Kittens May Be Too Much For You, Lady
Bizarre, Impossible Demands, USA, Vet | Healthy | July 14, 2022
I work in a veterinary clinic. We have a new client who’s only been coming to our office for a little over a month. However, she has been in three times already and calls almost every day, and she often calls multiple times a day on those days.
She freaks out over everything her kittens do and anything that happens to them. They get diarrhea? Apocalyptic panic. They scratch the furniture and are energetic because they’re kittens? Hysterical crying.
And if we don’t call her back with answers from the vet within twenty minutes of her calling, she calls back and gets upset that no one is responding to her. She once called the local emergency vet in the middle of the night to complain to them that we hadn’t responded to the message she left. We were closed, but that little detail didn’t matter to her.
This past week, she was in with her kittens for a skin issue, and the vet stayed late to see her. We’ve given her a skin cleanser that needs dilution and have explained how to do so: one part cleanser to ten parts water (one tablespoon cleanser plus ten tablespoons water).
Client: “I can’t do this! I don’t understand!”
The tech explains again how to do it, making it very simple and non-technical.
Tech: “And then you put it into a spray bottle and spray the kittens.”
Client: “I can’t! There’s no [Superstore] near my house; I can’t get a spray bottle!”
Starting to get emotional, the client gestures to a bottle on the counter full of spray disinfectant.
Client: “Can I buy that one?”
Receptionist: “No, I’m sorry. That’s the clinic’s disinfectant spray; we can’t sell it to you.”
The client began to cry as if we’d told her we were going to burn down her house. The conversation was repeated multiple times, and the client insisted she had more questions for the doctor, who was in with a late emergency. We’d been closed for an hour, but she refused to leave. Eventually, the tech managed to get her out, but she stood outside for a while, not leaving the property. She did finally seem to be leaving, but we were apparently wrong.
She got in her car but just sat there, staring at the office door. We periodically peered outside, and she was still there each time. And unfortunately, the vet’s very distinct car was parked less than ten feet from the client’s. We realized quickly that she was planning to corner the vet at her car and make more of her demands.
When we finally left, nearly two hours past closing, the staff scattered to their cars quickly, hoping to not get caught by the client (she thinks we’re all basically able to do anything the vet can do), and the vet finally made a beeline for her car. In a miracle moment, the client had turned away to check on the kittens, just long enough for my boss to hop in her car, whip out of the spot, and peel out like her life depended on it.
I’ve seen some really weird stuff working here, but that was the first client I’ve seen wait outside like that to basically stalk the vet.
TMI Am Out Of Here!
Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Pharmacy, Revolting, USA | Healthy Right | July 13, 2022
A customer comes up to me in the pharmacy, drops his underwear, and shows me all his intimate bits covered in some kind of rash.
Whispering The Opposite Of Sweet Nothings
Jerk, Medical Office, Missouri, Nurses, Saint Louis, USA | Healthy | July 12, 2022
I’m a nurse. I’m required to get my titers drawn, a physical, an eye test, and a hearing test as part of my pre-employment screening for a new out-of-state job. I’m sent to one of the local urgent care centers that handle these requests.
Everything is going well until we get to the hearing test. This is not a fancy hearing test, just a screening where the nurse faces the wall several feet away and whispers words for you to repeat back.
Nurse: “Please cover your left ear and repeat the words I whisper.”
Me: “Ummm, that’s going to be a problem since I won’t have any idea you’re speaking when you do that. I’m deaf on my right side. It would be better to do the left first.”
Nurse: “This is part of the exam you must pass. Are you seriously claiming you can’t hear anything?”
It should be noted that my chart CLEARLY states that I am completely deaf on my right side.
Me: “Yes, I’m deaf on the right side, and with a mask on and your back to me, I won’t be able to hear anything nor read your lips, so it’s rather pointless.”
Nurse: “Well, you have to pass it.”
Me: “Actually, I don’t. It’s noted in my medical record and I have an ADA accommodation already in place. Trying to tell me I have to pass isn’t true. Please just finish the test for the left side and send the doctor in.”
I covered my left ear and stared at the wall until she turned back around, all huffy, because guess what? I couldn’t hear her tell me to switch ears, either! Duh! I passed the left side with no problem.
The doctor came in and said we were all done. She asked if there was anything else I needed and was happy to give me a form letter regarding my latex allergy. She was rather confuzzled by the nurse’s declaration regarding my hearing, or lack thereof, and stated that, of course, that’s not a test you have to pass to get a job as a nurse… especially if it’s already known and documented.
As If Dental Work Wasn’t Already The Worst
Dentist, Hospital, Jerk, Kansas City, Missouri, USA | Healthy | July 10, 2022
During a particularly bad year in my early teens, I had to make several visits to a dental clinic in one of my area’s more affordable hospitals. Typically, these visits were just checkups, but on one occasion, three cavities were discovered in my molars. Due to the work needing to be done and the cost, the dentist broke it up into three procedures. The first two procedures went well — inject the local, numb the mouth, drill out the cavity, insert the filling, and send me home.
The third visit, however, was a bit different.
Not long after the local was injected, I noticed it wasn’t taking effect. I informed the dentist about this, who would go on to perform not one, but five or six additional injections as each time it still failed to numb my jaw. After the final injection, the dentist asked me if my mouth was numb. When I responded, without any slurring or any other audible sign of numbness, that it wasn’t, she turned to my mom, declared that it must be numb by now, and proceeded to get to work.
The pain of having an unanesthetized tooth attacked by a drill isn’t particularly sharp, but it is powerful, extremely present, and most importantly, constant. I attempted to power through it; I was just a kid, after all, and the doc knew what they were doing, right? After a few moments, the doctor stopped, glared at me, and sternly told me to get back up into my seat and to “stop scooting down.”
I was completely unaware of it, but the entire time the drilling had been taking place, I had been slowly inching my way down toward the floor. I guess the dentist assumed that I was being an annoying kid, because the entire time, she never once stopped to question WHY this was happening. And sure enough, after continuing to drill a few more minutes, she stopped again to scold me for scooting down.
I tried to tell her that my mouth wasn’t numb. Her response?
Dentist: “I injected you several times. It’s numb. Stop being difficult.”
And she proceeded to finish the drilling. This time, I made a conscious effort to stay in one place, which must have worked because she finished the procedure without any more complaints.
And after the filling was put in, how did she respond?
Dentist: “See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”
When the time came for my next checkup, I insisted that we not go back to that dentist. Thankfully, my mom listened.
There Has To Be A Better Way (Or At Least A Cheaper One)
Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medication, Money, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | July 8, 2022
I have recently seen my gynecologist, who recommends a new birth control to manage my endometriosis. Unfortunately, the closest pharmacy that can fill it is thirty miles away from my home, so I call them before making the trip down there.
Pharmacist Tech: “This is [Pharmacy]. How can I help you?”
Me: “I’m calling about the prescription that was sent over and want to know how much it will cost before heading down there.”
I give him my information and he checks to see how soon it can be filled.
Pharmacist Tech: “We have it in stock so you can pick it up today.”
Me: “Do you have an estimate of how much it will cost? I was having a hard time figuring out whether my insurance will cover it or not.”
Pharmacist Tech: “It looks like your insurance doesn’t cover it.”
Me: “Okay, so how much will it be out of pocket?”
Pharmacist Tech: “We can figure that out when you pick it up.”
Me: “No. I need to know how much it costs before driving thirty miles one way.”
Pharmacist Tech: “Oh, well, we can also do home delivery.”
Me: “I still need to know the estimated cost before making any decisions.”
Pharmacist Tech: “It’s $2,000.”
I pause for a long moment.
Me: “Please cancel the prescription.”
Pharmacist Tech: “Why?”
Me: “Because I’m not paying $2,000 for birth control!”
I still got a phone call later about it being ready for pickup and had to call again to tell them I didn’t want it anymore.
Where The Sun Don’t Shine, Bungholio
Funny, Patients, Pharmacy, Stupid, USA | Healthy | May 12, 2009
Customer: “These things don’t work! They are hard to swallow and I nearly choked to death.”
Me: “Ma’am, they are suppositories. You don’t swallow them; you insert them rectally.”
Customer: “What does that mean?”
Me: “You unwrap them and insert them in your rectum.”
Customer: “What’s my rectum?”
Me: “Ma’am, please forgive me, but your rectum is your butthole.”
Customer: “Well, up yours, too!” *stalks off*
(This is not the first time someone misunderstood when we explained how to use a suppository. It’s the only time we can tell a patient, “Up yours,” and get away with it!)
The (Brain) Damage Has Already Been Done
Alcohol, Call Center, Emergency Services, Germany, Health & Body | Healthy Right | May 6, 2009
(Note: 1-1-2 is Germany’s version of 9-1-1.)
Me: “1-1-2, what’s your emergency?”
Caller: “Oh, my god! Help me! Help me!”
Me: “Calm down, please. Can you tell me what happened, if someone is hurt, and where you are?”
Caller: “I’m at home, and my brain stopped working!”
Me: “Your brain… stopped working? Sir, if your brain would stop working, you would be dead. Can you tell me exactly what happened? Are you bleeding?”
Caller: “No, no. But my brain stopped working! At least half of it! Oh, my god, will the other half stop working as well?! Will I die?! My wife was right! I can’t believe it!”
(At this point, I’m unsure what to do. The man is really in a state of panic, but sounds otherwise fine.)
Me: “Sir, is your wife at home? Can I speak to her? If not, please tell me exactly what you did when your… brain stopped working.”
Caller: “I watched soccer! And drank beer! My wife always told me ‘When you don’t stop that crap, your brain will stop working’ and now it did! I was sitting on the couch and turned my head to look at the clock and suddenly I can’t move my head anymore because the left side of my brain stopped working! Help!”
Me: “Sir, it sounds like you only cricked your neck!”
(I start describing him what a cricked neck feels like and he agrees that this is indeed his problem and that he’ll see a doctor in the morning. I’m about to end the call, when…)
Caller: “Hey, dude…”
Me: “Yes?”
Caller: “Is she right?”
Me: “Who?”
Caller: “My wife. You seem to know a lot about medicine and stuff, so can my brain really stop working from watching too much soccer and drinking beer?”
Me: “Well, alcohol is known for indeed killing brain cells when you drink too much, but you won’t–”
Caller: “Oh, my god! Thank you! I thought she was only kidding me, but when you say it, then I’ll stop! Thank you so much for saving my life! Thank you!”
It’s Called Healthyitis
Bizarre, Doctor/Physician, Health & Body, USA | Healthy Right | April 16, 2009
Me: “Thank you for waiting. My name is [My Name]. What is your call regarding?”
Patient: “Yeah, I want to ask the nurse a question.”
Me: “Is this regarding symptoms you are experiencing?”
Patient: “Yeah… well, kind of.”
Me: “What symptoms are you experiencing?”
Patient: “Actually, none.”
Me: “You are experiencing no symptoms?”
Patient: “Yeah… I have no pain and I just want to know if that is normal.”
Flattery, The Best Medicine
Emergency Services, Health & Body, Medication, Respect Your Elders, USA | Healthy Right | August 26, 2008
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.
(An elderly lady falls down in her apartment and has a cut on her wrist.)
Coworker: “Ma’am, I am afraid, we have to go to the hospital. You will need stitches for that cut and an X-ray to make sure your wrist isn’t broken.”
Patient: “No, I don’t wanna go. Just give me a shot and it will be okay.”
Coworker: “You mean for the pain?”
Patient: “No, so it will heal!”
Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m afraid we don’t have this kind of medication.”
Patient: “But it worked last time!”
Coworker: “Someone gave you a shot and the wrist healed by itself?”
Patient: “No, my sugar was too high and they gave me a shot and everything was okay!”
Coworker: “I see… Well, I can’t fool you; you know this stuff! Listen, I can give you a shot for the broken wrist, but this counteracts the anti-sugar medicine. So every time your sugar is too high, you can never get a shot again.”
Patient: “Never ever?”
Coworker: “Never ever again…”
Patient: “So why didn’t you just say so in the first place?”
Coworker: “Well, not every patient has such an understanding of medicine as you, so I always try to keep it simple.”
Honey, He Ain’t A Scrapbooking Project
Editors' Choice, Health & Body, Hospital, Impossible Demands, UK | Healthy Right | July 16, 2008
(I witnessed this on the hospital floor where I work. A patient’s daughter comes out of a hospital room and stands in the hallway, staring around looking lost.)
Nurse’s aide: “Can I help you?”
Daughter: “Yeah… can I have a stapler?”
(The nurse’s aide walks about two steps away to get a stapler and then thinks better of this request.)
Nurse’s aide: “Why do you want a stapler?”
Daughter: “My dad’s IV tubing is getting in his way. I thought it would be better if we stapled it to his arm.”
Nurse’s aide: “Um, I think tape would work better for that.”
Daughter: “You guys have tape here?”
Nurse’s aide: “Yeah, I have some here in my pocket.”
(The aide walks into the room to secure the IV tubing before any more of his genius children try to help.)
Daughter: *muttering* “I still think a stapler is a better idea…
The Flesh Is Bright But The Mind Is Dimming
Health & Body, Hospital, Stupid, USA | Healthy Right | June 8, 2009
Me: “Okay, sir, just a few X-rays and we’ll be done.”
Patient: “Please make it quick. I don’t want to glow when I leave!”
Me: “No, sir, I promise you won’t glow. That’s just an X-ray joke.”
Patient: “It’s dark out! I can’t glow or I’ll be seen!”
Me: “Sir, I swear you will not glow.”
Patient: “NO GLOOOWWWIINNG!”
Me: *gives up* “The glow afterward is so faint, no one will ever see it.”
Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right
Hospital, Patients, Stupid, USA | Healthy | May 20, 2009
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.
(I work in healthcare and am talking to a man in his fifties who is having angina for the first time.)
Me: “You haven’t had a heart attack, but this pain is probably coming from your heart.”
Man: “But I’m only fifty-something, and there are no heart problems in my family. Why would that be?”
Me: “You smoke thirty cigarettes a day and drink two cartons of beer per week. That’s not good for your heart. You should think about cutting down.”
Man: “I’m sick of you people telling me that bulls***! It’s a scientifically proven fact that smoking makes your arteries smaller, and drinking makes them bigger! If I keep drinking and smoking, I’ll be fine!”
Me: “That’s not at all how it works, but I see I’m not going to change your mind. You’ll be going upstairs soon.”
Survival Of The Fittest In Action
Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, Patients, Stupid, USA | Healthy | May 14, 2009
Me: “Hello, this is [Doctor]’s office. Can I help you?”
Patient: “Yeah, is there an injection I can get for my gout?”
Me: “I don’t think so. I think we only give injections for muscle pain, but I can double-check for you.”
Patient: “Yeah, check. I’m going away this weekend and my ankle really hurts. My primary doctor says it’s not gout. I had these labs done, and they all say it’s not gout, but it really hurts.”
Me: “It’s not gout, but you want to know about a gout injection?”
Patient: “Well, they say it’s not gout, but I was at a bar and a guy looked at it and said, ‘That’s gout, all right!'”
Me: *pause* “A guy at the bar?”
Patient: “Yeah. And he gave me one of his pills, and it really helped.”
Me: “You took a pill from some guy in a bar?!”
Patient: “Yeah, it really helped, and it was gout medicine, so I think I have gout. So, is there an injection?”
Me: “Hold, please.”
(At this point, I go ask my manager if a gout injection exists, which it doesn’t, and I explain the situation. She agrees that this is completely stupid, but that if the woman wants gout medication, we can prescribe it.)
Me: “Thanks for holding. Turns out there’s no injection for gout.”
Patient: “Really? My ankle’s killing me.”
Me: “Well, if the medicine you took worked for you, we may be able to write you a prescription for it.”
Patient: “Oh, I already have a prescription.”
Me: “You… already have a prescription that stops your pain? Are you taking it?”
Patient: “No, I thought an injection might be faster.”
Me: *long pause* “Is there anything else you need today?”
Hippocrates Is Rolling Over In His Grave
Doctor/Physician, Insurance, Jerk, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | May 13, 2009
Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”
Doctor: “I need to verify my patient’s coverage. Her number is [number].”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a problem and I can’t access that account. I will have to forward this issue over to our technical department, and they will get back to you as soon as possible.”
Doctor: “I need this information immediately. Can I talk to them now? It’s very important.”
Me: “I’m sorry, they are very backed up over there and everything is handled in the order it is received. You will be added to the queue and they will get back to you later today.”
Doctor: “What if she was dying and I needed her coverage information? What then?!”
Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, if the patient was dying there in your office, I would hope you would treat her regardless of her insurance coverage.”
Doctor: “Well, yes — I mean… Just make sure they call me today.” *click*
Less Twilight, More Daylight
Bizarre, Health & Body, Hospital, USA | Healthy Right | September 1, 2009
Me: “Hi, this is anesthesia. How can I help you?”
Caller: “This is the blood bank, right?”
Me: “No, this is anesthesia.”
Caller: “That’s the same thing, right?”
Me: “Not really.”
Caller: “Well, what is anesthesia?”
Me: “The stuff that puts you to sleep before surgery.”
Caller: “Well who cares about that crap!”
Me: “People who need surgery?”
Caller: “No! You know what they need? BLOOD!”
Me: “Okay… but you still have the wrong number.”
Caller: “Vampires need blood! You’re not a vampire because you don’t need blood! Humans don’t need blood!”
Me: “Sir, humans need blood just as much as a vampire.”
Caller: “Wait, so humans are vampires?”
Me: “No, they just need–”
Caller: “Holy f***! I’M A VAMPIRE! You just made my day!”
That Is ‘Pretty’ Awesome
Adorable Children, Australia, Awesome, Editors' Choice, Hall of Fame, Health & Body, Inspirational, Melbourne, Photography Studio, Victoria | Healthy Related Right | August 15, 2009
(I am a photographer running a studio in the inner city. We are well known for our children’s portraits, and we range from high-end portraits for modelling jobs to fun sibling photos and birth announcements. We do a bit of everything; as such, we are extremely busy, and it states on our website that we do not accept walk-ins. We are usually booked up six months in advance. One day, ten minutes before closing, a mum walks in with a young girl around six or seven behind her. I internally groan.)
Mother: “Hello. I know you’re closing soon, but I have a special favour to ask.”
(At this point the little girl peeks around her mother’s legs and I’m lost for words. Under her thick winter coat and hat, she is skeletally thin with huge dark circles under her eyes. From what I can tell, she has no hair, and a tube taped to her cheek that feeds into her nose. It is immediately clear this kid is very, very sick.)
Mother: *near tears* “My daughter saw one of your photos taped to the wall at the hospital. She REALLY loves unicorns and the photo had a girl photo-shopped onto a horse. I know you’re booked up, and it’s months before the next appointment, but…”
(At this point she actually starts crying. I realise that our next available appointment is probably way too far away for this particular kid. The little girl squeezes her mother’s hand. I am a very big dude, covered in tattoos and a beard, but I’m not ashamed to say I needed a minute before I spoke.)
Me: “Aww, that’s just for regular customers! I’ve been waiting all day to take a photo of someone as beautiful as you! What’s your name, sweetheart?”
(I lock the front door and spend the next three hours taking photos of this kid in every princess costume I have in my closet. She is the sweetest, most well-behaved kid I have ever worked with. Once we’re done, she curls up on the couch in my office and falls asleep while I load up the photos for her mum to see and choose the ones she likes best and ask her what kind of retouching she’d like done. She’s adamant that I leave her daughter as is — apparently, the little girl has been worried for the past month that she is no longer “pretty.”)
Me: “All right, so we’ve settled on these. I can have them edited and all finished in two days. If you give me your email I can send you the link to the website and the password to download them when they’re ready.”
(The mother thanks me over and over and comes up front, carrying her sleeping daughter, and holds out her credit card.)
Me: “Nope. No way.”
Mother: “Please, I insist. You stayed open so late and your shoots are listed for [amount] online. Please at least charge me that.
Me: “Absolutely not. I am not taking money for this. No way in h***.”
(A few days later I send the link through and hear nothing. I see she’s downloaded the photos and I think nothing of it, hoping my sweet little friend loved her photos. Almost six months later I’m once again closing up when a very familiar face pops up at my window, grinning and waving frantically.)
Me: *throwing open the door* “Hey, you!”
Little Girl: “Hi! I’m better! Look, I’m better!”
(Sure enough, she’d put on some weight, was flushed and pink, and had a fine fuzz of hair over her head. Her mother was a few steps behind her, grinning. She once again tried to force an envelope full of money into my hand, and again I refused. She got frustrated and eventually in her exasperation said, “at least let us take you to dinner!” which I happily accepted. Seven years later that photo of a sick little girl astride a giant pink unicorn is in a frame in my lounge room. My now-step-daughter groans every time I point it out to the friends she brings home!)
The CSR Of Delphi
Books & Reading, Bookstore, Health & Body, Impossible Demands, USA | Healthy Right | August 5, 2009
Me: “Good evening, thank you for calling [Bookstore]. How may I help you?”
Caller: “My husband is going in for a CAT scan, and he’s kind of claustrophobic. I was wondering what kind of equipment they use?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I really don’t have that kind of information. Maybe if you called your doctor?”
Caller: “It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday night! My doctor’s office is closed, duh! That’s why I’m asking you!”
Me: “I’m sorry, but we really don’t have that information.”
Caller: “Well, you have books, don’t you? Why don’t you just go and look it up in a book?”
Me: “Ma’am, we do have a small selection of home reference medical books, but I can’t look it up for you.”
Caller: “Well, you have an intercom, don’t you? Why don’t you just page a doctor and ask him to come to the phone and talk to me?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We really aren’t allowed to do that sort of thing.”
Caller: “Well, can you at least connect me with the information desk, or is that too much to ask?!”
Me: “This is the information desk.”
Caller: “Well, a fat lot of good you are!” *click*
On The Bright Side, There Are Worse Orifices
Funny, Health & Body, Pharmacy, Stupid, USA | Healthy Right | July 15, 2009
Me: “[Pharmacy], how can I help you?”
Customer: “Yeah, your medicine is defective.”
Me: “Sir, why don’t I get your information so I can take a look at your profile.”
Customer: *gives his name and date of birth*
Me: “I see that the last prescriptions you filled were antibiotics and drops for your ear infection. Are your symptoms still bothering you?”
Customer: “Yes, and how the h*** do you expect me to fit this giant pill in my ear?”
Me: “Sir, that’s an antibiotic tablet. It’s meant to be taken orally.”
Pint-Sized Purification
Funny, Impossible Demands, Medical Office, Medication, USA | Healthy Right | June 17, 2009
Caller: “Hi, do you have any doctors that prescribe detox drugs?”
Me: “No, we don’t provide that service.”
Caller: “How do you know? You have lots of doctors. How do you know?!”
Me: “We don’t specialize in addiction treatment. Our doctors aren’t that type of practitioner.”
Caller: “Why?! What if I need them to be?”
Me: “Well, then you would have to call another office.”
Caller: “What kind of doctors don’t prescribe detox meds?!”
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