Make Sure You Stretch First
HEALTH & BODY, HOME, PENNSYLVANIA, SPOUSES & PARTNERS, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 23, 2020
I am old enough that I’ve gone through menopause. A few months ago, I had some bleeding, so my doctor wanted to do a biopsy. This was very uncomfortable, not because of the biopsy itself, but due to me having to be dilated. Having never had children, I’d never experienced the pain.
Today, I have a followup biopsy to make sure everything is still okay since the first one turned out okay.
I tell my husband that when I come home I’ll take one of my strong painkillers to help with the pain. The following exchange takes place.
Husband: “Why are you going to do that? They’re only taking a snip of tissue.”
Me: “It’s not the snip that hurts. It’s the dilation!”
The kicker is that he and his ex have two kids. It shouldn’t be a foreign concept to him!
But on the plus side, my mother-in-law who took me got me a pack of snack-size dark chocolate bars! That’s one of my favorite takeaways from “Harry Potter”: that chocolate makes everything better. And best of all, it’s scientifically proven.
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This Patient Needs A Patience Refill
JERK, OREGON, PHARMACY, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 21, 2020
I’m at a drive-thru for my local pharmacy. There are two lanes: one for drop-off, one for pickup. I’m in the pickup lane when a lady pulls up to the drop-off lane. It’s currently Saturday afternoon.
Pharmacy Tech: “Good afternoon. Are you dropping off today?”
Lady: “Actually, I need to get a refill on a prescription. I’ve been unable to reach you guys by phone for a week and a half.”
Pharmacy Tech: “Okay, can I get your info?”
The information is passed and a minute or so passes.
Pharmacy Tech: “We do not have the prescription in stock, but we’ll have this filled for you by Monday afternoon.”
Lady: “I can’t wait that long! I need my prescription. Can you see if any other location has it?”
Pharmacy Tech: “Just a couple of minutes.”
A couple of minutes go by.
Pharmacy Tech: “The other pharmacies in this area also don’t have it; it’s not a common prescription. If you had called it in prior to now, we’d have it all ready for you.”
Lady: “This is unacceptable!”
Pharmacy Tech: “We didn’t know you needed a refill. We do have an automatic refill service.”
Lady: “I don’t like those automatic refill things.”
Pharmacy Tech: “If you needed the prescription today, you should have called it in a couple days ago, or you could have done it online.”
Lady: “I don’t have time for this. You should have my prescription ready. It’s not my fault I didn’t call for a refill.”
The lady speeds off.
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An Honest Doctor Is A Good Thing
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, FUNNY, MEDICAL OFFICE, USA | HEALTHY | AUGUST 19, 2020
I develop a hernia on vacation so I go to my urologist for help.
Me: “Is this a hernia?”
He has done other surgeries for me before.
He pokes it a few times — ouch! — and agrees.
Doctor: ”Yup, that’s a hernia. Good.”
Me: ”Why is this good?”
Doctor: ”Because I get paid more to fix this.”
He retired a few years ago. I miss that guy.
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Have A Heart, Use Your Brain
ESTONIA, HOSPITAL, JERK, PATIENTS, STUPID | HEALTHY | AUGUST 17, 2020
This story was told by my neighbour. She is waiting at the hospital for an appointment with an orthopaedist. Her number is called, but before she can stand up and go to the correct office, another woman quickly runs in before her. Puzzled, my neighbour goes to the receptionist.
Neighbour: “Excuse me, could you please help me? I have an appointment with [Doctor], but another lady ran in when my number was called. I have been waiting for that appointment and I would hate to miss it.”
Receptionist: “What? Please, come with me.”
She marches to the doctor’s office with my neighbour following her and opens the door to the office where the doctor is just starting with the woman who stormed in.
Receptionist: “Is your name Mrs. [Neighbour]? And was your number [number #1]?”
Woman: “No, my name is [Woman]. And my number is [number
#2 ].”
Receptionist: *Looking puzzled* “[Number
#2 ]? Isn’t that a number used in a different building? Cardiology?”
Woman: “Look, I found a parking spot closer to here and I’m in a hurry. Do I really have to go to a different building? Couldn’t this doctor look at me now?”
Orthopaedist: “Given that my office is not equipped for diagnosing heart issues, it would be useless. Please leave.”
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Doctor Obvious Is Afoot
CURRENT EVENTS, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, MEDICAL OFFICE, NON-DIALOGUE, USA, VANCOUVER, WASHINGTON | HEALTHY | AUGUST 14, 2020
I’ve had severe pain in both of my feet on and off for two years. I’ve been diagnosed with tendonitis, mild tendon tears, plantar fasciitis, Morton’s neuroma, and arthritis. I’ve tried everything that two doctors have suggested, plus a few things I learned about doing my own research. I’ve also had an MRI.
I’m getting pretty desperate for relief. This means that I’m willing to see a doctor despite the rapidly spreading illness going around, even though I’m at extremely high risk for it.
At my most recent appointment, the doctor proudly announced that I had metatarsalgia. This was a fancy way of saying that the bones in my feet hurt. No kidding, doc! He recommended highly cushioned shoes — which is all I’d been able to wear for two years — and that’s it.
I’ll be seeking out yet another doctor for this.