(An order comes to my pharmacy for a well-known antibiotic. This antibiotic is known to smell exactly like rotten eggs, so most of us just hold our breath while we count it and try not to think about it too much. We dispense it to a woman who is picking it up for her teenage son. Everything is normal and she leaves with the prescription, but about 10 minutes later she comes stomping back into the pharmacy, pretty much shoves the person that I am currently helping out of the way, and throws the bottle of medication on the counter.)
Customer: “I want to speak to your manager right now! You guys gave me rotten medication!”
Me: “Really? Let me look at the expiration date on your bottle. Normally we don’t keep anything that has one less than a year away.”
(I look at the bottle and see that the pharmacist wrote a date of over a year away, and I go over to our stock bottle and check and the numbers correspond with each other.)
Me: “Hmm. Well, ma’am, it doesn’t look like this medication is expired but I will have the phar—”
Customer: “You are just lying! I mean, come on and open that bottle! It smells totally rotten! I can’t believe that you would ever give someone bad medication! My son is very very ill!”
Me: “Oh, that’s just because the active chemical that is in this medication has a bad smell. Trust me, I wish there was something that we could do about it back here, too. Most of us hold our breath while we count it.”
Customer: “Stop ****** lying to me. You just don’t want to admit you did something wrong! I will have your job for this, b****!
(At this point the pharmacist who has been listening the whole time walks over.)
Pharmacist: “Ma’am, while I don’t like the fact that you are calling my staff names like that I will let you know two things. One is, certain chemicals have a bad smell. It’s just a fact of life. So, while I know that smell is unpleasant, it’s just one of those side effects that come with being able to take medications that will help your sick son. I assure you it’s supposed to smell that bad. If it didn’t, it wouldn’t work right. Two, since you don’t seem to want to listen to my employees and call them awful names, this will be the last time that you or any members of your family can shop or fill any type of medication here. Maybe in the future you can learn how to treat people the way you want to be treated.”
(The woman proceeded to turn bright red with embarrassment and tried to apologize, but my boss wouldn’t hear it. That was almost two years ago and he still will not allow her or her family to fill their prescriptions at his pharmacy.)
Extra Stupid, Florida, Patients, USA, Vet | Healthy | June 1, 2018
(I am working the overnight shift at an emergency veterinary clinic. The phone rings and I answer it
Me: “[Clinic]. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”
Caller: “Is this [Other Clinic]?”
Me: “No, ma’am, this is [Clinic].”
Caller: “Okay, so this is [Owner of other clinic’s office]?”
Me: “No, ma’am. That’s [Other Clinic]. This is [Clinic].”
Caller: “Okay, well, I’m right outside your office at the intersection of [Road #1 ] and [Road #2 ]. My dog has an emergency.”
Me: “No, ma’am, that is [Other Clinic]. They are closed because it is two am. We’re [Clinic], which is right down the road. Head south on [Road #1 ] for about two miles until you go under the overpass, then we’re on your right-hand side.”
Caller: “Okay, are you on the left or the right?”
Me: “We’re on the right-hand side, ma’am.”
(Twenty minutes later she calls back.)
Caller: “I went all the way down to the overpass and didn’t see you, so I turned around. Where is your office?”
Me: “You have to go under the overpass before you can see our office. We’ll be on your right-hand side once you pass the freeway.”
Caller: “Okay, I’ll be right there.”
(It took her another thirty minutes to find our clinic. Her pet’s emergency? He needed a nail trim.)
home, Lazy/Unhelpful, Louisiana, Medical Office, New Orleans, Patients, USA | Healthy | May 31, 2018
(I’m in the early stages of dating my partner, and one night he falls asleep while we are watching television. It’s the first time he’s ever fallen asleep with me present and I almost immediately notice that he appears to stop breathing in his sleep for LONG periods at a time between heavy snores and gasps for air. It’s so long that it scares me, and I go to wake him up, but his own snort/gasp wakes himself up before I can.)
Me: “Did you know that you stop breathing in your sleep?”
Partner: “What are you talking about? I just snore really loudly is all.”
Me: “YES. It freaked me out.”
(He dismisses my concerns and we go back to watching television. Shortly after, he falls asleep again and I pull out my camera to record this time. It’s the weirdest and most horrifying thing to watch his back and neck muscles strain while he stops breathing for up to 45 seconds at a time — yes, I timed it. He wakes up again, and I’m prepared.)
Me: “You have to watch this. You need to go to the doctor to get this checked out. Of the three minutes I recorded, you didn’t breathe for 170 seconds!”
Partner: *after watching* “That’s probably not good.”
(Two months later, he has just finished doing the at-home sleep assessment which is required before the official sleep study at the hospital. Note that he has complained significantly about the test. He had to wear a device on his face and a band on his chest to check his breathing. They also put an “annoying pulse monitor” on the finger, so he complained that he had too many wires going to too many parts of his body for him to sleep at all during the test. Regardless, he meets with the doctor two days later to discuss the results.)
Partner: “Guess what they found out. I stop breathing in my sleep. We went through a lot of hassle to prove what we already know.”
Me: “Ha! You stop breathing while you sleep? I never would have guessed. I thought that the 30- to 45-second breaks in breath sounds were just your lungs taking a nap.”
Partner: “My record was 82 seconds. Champion!”
Me: “Woohoo! Winner! Some people can’t hold their breath that long when they are trying to.”
Bizarre, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | May 28, 2018
(It’s my second day working for a pharmacy at a local grocery store. We have a display near the register that has animal-themed thermometers like dolphins, seals, whales, etc. A woman walks up and picks up a dolphin thermometer, looking at it for a good minute or so.)
Health & Body, home, Parents/Guardians, Patients, USA, Washington | Healthy | May 27, 2018
(When I was in middle school, I dislocated my shoulder for the first time. Since then, I have dislocated it several times in a few different ways. This is the first time I dislocate it while sleeping. I wake up and realize my arm is not in the right location. I manage to get upright and moving out of my room. I make it to the door to my parents room and knock.)
Awesome, Canada, Golden Years, Hospital, Inspirational, LGBTQ, Respect Your Elders | Healthy | May 26, 2018
(I work in a hospital. I am a cis woman, but since I am tall and broad-shouldered with short hair, I do occasionally get misgendered by young children, and adults who aren’t wearing their glasses. This doesn’t bother me, particularly because about half the time people are specifically talking about how “tall and handsome” I am, and I will happily take that compliment. When I tell people about these incidents, they usually either apologize or reassure me that I’m very pretty and feminine. However, this elderly gentleman blows my mind with his response.)
Elderly Patient: *to a group of ladies dozing in their wheelchairs by the television* “See? These ladies aren’t nearly as lucky as me; I get a beautiful young woman to stroll around with me, and there aren’t any handsome young men to take them walking!”
Me: *jokingly* “Well, if you’re not wearing your glasses, I can pass for a man!”
Elderly Patient: *completely serious* “Oh, are you trying to tell me something?”
Me: “Oh, no, I just meant with my hair—”
Elderly Patient: “No, no, I think you’re trying to say something. Which do you prefer?”
Me: *very conscious of being in a somewhat conservative, faith-based workplace, where I don’t know most of the staff yet* “Oh, I mean—”
Elderly Patient: “Because let me tell you, it doesn’t matter to me if you prefer one, or the other, or both. None of that matters as much as being a good person.”
Me: “I completely agree—”
Elderly Patient: “You know, I’m 97, and I know I talk too much. I can see I’ve embarrassed you. No, don’t say I haven’t, because I have. But you know what? We’re all individuals in this life. It doesn’t matter which one you want to be. As long as you’re trying to be a good person and not hurt anyone, none of the rest of that matters.”
(For the ten minutes that it took us to walk back to his room, I received something between a lecture and a pep talk about my intrinsic value as a human being, regardless of my supposed trans or non-binary identity. I have heard some awful stories about how people treat the LGBTQ+ community, but this gentleman gave me hope for humanity.)
Bad Behavior, Ohio, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | May 26, 2018
(I work in a pharmacy in a large box store. On Sundays, when only one pharmacist is on duty, the pharmacy shuts down for them to take a lunch break. This story is related to me by one of the pharmacists. The gate is down, but can sort of be seen through, and the pharmacist can be glimpsed through the holes.)
Lady: *at the top of her voice* “HEY! HEY, YOU! ARE YOU OPEN?!”
Pharmacist: “Uh, no, ma’am, we reopen in ten minutes. Please come back then.”
Lady: “IT’LL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE! I NEED SOME BUTT CREAM!”
Pharmacist: “Ma’am, we’re closed! Please come back in ten minutes.”
Lady: “BUTT! CREAM! JUST GIVE ME SOME G**D*** BUTT CREAM!”
Pharmacist: “Ma’am, we’re closed! We’ll reopen in ten minutes!”
Lady: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I JUST NEED SOME BUTT CREAM!”
(She finally stormed off… two minutes before we reopened for business.)
Extra Stupid, Hospital, Patients, USA | Healthy | May 24, 2018
(I work at a small emergency department, not far from an amusement park. We get a steady stream of minor injuries from the park most days, but this one is unique. A teenage boy who is definitely old enough to know better is brought in by ambulance after he calls 911.)
Doctor: “So, what made you call 911 today? Must have been pretty serious.”
Boy: “Well, I started getting really dizzy. And I felt like I was going to throw up.”
Doctor: “Hmm, well, that could be any number of things. Did you do anything new or unusual today that might have triggered these symptoms?”
Boy: “I felt fine until I went on the Tilt-a-Whirl…”
Doctor: “I… you… I think you’re going to be okay.”
(Yes, he literally called 911 without asking his parents because he got motion sick. No, he didn’t have a developmental disability that would have explained his decision. His older sister showed up shortly after, heard what he’d done, slapped him upside the head, and dragged him out of the department. His parents are not going to be happy with the bill.)
Australia, Language & Words, Medical Office, Patients, Silly | Healthy | May 23, 2018
(In Australia, certain medical costs are covered by Medicare for everyone and some only for specific populations. A person with a chronic disease can access some funding for allied health visits through a program colloquially called a Care Plan. Word of mouth from friends or family often makes people aware of this.)
Elderly Female Patient: “My friend told me I should ask you about family planning. “
Doctor: *taken aback* ” Did you mean family planning? Because that’s things like contraception.”
Patient: “OH! ” *laughter*
Doctor: “Oh, you meant a Care Plan!” *more laughter from both* “Unless you did want to have a baby?”
Gym, Health & Body, Illinois, Jerk, Strangers, USA | Healthy | May 22, 2018
(I have pretty mild Tourette’s syndrome, with my only real vocal tics being a wheeze, a cough, or consistent sniffling. Most people understand once it’s explained to them. I’m at the gym, working on the arc trainer, and my Tourette’s is having a bad day, so I’m making all manner of noises. Next to me are two ladies. I have my headphones on, so I’m pretty oblivious to the goings-on around me, when suddenly I’m being tapped on the arm. I take my headphones off and look over to see one of the ladies standing by the machine I’m on.)
Lady: “Excuse me, but you should be wearing a mask if you’re sick.”
Me: “Huh? I’m not sick. I feel fine, but thanks?”
Lady: “You’re coughing and wheezing and sniffling. You must have a cold or the flu. You shouldn’t even be here, but if you’re going to be, you need a mask!”
Me: “Oh! I’m sorry; I actually have Tourette’s. I’m not sick; those are just my tics.”
Lady: “If you’re sick, you should wear a mask.”
Me: “But I’m not sick. I just told you. I have Tourette’s. It’s a neurological thing. I’m not physically ill.”
Lady: “I’m a nurse! I know what Tourette’s is, and you should be wearing a mask!”
(At this point, I’m more annoyed by the fact this lady is interrupting my workout than her insistence she knows more about my health than I do.)
Me: “If you know what Tourette’s is, then you know a mask wouldn’t do any good. I am not sick. I’m sorry if the tics caused some confusion.”
Lady: “You should be wearing a mask if you’re going to be sick here! I’m going to complain to the front desk!”
Me: “But I’m not sick. And really, if you’re worried about germs, is this really the place for you to be?”
Lady: *after a moment of silence* “You should have a mask.”
(She and her friend then moved down to the end of the row of cardio machines and went back to their workout, and I went back to mine. They kept shooting me dirty looks throughout. The worst part is my Tourette’s gets worse when attention is drawn to it, as I get very self-conscious and nervous. So, thanks. Nice job breaking it, lady.)
Gym, Health & Body, Illinois, Jerk, Strangers, USA | Healthy | May 22, 2018
(I have pretty mild Tourette’s syndrome, with my only real vocal tics being a wheeze, a cough, or consistent sniffling. Most people understand once it’s explained to them. I’m at the gym, working on the arc trainer, and my Tourette’s is having a bad day, so I’m making all manner of noises. Next to me are two ladies. I have my headphones on, so I’m pretty oblivious to the goings-on around me, when suddenly I’m being tapped on the arm. I take my headphones off and look over to see one of the ladies standing by the machine I’m on.)
Lady: “Excuse me, but you should be wearing a mask if you’re sick.”
Me: “Huh? I’m not sick. I feel fine, but thanks?”
Lady: “You’re coughing and wheezing and sniffling. You must have a cold or the flu. You shouldn’t even be here, but if you’re going to be, you need a mask!”
Me: “Oh! I’m sorry; I actually have Tourette’s. I’m not sick; those are just my tics.”
Lady: “If you’re sick, you should wear a mask.”
Me: “But I’m not sick. I just told you. I have Tourette’s. It’s a neurological thing. I’m not physically ill.”
Lady: “I’m a nurse! I know what Tourette’s is, and you should be wearing a mask!”
(At this point, I’m more annoyed by the fact this lady is interrupting my workout than her insistence she knows more about my health than I do.)
Me: “If you know what Tourette’s is, then you know a mask wouldn’t do any good. I am not sick. I’m sorry if the tics caused some confusion.”
Lady: “You should be wearing a mask if you’re going to be sick here! I’m going to complain to the front desk!”
Me: “But I’m not sick. And really, if you’re worried about germs, is this really the place for you to be?”
Lady: *after a moment of silence* “You should have a mask.”
(She and her friend then moved down to the end of the row of cardio machines and went back to their workout, and I went back to mine. They kept shooting me dirty looks throughout. The worst part is my Tourette’s gets worse when attention is drawn to it, as I get very self-conscious and nervous. So, thanks. Nice job breaking it, lady.)
Bad Behavior, British Columbia, Canada, Optometrist/Optician, Patients, Vancouver | Healthy | May 21, 2018
(A customer and her husband have walked in and I go over to help them find some glasses. During our conversation, I ask the wife if they’ve seen an optometrist, as we have one on staff that accepts walk-ins.)
Customer: “Yes, we’ve already seen an optometrist. Several, actually. It took us a long time to find one that we like.”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m glad that you found one that you liked.”
Customer: “Yes, they were all so awful. One was so bad that we had to report him to the Board of Optometrists!”
(I usually avoid getting into the politics and gossip regarding other optometrists, so I try to keep my response vague. The wife seems to be getting more agitated the more she talks about it.)
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear about that.”
Customer: “Well, I heard he’s dead now, anyway, so that’s good!”
Me: “Wow… That’s actually really horrible.”
Customer: “Oh. I guess I shouldn’t say things like that, should I?”
(The customer shrugged and turned to ask her husband a question, completely unfazed. I’ve worked all kinds of retail over 15 years now, and I’ve never heard something so awful come out of someone’s mouth before. I left them alone to look and never helped the couple again.)
Extra Stupid, Hospital, Patients, USA | Healthy | May 20, 2018
(I work in healthcare and am talking to a man in his fifties who is having angina for the first time.)
Me: “You haven’t had a heart attack, but this pain is probably coming from your heart.”
Man: “But I’m only 50-something, and there are no heart problems in my family. Why would that be?”
Me: “You smoke 30 cigarettes a day and drink two cartons of beer per week. That’s not good for your heart. You should think about cutting down.”
Man: “I’m sick of you people telling me that bulls***! It’s a scientifically proven fact that smoking makes your arteries smaller, and drinking makes them bigger! If I keep drinking and smoking, I’ll be fine!”
Me: “That’s not at all how it works, but I see I’m not going to change your mind. You’ll be going upstairs soon.”
Doctor/Physician, Extra Stupid, Medical Office, Patients, USA | Healthy | May 14, 2018
Me: “Hello, this is [Doctor]’s office. Can I help you?”
Patient: “Yeah, is there an injection I can get for my gout?”
Me: “I don’t think so. I think we only give injections for muscle pain, but I can double-check for you.”
Patient: “Yeah, check. I’m going away this weekend and my ankle really hurts. My primary doctor says it’s not gout. I had these labs done, and they all say it’s not gout, but it really hurts.”
Me: “It’s not gout, but you want to know about a gout injection?”
Patient: “Well, they say it’s not gout, but I was at a bar and a guy looked at it and said, ‘That’s gout, all right!'”
Me: *pause* “A guy at the bar?”
Patient: “Yeah. And he gave me one of his pills, and it really helped.”
Me: “You took a pill from some guy in a bar?!”
Patient: “Yeah, it really helped, and it was gout medicine, so I think I have gout. So, is there an injection?”
Me: “Hold, please.”
(At this point, I go ask my manager if a gout injection exists, which it doesn’t, and I explain the situation. She agrees that this is completely stupid, but that if the woman wants gout medication, we can prescribe it.)
Me: “Thanks for holding. Turns out there’s no injection for gout.”
Patient: “Really? My ankle’s killing me.”
Me: “Well, if the medicine you took worked for you, we may be able to write you a prescription for it.”
Patient: “Oh, I already have a prescription.”
Me: “You… already have a prescription that stops your pain? Are you taking it?”
Patient: “No, I thought an injection might be faster.”
Me: *long pause* “Is there anything else you need today?”
Doctor/Physician, Insurance, Jerk, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | May 13, 2018
Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”
Doctor: “I need to verify my patient’s coverage. Her number is [number].”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a problem and I can’t access that account. I will have to forward this issue over to our technical department, and they will get back to you as soon as possible.”
Doctor: “I need this information immediately. Can I talk to them now? It’s very important.”
Me: “I’m sorry, they are very backed up over there and everything is handled in the order it is received. You will be added to the queue and they will get back to you later today.”
Doctor: “What if she was dying and I needed her coverage information? What then?!”
Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, if the patient was dying there in your office, I would hope you would treat her regardless of her insurance coverage.”
Doctor: “Well, yes — I mean… Just make sure they call me today.” *click*
Extra Stupid, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | May 12, 2018
Customer: “These things don’t work! They are hard to swallow and I nearly choked to death.”
Me: “Ma’am, they are suppositories. You don’t swallow them; you insert them rectally.”
Customer: “What does that mean?”
Me: “You unwrap them and insert them in your rectum.”
Customer: “What’s my rectum?”
Me: “Ma’am, please forgive me, but your rectum is your butthole.”
Customer: “Well, up yours, too!” *stalks off*
(This is not the first time someone misunderstood when we explained how to use a suppository. It’s the only time we can tell a patient, “Up yours,” and get away with it!)
Australia, Hospital, Jerk | Healthy | May 11, 2018
(I work in a busy maternity ward, and I’m constantly amazed at how many people will show up to visit someone who’s just given birth. Your ex-boyfriend’s best friend’s ex-girlfriend’s third cousin from grade school will show without batting an eyelid. The following exchange is unfortunately very common
Visitor: “Hi, I’m here to see Lisa Jones.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have anybody named Jones. Is there another name she might be using?”
(Even people who are married often book in under their maiden name, as a way of not getting too many visitors, and elderly people often assume the woman’s name is the same as her partner’s, even if they’re not married, because they can’t imagine letting the hospital know you’re having a baby out of wedlock!)
Visitor: “She must be here; she was only born this morning.”
Me: “Wait, is that the baby’s name? I need the mother’s name. She’s the patient. As the baby’s name isn’t registered yet, all babies are listed as ‘Baby of [Mother].’”
Visitor: “The father is Dick Jones.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I need the mother’s name; otherwise, I can’t help you.”
Visitor: “I think her name might be Ann.”
Me: “I honestly can’t help you if you don’t know her name.”
Visitor: “Couldn’t you just check the fathers’ and the babies’ names?”
Me: “We. Have. No. Record. Of their names. Only the mothers are admitted as patients.”
(At this point, even if there’s only one patient on the ward named Ann, and I KNOW that’s who you’re looking for, there’s no way you’re getting in to see her if YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HER NAME!)
Me: “Well, could you call her? Or the father? I’m sure he can tell you what name she’s using.”
Visitor: *doubtfully* “Well, I don’t really know him.”
(So, you don’t know the mother, as you, “think her name might be Ann,” and you don’t really know the father, usually a vague acquaintance such as, your partner plays football with him, and you maybe know the mother by sight, but you think it’s appropriate to come see her in the, hospital hours after she’s given birth?!)
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