During my freshman year in high school, my science teacher assigned us to interview people in the community about how they use science in their careers. Although I don’t remember most of the people I spoke with, I can tell you that I spent meaningful time with a local community pharmacist who changed my life.
What I saw was a man who loved his career and truly cared for his patients. In an instant, I knew that I wanted to become a pharmacist, and I never wavered from that goal throughout high school.
Knowing what you want to be when you grow up at age 14 is unusual, but it is very liberating. I simply had to work backwards to figure out how to achieve my goal of becoming a pharmacist.
After high school, I chose to attend Ohio Northern University (ONU) because it had a unique pharmacy program. Rather than attending college for 2 years and then applying to the pharmacy program, ONU students were admitted to the College of Pharmacy from day one.
Although it was expensive, being in pharmacy school from day one and avoiding the risk of rejection made it worthwhile for me.
In college, I spent a lot of time in the library. Although the classwork was difficult, I did well with one exception: organic chemistry.
I did fail organic chemistry—a notorious “weed out” course—but I successfully retook the class over the summer and graduated on time with the rest of my classmates. Failing a course is a difficult stumbling block, but I stood strong and persevered.
Today, I’m thankful for the wonderful pharmacy profession for so many reasons.
First, I’m thankful that community pharmacists are the health care professionals most accessible to the public. If my local pharmacist wasn’t accessible to me, then I likely would have taken a different career path.
Second, I’m proud of the work we pharmacists do, the diversity of our career options, and the relationships we share with our patients and fellow health care providers.
Pharmacy is a profession that makes a real difference in people’s lives. It certainly has made all the difference in mine.
Bizarre, California, Medical Office, Patients, Rocklin, USA | Healthy | June 18, 2018
(I work at a large, multi-specialty medical office. Access to the back office is restricted, so patients are guided to their rooms by me or by another nurse after they check in. After their appointment, there are signs showing the patients the way out, but unsurprisingly, many ignore them and get lost. My coworker finds a woman wandering the halls.)
Coworker: “Were you looking for the exit? Let me show you the way.”
Woman: “No, I… I’m here to see the pulmonologist.”
(It turns out the woman had never actually checked in, and had just followed another patient into the back office when they were called back! My coworkers and I wondered if she thought she was just going to stumble upon the pulmonologist waiting for her in one of the rooms!)
Extra Stupid, Florida, Health & Body, Hotel, USA | Healthy | June 17, 2018
(I’m working the evening shift at a hotel with the owner one evening when a young couple, who checked in earlier, approaches the desk.)
Young Man: “Would it be possible to get a slice of cheesecake and some matches for a candle? We’re celebrating her birthday today.”
Me: “Sure thing, and happy birthday to you.”
(I prepare the cheesecake and grab some matches, and they then go to their room. About five minutes later, they come back with his arm wrapped in a shirt.)
Young Woman: “We need directions to the nearest hospital. He has burned his arm. There is also a little bit of smoke in the room, currently.”
(The owner gives them directions to the local hospital and sends me up to check on everything. When I get to the floor, I see some smoke in the hallway. Then, I open the door to find the room is barely visible due to there being so much smoke in the room. I go get the owner as the fire alarm starts to go off. Everyone evacuates the building and the fire department shows up as we are trying to clear all the smoke out.)
Me: “All this from one candle? What did they do, drop the cake?”
Owner: “Actually, it turns out the ‘candles’ they were using were actually sparklers. Not a good idea in a small room.”
(We found out later he had to be taken to a burn hospital and treated for third-degree burns.)
Delivery, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, USA | Healthy | June 16, 2018
(I work at the main information desk of a hospital. A fast-food delivery man comes inside with a bag of food.)
Delivery Man: “Is this the front desk?”
Me: “Yes, it is!”
Delivery Man: “Great. I’ve got an order for [Customer]. Their instructions said to meet them at the front desk, and they just got a text saying I’m here. I’m going to wait for them to come down, okay?”
Me: “That’s fine.”
(Several minutes go by. No one comes down. The delivery man begins to get irritated.)
Delivery Man: “You’re sure this is the front desk?”
Me: “Yes, sir. There are other desks in [departments], but this is the main, front information desk.”
Delivery Man: “Well, why isn’t [Customer] here?!”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know. Do you know if they’re a patient or a visitor?”
(The delivery man is now on his phone and not paying attention to me.)
Delivery Man: “I just don’t understand! My instructions say to meet [Name] at the front desk of [Brand] Inn!”
Me: “I’m sorry, did you say the [Brand] Inn?”
Delivery Man: “Yeah.”
Me: “That’s a hotel.”
Delivery Man: “Yeah.”
Me: “This is a hospital.”
(He looks around, apparently noticing the “TO EMERGENCY ROOM” sign, the pharmacy, and the several rows of wheelchairs around my desk for the very first time.)
Delivery Man: “CRAP!”
(He runs out of the lobby, leaving the drinks from the meal behind. He returns about five minutes later, grabs them, and runs out without saying anything. About two hours later, he returns with another order.)
Delivery Man: *sheepishly* “I’m in the right place this time. I checked.”
Me: “That’s good!”
Delivery Man: “Is [Man] here?”
(I look around. There are no men in the lobby.)
Me: “Sorry, I guess not.”
Delivery Man: “What?! My instructions say [Man] is waiting in the Women and Infants Services lobby! He’s supposed to already be here!”
Me: “Well… The Women and Infants Services lobby is down that hallway to the right, actually. This is the front lobby—”
Delivery Man: “So I’m in the wrong spot again?”
Me: “Well, the wrong department—”
Delivery Man: “G**d*** it! I thought this job would be easy!”
(He stormed out of the lobby and stomped off to the correct department. At least this time he remembered his drinks!)
Extra Stupid, Laboratory, Switzerland, Tech Support | Healthy | June 15, 2018
(I work in IT for a medical laboratory, and part of my job is to troubleshoot connections between medical devices and our software. The medical devices themselves are not ours to manage, however. I get this call one morning
Lab Tech: “Hi, my machine is not working. Could you help me, please?”
Me: “Sure! What device, and what seems to be wrong?”
Lab Tech: “It’s [Device], and I don’t know; it’s just doing nothing.”
Me: “Okay, let me check.”
(I see nothing wrong with my monitoring. However, our connectors have a tendency to need regular reboots, as they’re quite old and tend to give us trouble, so I’m expecting it to be something wrong with our equipment.)
Me: “Can you please reboot the connector? The one behind your machine.”
Lab Tech: “Sure, give me a sec.”
(My monitoring starts showing its usual shutdown and boot-up messages.)
Me: “Okay, looks good. Can you try the device again?”
Lab Tech: “Nope, still nothing.”
(I try every trick in the book to get the device to work, including having her reboot the medical device itself, which is kind of a last solution, since they’re not ours to troubleshoot. Nothing ever seems wrong on my end, but the lab tech still says it’s not working. This goes on for FIVE HOURS! I’m way past desperation point, when I ask her to walk me through every step of her process to see where exactly it hangs.)
Lab Tech: “Well, I put my samples in the tray…” *pause*
Me: “Yes, and then?”
Lab Tech: “Well, that’s supposed to be it…” *pause* “Oh, wait… I didn’t press the start button.” *pause, then my monitoring starts flooding with orders* “Now it’s working.”
Me: *screaming internally but somehow managing to keep my cool* “Well, there you go. Have a nice day.” *hangs up*
Australia, Doctors, Medical Office, Patients, Perth, Western Australia | Healthy | June 14, 2018
(I have gone to my general practitioner to get a referral to a specialist for endometriosis. My regular GP is a middle-aged, Singaporean man, but I don’t mind having male doctors for female issues.)
Me: “I’m seeing [Specialist] for endometriosis, and I need a referral.”
GP: “You realise that you’ll have to have surgery to know for sure?”
Me: “Yes, I have a family history.”
GP: “Okay, I just have to make sure that you have a reason to go. Do you have painful periods?”
Me: “Yes, definitely.”
GP: “So, it hurts in your abdomen region? Is it cramping, or other pain?”
Me: “Actually, my knees hurt.”
GP: “Come again?”
Me: “I get pain from my knees up during my period. But it’s worst in my knees.”
GP: “Really?” *chuckles* “All right, just give me a minute to write that referral.”
(I honestly hadn’t realised how weird it was, before that. I did end up having endometriosis — it turned out the knee pain was nerve damage from that.)
Emergency Room, Jerk, Patients, USA | Healthy | June 12, 2018
(I’m working at the window as a tech in the ER. It’s three am, but pretty busy, and the wait times are very long because we only staff half a dozen nurses and only one doctor at this time. A very impatient woman with a headache comes up to the window several times demanding to know how much longer it will be. Being an ER and not an urgent clinic, we see patients based on how likely they are to die in the waiting room, and we have seen her twice in the last week for her headache, so she has to get in line behind ambulances with broken bones and heart attacks.)
Patient: “How much longer is it going to be?!”
Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. Unfortunately, we’ve been getting many ambulances with critical patients in tonight, so it’s going to be a while before you can be seen. We cannot give out exact wait times, as we never know what kind of emergencies we will receive in the interim.”
Patient: “Well, if I go outside and call an ambulance, will it get me seen sooner?”
Me: “Well, no… the charge nurse would have you sent right back here to the triage area. Then we would be calling the police. Calling an ambulance from outside an ER for a medical emergency is against the law and they could arrest you.”
(She walked away from the window in a huff and waited another hour to be seen for the headache she should have seen a primary doctor for after her first visit a week ago. Our doctor gave her no more pain medicine, just a referral identical to two others she had gotten in our ER.)
Billing, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, New York, USA | Healthy | June 11, 2018
(I work for a Spanish company in Madrid. The company’s CFO and I fly to New York for ten days for several business meetings. After arriving in New York, I trip and injure my knee. As we have the first business meeting that afternoon, I just bite through the pain, and go to the meeting. After the meeting, in conversation with my CFO
CFO: “[My Name], is your knee still hurting? You were awfully quiet the entire meeting.”
Me: “Yep, still hurts. I’ll put some ice on it when we get to the hotel after dinner to see if it helps.”
(The next morning my knee still hurts, and now it’s swollen. My CFO insists that I go to the hospital, and takes me to the emergency room. I am seen in less than half an hour by a doctor.)
Doctor: “So, what’s wrong?”
Me: “I tripped yesterday and hurt my knee. I had ice on it the entire evening, but it didn’t get better. It’s slightly swollen.”
Doctor: “All right, and does it hurt?”
Me: “Yes, it does.”
Doctor: “Okay. Let’s take an x-ray, and I’ll give you some medicine for the pain.”
(The x-ray is taken. I receive my medicine and wait for the doctor to come see me again.)
Doctor: “All right, it seems you did fall pretty bad. You did some serious damage to your knee, and will definitely need surgery, sooner rather than later. We can do it here if you’d like.”
(As my CFO is there with me, I quickly speak to him.)
Me: “[CFO], I have no idea how much this is going to cost. I can pay this x-ray; however, I’m not sure about the surgery and hospital stay.”
CFO: “[My Name], don’t worry. It happened on a business trip; the company will pay for everything.”
Me: “Thank you! [Doctor], I’d like to do the surgery, then.”
Doctor: “Okay, perfect. I cannot do it today, but wait in the waiting room and I’ll send someone to tell you when we will be available within the next few days.”
(We both go and sit in the waiting room and wait for almost one hour, before someone in a suit shows up.)
Billing Guy: “Hello, my name is [Billing Guy], and I am from the billing department. Since you are a foreign citizen and have no insurance, we need to go over the costs first. First of all, I expedited the billing of your ER visit, and the x-ray and medicine you had costs [amount slightly under $1,300], which you have to pay before we can even think about scheduling the surgery. The surgery itself will require you to stay in the hospital for a while, and will be significantly more expensive. We cannot tell you how much it will be, as it varies; however, if you want to play it on the safe side you can expect something between $25,000 and $30,000.”
CFO: *suddenly awake* “Okay, the $1,300 I can pay right now. The surgery should not be a problem, as well; however, I need to call HQ to let them know.”
Billing Guy: “Should? All right, I will have to speak to my boss. Leave me your contact details, go back to your hotel, and I will call you the latest tomorrow morning so we can work out the details.”
(Two days pass, with no word whatsoever. Suddenly, in the middle of our next meeting my CFO gets a call and excuses himself from the meeting. He’s gone for almost half an hour. When he comes back
CFO: “[My Name], they refused to do the surgery, as they couldn’t be sure we would pay. I told them we already paid the ER visit with no problems whatsoever, but it wasn’t enough for them. They said our company’s finance department could afterwards simply refuse to pay. I told him I was the CFO and would guarantee payment, but that wasn’t enough for them.”
Me: “Okay, I can work this way for another week, and I’ll just go to the hospital back in Madrid.”
CFO: “No, you can’t. I already called the airline; they changed both our flights. We fly back this evening, and [CEO] is on the phone with a doctor friend of his who works at [Public Hospital] to make sure they’re ready for you as soon as you arrive.”
Me: “And the meetings?”
CFO: “We’ll reschedule; don’t worry.”
(The next day we flew back home, and my wife met me at the airport and drove me to the hospital where they were waiting for me. They immediately took an x-ray, confirmed I indeed needed immediate surgery, and simply did it. Including fuel money, surgery, medicine, and hospital stay, it didn’t cost more than a lunch for two. I now appreciate our Public Health Care system; even though it sometimes is slow, it is either free or inexpensive. Kudos to you Americans for being able to live with that health care system of yours without insurance. I am not sure I would be able to do it.)
Atlanta, Crazy Requests, Georgia, Jerk, Medical Office, Patients, USA | Healthy | June 10, 2018
(I work for a doctor’s office that will work some Saturdays. However, on the Saturdays that we are open, only one doctor, the dermatologist, is there. The phones go straight to the answering service because we do not have the majority of the front office working. I am working phones this day. A patient calls in on February 4th.)
Patient: “Was [Doctor] working on January 23rd?”
Me: *after checking schedule* “Yes, ma’am, he was here that Saturday.”
Patient: “I tried to call and didn’t get an answer.”
Me: “Yes, ma’am, our phones are never open on Saturdays.”
Patient: “Why didn’t someone call to tell me he was open?!”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Patient: “There was a threat of snow!” *which didn’t happen* “No one called me and we—” *her and her two daughters* “—missed our appointments!”
Me: “We have a system in place where we call the patients if the office is closing due to inclement weather, but we remained open.”
Patient: “HALF OF ATLANTA WAS CLOSED; WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL?!”
Me: “Because we remained open, ma’am. Would you like to reschedule your appointments?”
Patient: “What are you going to do about this?”
Me: “I can reschedule your appointments, but there is not much else I can do.”
Patient: “You aren’t going to tell the doctor? Don’t you think he would want to know?”
(This eventually had to be transferred to my manager, who informed her the doctor was quite aware he remained open and even though
Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Medical Office, Oregon, Patients, USA | Healthy | June 9, 2018
(I need a trip to the doctor, and the one I am seeing is brand new to me, so I don’t know much about the office. When my husband and I walk in, we are approached by a woman in a wheelchair.)
Patient #1 : “If you’re here to see the doctor, there’s a four-hour wait.”
Me: “Seriously?”
Patient #1 : “Yeah. It’s really bad. They’ve started using a new system today and they’re having all sorts of trouble with it.”
(A younger woman comes out to take the patient away.)
Husband: “Excuse me, but is it true that if you have an appointment, they’re running four hours behind?”
Young Woman: “Oh, no. That’s just the walk-in clinic. Appointments are running as close to on time as they can get.”
Me: “Thanks.”
(My husband and I go inside and approach the counter.)
Nurse #1 : “Hello there. Are you here for the clinic?”
Me: “No, I’ve got an appointment with [Doctor] at three.”
Nurse #1 : “All right, then. Let me get some information from you and we’ll get you going.”
(I give her all the pertinent information. She puts it all in, and then her computer beeps and she gives a deep sigh.)
Nurse #1 : “I’m sorry. I need to restart the computer, and I’ll have to get your info again. It’s this new system we got. Today is our first day using it and it’s been nothing but trouble.”
Me: “No problem. I understand computers acting up.”
(Next to me is another patient trying to get in to see a doctor via the walk-in clinic.)
Patient #2 : “What do you mean there’s a four-hour wait? I’m sick. I could die. Why can’t you get me in sooner?”
Nurse #2 : “I’m sorry, ma’am. But we’re running behind because of the trouble with our new system. If you don’t want to wait, I can get you an appointment tomorrow morning with your doctor.”
Patient #2 : “I don’t have time for that. I’m here now and you will see me now.”
Nurse #2 : “I’m sorry, ma’am. You’re going to have to wait.”
Nurse #1 : “Okay, [My Name]. Let’s go over that information one more time.” *gives info* “Okay, it took it this time. Here you go. You should be called back shortly.”
Me: “Thank you.”
Patient #2 : “Why is she getting in before me? She’s fat. Fat people are always sick. They should have to wait.”
Nurse #2 : “She has an appointment with one of our doctors.”
Nurse #2 : “We’re not going to do that. Either sit down or take the appointment I’m offering you.”
([Patient #2 ] continued screaming that “fat people are too sick to see a doctor,” and “I’m more important than everyone here.” She was removed from the office and banned from the clinic.)
Extra Stupid, Hospital, Jerk, Patients, USA | Healthy | June 8, 2018
(I am a switchboard operator for a large hospital network with multiple campuses, over 100 specialty clinics, as well as primary care and pediatric offices in several different towns.)
Me: “Health Care Switchboard; how may I direct your call?”
Caller: “Yes, I would like directions to my appointment tomorrow.”
Me: “Certainly, sir, which doctor are you going to see?”
Caller: “I don’t know. Can’t you just tell me how to get there?”
Me: “Well, we have many different locations, so I would need to know which office you are going to in order to give you directions. If you don’t know, I could transfer you to the registration department and they can look up your appointments for you.”
Caller: “NO, I don’t want you to transfer me! I don’t understand why you can’t just give me directions!”
Me: “Well, sir, you haven’t given me enough information. Do you remember anything else about the appointment? Was it to see a specialist about a specific problem? Or maybe for radiology? Or some type of procedure?”
Caller: “I don’t know. Just tell me how to get there!”
Me: “If you don’t know anything about the appointment, I would need to transfer you to registration and they would be happy to help you look it up. We do not have access to your medical records at the switchboard.”
Caller: “No. I already told you not to transfer me! God!”
Me: “Well, sir, I would really like to help you, but I just don’t have enough information. Do you remember anything else about this appointment that you could tell me?”
Caller: “I don’t understand why you won’t help me. This is ridiculous. Now I will miss my appointment and it will be your fault!” *hangs up on me*
Doctors, Extra Stupid, Glasgow, Hospital, Language & Words, Patients, Scotland, UK | Healthy | June 7, 2018
(My stepmum has been unwell for a few months and has been on a number of different antibiotics. Her symptoms aren’t improving, so she goes back to the doctor and my dad goes with her. During the examination, the following takes place.)
Doctor: “I’m going to put you on a stronger antibiotic, but before I do that, I want to make sure you haven’t had reactions to the antibiotic you’re currently on. Have you had any headaches or trouble sleeping?”
Stepmum: “No. I’m tired from the illness, but I have no trouble sleeping.”
Doctor: “Okay, and any stomach issues?”
Stepmum: “No, that’s fine, too.”
Doctor: “Great. Now, this might be a bit sensitive, but have you had any thrush?”
Stepmum: *looks at my dad, confused* “No, but I have a parrot at home!”
Dad: *nearly peeing his pants with laughter* “He’s means a yeast infection, not a bird!”
Chicago, Hospital, Illinois, Nurses, Patients, Silly, USA | Healthy | June 7, 2018
(I don’t know it at the time, but I have a herniated disc and the painkillers they gave me for the pain just kicked in. I am walking out of the bathroom, holding my cup of pee after giving a urine sample. A nurse is standing outside, and for some reason I think she is there to collect the sample. I walk towards her, then realize she isn’t a pee collector, but it is too late; I already have her attention, so I just start talking, much to my dismay.)
Me: “Hi, do I give this to you?” *holding up the cup to her*
Nurse: *stares* “No… just… put it on the table in the room… wherever you came from.”
(I work in a restaurant, so I know the dead “did this really just happen to me?” look she had after dealing with a seemingly crazy person. I’ll be kicking myself for a while.)
(I’ve gone to the emergency room. I get checked in through triage, and the nurse gives me the appropriate paperwork and sends me to the next waiting area. I drop my paperwork into the tray at the waiting area as instructed and take a seat. There are five or six other people already waiting. Every few minutes, a nurse will call a name and direct that person to an exam room.)
Nurse: “[Female Name that isn’t mine].”
(Nobody responds.)
Nurse: *repeats*
(Still no response.)
Nurse: *looks directly at me* “Are you [Female Name that isn’t mine]?”
Me: *a male, shakes head* “No, that’s not me.”
(The nurse disappears after that. A short while later I’m called by the same nurse and sent to an exam room. The nurse pulls open the curtain and there’s already someone there. She seems surprised by this but directs me to another room and leaves the curtain somewhat open as I sit down. The doctor comes in to see me after a few more minutes.)
Doctor: *reading his papers* “Okay, [Female Name that isn’t mine], looks like you’re here for [not my issue].”
Me: *still a male* “No, I’m [My Name], and I’m here for [my concern].”
(The doctor looked up for the first time and saw me. He was obviously confused, but double-checked his papers and walked out. I saw him go to the occupied room I was sent to initially. I don’t know why they were so insistent on me being that woman
Billing, Hospital, Michigan, Money, Patients, USA | Healthy | June 5, 2018
(Shortly before we met, my husband left his job to start a new one, and his insurance lapsed for a month. During this month, he had to get an emergency appendectomy. A year and a half later, we’re down to the last $1,000 of the $10,000 he owes to the hospital. Due to my medical conditions, I’m a stay-at-home wife and mom to my step-kids, so we have had no choice but to stay with my parents during that time. We’re finally able to see the light out of the debt, and the same hospital calls me. This isn’t the first time they’ve called, but the first time I’ve answered.)
Me: “Hello?”
Caller: “Hello, is this [My Name]? I’m calling to discuss your account with [Hospital]. I see here that you owe $200 for a visit.”
Me: “Yes, I’m aware of that. I had a pretty bad bout with bronchitis, and it didn’t play well with my asthma. I fully intend to pay that $200. But since I’ve been paying you guys $10,000 for my husband’s life-saving operation, we were kind of waiting until that was paid off before paying mine.”
Caller: “Uh… I’m going to send out some financial help paperwork to you, and make a note of this. It was headed to collections, but it’ll put a hold on it for you.”
(I’m not sure if the shock in his voice was because I was intending to pay my debt, or because of how much we had already paid them, but it made me giggle. People can be surprisingly understanding if you explain the situation to them.)
Assisted Living, Bizarre, Michigan, Patients, USA, Wild & Unruly | Healthy | June 5, 2018
(I work in the dementia section of a senior living community. We have one resident who is known for her paranoid delusions and her visions of a religious nature. When dementia patients express beliefs that diverge from reality — e.g. that their long-dead spouse is waiting for them in the car, that they are the owner of the facility, etc. — it’s rarely helpful to correct their delusion, because it just makes them more agitated. We just try to keep them safe and calm, and redirect their attention if possible. Sometimes it’s not possible, though.)
Resident: “Did you see them?”
Me: “Did I see what, [Resident]?”
Resident: “The babies. They’re all dead. Satan killed them all, and they’re outside my window.”
Me: “No, I didn’t see them. But I wasn’t looking out the window. Say, [Resident], would you like to join the others in the rec room? We’re having a snack and a singalong.”
Resident: “Attack? Why would I attack you?”
Me: “No, a snack.”
Resident: “No snakes!”
Me: “Okay, how about the chapel? Should we go to the chapel? You could pray for the babies.”
Resident: “Yes, the chapel, that’s good. Let’s go to the chapel.”
(We go to the chapel, which has been known to have a calming effect on this resident in the past.)
Me: “Okay, let’s just have a seat and pray.”
Resident: “TOOL OF SATAN!”
(I turn, just in time to duck the three-foot-long, brass crucifix that is being swung towards my head. The resident, a small, frail lady, apparently snatched it from the altar, and is wielding it like a pick-axe, and her face is contorted in a red ball of rage.)
Resident: “Out! Out, you tool of Satan! You have no power here!”
Me: *knowing that saying, “I’m not a tool of Satan,” isn’t going to convince her of anything* “Oh, s***.”
(I turned and ran. My coworkers heard the commotion, and laughed heartily at the sight of a 6’2″, 250-pound man fleeing from a crucifix-wielding woman half my size. For the rest of my time there, one coworker refused to address me as anything but “Tool of Satan.”)
Assisted Living, Bizarre, Michigan, Patients, USA, Wild & Unruly | Healthy | June 5, 2018
(I work in the dementia section of a senior living community. We have one resident who is known for her paranoid delusions and her visions of a religious nature. When dementia patients express beliefs that diverge from reality — e.g. that their long-dead spouse is waiting for them in the car, that they are the owner of the facility, etc. — it’s rarely helpful to correct their delusion, because it just makes them more agitated. We just try to keep them safe and calm, and redirect their attention if possible. Sometimes it’s not possible, though.)
Resident: “Did you see them?”
Me: “Did I see what, [Resident]?”
Resident: “The babies. They’re all dead. Satan killed them all, and they’re outside my window.”
Me: “No, I didn’t see them. But I wasn’t looking out the window. Say, [Resident], would you like to join the others in the rec room? We’re having a snack and a singalong.”
Resident: “Attack? Why would I attack you?”
Me: “No, a snack.”
Resident: “No snakes!”
Me: “Okay, how about the chapel? Should we go to the chapel? You could pray for the babies.”
Resident: “Yes, the chapel, that’s good. Let’s go to the chapel.”
(We go to the chapel, which has been known to have a calming effect on this resident in the past.)
Me: “Okay, let’s just have a seat and pray.”
Resident: “TOOL OF SATAN!”
(I turn, just in time to duck the three-foot-long, brass crucifix that is being swung towards my head. The resident, a small, frail lady, apparently snatched it from the altar, and is wielding it like a pick-axe, and her face is contorted in a red ball of rage.)
Resident: “Out! Out, you tool of Satan! You have no power here!”
Me: *knowing that saying, “I’m not a tool of Satan,” isn’t going to convince her of anything* “Oh, s***.”
(I turned and ran. My coworkers heard the commotion, and laughed heartily at the sight of a 6’2″, 250-pound man fleeing from a crucifix-wielding woman half my size. For the rest of my time there, one coworker refused to address me as anything but “Tool of Satan.”)
Assisted Living, Funny Names, Iowa, Patients, Silly, USA | Healthy | June 4, 2018
(I’m a CNA at a local nursing home. I take care of one elderly gentleman in particular that I’ve developed a very good relationship with. He calls me “Sunshine” because of my sunny demeanor, very blonde hair, and love for yellow scrubs. I am chatting with him one evening when this exchange happens
Me: *telling a story* “And my friend said, [My Name], what did you do now?”
Resident: *looks confused* “Sunshine, who is [My Name]?”
Me: *laughing* “[Resident], I’m [My Name].”
Resident: *pondering this for a moment…* “No, you’re not. You’re Sunshine! End of story!”
Extra Stupid, Florida, Patients, USA, Vet | Healthy | June 1, 2018
(I am working the overnight shift at an emergency veterinary clinic. The phone rings and I answer it
Me: “[Clinic]. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”
Caller: “Is this [Other Clinic]?”
Me: “No, ma’am, this is [Clinic].”
Caller: “Okay, so this is [Owner of other clinic’s office]?”
Me: “No, ma’am. That’s [Other Clinic]. This is [Clinic].”
Caller: “Okay, well, I’m right outside your office at the intersection of [Road #1 ] and [Road #2 ]. My dog has an emergency.”
Me: “No, ma’am, that is [Other Clinic]. They are closed because it is two am. We’re [Clinic], which is right down the road. Head south on [Road #1 ] for about two miles until you go under the overpass, then we’re on your right-hand side.”
Caller: “Okay, are you on the left or the right?”
Me: “We’re on the right-hand side, ma’am.”
(Twenty minutes later she calls back.)
Caller: “I went all the way down to the overpass and didn’t see you, so I turned around. Where is your office?”
Me: “You have to go under the overpass before you can see our office. We’ll be on your right-hand side once you pass the freeway.”
Caller: “Okay, I’ll be right there.”
(It took her another thirty minutes to find our clinic. Her pet’s emergency? He needed a nail trim.)
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