The Featherweight Watchers Program
GROCERY STORE, HEALTH & BODY, PETS & ANIMALS, STUPID | RIGHT | AUGUST 4, 2009
Customer: “I need to get a new box of this…” *hands me a box of birdseed*
Me: “Sure, was there a problem with it?”
Customer: “Yeah, it was messy. I had to keep picking through sticks to get to the good stuff.”
Me: “Wait, were you eating this? ”
Customer: “Uh-huh, just now, in my car. It’s good, but I had to keep picking through the sticks.”
Me: “Ma’am, this is actually birdseed. ”
Customer: “Oh, is it? Well, it’s pretty good. It just has a lot of sticks in it.”
Me: “Um, ma’am, I’m a little worried that this might be dangerous for consumption by humans, so if you’ll hang on a minute, let me call someone.”
(I call Poison Control and they tell me she will be fine. The only problem is that the birdseed would have a high-fat content. I relay this to the customer.)
Customer: “Oh. Well, if it’s high in calories, I don’t want it!”
Not As Happy As A Clam
AT THE CHECKOUT, GROCERY STORE, MAINE, USA | RIGHT | JULY 18, 2013
(My friend and I are at a local market picking up chicken for her graduation party. While we’re waiting to pay, the phone rings and the cashier has to answer.)
Cashier: “Good afternoon… I’m afraid we are sold out of clams right now… Well, we get a shipment in tomorrow afternoon… Tomorrow afternoon… No, we are sold out right now… Yes, we get some tomorrow afternoon… Around one pm or so… Uhm, we’ll have them until they’re sold out… No, we are sold out right now… Why? It’s been very busy with the warm weather.” *sighs* “Tomorrow afternoon… Well, I’m really sorry that we don’t have any right now, but we’ve sold out. Okay, there’s a seafood store in town. Bye.”
(The cashier hangs up and looks annoyed.)
Cashier: “Sorry… just the chicken?”
Friend: *jokingly* “Yes, but do you have clams?”
Cashier: “Get out.”
Friend: “But whhhyyy! I want some noooooooowww!”
Cashier: “Well, you’re gonna have to wait. Sucks to be you!”
Friend: “You wanted to say that to the person on the phone didn’t you?”
Something To Shout About
GROCERY STORE | RIGHT | JULY 7, 2016
(I’m walking into a local grocery store like any other day, when suddenly I hear a guy behind me shout something very loudly and incoherently for no discernible reason. Obviously, this scares the living daylights out of me. I turn around and see two men and a woman walking behind me. The woman, whom I assume to be the older gentleman’s wife, has clearly seen me jump out of my skin and smacks her arm across his chest in a scolding manner. I say nothing and go about my business. Later, as I’m checking out
Cashier: “I saw what happened when you came in. You okay?”
Me: “Yeah, I’m fine. A little unnerved, though.”
Cashier: “The guy who yelled at you was getting an earful from his wife when they came in.”
Me: “Well, I’d imagine so…”
Another Cashier: “No, she was PISSED! She said something along the lines of, ‘What the H*** is wrong with you?!’ and ‘You might be a walking heart attack waiting to happen but that doesn’t mean you can give someone else one!’”
(I and the other cashier started laughing. Later I found a note on my windshield saying, “Sorry my idiot husband scared you.”)
An Alarming Lack Of Overstock
GIFT SHOP, MARYLAND, STUPID, USA | RIGHT | JANUARY 15, 2019
(I shop I work at has a ton of artist-made, one-of-a-kind items. It’s is also quite small and built in a historic building.)
Customer: “Do you have this bowl in blue?”
Me: “I’m afraid what you see is all we have.”
Customer: “Could you check the back?”
Me: “All of our product is on display; we don’t have overstock.”
Customer: “Don’t be lazy! Just check the back room.”
Me: “There is no back room to check.”
Customer: “Then what’s that?”
Me: “That’s our back door.”
(The customer rolls their eyes and huffs but continues shopping. A few minutes later, the alarm shrieks out. The customer has opened the back door, setting off the alarm and stepping outside. I rush to disable the alarm, and there’s a minute of silence before I hear a knock at the back door. Outside, there’s a narrow, private alley locked on both sides by a tall gate, and the customer has obviously found himself caged in. I open the door to find him looking sheepish, and he quickly makes his way through the store to leave. I can’t help calling after him
They Have You At Check-Mate
CRAFT STORE | RIGHT | FEBRUARY 3, 2016
(This particular customer has come to our store multiple times and this always happens.)
Cashier: “May I please see an ID?”
Customer: “Sure, sure, but my name isn’t on the check. My husband’s name is on it and we have the same address though.”
(She pulls out her ID and hands it to the cashier.)
Cashier: “I’m sorry but unless your name is on the check, I can’t take this form of payment.”
Customer: “That’s ridiculous. I do this all the time. She let me do it before!”
(The customer points at me.)
Me: “No, ma’am, I did not. Our policy is that we cannot accept personal checks unless they have your name, which matches your ID, printed on it.”
Customer: “Come on, just take my check. I swear you’ve taken it before.”
(At this point she looks behind herself at the next customer.)
Customer: “Can you believe this! How ridiculous is this?”
Customer #2 : “Don’t look at me. I’m not going to help you try to get these girls fired.”
(After that the customer was just done. She left her cart full of things on the counter and stormed out all angrily.)
They Have You At Check-Mate
CRAFT STORE | RIGHT | FEBRUARY 3, 2016
(This particular customer has come to our store multiple times and this always happens.)
Cashier: “May I please see an ID?”
Customer: “Sure, sure, but my name isn’t on the check. My husband’s name is on it and we have the same address though.”
(She pulls out her ID and hands it to the cashier.)
Cashier: “I’m sorry but unless your name is on the check, I can’t take this form of payment.”
Customer: “That’s ridiculous. I do this all the time. She let me do it before!”
(The customer points at me.)
Me: “No, ma’am, I did not. Our policy is that we cannot accept personal checks unless they have your name, which matches your ID, printed on it.”
Customer: “Come on, just take my check. I swear you’ve taken it before.”
(At this point she looks behind herself at the next customer.)
Customer: “Can you believe this! How ridiculous is this?”
Customer #2 : “Don’t look at me. I’m not going to help you try to get these girls fired.”
(After that the customer was just done. She left her cart full of things on the counter and stormed out all angrily.)
Unfiltered Story #237975
USA, VIDEO GAME STORE | UNFILTERED | JULY 2, 2021
(I’m a teenage girl working in a game store.It’s a pretty quiet day)
Customer:Hello,I’m looking for a game for my daughter.
Me:Any type in particular?
Customer:Just a something appropriate for a 12 year old.Her aunt gave her a nintendo switch for her birthday.
Me:We have a few options.
(I show him several games and he settles on a fantasy game.A couple of days later he comes back,very angry.)
Customer:I want a refund for this!
Me:Sorry sir but we don’t offer refunds.I didn’t write the policy.Is there something wrong with the game?
Customer:YES!I can’t believe you gave me a game that’ll turn my baby girl to witchcraft!
Me:Sir,I did mention it’s a fantasy game.
Customer:You didn’t mention magic.I thought it’s fantasy in the sense that it’s unrealistic!
(Before I can respond,a woman comes in with a young girl.If looks could kill.)
Womano you have any idea how mad I am right now?You bought your daughter a game and now you want to return it for a stupid reason?
Customer:I don’t want her to be a heathen!
Woman:Put your headphones in,honey.
Girl:I suggest you cover your years.*puts her earbuds in.*
Woman:You fucking idiot!What the hell happened to you?When I married you,you weren’t this shameless,idiotic bigot that hates anyone that’s not white,christian and straight.I’m glad I dumped your sorry ass before I wasted my life on you and that the judge gave me custody so you won’t screw up the only good thing(points to the daughter) that came out of our marriage.
(After a few more explicit words,the man walks out defeated.The woman took a few deep breaths to calm herself,excused her rude behaviour and bought an R rated shooting game for herself.)
Coming Out Can Be A Gamble
HOME | RELATED | JANUARY 30, 2013
(I’m at my boyfriend’s house. We were best friends, but fell in love pretty fast. We are gay, but he didn’t come out until today, so I’m there to support him. His father is sitting in the living room and surfing online, while his mother is right next to him knitting.)
Boyfriend: “Hey…um…I wanted to tell you that I’m gay. [Me] and I have been together for a long time.”
Father: *looking up and taking a deep breath* “So you are gay and [me] is your boyfriend?”
Boyfriend: “Yeah…” *visibly uncomfortable*
Father: *turning to mother* “You heard that? You owe me 20 Euro!”
When Things Go From Bad To Boss
RETAIL | WORKING | MAY 2, 2013
(It’s early morning before the store opens. I am finishing up the daily portion of the inventory, when my boss comes, looking haggard and harried.)
Store Manager: “Our sales are down, labor hours are cut, and I’m having problems with a couple of the department managers. I don’t know how I can get through this.”
Me: “Cheer up. It could be worse.”
Store Manager: “How? How could it be worse?”
Me: *deadpan* “[President of the company] is standing right behind you.”
(The store manager whips around, but sees no one there.)
Store Manager: “Don’t do that! You almost gave me a heart attack!”
Me: “What?! You asked me a question, and I answered it!”
The Collapse Of Human Decency
GROCERY STORE, KIOSK | RIGHT | AUGUST 1, 2014
(I work in the fuel kiosk at a popular chain grocery store. There is only one person in the kiosk at a time, unless cash office people are counting the safe money. I have not been feeling well, but come into work anyways.)
Cash Office Worker: “Could you shut the safe for me?”
Me: “Sure.” *notice a customer at the window and stand* “Hi, how can I—”
(Suddenly I get very dizzy and pass out, hitting my head on the concrete floor. When I come to, my coworker is standing over me.)
Cash Office Worker: “The manager is on his way, and an ambulance. Don’t try to sit up yet. Are you cold? Do you hurt anywhere?”
Customer: “ISN’T ANYONE GOING TO F****** HELP ME?!”
Cash Office Worker: “He’s been yelling for about two minutes now, even though he saw you pass out.”
(The manager comes running into the kiosk.)
Manager: “Is she okay? The ambulance is almost here. I heard the sirens.”
Me: “I’m okay but I think my head is bleeding.”
Customer: “ARE YOU THE MANAGER? GET YOUR LAZY-A** EMPLOYEES TO DO THEIR F****** JOBS!”
Manager: “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
(The customer not only stood there and yelled the entire time, but later filed a complaint against me!)
So Much For That First Impression
BOOKSTORE, MOVIES & TV, USA | RIGHT | FEBRUARY 29, 2008
(We are accustomed to seeing celebrities walk into our store. One day, Forest Whitaker came in looking for a book. We played it cool and treated him like any other customer. Just as he was leaving, one of our regulars recognized him.)
Customer: “Oh my god! You’re Forest Whitaker! You were in [Movie]!”
Mission: Impossible, Part 2
AT THE CHECKOUT, RETAIL, SILLY | RIGHT | MARCH 16, 2008
(An elderly man comes into the store and buys two cigars, I place them in a bag and try to hand him his receipt.)
Elderly Man: “I don’t want that.”
Me: “Oh, okay. I’ll just throw it away for you.”
Elderly Man: “Don’t do that I need it!”
Me: “Here you are then.” *trying to hand it back*
Elderly Man: “What am I suppose to do with it?!”
Me: “You said that you needed it.”
Elderly Man: “I do! But where in the h*** am I supposed to put it!”
Me: “Your wallet or your pocket, maybe?”
Elderly Man: “It will get mixed up with everything else and I’ll have to dig it out and throw it away when I get home! I don’t want it!”
Me: “So you want me to throw it away for you?”
Elderly Man: “No, I need it to show my wife!”
Me: *confused* “Do you want it in your bag?”
Elderly Man: “Well that’s what it’s for, isn’t it–to carry things? What’s wrong with you trying to hand someone a receipt? Where the h*** would they put it?!”
(I placed his receipt in his bag and he left muttering about me. He became a regular after that, and never again did I hand him a receipt.)
Mission: Impossible
EDITORS' CHOICE, JERK, KEY SHOP | RIGHT | AUGUST 3, 2009
Customer: “I just locked my key in my car in front of the shop.”
Me: *I pick up some stuff* “Not a problem. I’ll pop it open for $5.00.”
Customer: “What are you going to do with that stuff?”
Me: “Open your car.”
Customer: “It’s a brand new Mercedes. I just drove it here from the dealer. You can’t touch it!”
Me: “Then how do I open it?”
Customer: “That’s your problem.”
Me: “Actually, it’s not; I didn’t lock the key in your car.”
Customer: “You have to open it.”
Me: “Watch me not open it.”
Customer: “Okay, then, but if you make any scratch or mark at all then you will have to pay Mercedes to repaint the whole car. That will cost thousands.”
Me: “So, if I’m successful I get $5.00, but if I make the smallest error it will cost me thousands of dollars?”
Always Right, Even When Ripping Themselves Off
RETAIL | RIGHT | MAY 26, 2009
(The store I work has two deals: a buy three, get the cheapest item free promo, and a 40% off the most expensive item coupon. The customer comes up with three equally priced items and hands me the coupon.)
Me: “Sorry, sir, you can’t combine offers so you’ll only be able to use one promo–buy two, get one free or the 40% off. You’d save more if you use the buy two, get one free offer so you can keep the coupon for another time.”
Customer: “Well, let me do two transactions then.”
Me: “I could, but then you’d be spending more than you’d need to.”
Customer: “Nooo… I’d get one free and one for 40% off!”
Me: “No, that’s not how it works. See, if you buy these two, you’d get this third item free. So you’d only be paying for two items. However, if you split them up, the “buy two, get one free” offer is no longer valid because you need three items to get one free. So you’d pay for two items and then on your second transaction, you’d be paying for a third item.”
Customer: “Yeah, but it’d be 40% off.”
Me: “Yes, but if you did it in one transaction, you wouldn’t have to pay for a third item at all.”
So Easy, Even A Caveman Can Cook It
RESTAURANT | WORKING | MAY 28, 2012
(Our sous-chef has been stirring a pot of pizza sauce on the gas stove for over an hour.)
Sous-chef: “Why won’t this sauce thicken?”
(I look underneath the pot and notice the stove isn’t turned on.)
Me: “Caveman must discover fire before he can cook his dinner.”
Raceless Accusations, Part 2
RETAIL | RIGHT | AUGUST 20, 2012
(On a very slow night, I’m helping our only customer with a coworker. I notice another customer enter the store, glance around, and disappear into the aisles. Once the other customer leaves, she approaches us carrying some items.)
Customer: “I can’t believe you didn’t help me when I came in.”
Me: “I’m sorry, we were helping the gentleman who just left.”
Customer: “Well, I just would like you to quit being racist and check me out.”
(My coworker and I are taken aback at the accusation, but I remain courteous.)
Me: “Um, sure.”
(At that moment, the customer sees a different coworker at a register.)
Customer: “Nevermind, I’ll just ask her.”
(The customer returns moments later, as it turns out my coworker’s register is closed. I hadn’t known the other one was closed, or else I would have warned her.)
Customer: “I can’t believe you’re all so racist here that you can’t even help me. I’ll call the NAACP on you, and they’ll crack down on this store!”
Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am. Would you like me to call the manager on duty to address your concern?”
Customer: “Yes, please do.”
(I radio in our manager on duty, who comes quickly to the register. He is one of two black men with management positions in the store, and we only have four managers.)
Me: “This is our manager for tonight. [Manager on duty], this woman has a concern she would like to address.”
Manager: *smiling* “How may I help you, ma’am?”
Customer: *deflates instantly and leaves in a huff*
Nothing Makes You Feel Better Like A Scolding
HOSPITAL, JERK, MARYLAND USA, NURSES | HEALTHY | JULY 2, 2021
I was admitted to the hospital for a life-threatening illness. The doctors were amazing and saved my life. Because my recovery was critical, I was put in a private room and monitored closely by the nurses. Of course, my room had a sink in the bathroom, and in addition, it also had a sink close to my bed to serve the nurses and the constant bandage changes, etc. All the drugs and antibiotics they were giving made me nauseous all the time. The nurses were also great; if I had to go to the bathroom or throw up, they would help me to the bathroom and stay with me if needed.
One day, I was feeling pretty good, and then suddenly, I had to throw up. No warning, it just came rushing up my throat into my mouth. I clamped my mouth shut, slipped painfully out of bed, stumbled two feet, and grabbed the edge of that sink and up it all came. The nurse came and helped me, cleaned me up, and put me back in bed.
She called one of the nurse’s aides and asked her to clean up the sink. As I lay back down in bed and the nurse left, the nurse’s aide began scolding me for making a mess in the sink. What did she want me to do? Just lean over and blow chunks on the floor? Because that’s easier — mopping and cleaning the floor. If cleaning a mess in a sink is your limit, then you need to find a whole other career real fast!
You Should Warm Up Before A Stretch Like That
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, ENGLAND, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, MEDICAL OFFICE, UK | HEALTHY | JULY 1, 2021
I am, by my own admission, rather overweight. I also have very painful periods, so I end up going on birth control to regulate them. As I am overweight, I have to get a blood pressure check every six months before I can get another prescription, so I’ve signed up with the University Doctors’ Surgery while I am studying at the other end of the country.
It’s a hot summer’s day when I come in for this appointment, and I’m wearing a short-sleeved shirt. As my appointment is deemed low-priority, I get assigned to whichever doctor is available, so I haven’t seen this doctor before.
After taking my blood pressure and removing the cuff, he spots some marks on my arms.
Doctor: “How long have you had those?”
Me: “Not sure. Maybe about a year?”
Doctor: “And you didn’t think of mentioning them before?”
Me: “I didn’t think they were a problem. Are they?”
Doctor: “They look like symptoms of excessive cortisol. It would explain why you have so much excess weight. If they are still there in six months, let us know. They’ll probably have to do brain surgery to fix it.”
Me: *Internally* “WHAT?!”
Me: *Externally* “Okay?”
I don’t deal with this news very well. My hair is the one feature I like about myself, and it seems like a massive thing, so I just go into denial and cover up the marks on my arms.
I’m still doing this when I go home for the holidays, even though it’s getting hotter, and my nan — who was a nurse before she retired — pulls me aside one day.
Nan: “Aren’t you hot in that, [My Name]?”
Me: “Yeah, but it’s okay.”
Nan: “You must be boiling!”
She keeps badgering me until I blurt out the whole story. She looks sceptical.
Nan: “Can I take a look at these marks?”
Reluctantly, I take off my jumper, and she looks at them for two seconds.
Nan: “When you go back for your next appointment, go to any other doctor; don’t go back to that moron. He’s seeing zebras.”
Me: “Huh? What do you mean?”
Nan: “Those are f****** stretch marks.”
So, six months of worry because a doctor didn’t recognise stretch marks. Great!
Isn’t Therapy Supposed To Be Therapeutic?
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, SWEDEN | HEALTHY | JUNE 30, 2021
I have been overweight for my entire life. It’s something I’ve come to terms with, and I don’t consider it to be the end of the world as long as it doesn’t prevent me from keeping an active lifestyle. I did a lot of damage to my body and psyche dieting in my youth and I don’t want to revisit those times, instead preferring to be as healthy as I can at the weight I happen to be at for the moment.
I also suffer from hypermobile joints. They make me overly flexible and occasionally give me pretty bad joint and muscle pain from overstraining them. They also put some limits on how physically active I can be, and I have to factor in recovery time every time I do something physically demanding. Again, I don’t consider it the end of the world, and after twenty years, I have a pretty good idea of how my body works and what I need to do to take care of myself.
I recently moved to a new town and have to deal with the hassle of finding a new physical therapist. I’ve put it off for too long, but after an intense period of getting my home in order and lifting heavy things, I can feel that I’ve overdone it and that I might need to change my PT routine a bit. I ask around, get a few recommendations, and make an appointment with a physical therapist who’s supposed to be an expert on my type of troubles. We have public healthcare in Sweden and this PT falls under that.
I’ve had a lot of bad experiences with members of the medical profession in the past, so whenever I meet someone new, I tell them that unless my weight is the direct cause of whatever medical issue I’m having at the time, I’d prefer not to discuss it.
Therapist: “Of course. Why don’t you tell me a little about what you’re dealing with?”
Me: “I recently moved into a new apartment and I’ve been carrying a lot of heavy boxes up and down the stairs, so my knees and shoulders are worse than usual, and my right hip is making this weird clicking sound that it hasn’t been doing before.”
Therapist: “Do you have an exercise program?”
Me: “Yes, I brought it with me. That’s my main reason for coming here. I want to know if there are any easier versions of these exercises that I can do while I wait for the pain to get better? I know I need to rest for a few weeks, but I don’t want to stop working out entirely.”
Therapist: *Looks at my program* “Oh, no, this won’t do at all. I’m going to give you some new exercises. How often do you do this program?”
Me: “I do the full one three times a week, and a shortened version every morning.”
The therapist shakes her head and starts compiling new exercises.
Therapist: “All right. You need to do this full program every day. We’ll go over to the gym and I’ll show them to you later. Now, I’d like to discuss your diet.”
I look at the program and I immediately see that this is not going to work for me. I asked for a lighter version of my normal program, but she’s given me a much tougher one and added several new exercises, including push-ups, which my last PT explicitly forbade me to do, ever, because my wrists can’t take it.
Me: “Sorry, I don’t think this is going to work. This whole program is going to take over an hour. I don’t have that much time every day. It’s also going to put too much strain on my joints, which are already hurting. That’s what I came here for!”
Therapist: “Well, honey, I know you don’t want to hear this, but your BMI is way too high. Unless you lose weight, you’re never going to get rid of the pain. I want you to do this program every day and add in at least thirty minutes of cardio every day, and now we’re going to talk about your diet. How often do you eat fast food?”
Me: *A little stunned* “Um, sometimes, I guess. But I prefer to cook for myself. Sorry, I think I said at the beginning of this appointment that I don’t want to discuss my weight.”
Therapist: “Yes, I understand that it makes you feel uncomfortable, but you need to face facts, honey. You can’t sit on your couch and eat fast food all day. You need to lose at least thirty kg or your pain is just going to get worse. How often do you eat vegetables? You know broccoli is very good for you, right? You need to eat more broccoli.”
Me: “I eat vegetables every day; I’m practically a vegetarian. Look, I know my weight doesn’t help matters, but I’m here because I’m in pain now, because I’ve overstrained myself, and I want to do something to make it better now, not in some kind of hypothetical future where I’ve magically lost thirty kg by eating broccoli. Can you help me with that or not?”
Therapist: “Honey, I can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself. I’m telling you this for your own good.”
Me: “I am aware that I am overweight. I have been overweight my whole life. I’m not here because I’m overweight. I’m here because I have overstrained my hypermobile joints, and your solution to my problem is to overstrain them even more?”
Therapist: “I know it’s hard to hear, but you need to take better care of yourself. I want to help you do that, but you need to put the work in yourself!”
At this point, I realised that there was no way I would get through to this woman, so I just stood up and left.
I didn’t really feel like making a new appointment with another physical therapist after that, so in the end I just ended up modifying my exercise program myself, and after a few weeks of active rest, I could go back to my normal routine. I’m still overweight, I still have hyper-mobile joints, and eating broccoli (which I do quite often because it’s delicious) hasn’t cured me.
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o you have any idea how mad I am right now?You bought your daughter a game and now you want to return it for a stupid reason?
