Like Taking Candy From A Baby… Or Not…
COLORADO, FUNNY KIDS, HOSPITAL, NON-DIALOGUE, PATIENTS, USA | HEALTHY | JUNE 13, 2020
While still an infant, I contract rotavirus, an illness that causes severe diarrhea.
In my case, the sickness is severe enough that eating or drinking causes almost immediate diarrhea. I’m taken to the hospital and put on an IV for fluid and nutrients.
I’m absolutely miserable and desperately want something to eat, but I’m not allowed anything to avoid further irritation of my bowels. To try and calm me down, I’m given an empty bottle to suck on.
At one point, a nurse comes in to check on the IV. As she’s adjusting it, I hold up my empty bottle to her and start whining for her to fill it. The nurse takes the bottle and pretends to fill it from the IV and hands it back. I start sucking only to realize I’ve been deceived.
As my mom tells it, I proceed to chuck the bottle across the room in protest.
That’s Generally Uncomfortable…
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, HOSPITAL, INDIANA, JERK, NURSES, USA | HEALTHY | JUNE 7, 2020
I’m getting a vasectomy, and my doctor asks if I want a local or general anesthetic. Since I have problems with general anesthetics, I opt for the local.
After supposedly numbing the target area, he begins the procedure.
Doctor: “Let me know if you feel anything.”
Me: “I can feel that!”
Doctor: “You were the one that opted for a local anesthetic!”
Me: “You were the one that said to tell you if I felt anything!!”
The next day, a stitch popped and I had some very minor bleeding. I gave his office a call because, you know, that doesn’t seem like something that’s supposed to happen. The nurse said, “Well, that’s what they do!”
This doctor had a history of being jerky, but my philosophy at the time was “better the devil you know…”
So Much For Birth Control
BIZARRE, FAMILY & KIDS, GERMANY, HOSPITAL, PATIENTS | HEALTHY | JUNE 6, 2020
CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.
I’m a doctor working at the surgical emergency ward on a calm Saturday afternoon when a very large woman is brought in via ambulance. I’m wrapping up my last case at the computer but can hear her wailing from behind her curtain; we, unfortunately, don’t have separate rooms.
Another surgeon is with her within minutes.
Doctor: “All right, I’ve heard you called an ambulance for abdominal pain. Have you experienced similar symptoms before?”
Patient: “No! Help! Please, do something!”
Doctor: “Sure, give me just a minute. I need to find out the cause of your pain first to give you the right medication. Could you describe your symptoms a bit more in detail?”
Patient: “I have these cramps. They started early this morning and keep getting worse! Sometimes it’s a bit better but it keeps coming back! Oh, please do something!”
The doctor puts a hand on her belly, frowns, and then looks at her sharply.
Doctor: “Ma’am, is it possible that you’re pregnant?”
Patient: “Aaauuuugh! Ah… No… I don’t think so? I didn’t get my period for some time due to stress…”
The doctor motions for a nurse to get him an ultrasound.
Doctor: “Ma’am, when was your last period?”
Patient: *Winces* “I don’t know? Some months ago… December? No, earlier, I think.”
The nurse comes back with the ultrasound and the doctor finishes his examination. When he puts the probe on her belly…
Doctor: “Wow. I don’t usually get to see this, but it’s quite clear. See here? This is a head, and there’s the spine. With the periodic contractions you’re describing, I’m fairly sure you’re in labour.”
Patient: “What?! No! I can’t!”
Doctor: “Oh. I’m sorry; it seems I was wrong.”
Patient: “Praise the Lord. Don’t scare me like that!”
Doctor: “Sorry, that’s not what I meant. There’s another head. It’s twins.” *To the nurse* “Please inform the gynecologists and call a transport to get her to the labour room.”
Not even half an hour later, we got a call from the gynecologists. It was two healthy babies, seemingly on term, and which blood tests did we already order?
I’m glad they were delivered safely and healthily, but judging by their mom’s reaction to her pregnancy… I can’t help but worry for their future.
Might Be Time To Change Doctors
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, GRAND RAPIDS, MEDICAL OFFICE, MICHIGAN, PARENTS/GUARDIANS, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 31, 2020
I work for a doctor’s emergency answering service. A frantic woman calls in at three am.
Me: “Hello, [Service].”
Woman: “I need [Doctor] to call me ASAP! My son has swallowed a nickel!”
Me: “Certainly. Just let me get some information and I’ll have [Doctor] call you right back.”
The woman gives me all the pertinent info. I call [Doctor] and wake him up from a very obvious sound sleep.
Me: “Sorry to wake you, [Doctor]. I’ve got a call from [Woman]; she says her son has swallowed a nickel.”
What A Heartless Joke!
BIZARRE, MALAYSIA, MEDICAL OFFICE, PRANKS, SCHOOL, STUDENTS | HEALTHY | MAY 29, 2020
My friend’s dad is a lecturer at a medical school. He has a friend with a rare condition called situs inversus, meaning his internal organs are mirror images of the usual configuration. He likes to pull a prank on first-year students.
Lecturer: “Is it possible for a person to have their organs the wrong way around and still be alive and healthy?”
Students: “No, sir!”
At some point later he brings his friend in as a model patient and has a student try to find his heartbeat.
After muddling around with a stethoscope, one particularly confused student responded, “Sir, this man has no heart!”
The Editors Thank You For This “Life Hack”!
CALIFORNIA, FRIENDS, HEALTH & BODY, HOME, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 28, 2020
I’m visiting a friend who is very fit and an avid hiker. As we’re both middle-aged, we’re commiserating over the usual aches and pains.
Friend: “Since my last hike, my lower back has been hurting. It’s not injured, just sore.”
Me: “That happens to me, too. Try stretching your hamstrings.”
Friend: “What? No, my legs are fine. My back hurts.”
Me: “Yeah, but sometimes tight hamstrings can pull on your lower back.”
Friend: “That doesn’t make any sense. My hamstrings are probably tight from hiking, but it has nothing to do with my back.”
Me: “Another woman in my ballet class didn’t believe me, either. But when she stretched out her hamstrings, her back felt better.”
Friend: “I just don’t see how it can work.”
Me: “Look. It’s safe and easy to try; just do it.”
Friend: “I don’t know.”
After about ten minutes of this back and forth, my friend finally puts her leg on a surface about hip height and gently stretches the back of the leg. Then, she does the other side. When she’s done, she tests her back.
Friend: “Hey! The pain’s mostly gone!”
Me: “Great!”
Friend: “Hamstrings affecting the back… Who knew?”
We Know A Few People Who Could Use That Procedure
IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, JERK, PHARMACY, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 27, 2020
I’m a pharmacy technician at a national pharmacy chain. On this particular morning, it’s just me and the pharmacist working. About two minutes after opening, an old woman comes up to the register.
Me: “Good morning. Could I get your name and date of birth, please?”
She gives me her name and birthday. I punch her information into the register and see that we have a prescription ready for her. I grab her prescription from the bin.
Me: “Okay, so, I’ve got your [commonly used blood pressure medication] ready for you.”
Customer: “No, no, no! I don’t need that; I need my Valium!”
From having entered her information into the register, I know we do not have any Valium ready for her, nor are we currently working on any for her. However, if a patient’s medication is on hold, or if we’ve just received it from the doctor and haven’t entered it yet, it won’t show up on the register. I inform the woman there’s no Valium in process for her but that I will check my computer to see if we have any for her.
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t have any Valium in my system for you anywhere. It’s possible that the doctor’s office hasn’t sent it to us yet; I would recommend that you give the office a call.”
Customer: *Now furious with me* “No! You’re lying! I know they sent it to you! They sent it to you yesterday and I need it now because I’m having brain surgery in forty-five minutes at [Hospital in a town thirty minutes away]!”
I’m just dumbstruck that someone would plan this poorly, but I maintain my professional composure.
Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, but I have not received any Valium prescription for you.”
Customer: “Well, this is just f****** ridiculous. This kind of s*** is why I changed pharmacies months ago.”
Me: *Slight pause* “Well, then… perhaps your prescription was sent to your current pharmacy?”
Customer: “No! I know for a fact that it was sent to you because I was standing right there when the doctor called you!”
I know this is a lie because of two things. First, doctors never call prescriptions in themselves; they have a nurse or receptionist do it. And second, Valium is a class IV controlled substance and therefore, in our state, it can only be sent to the pharmacy electronically, not over the phone.
Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but again, I don’t have any prescription here for you. My best recommendation would be that you call the doctor and ask them to send it again as soon as possible.”
Customer: “No, there’s no time for that. When I get there, I’m gonna tell them it’s your fault that I have to postpone this operation!”
The woman storms off and I walk back to my workstation, almost in a daze.
Pharmacist: “Well, if she’s having brain surgery, I hope that means they’re going to install one.”
PLEASE Keep Washing Your Hands
CURRENT EVENTS, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, MEDICAL OFFICE, PATIENTS, REVOLTING, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 26, 2020
I have a job that requires frequent handwashing, even prior to a certain global health crisis. A combination of the handwashing, stress, and weather results in what I suspect is eczema on my hands. I’ve never dealt with it before, and regular moisturizer isn’t cutting it, so eventually I go to see a dermatologist.
The doctor does a quick exam and determines that it is, in fact, eczema.
Dermatologist: “I’d recommend [Hand Cream] and I’ll prescribe you [Steroid Cream]. What did you say you did for a living? Is it possible you could wash your hands less often?”
Me: “I’m… not sure that’s really possible. I work in a lab, studying [bacteria known to cause flesh-eating disease].”
The doctor was speechless for a second and then laughed. I doubt she’d gotten that answer before.
Thanks to the prescription cream and a better moisturizing regimen, my hands are much improved, though I still need to wash them frequently!
Still A Dangerous Question
FAMILY & KIDS, MEDICAL OFFICE, MISSOURI, NURSES, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 22, 2020
I’m at the doctor’s. One of the nurses is obviously very pregnant.
Me: “So, when are you due?”
Nurse: *Stares daggers at me* “I’m not pregnant.”
Me: “Nice try, but I heard you talking to the other nurse about being pregnant.”
This Should Have You In Stitches
ADORABLE CHILDREN, HEALTH & BODY, INSPIRATIONAL, KIND STRANGERS, MASSACHUSETTS, NON-DIALOGUE, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 21, 2020
I got in a minor motorcycle accident and I was in an emergency room to get stitches for a gash in my forehead. They told me they had a little girl, maybe six or seven, who needed stitches but was completely flipping out about it and asked if it would be okay to let her watch me.
So, basically, I had a little girl on a stool standing over me next to the doctor, and I chatted with her about how you can’t feel anything except some tugging, which doesn’t hurt after they give you anesthetics, as they stitched me up.
Weighing Your Options
IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, LIARS/SCAMMERS, MICHIGAN, USA, VET | HEALTHY | MAY 20, 2020
I am a veterinarian working at a hospital, performing a routine examination on an animal. Falsifying any medical records, no matter how small, puts me at risk of losing my license.
Me: “Fluffy looks really good except for some dental tartar. We’re just here to update the rabies vaccine, right? I don’t believe he’s due for anything else.”
Owner: “Yes, and if you wouldn’t mind, I need you to change his weight on the rabies certificate; my new apartment won’t let dogs live there who weigh over fifty pounds.”
I look down at the dog, who is pushing eighty pounds.
Me: “I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that today for you. Is there anything else you need, though? Heartworm prevention?”
Owner: *Sighs heavily* “Well, they’ll kick me out if you don’t put down a lower weight, and I just recently got divorced, and all of this has just been a huge hassle.”
Me: *Gives the vaccines* “Yes, I understand. That sounds like a difficult time you’re going through. Well, Fluffy did really well! My assistant will check you out at the front desk.”
I proceed to leave the room and a moment later, I hear from the receptionist that the lady is getting pushier about changing the weight so I go up there.
Me: “It really isn’t possible. The certificate is a legal document and your dog is nowhere near fifty pounds.”
Owner: “Well, that’s just really not helpful. You’re making a difficult time even harder for me!”
I reiterated myself several times before the lady left fuming. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only time I’d been asked to falsify things.
The Right Dentist Can Make You Smile In So Many Ways
AWESOME, COLORADO, DENTIST, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, INSPIRATIONAL, JERK, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 19, 2020
Like a lot of people, I hate going to the dentist. My first memory of going to the dentist was traumatic and growing up I inherited my parent’s bad teeth, which made dental visits painful and embarrassing. Unfortunately, my attempts at better dental hygiene ended up ruining my teeth; it got to the point where every single tooth was rotting and needed to be pulled.
The first dentist I went to for a checkup and to discuss my options insisted on pulling my teeth that day. He went on and on about how the infection was going to spread to my brain and kill me. The staff insisted my insurance would cover it, but only the novocaine. He didn’t pull all my teeth — ten or less — and it lasted two hours. Later, I received a bill for all the little fees that the staff conveniently didn’t go over. I decided infection and potential death wasn’t too bad if it meant avoiding bills.
A couple of years later, after I had to switch insurance, and at the insistence of my therapists and case manager, I went to the dentist again — a different place this time.
The first visit was a check-up and only that. We talked about my options, and there was no pressure on what I should do or that I needed to get it done right then and there. The assistant even expressed sympathy when she saw how bad my teeth were instead of being judgmental. I set up several appointments to get my teeth pulled and get dentures.
Despite having to do everything in stages, the process was quick. My insurance would cover the surgery, but only the basics. The dentist, who had a heart of gold, gave me laughing gas anyway, no charge.
They made dentures on-site, so I was able to get dentures fitted as soon as I was healed. For the first time since I was a child, I smiled without covering my face and the staff was thrilled. I can’t thank them enough for all the kindness they showed me.
When A Date Leaves You Cold
CALIFORNIA, DATING, NON-DIALOGUE, SKATING RINK, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 18, 2020
Back in January of this year, I went on a date with a guy I had met on a popular dating app — the one where the girl has to make the first move.
We met up for dinner and drinks and things were going very well! He was nice and funny and I was enjoying his company. He was an EMT; this is important later in the story.
After dinner, he suggested we go to an ice rink to go ice skating. I was skeptical, as I’m a very clumsy person and can barely stand up on my own two feet on solid ground, and I knew I was going to thoroughly embarrass myself at the rink. But I said yes anyway.
For the first hour, things went well. We were both hobbling along the side of the wall and making fun of each other’s form, but I got cocky, pushed away from the wall, and ate it. I landed on my butt and tried to catch myself with my arm. I landed so hard my ears were ringing and I was woozy.
My date had to help me off the ice and he immediately went into EMT mode, rolling up my sleeve and feeling around my arm to see if he could feel any breaks.
Besides the numbness in my arm, we both agreed that it probably wasn’t broken, and I turned down his offer to take me to the emergency room.
We spent the next six hours on a cliff overlooking the beach, with me flinching at the slightest touch to my arm.
When I woke up the next day, I was in tears. My entire arm was black and blue and swollen beyond belief; I couldn’t even put a shirt on without crying out in pain. I had to have my brother take me to Urgent Care.
While at Urgent Care, the doctor on call told me that not only was my elbow broken, but that I had fractured my wrist, as well, when I tried to stop myself from falling. The impact of me landing on my wrist fractured it and broke my elbow almost immediately, but the massive swelling that immediately took place is what made my date unable to tell that my arm was broken.
There was so much fluid in my arm that it felt like a normal arm.
I was immediately taken off work for the next four months, as I am a barista while finishing school, and I teased my date about my arm all the time. We dated for a month but decided we were better off as friends.
We’re still friends to this day, and I still give him crap about my elbow.
It still hurts when the weather gets cold, too, even after having it out of a sling for six weeks.
Nurses Aren’t Always Faithful To Listen To Their Patients
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, MEDICAL OFFICE, MINNESOTA, NURSES, USA | HEALTHY | MAY 16, 2020
Unfortunately, I have notoriously difficult veins to hit when I need blood drawn. Many, many seasoned medical professionals have tried and failed to hit the veins in my arm. Usually after poking me up to six times — ouch! — they find a vein in my hand they can use that I have started calling Old Faithful.
Doctor: “We’re going to draw some blood for labs.”
Me: “Okay, but I have really, really bad veins despite all the water I drink. Send in your best vein finder — it’ll save everyone a lot of time — and tell them to go for this vein in my hand.”
Doctor: *Chuckles* “Oh, I’m sure it’s not that bad. People always say they have bad veins but usually it’s because they had a bad experience. You’ll be fine.”
Me: “I had cancer two years ago. My blood is drawn all the time at every doctor I visit. My veins are so bad people have had to use ultrasound machines to find them. Whoever is drawing my blood needs to go through my hand after using a warming pack. I cannot stress enough just how hard my veins are to hit.”
Doctor: “It’s more painful when we stick your hand instead of your arm.”
Me: “Usually, it’s more painful, yes, but I have Old Faithful here, and someone hitting her on the first or second try is much better than them trying four or five times on each arm before going through my hand anyway.”
The doctor leaves, shaking his head, and sure enough, the nurse who comes in ten minutes later tries my arm first despite my pleading. She tries twice before I say anything more.
Me: *Pained* “Please just use my hand.”
Nurse #1 : “Oh, but it’s so painful through the hand! I’ll go get [Nurse #2 ]; she’s very good at hitting veins!”
[Nurse #2 ] enters and sticks my arm three more times before switching to my other arm, despite my protests. My entire forearm hurts at this point, and I’m annoyed that three different people have ignored me. [Nurse #2 ] misses yet again.
Me: “Go through my hand, please; you’ll hit Old Faithful so much faster.”
Nurse #2 : *Trying my arm yet again* “The hand is more—”
Me: *Snappy* “More painful! Yes, I know! Everyone keeps saying that, but you know what really hurts? Being jabbed seven times in the wrong place because no one will listen when I tell them I have bad veins! Just go through my hand, please!”
Nurse #2 : “Fine, fine, I’ll give it a try. It’s gonna hurt.”
She hit Old Faithful easily and immediately and got the blood needed in less than two minutes. The arm that was jabbed five times predictably had four large bruises — two had merged into one huge super-bruise — where the vein finding attempts were made, and now I refuse to let anyone touch me until they confirm they’ll try my hand first. Old Faithful hasn’t let me down yet.
“Patient Presented With Symptoms Of Not Being Dead”
HEALTH & BODY, HIGH SCHOOL, NURSES, TEACHERS, USA, WISCONSIN | HEALTHY | MAY 15, 2020
In gym class, we are learning how to check our pulse by placing our index and middle fingers on the carotid artery, on the neck to the side of the windpipe. The teacher is having the class run laps and take our pulse.
My friend is having a hard time finding her carotid artery and can’t take her pulse. She approaches the gym teacher for help. The teacher tries to find her carotid artery on her neck.
Teacher: “I don’t know… Go see the nurse.”
Friend: “Seriously? I have a pulse. I’m fine.”
Teacher: “Well, I can’t find it. Go see the nurse.”
My friend reported to the very puzzled school nurse who confirmed that she did, in fact, have a pulse and helped her find it. I sometimes wonder if that nurse had to keep medical records for students, and what on earth she wrote for that patient encounter.
Preventative Procedures Protect Patients And Pets
CURRENT EVENTS, JERK, PATIENTS, PENNSYLVANIA, USA, VET | HEALTHY | MAY 14, 2020
Because of the recent health crisis, our vet has decided not to allow people in the building. This is made clear when you make the appointment. You call to say you’ve arrived and someone comes out to take your pet. Then, the vet calls to discuss the visit and payment is taken when your pet is returned. It’s extra work and wait time, but I understand their caution.
I am waiting in my car for my vet to run my bank card when a woman pulls up and gets out of her car. She has a small dog in a blanket in her arms. She approaches the door and pushes, but it is locked. She looks through the window, knocks, and then steps back. I think that is when she notices the sign on the door, explaining the new procedure. The woman takes a picture of the sign using her phone camera and then knocks again, harder this time.
Finally, the receptionist comes to the door. Before unlocking it, the receptionist pulls her mask over her face. The woman on the outside — who is not wearing a mask — rolls her eyes and twirls her free hand in a “hurry up” motion.
Receptionist: “Yes, ma’am?”
Woman: “We have an appointment.”
She tries to push the door open but the receptionist holds her ground.
Receptionist: “Okay, I’ll get your paperwork together if you’ll just head back to your vehicle and—”
Woman: “No, just move. This is ridiculous.”
Receptionist: “I know it’s strange, but we have adapted a new protocol because of—”
Woman: “I don’t care. You can’t deny me entry when you’re expecting me.” *Pushes again* “Move!”
The receptionist does not move but pushes the door shut and locks it. The woman pounds on the glass so hard it shakes. A moment later, the receptionist returns with the vet. This time they do not unlock the door.
Woman: “Finally! This girl won’t let me in!”
Vet: “I am sorry, but we cannot allow you in the building.”
Woman: “This is illegal!”
Vet: “No, ma’am, I assure you it’s not.”
Woman: “How can you do this?”
The vet explains how things are currently being run.
Woman: *With her nose in the air* “Well, I’ll just go to another vet!”
Vet: “Have your new veterinarian call me for your dog’s medical history.”
The vet and receptionist walk away, leaving the woman fuming at the door. She stands there for a little while before getting back in her car and driving off. The receptionist then comes out with my bank card and receipt.
Receptionist: “Hi, sorry for the wait. I was coming out to you before… but… that woman…”
Me: “Totally understandable. I wouldn’t have come out, either.”
I don’t know what happened with that woman, but I do know that every vet office in the area is run by the same medical staff and operating under the same protocol.
Revenge Served Cold And With A Side Of Cotton Swabs
AUSTRALIA, CURRENT EVENTS, HOSPITAL, NEW SOUTH WALES, NURSES, PATIENTS, SILLY | HEALTHY | MAY 12, 2020
As part of the world outbreak, the hospital that I work for is doing a free drive-thru clinic that you have to ring and make an appointment for. The swabs are nasopharyngeal, which means throat first and then up the nose to an unpleasant degree.
One of the nurses taking the samples is looking through the list of people coming.
Patient Patients Make The World (And Not Illnesses) Go Around
CURRENT EVENTS, HOSPITAL, INSPIRATIONAL, KIND STRANGERS, PATIENTS, UK | HEALTHY | MAY 11, 2020
My new job is booking appointments for radiology services, and work is split into modalities — obstetrics, x-ray, fluoroscopy, CT, MRI, etc. So, they start me on an easy modality: obstetrics.
I have to work out twelve-week scan dates, book the appointments, and let the women know that due to the recent global health crisis, they must attend their appointments alone to reduce visitors to the hospital and reduce risk of infecting mother, baby, and other patients and staff.
Most are so polite; some even ask how our day is.
The best patient I’ve spoken to was a foreign lady.
Me: “Hi. Can I speak to [Patient], please?”
Patient: “Speaking.”
Me: “Hi. It’s [My Name] calling from [Hospital] appointment centre.”
Patient: “Oh, hi! How are you?”
Me: “I’m good, thanks, and you? You have an appointment, and we just need to check. You have no symptoms of the recent outbreak?”
Patient: “No, no, love.”
Me: “Great. Unfortunately, you do have to attend your scan on your own…”
Patient: “That’s fine. I’ll just leave him at home.”
Me: *Laughs* “Okay, we just wanted to check.”
Patient: “No problem. You have a wonderful day, [My Name]!”
Me: “You, too! We’ll see you then!”
This was the best call I ever made.
However, some pregnant women don’t like being told what to do. One tried to bend the rules by asking if her husband could attend in full Personal Protective Equipment!
The Flu Shot Isn’t Hazardous, But The Nurses Might Be!
IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, JERK, NURSES, PHARMACY, UK | HEALTHY | MAY 10, 2020
I have just had a flu shot. As I have a fear of needles, I tend to get quite dizzy and sweaty beforehand, and it takes me a couple of minutes for me to recover afterward. I’m sitting in a chair when the woman who gave me the shot comes over.
Woman: “You didn’t say you were allergic to eggs?”
Me: “I’m not.”
Woman: “Well, you are. It’s very stupid that you didn’t tell the truth. Now I’m going to have to phone for an ambulance.”
Me: “No, I’m just feeling a bit sickly. I’m not allergic to eggs.”
She is already on the phone talking to someone saying “how stupid” I am. By the time an ambulance arrives, I’m already better and trying to leave, but the woman is refusing to let me. When the paramedics come in, I’m forced onto a gurney while the woman talks over me.
Paramedic: “Okay, the pharmacist says you have an egg allergy. Did you know before having your shot?”
Me: “I do not have an egg allergy!”
Paramedic: “Are you certain?”
Me: “Do I look like I’m having a reaction? I’ve had these shots every year of my life, and if you don’t believe me, I had three eggs in the cafe next door for breakfast. Ask them!”
The paramedic checked me over just to be sure before leaving. I was left alone with the woman. She tutted at me and disappeared through a door. I’m never going back.
Humans Aren’t The Only Creatures Capable Of Drama
CALIFORNIA, EDITORS' CHOICE, PETS & ANIMALS, POLICE, USA, VET | HEALTHY | MAY 8, 2020
The office I work at has a contract with the city police department. We take and treat all sick and injured strays and anything the animal control officers feel needs medical care before going to the shelter. We are open late nights for emergencies, and we get calls fairly regularly from police dispatch saying an officer is bringing in something.
One night, we are running short-staffed due to family emergencies with the people scheduled. Thankfully, it’s a slow night. Then, we get a phone call.
Me: “This is [Clinic]; how can I help you?”
Dispatch: “This is [Police Department] dispatch. We have an officer-involved shooting, officer injured, in route, eta ten minutes.”
Me: “Um, this is the veterinarian.”
Dispatch: “I know; it’s a K9 officer.”
Me: “Oh, um, okay. How bad is he hurt?”
Dispatch: “Unknown. All I know is that they are on their way to you and I was told to call and give you a heads-up.”
Me: “Okay, then, thanks”
I go tell the doctor, he freaks out, thinking this officer has been shot in the chest or something and is going to die on our table because we are really not equipped to handle a gunshot right now. We get the surgery room as ready as we can and wait until they pull up.
The officers all get out of the car. The K9 is limping but walking on his own, and we all let out a sigh of relief.
The K9’s partner can’t tell us much for confidentiality reasons, but this is what he could tell us. There was a suspect with a knife, an officer with a gun, and an officer with a dog. During the capture of the suspect, the dog was released and the gun was fired. While the other officers were booking the suspect, the K9’s partner noticed that the K9’s paw was covered in blood, and the K9 would not let his partner touch his foot. So, they came to us.
We get the officers inside and get the K9 on the exam table, and then it takes a muzzle, his partner, both our techs, and me all holding onto different parts of the dog to keep him on the table while the doctor tries to look at his paw. The paw is soaked in blood. Step one is to pour hydrogen peroxide on it to clean it up and find the wound.
After a while, the doc asks a question.
Doctor: “Are we sure this isn’t transfer from the suspect?”
Partner: “Suspect was not injured.”
Doctor: “Are you 100% sure about that? I’m not seeing any cuts or anything”
The partner called in over the radio to confirm that the only injury involved was to the K9.
The doc had a completely clean paw in his hands and was looking between toes and not finding any broken skin. And then, we saw it: a single drop of blood forming midway down a toenail.
Big brave police dog chipped a nail and acted like his foot had been shot off.
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