought of getting up, whining a lot, and loudly threatening to leave; apparently it would have gotten me seen a lot sooner, too!”

(Even besides me, there were very good odds that some of the other patients also had to get to work — no one was even asked. But we all acted like adults and dealt with it instead of making a loud fuss to skip ahead of others in line. The nurse and doctor just decided that since we didn’t throw up a fuss, it automatically meant our time was worthless compared to [Whiny Patient]’s, and could be taken away from us with no notice. [Whiny Patient]’s appointment was not quick in the least. By the time she left, and then they finished with the other patient ahead of me, I was called in a whopping hour and 42 minutes later than my scheduled appointment time. While [Doctor] seemed likable and competent in person — once I finally got to see her — I couldn’t help questioning both her character and her competency in my head through the entire appointment because of the unprofessional mess with the waiting room. After leaving there, since they’d already ensured I would fully miss all my classes that day, I went straight up a couple of floors in the hospital, to the Member Services department– where they saw me very promptly, even with no appointment — and submitted a complaint face-to-face with a nice, attentive employee who typed up everything I told him. I made sure to tell him every detail, including the 1:40 wait time and the long-time patient who told me that the OBGYN office always operates this way. It’s been several years, and I have never gone back to that office.)

Initially Brilliant
Friends, Home, Norway, Patients, Silly | Healthy | July 7, 2018
(A close friend of mine is visiting me for dinner. She has leukemia, but is in remission at this point. It should probably be noted that we share a pretty dark sense of humor, which is how we both cope with her illness.)

Me: “What have you been doing lately?”

Friend: “I had tests at [Only Major Hospital in the area] this week.”

Me: “Oh, that sucks. I was there with mom when she had tests done a few years back, and the wait was horrible. There’s always so many people!”

Friend: “Oh, I got seen pretty quickly.”

Me: “Did you get there early, or was it good timing?”

Friend: “No, I just put [Initials] in the top corner of the admission forms, and they took me right in.”

Me: “What do they mean?”

Friend: “It’s the shorthand code for ‘to be seen immediately.’ My doctors used it all the time. I just put it in myself, now.”

Me: *laughing* “I knew you were wicked! You’re skipping the line in the hospital?”

Friend: *also laughing* “Hey, I have cancer! And also better things to do with my time than wait in line.”

(Unfortunately, her cancer returned, twice, and she lost the battle against it several years ago. But stories like this one still make me laugh when I tell people about her.)

How Dare You Stop To Eat?!
Illinois, Instant Karma, Jerk, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | July 6, 2018
(I go to the pharmacy department of a larger than normal location of a major retailer. It’s about 2:25 pm, and the gates to the pharmacy counter are down with a sign apologizing for being closed for lunch. There are about four people ahead of me in line. Though I am in a hurry, I decide to stay since the sign states that they will reopen in five minutes. Four minutes later, the gates reopen, and the pharmacist is at the counter alone, since her support staff hasn’t returned yet. She greets the first man in line.)

Pharmacist: “Thank you for waiting. How may I help you, sir?”

Man: “I’m here to pick up my prescription, under [Man].”

(The pharmacist verifies personal information with the man.)

Man: *as the pharmacist is ringing up the order* “I had to wait ten minutes for you guys to open! It’s just ridiculous that—”

Pharmacist: *cutting the man off, in a tone that is both mockingly concerned, and professional* “Yes, sir, it is ridiculous that I have to work a ten-hour shift, and am only allowed twenty minutes to sit down and eat in the back of this store. I’m so sorry that you had to wait that short amount of time. Your total is [amount].”

(The man said nothing further, refused to make eye contact with anyone, paid, and left. By then, her staff had returned, and the pharmacist went to the back of the work area, immediately answering the phone. The staff made short work of the rest of the people in line, who all were friendly to the workers. I was out the door before 2:40 pm.)

Got The Baby Blues
Bad Behavior, Emergency Services, Ignoring & Inattentive, UK, Wales | Healthy | July 6, 2018
(A few years ago, my brother worked in a 999 call centre, and he told us about a conversation that went roughly like this.)

Woman: “I was bathing my baby and she turned blue.”

Brother: “Where is your baby now?”

Woman: “Up in the bath.”

Brother: “On her own?”

Woman: “Yes.”

How To Treat Dog-Breath
Canada, Ontario, Pharmacy, Strangers, Stupid, Toronto | Healthy | July 6, 2018
(I am a veterinary technician and sometimes I leave work still wearing scrubs.)

Cashier: “So, you work at the dental office in this plaza, right?”

Me: “Nope, I’m a veterinary technician. I work at the vet clinic over there.” *gesturing*

Other Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “I’m a nurse for animals.”

Other Customer: “Oh. There’s this mouth-wash I’ve been meaning to try. The stuff from [Human Brand]. Can you tell me if it’s any good?”

Me: “Um… I’m a veterinary technician. I nurse animals.”

Other Customer: “It’s all the same. So, can you tell me if the mouthwash is any good?”

Some People Don’t Deserve Dogs
Bad Behavior, Pennsylvania, Pets & Animals, USA, Vet | Healthy | July 5, 2018
(I recently started working as a veterinarian at a clinic. We have one client who has become infamous for not giving his dog the sedative medications we recommended to help keep him comfortable during his visits. His anxiety at the office is so bad, we requested two different medications be used together, though often neither are given. As a result, whenever we have to do anything with the dog, we require the owner to place a muzzle on him, and our technicians have to wrestle with the dog while he is crying out in fear. We expect the client may get some kind of thrill watching these exchanges. The owner and dog are here for their recheck appointment with me, after choosing to try over the counter medications to try to deal with his dog’s problem. It is only me, the owner, and the dog for the exchange.)

Owner: “I think the skin is doing much better! Before, I couldn’t run my hands down his back, but now I can without a problem.”

Me: “That’s great. Is it true he’s still itching?”

Owner: “Yeah, but the scabs have gone away, except for one like this one on his side.”

(He show me one small scab. When I try to touch it, the dog barks and jerks in fear. The owner smirks a bit.)

Me: “Well, that’s good that the scabs have healed, but we’re still left with what to do about the itching. Our options are—”

Owner: *interrupting* “I know, I know, but look how much better it is! Isn’t the belly so much better?” *picks up terrified dog to show me his abdomen, freaking the dog out further*

Me: “It may be, but I can’t touch your dog to see how the skin is really doing.”

(This seems to really annoy the client.)

Owner: “Yeah, you can! I’ll just hold him really tight!”

Me: “But your dog is terrified, and that is not the type of relationship I want with your dog. That is why we want him to be on those medications when he comes in. That way, he can be more comfortable, and I can reward him with treats when he behaves well.”

Owner: “No, really it’s fine!” *hook his arms around the dog to hold him, further scaring the dog* “Here! Doesn’t the belly look so much better?” *lifts the dog again*

Me: “Yes, the belly looks better from what I can see, but I can’t touch him. I’m not going to foster that kind of relationship with your dog. We have two options. Either I can take him in the back with my techs–” *he had previously behaved better away from his owner* “–or you can come back when your dog has had his medications.”

(At this, the owner stormed out of the room, walked past the receptionist, and headed out the door. I zeroed out the re-exam fee, as I didn’t expect to charge him for a visual exam only, and put in a note about our interaction. I just hope he will start giving his dog the medications, rather than trying to force his dog into fearful situations.)

They Need New Glasses As Well As Their Drugs
Dallas, Ignoring & Inattentive, Patients, Pharmacy, Texas, USA | Healthy | July 5, 2018
(I pull into a drive-thru pharmacy to pick up my prescription, and there’s just one car in front of me. It’s ten full minutes before the car in front of me drives off and I can pull up to the window, but I’m not in a hurry, so I don’t really mind.)

Me: “I’m picking up a prescription for [My Last Name].”

Pharmacist: “Okay, let me just pull that up.”

(She’s gone for a few minutes, and I’m starting to think that this is why the line was slow. Obviously, I think, they must have new people there who don’t know what they’re doing. When she comes back:)

Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have any filled prescriptions listed under your name.”

Me: “But I got an email saying my prescription was ready.”

Pharmacist: “I don’t know what to say. We have you in our system from about two years ago, but there’s nothing recent.”

Me: “Can you check again? I got the email, so I know it’s ready.”

(The pharmacist is gone even longer this time, and I’m starting to feel pretty righteously indignant.)

Pharmacist: “No, we don’t have anything ready for you.”

Me: “Look, that just doesn’t make sense. I don’t understand how I can have an email from Walgreens right here saying that my prescription is ready, but you guys apparently don’t have it.”

Pharmacist: *blank stare* “Ma’am, this is CVS.”

(I felt like such a complete moron that I just drove away in embarrassment. Pharmacist, if you’re out there, I’m really sorry I didn’t apologize!)

Independent From This Holiday
Bookstore, UK | Right | July 4, 2017
(I’m waiting in line behind an American customer who is exchanging idle chit-chat with the worker processing the transaction.)

Customer: “Do you know what tomorrow is?”

Worker: “Erm…” *looking at her till* “The fourth.”

Customer: “No! Independence Day!

Worker: “Oh, yeah.” *continues with transaction*

Customer: “Why don’t you have any banners or sales on? In America, we go crazy for it! Show some pride!”

Worker: “We don’t celebrate Independence Day here.”

Customer: *gasps* “Why not?!”

Worker: “…because we were the enemy?”

The “Collapse” Of The Drug Trade
Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Illinois, Jerk, Nurses, USA | Healthy | July 4, 2018
(I am working at a retail chain one night. While helping pick up empty pallets around the store, I pass out for no discernible reason, completely losing consciousness and only waking up briefly at the store to EMTs loading me into an ambulance. Strangely, I remember the rest of the events pretty clearly.)

Me: “No, no ambulance. I don’t want to go to the hospital; I don’t have money.”

EMT: “You have to go.”

Me: *trying to sit up and move away* “No, I’m fine. I don’t want to go to the hospital.”

(I lose consciousness again after that and wake up in the actual hospital room to a nurse taking my vitals.)

Me: *still groggy* “Um… Where am I? What happened?”

Nurse: “You’re in the hospital. What drugs did you take?”

Me: “Huh? I’m not on any medicine.”

Nurse: “No, what drugs did you take?”

Me: “None?”

Nurse: “Come on. You’re not in trouble; just tell me what drugs you’re on.”

Me: “I’m not on any drugs!”

(The nurse just gave me side-eye and left at that point, only to return with a doctor a few minutes later.)

Nurse: “Okay, you need to tell us what drugs you’re on.”

Me: *having recovered enough now to be (mostly) sensible* “I told you: I’m not on any drugs! I’m fine; I’d like to go now.”

Nurse: “You can’t leave until you tell us what drugs you’re on. Just tell us what you took and you can go.”

Me: “I’m. Not. On. Drugs. I don’t even know what happened!”

Doctor: “If you tell us what drugs you’re on, we can help you.”

Me: *out of patience* “I’m not on drugs! Why are you not listening?”

(Fortunately, my friend from work came in and did her best to assure the staff that, no, I was not on drugs. They finally ran some tests and let me leave, but I don’t think they ever believed I wasn’t on something. Seriously, I get you have to ask, but there has to be a limit. Plus, you HAVE my blood.)

Allergic To Using Her Brain
Canada, Medical Office, New Brunswick, Patients, Stupid | Healthy | August 24, 2021
I work for an orthopaedic surgeon and the number of patients who don’t know their medications or allergies is staggering! This patient just called in and we’re concerned about an infection after her surgery.

Me: “The doctor wants to get you on a general antibiotic to be safe. Can you tell me if you have any allergies?”

Patient: “I think I have a few, but I’m not sure. I will give you a call back.”

This isn’t a problem, and the patient calls back to give me a list of five or so allergies. The medication that the doctor wanted to give her is a derivative of one of her allergies, so we need to know what happens.

Me: “Can you tell me what happens when you take that antibiotic, please?”

Patient: “I can’t recall anything happening. I don’t think I’m even allergic. Let me ask my husband.”

I wait. The patient’s husband says he doesn’t know, so the patient is going to call a friend and get back to me. This is now the third time we’ve gone over this.

Patient: “I think you can go ahead and send that prescription. I don’t think I’m even allergic to it.”

Me: “So, just to be perfectly clear, you really don’t remember what happened the last time you took this medication?”

Patient: “Well, you know, I think the issue was that my throat started to close up.”

Cue me hitting my head on my desk.

Not Feeling So Good
Australia, Australian Capital Territory, Bizarre, Canberra, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, Patients | Healthy | August 22, 2021
I went to my doctor for a very minor operation on my hand. He gave me two shots of local anaesthetic and we waited for a few moments for it to work. As soon as the scalpel touched my hand, I nearly jumped out of my skin.

Doctor: *Puzzled* “You shouldn’t have felt that. You must be very sensitive. I’ll give you another shot.”

We waited a few minutes again. When the scalpel touched my hand, I jumped again.

Doctor: *Even more puzzled* “You shouldn’t have felt that. I can’t give you any more; it would be a bit risky.”

I just want to get it over and done with.

Me: “It’s not so bad. Go ahead and I’ll try not to react.”

The doctor carefully and successfully finishes the operation.

Doctor: ”Has this ever happened before? It looks like anaesthetics don’t work very well on you.”

Me: “I’ve never had any sort of anaesthetic, full or local, before.”

I drove home, a trip of about an hour. I sat down with a cup of tea, and suddenly, I lost all feeling in my body. Before I could react, I fell asleep. I woke up about three hours later with no apparent after-effects, apart from being worried.

A week later, I saw my doctor for a follow-up and told him what had happened.

Doctor: *Looking very concerned* “I’ve never heard of such a reaction before. It’s a good job it didn’t happen while you were driving home. I think that you had better be very careful about having any sort of anaesthetic in the future. I will put a DANGER note in your medical record.”

I now wear a bright orange “Anaesthetic Risk” medical alert wristband ALL THE TIME!

The Wannabe Mayor And His Spokesperson, Unmasked
Bad Behavior, Current Events, Indiana, Medical Office, Patients, USA | Healthy | August 14, 2021
A male patient and his girlfriend, both middle-aged, come into our clinic to check in for an appointment. The man says he is a new patient, so we have him fill out paperwork while he waits for his appointment. When they came in, they were not wearing masks. Even though restrictions in our state have loosened for masks, individual businesses still have a right to require masks upon entry. Regardless of the current restrictions or vaccination status, a health clinic that serves people sick with a number of contagious diseases would be a good place to wear a mask — or so you would think.

As the front desk receptionist, it is my job to inform people that we still require masks. To make these conversations more polite, I usually phrase it a different way.

Me: “Do you guys have masks with you, or do you need one?”

We have disposable masks available at the front door.

The girlfriend simply says, “No,” but neither of them makes a move to grab a mask when I point out our available stash. This is where I should insist, but I’m a shy twenty-one-year-old female and there are no other patients in the lobby, so I don’t push it. I figure the nurses will take care of it, and oh, boy, do they.

The provider that they are here to see is the sort that will take no substance from the cow’s behind. She is a great nurse practitioner that has been in the field for upwards of a decade. Her LPN (licensed practical nurse) — the one that brings patients back to rooms and gets them started — is equally so.

The LPN comes out and calls the man’s name. Both he and his girlfriend start to get up.

LPN: “Do you guys have masks?”

Girlfriend: “No.”

The LPN grabs two from the box at the front door and extends them to the man and his girlfriend.

LPN: “You’ll have to wear one for the appointment.”

At this, they explode.

Girlfriend: “Oh, no. We were told when we scheduled the appointment that masks were highly encouraged but not required. [Patient] won’t wear one.”

LPN: “Well, I can ask the provider if she would be okay with a face shield, but he’ll have to wear something.”

At no point in this conversation does the man, the actual patient, say anything. He just starts angrily pacing and indicating that he is leaving. After a few minutes, he does actually just walk out, leaving his girlfriend to fight his battle.

Girlfriend: “Whoever I talked to, that was the first question I asked: do we need to wear masks? I wouldn’t have scheduled the appointment if they were required. I was assured that they were not.”

Me: “Hm, that’s strange. Do you remember who you talked to? I will have to update them on our policy so they have the correct information.”

At this, the girlfriend sputters.

Girlfriend: “Well, I don’t remember who it was, but it wasn’t the person who scheduled us. It was a different person.”

I look to see who scheduled her appointment. It was someone in the billing department, which is strange because they don’t usually schedule appointments. I find out later that there was an issue with one of the regular schedulers and that the call was transferred incorrectly. No big deal.

The LPN goes to get the head nurse, which is the closest thing to a manager at our clinic. [Head Nurse] confirms the policy and reiterates that we can check with the provider, but that he will have to wear something during the appointment or he will not be seen. [Head Nurse] confirms with the provider that she will not see him without a mask. I believe her exact words are along the lines of, “He needs to put on his big boy pants and get over it. It’s a piece of cloth.”

The girlfriend just gets angrier.

Girlfriend: “You’re really not going to see him over this? Well, that sucks, because he hasn’t been to the doctor in over thirty years and he has diabetes. He’s going to lose his leg. He really needed this appointment.”

During her rant, I’m thinking to myself, “If he really needs this appointment, you would think he would suck it up and just wear the mask.”

Girlfriend: “When I scheduled the appointment, I told them he had two requirements. First, he wasn’t going to wear a mask. We were told that was fine. Second, he wasn’t going to let the doctor do certain tests. He didn’t want to be touched. He didn’t want a physical. He just wanted to be seen for diabetes.”

That would also be a problem because, as previously mentioned, the provider would not let that fly.

I’m still trying to remain as polite as possible.

Me: “I’m sorry, but that is our policy. I know it’s frustrating to be given wrong information, and I’ll try to make sure everyone in our clinic is aware of our policies when scheduling appointments in the future.”

After repeating what she had already said a couple more times, she left. I canceled the man’s appointment and put a BIG note in his chart about his unwillingness to wear a mask and about our current policy, just in case he tries to schedule again.

Here’s the kicker: I decided to Google this guy. He’s not technically a patient with us, so there’s no HIPAA violation. I started to type in his name, and wouldn’t ya know it, it auto-populated his last name followed by the city and state. Great, so this guy is someone important or had at least been in the news.

Well, it turns out that this guy ran for mayor a couple of years back. He was actually defeated by his opponent, which just so happened to be the son-in-law of one of the clinic’s providers. When I told the provider this, her reaction was priceless. “It’s THAT guy?!” Everyone in town was familiar with him and knew him as the resident a**hole.

I looked at his mayoral campaign site, and one of his talking points was concerning community health. Interesting. There was a blurb in there about needing to “listen to your body.” Very interesting, considering this guy apparently hasn’t been to the doctor in thirty years.

A “Falling For You” Joke Would Be Too Easy
Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Funny, Health & Body, Home, Northern Ireland, Patients, UK | Healthy | August 12, 2021
For obvious reasons, many of us in my country are being encouraged to do “staycations” this year rather than travelling abroad. As I plan day trips away with my husband and young daughter, I recall a summer, a number of years ago, where my ability to travel abroad was hindered, not by a global health crisis, but by personal injury.

At the time, I was in my early twenties, fresh out of university and living with my boyfriend. Northern Ireland was going through a heatwave, with temperatures in the high twenties or low thirties — high eighties, for our American friends. As a fair-skinned Irish girl, I was already struggling with the heat, but my struggle was made worse when, one Saturday morning, as I hurried downstairs wearing footwear not really suited to the purpose, I lost my balance, slipped, fell, and hurt my left leg. The pain was so bad that I ended up in the emergency department, where I was told that I’d broken my leg in three places. After a week in hospital, I came home with crutches, a cast that ran from my toes up past my knee, and a massive bruise to my pride!

A couple of weeks later, with the heatwave set to continue, I was pretty fed up. It was exhausting using crutches to move around and was worse in the oppressive July heat. My boyfriend was driving me home from an appointment and happened to mention how tired I looked. I confirmed that I WAS, in fact, exhausted, to which he gave no response, other than to nod. We pulled into our driveway.

Boyfriend: “Wait here!”

And then he leapt out of the car. He ran to the front door, unlocked and opened it, and then came back to the passenger side door, which he opened for me. As I struggled to work my way out of the car without bashing my cast — I’d learnt that the hard way — my boyfriend took my arm to guide me. With my casted leg off the ground, I reached in to grab my crutches, but my boyfriend stopped me. Before I could protest, he threw one arm behind my knees, and the other around my shoulders, and hoisted me up into his arms! I don’t like being lifted, even in normal circumstances, so I shrieked.

My boyfriend laughed.

Boyfriend: “[My Name], my darling! I’m going to carry you across the threshold!”

And he started for the door.

Me: *Laughing nervously* “Ahh… Okay, [Boyfriend], please just be careful that you don’t—”

Before the words “drop me” could leave my lips, he’d done just that! He must have lost his grip or whatever, but I slid out of his arms. As I was already stressed by the shock of being lifted suddenly, my body wasn’t exactly limp, and my right side smacked forcefully into the hard concrete driveway. I howled in pain and swore angrily at my boyfriend, who, looking sheepish, sank to his knees and started apologising profusely while trying to help me up. When it became apparent, however, that I was going nowhere, so intense was the pain, he disappeared into the house to phone for an ambulance.

The staff in the emergency department were surprised that I was back so soon — as was I! After a trip to X-ray, I was given the bad news: I’d shattered my right kneecap and broken my right wrist and elbow. I’d also injured my neck, which, thankfully, wasn’t broken but was quite badly sprained. After another week in hospital, I returned home — in a wheelchair this time — with casts now on my right knee and arm and a brace on my neck.

My boyfriend, probably as much motivated by guilt as concern for my well-being, spoiled me rotten for the next few painful months as I recovered. By the time I was back on my feet, summer was over and the heatwave had passed, giving way to cloudy, wet, and miserable weather. That summer changed me, and I no longer took good weather — or freedom to travel — for granted. My boyfriend changed, too, becoming less impulsive, and after several months of what he called “trying to make it up to me,” finally accepted that I’d forgiven him. He proposed to me the following spring, and we’ve been happily married ever since. But he thankfully never again offered to “carry me over the threshold”!

One Wild Ride
Home, Hospital, Patients, Siblings, Texas, USA | Healthy | July 26, 2021
The summer before my brother starts college, we go to an amusement park. He drags me on a bunch of terrible rides and a fun time is had by all. A few days later, however…

Brother: “My stomach hurts.”

Mom: “Where? How bad is it?”

Brother: “It’s not bad, just kind of sore right here.”

He gestures vaguely to the middle of his stomach, so my mom dismisses his appendix.

Mom: “It’s probably bruised from the bars on the [ride]. It’s what you get for dragging your sister on it and flipping it over.”

Over the course of a week, the pain doesn’t subside, but my brother hasn’t mentioned it getting worse or anything like that. My mom lets it go for the moment but decides to take him to the doctor if it doesn’t get better by next week. Come the weekend, I find him lying down on the floor of his room.

Me: “[Brother], are you okay?”

Brother: “No, my stomach really hurts. I just took another Hydrocodone, and it still hurts.”

The Hydrocodone was for his oral surgery he’d had earlier in the year. That surgery bothered him so little he never ended up taking the pills and just left them in the medicine cabinet.

Me: “Don’t worry. I’ll get Mom and we’ll take you to the doctor, okay?”

I got to my mom’s room.

Me: “Mom, we need to take [Brother] to the doctor. His stomach hurts and he took another Hydrocodone.”

Mom: “He did what?”

She rushed out, collected my brother, and drove us to the emergency room. It turns out it was his appendix. It had actually ruptured partially, though thankfully his body had walled it off. He had to go in for emergency surgery. My parents were pissed he let himself suffer so much before getting help. He recovered fine and was more upset that he had a weight limit for his first two weeks at college.

Sometimes You Have To Go Off-Script
Australia, Current Events, Health & Body, Patients, Pharmacy, Retail | Healthy | July 20, 2021
I work in a pharmacy, so you can imagine that we get more than our fair share of sick, coughing people. Unfortunately, that also means that we get more than our fair share of people who insist they cannot wear a mask. While corporate has refused to allow us to use curbside service, my management HAS been very good at backing us up and insisting we can refuse service to people that don’t comply.

Customer: “Hi, I just need this script filled.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, can you please put on your mask?”

Customer: “No, I have a medical exemption.”

Me: “I’m afraid that I am going to have to insist.”

Customer: “I cannot wear a mask.”

Me: “Ma’am, we will refuse service to anyone who isn’t wearing a mask. Many of our customers are high-risk.”

At this, she lifts her script to press it flat against the plastic of the barrier between us.

Customer: “The sooner you give me these, the sooner I can leave and start taking them so that I can wear a mask. But I need this script first.”

I am about to keep arguing, but then I realise what the medication on the script is. It’s a strong prescription painkiller, used for nerve disease and shingles and its complications.

I then look at the woman’s face again, and I realise the redness on her cheeks and jaw are not embarrassment or just a ruddy complexion but inflammation.

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. I’ll… get right on that.”

Could she have been clearer? Given the particular painkiller, probably not.