My Boyfriend The Arsonist
Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Canada, Extra Stupid, Phone, Safety | Romantic | November 6, 2017
(I’m on the phone with my boyfriend.)
Me: “Hey.”
Boyfriend: “Hey. How are you?”
Me: “I’m good. How’re you?”
Boyfriend: “I’m— OH, S***! HANG ON A SECOND!”
Me: “What? Okay?”
Boyfriend: *after a moment* “Okay, I’m back.”
Me: “Okay? What happened?”
Boyfriend: “I started a fire.”
Me: “What? Are you okay?”
Boyfriend: “Yeah, I put it out. It’s fine.”
Me: “What happened?”
Boyfriend: “I turned on the wrong burner and that burner had a bunch of napkins on it.”
Me: “You turned on the burner without clearing it first?”
Boyfriend: “Yeah, but it’s okay. I put it out.”
Me: “Are the napkins still on the stove?”
Boyfriend: “Yeah.”
Me: “Move them, right now! In fact, clear the stove top of everything you’re not heating up, right now!”
Boyfriend: “But it’s [Roommate]’s things and—”
Me: “I DON’T F****** CARE! CLEAR IT ALL OFF THE STOVE TOP, RIGHT NOW!”
Boyfriend: “Okay! I’m on it!” *after a moment* “Okay. It’s done.”
Me: “Good. It’s better to touch [Roommate]’s things without permission than to set [Roommate]’s things on fire.”
Boyfriend: “Good point.”
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