That Flu Right Over Her Head
Health & Body, High School, Jerk, Louisiana, Parents/Guardians, USA | Healthy | December 13, 2019
(This event happens more than halfway through my junior year in high school. It’s important to note that prior to this, I have only missed about four or five days of school during my ENTIRE high school career, half of which were from when my grandmother died unexpectedly last year. This one particular morning, I wake up feeling like complete and utter crap. I also just so happen to have two major presentations today after lunch and my parents know about both of them. They basically have to fight to get me out of bed, accusing me of either lying or exaggerating to get out of my presentations. I manage to power through the first half of the day before breaking down at lunch and having my counselor essentially force my mother to come and get me. Naturally, she isn’t happy about it as she still thinks I’m purposefully trying to avoid my presentations.)
Mom: *in a very condescending tone* “I hope you’re prepared to go to the doctor. I’m bringing you back right after, too.”
(It’s very clear she’s trying to call my “bluff” and scare me into backing down, but I just quietly shrug. And just as she said, she brings me to a walk-in clinic near my school. After going through the standard procedure, the nurse seeing me takes a snot sample for a flu test.)
Mom: “I’m thinking it’s just a little cold at most.”
Nurse: “If that’s the case, we’ll probably just do a steroid shot, but let’s see the test results first.”
(She leaves and returns a few minutes later. To my mother’s surprise, the nurse is now wearing a procedure mask.)
Nurse: “So, he has the flu. We’re lucky y’all caught it within the first two days so we can write him a prescription for some Tamiflu that y’all can pick up at your preferred pharmacy. We’ll also give you a doctor’s note that says he can’t go to school until at least next Monday. Until then, make sure he gets plenty of rest and that he doesn’t have a fever for at least 48 hours prior to Monday.”
(My mother was horrified and ended up asking to have herself tested, too; she was negative. Although I feel bad for all my friends and classmates who sat by me that morning, I can’t help but gleefully remember my mom’s face when she realized that I wasn’t faking s***.)
It’s Not Just The Organs That Are Failing
Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Jerk, Lazy/Unhelpful, Uruguay | Healthy | December 9, 2019
(When my brother is around nine, he wakes up screaming in pain. As we have no vehicle of our own and no way of getting a taxi or a lift, my mother has to walk with a screaming child two kilometers to the hospital. She went to nursing school, but is not currently working as a nurse.)
Doctor: *after barely poking him* “Well, seems to be just some gas. He’s probably just using the pain to get attention.”
(My mother looks at her like she’s crazy, while my brother still cries and screams.)
Mom: “My son is not like that. Look, I am a nurse. I’m pretty sure he has appendicitis.”
Doctor: “Oh, nonsense. You don’t know what you are talking about.”
Mom: “But I do–”
Doctor: “Listen. I am a doctor. You are just a nurse. He is fine. Now leave.”
(My mother leaves the hospital furious. Not surprisingly, two days later, my brother’s appendix ruptures. My mom manages to get a passing car to take them to the hospital, and my brother has surgery. Because the hospital has no full anesthesia, they have to use local — the kind that only numbs the area — and my brother is operated on while awake and screaming. While he is still in surgery, my mother runs into the doctor in the hallway.)
Doctor: “Oh, you are here again. What, does your son have a headache now? It might be a tumor, don’t you think?”
(My mother almost attacked her, but her father entered the hospital on time and stopped her. My brother survived and made a full recovery, and my mother reported the doctor; unfortunately, nothing came out of it at the time, but a few
Bring Them Back In For A Brain Check
Florida, Medical Office, Stupid, USA | Healthy | December 8, 2019
(I am at the checkout desk of an urgent care medical office.)
Coworker: “How was your visit today?”
Patient: “Pretty good. I don’t like going to the doctor, but this was a great experience. Everyone was really nice.”
Coworker: “Thanks! Glad everything went well. Yeah, I work in a doctor’s office and I don’t really like going to the doctor, either.”
Patient: “Oh, really? What kind of doctor’s office do you work in?”
Cheese Addiction Is Becoming A Problem
California, Health & Body, Los Angeles, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | December 5, 2019
(I work at a non-profit rehab for teens as a counselor. During their lunch, a new resident is having a heated argument with other staff over her dietary restrictions.)
Teen: “I can’t eat this; it has cheese. I’m vegan.”
Staff: “We’re trying to accommodate. The cooks have been made aware and are working on fixing you something else.”
Teen: “You shouldn’t be eating this stuff. Do you know how badly dairy and meat harms your body? You guys are all disgusting.”
Me: *screaming internally* “You shouldn’t lecture anyone when you smoke meth!”
She’s Not Being Very Hip
Aunts & Uncles, Health & Body, Home, Non-Dialogue, Pennsylvania, USA | Healthy | December 2, 2019
My great aunt gets a call from a friend asking her if she wants to go grocery shopping at a popular bulk warehouse store and my aunt agrees. When her friend gets to the house, my aunt goes outside and slips on some ice in the driveway; she hits her hip hard and can no longer stand up. She refuses to call an ambulance, and two of her neighbors manage to get her into her friend’s car.
My aunt’s friend asks if she wants to go to the doctor right away but my aunt responds, “No, you came to go to the store so we might as well do that first.” So, her friend goes grocery shopping while my aunt stays in the car with a broken hip. Afterward, the friend insists my aunt go to a doctor. Instead of going to the emergency room, my aunt insists on going to a faster care doctor’s office.
They pull into the parking lot and my aunt’s friend explains the situation. A doctor comes out and tells my aunt they have no way to get her out of the car — she is somewhat of a larger lady — and that she really needs to go to the ER. My aunt complains. Finally, the doctor says, “Ma’am, you’ve broken your hip. This is something outside of our control. We can help you if you need something minor, but you are going to need surgery; you need to leave and go get the care you need.”
She finally agrees to go to the ER and she ends up having quite the lengthy recovery process because she is just as difficult in her physical therapy appointments.
When You Are Bugged To Go To The Doctor
Bizarre, California, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue, Pets & Animals, USA | Healthy | November 27, 2019
When I’m in high school, I come down with a bad fever and my mother takes me to the doctor. I’m still seeing a pediatrician at this point. The building the office is in is undergoing construction.
Pretty soon I’m in the examination room, my mom sitting to the side. The doctor is a young woman, wearing a gauzy green sweater and some light gold jewelry. I notice a very shiny, pretty brooch shaped like a scarab pinned to her sweater.
She leans in with the tongue depressor, and as I watch in horror, the “brooch” sticks out a barbed leg and starts crawling up her shoulder! I scream and throw myself back.
“Are you okay?” asks the doctor. She thinks I’m scared of the tongue depressor.
“There’s a huge bug on you!” I yell.
This sets the doctor off. She shrieks, drops the tongue depressor, and starts frantically trying to brush the bug off her sweater. In the process, she breaks her necklace, sending bits of golden chain flying across the room. Part of it hits me and I think it’s the bug, so I scream again and the cycle begins anew.
Eventually, the doctor calms down a little, but we’re still trying to find the bug. She turns around and I spot it on her shoulder and yell, “It’s still there!” This time she holds still and my mom gets it off her with a tissue and squishes it in the garbage can.
Once everyone’s calmed down, Mom comments that she should have saved it, or at least not crushed it, since it was actually very pretty. She thought I was having a hallucination until she saw it herself! We figure it got in from all the construction downstairs. The rest of the appointment goes fine, though the doctor and I are a bit shaken up; my mom is pretty level-headed.
When we check out, the nurse at the desk asks what happened. We tell her and she laughs and says, “We get a lot of screaming in this office, but usually it’s not from the doctors!”
Right Bad Back At Ya
Bizarre, Canada, Funny Names, Hospital, New Brunswick, Nurses | Healthy | November 23, 2019
(I am in the waiting room of a hospital waiting for a scan to check out my back injury. For the purposes of this story, let’s just say that my name is John Smith. The nurse calls me in for my scan.)
Nurse: “All right, just jump up onto the table.”
Me: “Umm… sorry, I can’t do that.”
Nurse: “We can’t do the scan if you don’t get on the table.”
Me: “But… I can barely move. How do you expect me to jump onto a table?”
Nurse: “Sure, you can.”
Me: “I don’t think you understand. I am physically unable to get up onto the table due to a back injury.”
Nurse: “You don’t have a back injury.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure I would know why I’m at the hospital.”
Nurse: “Your name is John Smith, right?”
Me: “Yes.”
Nurse: “And your date of birth is [date]?”
Me: “Yes, it is.”
(A patient in the waiting room speaks up.)
Patient: “Sorry to interrupt, but I think you might have us confused.”
Nurse: “Your name is John Smith?”
Patient: “Yep.”
Nurse: “And I suppose your date of birth is also [date].”
Patient: “Yes.”
Nurse: “And you’re here for a scan?”
Patient: “Yes, I am.”
Nurse: “Well, this is an interesting coincidence.”
(She looks down at her computer.)
Nurse: “Ah, I see the problem. There are two different people named John Smith with the same birthday, who just happened to both have appointments for a scan within the same hour. I was looking for John M. Smith.”
Patient: “That’s me!”
(The nurse apologized and I got my scan not long after. It was a confusing few minutes, but at least I got a good story out of it!)
Operating Under Confusion
Children, Hospital, Nevada, Parents/Guardians, Stupid, USA | Healthy | November 20, 2019
(I work for a pediatric dental practice. We are currently at our surgical center where kids get put to sleep so we can do all of the work necessary. There’s loads of paperwork, normal doctor check-ups, and numerous confirmations that patients’ parents need to go through before we see them. We have a two-year-old girl that needs work on every single tooth; she’s been on our waitlist for surgery for two months. We are about to bring her back to the OR.)
Nurse: “Okay, sweetheart, time to say bye to Mommy.”
Mom: *looking so confused* “Wait, why is she saying bye?”
Nurse: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you aren’t allowed into the OR for sterilization purposes.”
Mom: “But how is she supposed to fall asleep without me reading her a story?”
Diagnosed With Not Quite Surgical Precision
Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, USA, Utah | Healthy | November 17, 2019
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.
(In college, I start getting severe fatigue; I am sleeping ten hours a night, getting an hour or two nap each day, and still feeling exhausted all the time. I go to the student health center where they do some blood tests and diagnose me with hypothyroidism, where my thyroid doesn’t produce enough hormone. I am given a prescription for the generic of a synthetic thyroid hormone, and things improve drastically for several months. But after I have my prescription filled at a different pharmacy, I start having different symptoms: anxiety, feeling jittery all the time, being unreasonably cold, etc. I go back to the health center where they run more blood tests. This is what happens at the followup appointment when those blood test results come back.)
Doctor: “So, your thyroid hormone levels are much too high. You have hyperthyroidism.” *goes into treatment options, which basically boil down to either radiation to kill off part of my thyroid or surgery to remove part of it*
Me: “Okay. Well, before we start talking about surgery, don’t you think we should try reducing my [medication] dosage?”
Doctor: *stares at me for a second, then reads my chart more carefully* “Ah. Yes, yes, we should probably try that first.”
(A DIFFERENT doctor in the health center was able to explain that I’m in a small group of people that are sufficiently sensitive to thyroid hormone that the different levels in different generic brands can act like a completely different dosage, meaning that I need to be on the name brand to ensure my dosage stays constant. We put me on the name brand and I didn’t have any more problems, and I never saw the other doctor again.)
Conversational Heart Failure
Jerk, Medical Office, Pennsylvania, Reception, USA | Healthy | November 15, 2019
(I have myriad medical issues which give me some bother. I have an appointment with my primary care doctor. This office knows about all of my conditions. I get to the building and ride the elevator to the fourth floor. I get into the office and go to the check-in desk. There are two office workers there. One I know; the other I don’t. The worker who I don’t know goes to check me in and sees I’m breathing quite heavily.)
Worker: “Walk the steps today?”
Me: “No. I have congestive heart failure.”
(The worker couldn’t get her foot out of her mouth, it was wedged in so deeply. The other worker, the one I knew, just burst out laughing so hard that she spit out part of her sandwich. I did let the first worker off the hook and said I didn’t care what she said. I was not offended at all. It was just too funny.)
Can’t Equate Numbers To Notes
Connecticut, High School, Jerk, Schoolmates, USA | Healthy | November 13, 2019
(My high school chemistry teacher is a very stern, organized lady. One of my friends is very bright but not organized at all, and he hates the very structured reports we have to make of our chemistry labs. He is constantly getting points off for one detail or another. One facet of these reports is that they are required to have two columns: one for equations and one for long-form notes. One lab, my friend and I are partnered and he actually is trying to do his report properly. The chemistry teacher comes to look over our work and taps his chemistry notebook disapprovingly.)
Teacher: “You haven’t labeled these columns; how am I supposed to know which is equations and which is notes?”
Friend: “See the one with numbers in it? That’s the equations column.”
(My friend immediately looked horrified with himself. He and the teacher just stared at each other for a long moment, and then she finally just huffed and moved on to the next group. I do realize that such labels are probably useful in a real laboratory, but to be fair to my friend, the teacher did sort of set herself up for that!)
One Ring To Rue Them All
Bad Behavior, Doctor/Physician, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | November 13, 2019
My mom has an accident at work and spills boiling water directly on her hand, badly burning several of her fingers, one of which happens to be the finger she wears her wedding ring on. Her boss drives her to a nearby pharmacy clinic where she is seen by the on-call doctor.
At this point, her fingers have swelled a lot, locking her wedding ring on her finger and causing painful constriction. It’s clear that the ring needs to be removed. My mother is assuming they will cut the ring off of her finger, which she is sad about, but at this point, she’s much more concerned about relieving the intense pain she is in. The doctor comes into the room and quickly examines her hand, saying, “What a beautiful ring! It would be such a shame to damage it by cutting it off!”
He then proceeds to forcibly yank the ring off of her finger past the swelling, putting my mother in even more pain and tearing open the blisters that have started to form.
She has since healed and is relieved to be able to wear her ring again and not need to pay to have it fixed, but she isn’t sure it was worth all of the pain and the extra time it took to recover due to the blisters being torn.
A Shot Of Ignorance
Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Jerk, Patients, The Netherlands | Healthy | November 11, 2019
(One evening, I get the call every person with an elderly relative fears: my 90+ grandma has fallen down and can’t get up. Luckily, she ended up next to the phone; she actually tripped as she was walking over to it because it was ringing. Since everyone else in our small family is either on vacation, not on speaking terms with Grandma, or living in a nursing home on the other side of town and not in possession of a driving license — or their full mental faculties — I am the only one who can help her out. I race over, hoping it’s just a case of having to help her up because she is in an awkward position, but as soon as I walk in the door and see the unnatural angle of her leg, I know we have a fracture on our hands and have to go to the hospital. We end up in an examination room at the ER, waiting for either the x-ray nurse or the neurologist, whoever shows up first. The neurologist has been called because Grandma hit her head on the stone windowsill when she fell, which caused a small wound and a bit of blood. That wound is the cause of the following conversation with a very chipper ER doctor.)
Doctor: “Well, Mrs. [Grandma], I know you’re waiting for the x-ray nurse and the neurologist, but I’m neither; I’m just here to give you a little tetanus shot.”
(My grandma is neither stupid nor suffering from dementia, but she has never had more than an elementary-school education, and apparently, she never learned what a tetanus shot is, leading to this little gem
Grandma: “A tetanus shot? What is that for?”
Doctor: “Well, ma’am, that’s for what we call ‘street dirt’–“
Grandma: *interrupting indignantly* “Street dirt? I fell inside my own home!”
(She sounds like she thinks what the doctor said is the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard, and he and I simply couldn’t contain our laughter. The doctor gives a brief explanation of what a tetanus shot is for, but too brief, apparently, because as soon as he is out the door…)
Grandma: “[My Name], what was all that about? I don’t get it. My house is clean!”
(I gave her a much more expansive explanation of germs, and why even her nice clean house wasn’t free of them. She was pretty horrified, but finding out her femur was broken soon took precedence. She could laugh about it later, though, when I mimicked her indignant tone. She almost sounded insulted at being associated with any kind of dirt.)
Mothers Are Fighters
Awesome, Hospital, Inspirational, New York, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | November 10, 2019
Two years ago, I was admitted into the hospital for seven weeks via the ER. In good weather, the hospital is roughly an hour away. My boys were three and eight at the time and I had been a stay-at-home mom for most of their lives. My parents stepped up and helped keep the kids on a regular pattern of school, therapy, and play dates along with FaceTiming me. My husband would drive two round-trips a day to stay with me, see our kids, take care of our pets, and work.
This pattern repeated itself over again for the next six months, and at one point, I was told to start preparing my boys for life without me. The staff at the hospital was amazing. They tried their best to give me a room that faced outwards so I could see the sunset. They made sure I could be unhooked from chemo and transfusions when my boys got to visit. Then, they completely surprised us on Christmas when they gave us a Christmas party in my hospital room.
There were presents, food, and joy even though it was extremely hard to be there. They helped me fight even when I was beyond exhausted.
They became my family and even now we all stay in touch. They were complete angels that helped our family get through an extremely scary time.
I’m now in remission and hopefully will get the “cured” status once I reach five years in remission.
Allow Me To As-cyst You
Hospital, Mexico, Mexico City, Silly | Healthy | November 8, 2019
(I’m a licensed nurse. I work at a hospital, and I also make some money on the side by assisting a dermatologist at a private clinic when she needs an extra pair of hands for surgery. This patient has a cyst under the skin beneath her hair.)
Patient: “You have done this before?”
Me: “Sure! It’s actually pretty simple. We make an incision on your skin right here, drain the cyst, clean around, and sew you back up. I’m going to numb the area, so you won’t even feel a thing.”
Patient: “All right, then.”
Me: “Uh… look, honey, I’m going to have to shave your hair — a tiny spot right here — so that the doctor can see. I know, I know you won’t like that — no girl ever does — but I have to. Don’t hate me!”
Patient: *shrugs*
Me: *cuts the hair, and shaves the area*
Patient: *completely deadpan* “Oh, no, look at what you’ve done. Now I hate you.”
You Can’t Cough This Up To Cultural Differences
Australia, Health & Body, Jerk, Medical Office, Non-Dialogue | Healthy | November 7, 2019
I came into work today to hear my coworker, the office supervisor, in a high-volume discussion with a patient in another language. I don’t speak any other languages besides English, but I could tell the patient was agitated and my coworker was trying to neutralize it.
I let her handle that and helped other patients before my shift officially started. Later, she revealed the reason. Apparently, the patient was having an ultrasound with our chief sonographer. The patient was coughing on the sonographer, so they asked the patient to cover their mouth. The patient got offended by that and left the room in the middle of the scan. The patient commented things such as, “She shouldn’t be in the industry if she can’t take sick patients.”
My coworker tells me that in their culture coughing is open. They aren’t told to cover their mouths.
All three– the patient, sonographer, and coworker — are the same nationality.
Anti-Vaxxers Holding Out Until The Last Drop
Dallas, Jerk, Medical Office, Parents/Guardians, Stupid, Texas, USA | Healthy | November 5, 2019
(I work in the billing department for an emergency clinic, and I get a call from an upset mother.)
Mother: “I will sue you all! How dare you treat my son with [medical shot]?! It’s against our religion to do this! I didn’t sign any form to give consent!”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, let me look up his information.”
(I look up the information. The day we treated her son was the day he turned eighteen; he was old enough to have any medical treatments without parental consent.)
Me: “Ma’am, I have it here that your son was eighteen the day he was treated. There’s nothing else I can tell you or discuss with you unless he calls and tells us it’s okay for us to talk to you.”
Mother: “That’s f****** ridiculous! He was not officially eighteen!”
Me: “It says on his driver’s license that he was eighteen on the day he was seen.”
Mother: “NO! He was born at 4:00 pm! He was seen at 10:00 am! He wasn’t officially 100% eighteen!”
Me: “Ma’am, we don’t go by the time of birth. We go by date of birth.”
This Relationship Has Teething Problems
Bad Behavior, France, Hospital, Strangers | Healthy | November 4, 2019
(I’m a dental student. During our fourth year, all of us have to do a week-long rotation at the ICU to provide “dental healthcare” to comatose patients — basically brushing their teeth with an iodine scrub and calling it a day. One of the patients is conscious but intubated, and he speaks using a whiteboard. After I finish brushing his teeth, a nurse comes into the room and makes small talk.)
Nurse: “So, I heard that [Woman] visited you yesterday, huh?”
(The patient nods.)
Nurse: “That’s nice! Also, your daughters called this morning; they want to come a bit later.”
Patient: *on the whiteboard* “Did they say what time?”
Nurse: “During the afternoon. They were afraid you’d get bored and alone, though, so I told them not to worry since [Woman] came by.”
(I see the patient’s eyes widen and he starts furiously scribbling on his whiteboard.)
Patient: “THEY DON’T KNOW ABOUT [WOMAN]!”
(I had to leave the room and didn’t stop laughing for a good five minutes.)
It Can Cause Anxiety To Diagnose Anxiety
Australia, Doctor/Physician, Jerk, Medical Office | Healthy | November 3, 2019
(In Australia, we have a universal healthcare program called Medicare which covers a significant portion of our medical bills. If you want to see a psychologist, Medicare will often cover 50-100% of the bill for ten sessions. However, you first have to go to a GP and get a referral to qualify. I have been struggling with my anxiety recently, so I went to the GP for a referral.)
GP: “How can I help you today?”
Me: “I’m looking to get a referral to a psychologist to help me with my anxiety.”
GP: “You’re a uni student, right?”
Me: “Yes. Working on my Masters.”
GP: “Do you really need a psychologist? I mean, it’s the end of the semester. All your classmates are stressed, just like you are. I’m sure how you’re feeling is no big deal.”
Me: “Right… and are all of my classmates having panic attacks in front of their student support officers because the support officer tried to start up a conversation about finding a job after graduation?”
GP: “Um… no.”
Me: “And is that something a mentally healthy person does?”
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