So Dumb It Hurts
EDITORS' CHOICE, PETS & ANIMALS, STUPID, USA, VET | RIGHT | AUGUST 11, 2008
(I work at a vet’s office and am giving a woman and her three children basic grooming information for their new puppy. The conversation has already been going on for an hour.)
Me: “…the groomers can do different ‘cuts’ or ‘styles’ for your dog, depending on how you want him to look.”
Customer: “Will that hurt?”
Me: “Will what hurt?”
Customer: “Cutting him. Will it hurt when you cut him?”
Me: “No… it’s not cutting HIM; it’s just cutting his fur.”
Customer: “Oh… but will that hurt?”
Me: “No… it’s hair.”
Customer: “Are you sure it won’t hurt when you cut it?”
Me: “It’s just like when you get your own hair cut. Does it hurt when you get your hair cut?”
Customer: *looks confused*
Me: “Okay… well, no, it won’t hurt.”
(I then go on to other aspects of grooming… clipping toenails, cleaning the ears, etc.)
Me: “…you can clean the puppy’s ears if they get dirty, or just whenever you give him a bath.”
(I go over the ear cleaning process.)
Customer: “Will it hurt? ”
Me: “No… he may not like it and may shake his head, but it shouldn’t hurt. Just make sure you don’t stick anything, like a Q-Tip, into his ear.”
Customer: “Okay, so how do I do that?”
(I go over the ear cleaning process again.)
Me: “…and again, just whenever you give him a bath…”
Customer: “Okay, how do I do that? ”
Me: “Well, there are several different shampoos you can use…”
Customer: “But how do I do that?”
Me: “You mean… how do you actually give him a bath?”
Customer: “Yes, how do I do that?”
Me: “Just like you’d bathe your kids… The puppy’s small, so you can bathe him in the sink, or in the bathtub…”
Customer: “But how do I bathe him?”
(At this point, I look at the woman’s three children and wonder how they’ve survived their mother.)
Me: “Umm… you put water on him… Err… You know, we have full-service grooming here. It includes a bath. We’ll do everything for you: cut his toenails, clean his ears, trim his hair…”
Customer: “But we don’t want to hurt him. Will a bath hurt?”
Me: “It’s WATER!”
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