“Purely” Obnoxious
BAD BEHAVIOR, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, ILLINOIS, MEDICAL OFFICE, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 1, 2019
(I have been battling a lot of stomach pain and bloating. One day, it becomes unbearable. My regular doctor’s office is closed, so I go to Urgent Care. The doctor comes in and asks what my symptoms are. I’ve just finished describing them to her.)
Doctor: “And is there any chance you’re pregnant?”
Me: *laughs* “Nope. No chance.”
Doctor: “Don’t laugh, young lady. It’s a normal diagnosis for a young lady in her 20s.”
Me: “I understand that. But if I’m pregnant, you’d better start looking for a star, three wise men, and some shepherds.”
(I’ve used this joke with my regular doctor and my OBGYN, and they both laughed. This doctor, however, frowns and folds her arms.)
Doctor: “Uh-huh. Your chart says you’re on birth control. Tell me, what does a ‘virgin’ need birth control for?”
(Yes, she actually air-quotes “virgin” with her fingers. I explode.)
Me: “Because I have severe period problems, and I can’t afford to be in bed for two weeks a month with cramps and migraines! Not everyone who is on birth control does it so they can have sex! Way to assume things, though. Do you do this to all your female patients?”
Doctor: “Um… Let’s just check your stomach, shall we?”
Me: “Yes, please!”
(As she’s examining me
Doctor: “Ah… I think it’s really admirable to see a young lady in her 20s who is still… pure.”
Me: “Don’t try to make this better.”
Doctor: “Sorry.”
(She announced that she had no idea what I had, and sent me home with an antibiotic. I didn’t take it. I called my regular doctor when the office reopened. He ordered a bunch of tests. It was determined later that I had a nasty case of IBS.)