Putting The Wrong Person Under Pressure
HOSPITAL, IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, PATIENTS, USA | HEALTHY | APRIL 11, 2020
I work in an ER as a health unit coordinator, which means one of my many jobs is answering the phones. I’m not allowed to give medical advice over the phone, and neither is anyone else. The phone rings.
Me: “[ER], this is [My Name].”
Man: “Hey, uh, so, I’m sitting in [Other Local ER]’s waiting room. They just took my blood pressure and it seemed high; can you tell me if it’s high or not?”
Me: “Did you say you’re sitting at the [Other Local ER]?”
Man: “Yeah! So, my blood pressure was [a very normal and perfect pressure]; is that high?”
Me: “Unfortunately, sir, I can’t give you any medical advice over the phone, but since you’re sitting in another ER, you could ask them, or I could refer you to a nurse hotline number.”
Man: “Could I get that number, please?”
Me: “Uh, sure.”
He took the number and hung up. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why he would think to call another ER to find out if his blood pressure was high.
A Grand Effort To Prevent Disease
CURRENT EVENTS, GRANDPARENTS, HEALTH & BODY, MEDICAL OFFICE, MICHIGAN, NON-DIALOGUE, USA | HEALTHY | APRIL 10, 2020
My aunt was about to become a grandmother and wanted to make sure she was clean of any diseases before visiting her daughter and newborn grandchild in the hospital. She had suspected that she had a cold and wanted to make sure it wasn’t anything worse, so she set up a doctor’s appointment.
When she went in for her appointment, the doctor came into the exam room in a full hazmat suit.
The doctor apologized and explained that it was a new protocol when seeing patients who might have a certain disease. My aunt was given a clean bill of health and will see her first grandchild soon.
Weird Is The Word
HOSPITAL, IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, PATIENTS, USA | HEALTHY | APRIL 9, 2020
I work in an ER as a health unit coordinator, which means one of my many jobs is answering the phones. I’m not allowed to look up patients’ medical records except for in certain circumstances.
The phone rings.
Me: “[ER], this is [My Name]; how can I help you?”
Man: “What’s this word?”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Man: “This word in front of me; what does it mean?”
Me: “Sir, I can’t see what’s in front of you. Could you spell the word out for me?”
He spells out a word and I write it down; it’s not a word, term, or medication I’ve ever heard of before. I pronounce it how I assume the word would be pronounced.
Man: “What is it?”
Me: “I’m not sure. Uh… how can I help you?”
Man: “This paper here said to call this number for the pharmacy if I had any questions, so I did!”
Me: “Sir, this is the ER.”
Man: “Oh, really?! Can you, like, look up medical records?!”
Me: “I’m sorry, but unfortunately, I can’t do that.”
Man: “Really? You can’t look it up for [Man]?”
Me: “No, I’m sorry, I’m not allowed.”
Man: “Aw, man! Okay, well, have a good night!”
That was one of the weirdest calls I have ever gotten.
Self-Isolate Before It’s Too Iso-Late
AUSTRALIA, CURRENT EVENTS, HEALTH & BODY, HOSPITAL, STUPID | HEALTHY | APRIL 8, 2020
This call takes place in mid-February 2020, just as the panic is starting but before any of the major lockdowns in Australia. My hospital has just opened up a testing clinic but is only accepting patients who meet certain criteria. I’m a switchboard operator, and we’re not medically trained and are not meant to give advice, but in this strange new world we’re in we are finding ourselves having to triage callers to help lighten the load.
Caller: “I heard you guys are testing for that Corona? Where do I go?”
Me: “Okay, first, I just need to check that you meet the criteria to be tested. Are you currently experiencing flu-like symptoms?”
Caller: “Yes, my husband and I have a fever and sore throat.”
Me: “Okay, and have you been overseas in the last fourteen days?”
Caller: “Yes, we just got back from Italy two days ago.”
Me: “Okay. It sounds like you do meet the criteria to be tested.”
I give specific instructions for how to access the clinic using a special entrance.
Caller: “Okay, thanks. We’ll come in soon. Oh, also, my aunty is admitted there with you guys at the moment. Might as well kill two birds with one stone and visit her while we’re there!”
Me: “Umm, no, please don’t do that.”
Caller: “Huh? Why not?”
Me: “Uh… They ask you to self-isolate if you believe you have it. I would not recommend visiting an inpatient.”
Caller: “What? Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense. Okay, we won’t visit her, then. Thank you, bye!”
A Depressing Misunderstanding
CALIFORNIA, LOS ANGELES, MEDICAL OFFICE, NURSES, USA, WORDPLAY | HEALTHY | APRIL 7, 2020
I’ve recently started antidepressants, and a nurse calls me a few days later to check on me.
Nurse: “How are you feeling? Are the meds working for you?”
Me: “A bit better, but I’m still taking stock.”
Nurse: “What was that?”
Me: “I’m taking stock? To see if I feel better?”
Nurse: “You shouldn’t be doing that.”
Me: “What? Why not?”
Nurse: “You shouldn’t be taking anything not prescribed by your doctor.”
Me: “But I’m taking stock; it’s just an idiom. Because I’m not sure yet whether the medicine is working.”
Nurse: “Would you like me to have the pharmacy give you a call?”
America, Ladies And Gents!
BILLING, COLORADO, EDITORS' CHOICE, HEALTH & BODY, HOSPITAL, NON-DIALOGUE, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | APRIL 6, 2020
My dad needed to get his physical done and went to our family doctor. The doctor’s office was located in a sort of strip mall setup along with other private practitioners and specialists. This building was, in turn, located directly adjacent to the actual local hospital, even sharing the same parking lot.
As part of the physical, my dad was getting blood drawn but the nurse had difficulty getting their needle into his veins, meaning he had a needle probing in his body much longer than usual. Eventually, his body decided enough was enough and he seized.
Worried for his health, they quickly loaded my dad onto a gurney and wheeled him across the parking lot to the ER where he was quickly diagnosed as being fine. After he recovered, the blood draw was rescheduled and he headed home.
Fast forward a few weeks: a bill from the hospital arrived. Since he’d gone to the ER, my dad was expecting a high price, but this proved to be even more than expected by several hundred dollars.
Looking through the itemized bill, it was mostly the expected expenses: ER visit, fluids, etc. What stuck out was the several-hundred-dollar ambulance service my dad apparently got from being wheeled across the parking lot on a gurney.
He fought the bill, saying he might have paid if they’d at least put him in an ambulance and let him turn on the siren.
Finally, Someone With A Dose Of Sense
CALIFORNIA, PHARMACY, RECEPTION, USA, VET | HEALTHY | APRIL 3, 2020
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.
There are certain medications that can be used in both humans and animals, but usually, the dosages are very different. One of these medications is Phenobarbital, a seizure medication. Our office doesn’t keep this medication in stock so we have to call it in to a human pharmacy.
One of our canine patients is on Phenobarbital. He has been stable on his dose for years, but they do not make a pill in the size he needs, so we prescribe him two different sizes to add up to the right amount. Apparently, this is not regularly done with humans, because every time we call in his medication we get a call from the pharmacy to confirm some things. So, we put a note on his file with what to say when they call back.
I am training a new receptionist and have just had her call in his refill authorization. Soon after. we get the expected call from the pharmacist. She has the pharmacy on hold and asks what to do, so I tell her to open his chart and read the script.
New Receptionist: “Hello. Apparently, I have to read this note to you. Yes, he needs both sizes. Yes, at the same time. Yes, we know this is a very large dose for a human, but he is a dog. He is a very large dog. He has been taking the pills like this for years now. Thank you.”
I am sitting there listening to her side of this, fighting the urge to facepalm, and thinking it was pretty obvious that those were meant to be the responses to questions she would be asked and not to be read straight through like that.
The pharmacist says something and she replies:
New Receptionist: “I’m not sure. Um, looks like the note was dated four years ago.” *Pause* “Um, I think so; let me check.” *Turns to me* “Hey, [My Name], have we been saying this every time we call his medication in?”
I nod and she turns back to the phone.
New Receptionist: “Yeah, we have.” *Pause* “Really? That’d probably save everyone some time. Thanks.” *Hangs up* “They are going to put a copy of our note on their computers so they don’t have to keep calling in every time.”
Me: “Wait, they could do that? I thought it was a requirement for them to confirm odd-sounding doses, and that the phone calls were just formalities so they could check a box saying they did it. How did none of them ever notice that we were having the same conversation every four months?”
We no longer get confirmation calls for that patient.
Didn’t Pass The Think-It-Through Checkpoint
ALBERTA, CANADA, CURRENT EVENTS, HEALTH & BODY, MEDICAL OFFICE, PARENTS/GUARDIANS | HEALTHY | APRIL 2, 2020
It’s -17C, windchill to -19C, but the cutoff for “don’t take the baby outside unless the house is on fire” is -20 including windchill, so I bundle her three outfits deep under her snowsuit, mittens, toque, and bunting, and catch the bus to an appointment. She’s asleep by the time we get there, but I’m wide awake, cheeks frosty, steps quick. Stepping in, I find an antiviral checkpoint just inside the front door, manned by a guy in a white bodysuit and a blue mask.
My first thought: “Oh, no, zombies!”
I might be very slightly drunk on sleep deprivation.
Checkpoint Guy: “Hi, there! Just before you step in, can I ask you some questions?”
Me: “Sure.”
[Checkpoint Guy] asks about travel and a list of symptoms. I answer each question the same way.
Me: “Nope.”
Checkpoint Guy: “All righty, then. Let me just check your guys’ temperatures — or I assume you’ve got a passenger in there!”
Me: “Yup!”
I crack open one of the hoods, displaying a bundle of cloth that has two cheeks, two closed eyes, a nose, and no other visible skin.
Checkpoint Guy: “Awww! I shouldn’t have to wake her up. Just that little cheeky-cheek should be good!”
I think of my own frosty cheeks.
Me: “Her cheek’s going to be pretty cold.”
Checkpoint Guy: “Yup! Little cheeky-cheek!”
His remote thermometer beeps and shows 30.
Checkpoint Guy: “Okey-dokey! Now, I need to do you.”
Me: “Sure.”
[Checkpoint Guy] beeps my cheek.
Checkpoint Guy: “Yup! You’re good! Just have some hand sanitizer and you’re on your way!”
Me: “Sure.”
I use sanitizer, go through, and push the elevator button.
New Voice Behind Me: “Aren’t you cold?”
Checkpoint Guy: “Nope! I’m good! I’ve got long johns, extra shirts, and warm gloves under the medical gloves. Standing right by the door all day — I’m prepared!”
Pause.
Checkpoint Guy: “You know, everyone I’ve checked has read really low, like 30 degrees. Do you think it’s because they just came in from the outdoors?”
On April First, Trust No One
EDITORS' CHOICE, FAMILY & KIDS, HOLIDAYS, HOSPITAL, NURSES, PENNSYLVANIA, PRANKS, USA | HEALTHY | APRIL 1, 2020
My wife was in labor for about twenty hours before deciding to do a cesarean section. I am 6’8″ tall and about 300 pounds. During our visits through the pregnancy, I regularly joked around with the doctor. Even in the Lamaze classes, I would joke around, typically embarrassing my beautiful wife.
My oldest son was born via C-Section at 11:50 PM on March 31st. I was there, I watched, and I was exhausted. It was gruesome and awesome at the same time.
I was extremely emotional — had a son! I was crying tears of joy.
After he was extracted from his nine-month sentence inside of my wife, he was swaddled appropriately by the nurses in the operating room. We were both then whisked away: him to the nursery to get de-munged, and me to see my large family — brothers, parents,
Godparents, etc. — all of whom were at the hospital waiting in anticipation of the big event.
So, there I was, telling my family that we had a beautiful boy, and that everyone was okay. I was blubbering as tears were still streaming.
All of a sudden, in an over-the-top manner, a nurse came running around the corner and said, “Mr. [My Name], Mr. [My Name]! They need you back in the operating room! The second one just came out!”
Huh, what? What? WHAT?! Oh, my God! I started running down the hall to go back to the operating room. I’ve never been considered graceful, and it really wasn’t pretty to see me lumbering down the hall.
I heard the nurse call out again, “MR. [MY NAME]!”
My response was dramatic and immediate as I spun to look at her. “WHAT?” I exclaimed.
With a very calm demeanor and a twinkle in her eye, she said, very matter-of-factly, “April Fools.”
I could have been knocked over with a feather. I stammered and stammered. Meanwhile, my family, who witnessed the event, were in stitches enjoying the whole scene as it played out in front of them.
In the operating room, my wife was laughing (while being stitched back together). All of this was the doctor’s idea, II suppose a little of my own medicine after enduring me throughout the pregnancy.
It’s a story that I tell often, not only for the humor in it, but also because it was one of the greatest days of my life: the day I met a great person, my wonderful son.
April Is A Nice Name
CALIFORNIA, CHILDREN, HOSPITAL, PRANKS, SONS & DAUGHTERS, USA | HEALTHY | APRIL 1, 2020
It is April Fool’s Day. I go into the hospital for a scheduled cesarean for my third child. Thanks to both a blood test and an ultrasound, we know we’re having a boy. The surgery starts, and it doesn’t go as expected.
Doctor: “Oh, wow, look at that!”
Surgical Tech: “Oh, my gosh.”
Me: “What?”
Doctor: “Okay, it’s a girl.”
Me & Husband: “What?”
Husband: “Did you say, ‘girl’?”
I just started laughing. And that’s how our daughter entered the world — by conning us into thinking she was going to be a boy, and revealing her true nature on April Fools Day. Well played, baby. Well played.
At Least The Names They Picked Had Letters In Them
CALIFORNIA, EDITORS' CHOICE, FUNNY NAMES, PETS & ANIMALS, SILLY, USA, VET | HEALTHY | MARCH 30, 2020
I work for a vet, and I’m checking in a new patient. She was adopted from a shelter about a year ago and is now due for her annual exam and vaccines. Her entire family comes with her: Mom, Dad, and three pre-teen or teen children.
Me: “The shelter paperwork says her name is Princess. Is that still her name?”
I get five very clear negative responses.
Me: “So, what is her new name?”
Simultaneously, each from a different person, I hear the names Molly, Fluffy, Annie, Coco, and Jessie. They then fall into a several-minute-long discussion of names where they actually end up adding at least three other options. I let them continue until an exam room is available and then lead them in and put the chart on the doctor’s ready pile. When the doctor grabs her chart, he gives me a look.
Me: “It’s the only thing they all agreed on.”
The doctor shrugs and walks into the room.
Doctor: “So, this is the dog formerly known as Princess?”
Being A Pill About The Pills
CALIFORNIA, PATIENTS, PHARMACY, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | MARCH 12, 2020
(I work in a community pharmacy. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this story in some variation, as have my staff and coworkers in this field.)
Patient: *comes up to the counter* “Hi, I need to fill my medication.”
Clerk: “Oh, of course. Which medication did you need today?”
Patient: “I don’t know; it’s on my profile.”
(The clerk reviews the patient’s profile, which has more than 25 prescriptions dating back years.)
Clerk: “Do you know which one? There’s a bit of a list on your profile.”
(At this point, they will usually say one of two things
Patient: “I don’t know. Just fill all of them.”
(Or…)
Patient: “It’s the white pill.”
(This is where the clerk will grab one of the pharmacists.)
Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t just fill everything on your profile, as we don’t know which of these medications you take or have stopped taking.”
(Also, the staff hate having to fill a dozen or more prescriptions, only for the patient to say they need one or two of them; the rest we have to put back, wasting all the time and effort we needed to fill.)
Pharmacist: “Do you know what you take it for? Diabetes? Blood pressure?”
Patient: “I don’t know. It’s the white pill.”
Pharmacist: “Most of the pills on your profile are white. Do you know how many times you take it? Was it big or small? The first letter of the name or the doctor who wrote it?”
Patient: “How am I supposed to know?! You’re the pharmacist! You should know this! IT’S A WHITE PILL! I KNOW IT’S ON THE COMPUTER!”
Pharmacist: “Sir, I need a little more information to go on than just the color. Here’s our card; you can go home, find it, and then call it in. Or bring the bottle with you next time and we can help you more.”
(The patient stomped off. Seriously, if you come to the pharmacy, please know something about what you want to pick up. The vast majority of all the pills on the shelf are white. Bring the bottle, take a picture of the bottle, write down the name. Something!)
This Doctor’s Stubbornness Runs Deep
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, HOSPITAL, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, MILITARY, USA | HEALTHY | MARCH 11, 2020
(Whenever I start coming down with any sort of respiratory infection, my voice gets deeper. The deeper the voice, the worse the illness is. I am stationed overseas in the nineties when a couple of coworkers notice that my voice is getting deeper. I go to Sick Call the next morning, and the corpsman, familiar with my history of pneumonia, sends me to the nearest US military hospital about 100 kilometers south to get seen by actual doctors.)
Doctor: “What brings you in today?”
Me: “I’m coming down with some sort of chest bug. Every time my voice gets deep, I get sick a few days later.”
Doctor: “What sort of symptoms are you having?”
Me: “At the moment, just the deep voice.”
Doctor: “That could mean anything. It’s probably acid reflux.”
(So far, the doctor has not examined me in any way.)
Me: “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Sir?”
Doctor: “I’ll prescribe you an antacid for a week or so. You should also prop up the head of your bed just a bit, to help control the reflux.”
Me: “First, I’m not here for acid reflux. I’m coming down with some sort of twitching awfuls, because my voice is getting deep. When I start sounding like James Earl Jones, I always get pneumonia or bronchitis or some other chest ailment within a couple of days. Every time. Since the deep voice just started being noticeable, I’m trying to get ahead of the disease. Second, I have a waterbed. Propping up the head of the bed will have no effect.”
Doctor: *frowning* “Sure, it will work. Just put a boot under the corners of your headboard. This will raise your upper body slightly and help prevent acid reflux from irritating your larynx.”
Me: *sighing internally* “With all due respect, sir, you cannot tilt water. It always stays level.”
Doctor: “Just raise your headboard a couple of inches. You’ll see.”
Me: *sighing out loud this time* “Sir, it’s a waterbed. Here’s a demonstration: run a little bit of water into that portable basin next to the sink.” *pointing at the small metal basin*
Doctor: “Okay.” *runs water into the basin*
Me: “Now, tilt the basin up on one end.”
Doctor: *lifts one end of the basin slightly*
Me: “Notice that the water stays level, no matter how high you raise either end of the basin? That’s why raising the head of my waterbed will be less than useless.”
Doctor: “Oh. I guess you’re right. I suppose we’ll have to get you an appointment with the gastroenterology clinic to cure your reflux.”
Me: *facepalm* “Sir, I don’t have reflux. Could you please listen to my chest?”
(I was given a prescription for antacid and told to go back to work, all without the doctor conducting an examination. Three days later, I was back in the hospital as an inpatient… with pneumonia.)
Green With Envy Over Your Ability To See Color
ART/DESIGN, COWORKERS, HEALTH & BODY, RETAIL, USA | HEALTHY | MARCH 10, 2020
(I know my coworker and his wife pretty well — I went to their wedding — and they’re often in the store either helping with or participating in events when they aren’t working. They’ve finished both of their events this day and are going past the counter to leave, and they walk by me. I overhear their discussion, and they rope me in.)
Coworker: “It’s brown!”
Coworker’s Wife: “It is not! [My Name], what’s the color of my shirt?”
(Because she is wearing a BRIGHT RED JACKET, it’s pretty obvious what color the shirt is; however, if you just glanced at it, it might be misconstrued as brown.)
Me: “Uh, it’s green?”
Coworker: “Is it? But it’s brown!”
Me: *peering at it* “No, it’s green; it’s a dark green.”
Coworker’s Wife: “It’s emerald green.”
Coworker: “Well, it had better not be olive green, because that’s a color that doesn’t exist.”
Me: “But… What?”
Coworker’s Wife: “What color are [My Name]’s bracelets?”
(On my wrists are a paracord bracelet and a FitBit band, respectively.)
Coworker: “Well, I know that one is bright green and purple, and that one is… well, I dunno.”
Me: “[Coworker], it’s green. You’re colorblind.”
(I guess you learn something new every day — and this came as a bit of a shock to him, too!)
Paging Doctor Cymbeline
AUSTRALIA, FUNNY NAMES, HOSPITAL, WORDPLAY | HEALTHY | MARCH 9, 2020
(I work on the switchboard for a major hospital. We take a lot of calls, have a lot of options to put callers to, and are, unfortunately, very used to callers giving us very little information so we have to guess the rest.)
Me: “Good afternoon, switchboard.”
Internal Caller: “Yeah, can I speak to Imogen?”
Me: “Imogen who?”
Internal Caller: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Uh, okay. Do you know what Imogen does or what department she works in?”
Internal Caller: “I don’t know; the doctor just wants a copy of an X-ray.”
Me: *light-bulb moment* “OH! You want to speak to imaging!”
The Most Relatable Toddler
ADORABLE CHILDREN, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, MEDICAL OFFICE, USA | HEALTHY | MARCH 8, 2020
(On the morning of my son’s two-year-old “well-child” checkup, he wakes up unusually grumpy. Shockingly, the news that he has to go to see the pediatrician does not improve his mood, so in an effort to get him to stop whining in the back of the car, I make an absolute rookie mistake. I promise him that after his appointment, I will take him on a trip to his favorite place. I then discover that I have the kind of two-year-old who neither understands nor accepts the concept of “after,” and as such, the following interaction happens at least six times in the next 45 minutes
Son: *wordlessly bawling at the top of his lungs*
Nurse: “Oh, no, what’s the matter?”
Son: “I WANT TO GO TO TARGET.”
Nurse: “Me, too, honey. Me, too.”
(At least he did not scream at the doctor. Instead, he gently wept and whispered, “Please. Target.”)
A Would-Be Thief Has His Eyes Opened
CRIMINAL & ILLEGAL, MEDICAL OFFICE, OPTOMETRIST/OPTICIAN, SOUTH CAROLINA, USA | HEALTHY | MARCH 7, 2020
(I work with patients at an eye specialist, checking vision and administering eye drops. One day, one of my newer coworkers comes to me about a patient.)
Coworker: “He’s complaining about his eye being sore, but he’s asking way too many questions about [expensive temporary numbing agent for office use only].”
(I trust his judgment, so I ask another technician to casually restock something in the exam room where the patient is waiting for the doctor and take the numbing drop with him when he’s done. Not ten minutes later, when the doctor goes to see him…)
Patient: “Hey, Doc, why can’t you give me some more of those numbing drops?”
Doctor: “Because too much is toxic for your eyes. A patient stole a bottle years ago and used it non-stop for days; it really damaged their eye.”
Patient: “Good thing you said that, Doc, because I was planning on stealing that bottle!”
(He said this without any embarrassment whatsoever! I only hope he learned not to mess around with that sort of thing.)
A Very Expensive Taxi
EMERGENCY SERVICES, LIARS/SCAMMERS, NEW JERSEY, PARTY, USA, WEATHER | HEALTHY | MARCH 6, 2020
(I worked in volunteer emergency medical services for years. Without charge to anyone, a person would call 911, which would then send me and a crew with an ambulance to provide emergency medical care and transportation to the hospital. Unfortunately, our experience was that during a blizzard, some people would call 911 with a fake medical emergency and then decline transportation to the hospital. This was done because they had learned that a snowplow would be dispatched in front of our ambulance to make sure we had a clear route to the house in question. This way, the person would have their street plowed before others. The request of the woman in this story, however, blows my mind. We arrive at the location following the snowplow that is clearing 18 inches of snow on the road. I trudge up to the door and ring the bell. A young woman with an alcoholic drink in her hand answers. There is loud music playing. This is obviously a “blizzard party.”)
Me: “[Town] EMS, who is having the emergency?”
Woman: “Yes, that’s me. Um, I have diabetes.”
(I know that anyone with diabetes should not be drinking an alcoholic beverage.)
Me: “Okay, let’s sit down and check your blood sugar. Are you feeling badly?”
Woman: “Oh, no, I don’t need anything like that. I already checked my blood sugar. It’s [number that’s a bit high, but not an emergency]. I need my insulin from my house in [Next Town Over]. I was wondering if you’d drive me to get it?”
Me: “Ma’am, we are an ambulance for medical emergencies. We cannot transport you from one house to another. The policeman over here, however, most likely will.”
Woman: “Oh, that’s great. But, um, after I get my insulin, could he bring me back here to the party? I’m having such a great time!”
(I just facepalmed. The policeman did give her a ride home to her insulin… but not back to the party.)
Science Flu Right Over Their Head
HOSPITAL, ILLINOIS, MATH & SCIENCE, PATIENTS, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | MARCH 6, 2020
Nurse: *to a patient* “Do you want a flu shot while you’re here?”
Patient: “No, I don’t get flu shots.”
Nurse: “Oh. Have you had an adverse reaction to them?”
Patient: “No. Vaccines cause cancer. I know that because I’ve been to Japan. People there aren’t vaccinated, and no one gets cancer in Japan.
To Censor Or Not To Censor: The Editors’ Dilemma
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, NON-DIALOGUE, PENNSYLVANIA, PUNNY, SILLY, USA, VET | HEALTHY | MARCH 5, 2020
Our English Setter has had surgery to repair an ACL injury. She chews on her stitches and manages to pop one. We load her in the car to make the 45-minute drive to the vet, calling ahead to make sure they know we’re coming, as we know we’ll be pushing closing time for them.
We get there a few minutes before close and our vet comes into the waiting room to greet us. He picks up our girl and proclaims dramatically, “What did you do that for, you b****?!”
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