Has To Be Some Kind Of Record
Hospital, USA, Wisconsin | Healthy | November 25, 2017
Customer: “I need my birth record in order to request a new Social Security card, because I don’t have a copy of my birth certificate.”
(This is a fairly common request, so I nod as I look over his Release of Information to make sure all the fields have been completed. Before I get to the end, he adds
Customer: “I wasn’t actually born at this hospital. Does that matter?”
County The Ways
California, Clinic, USA | Healthy | November 24, 2017
(I work for a non-profit medical clinic. Because the county we operate in provides a pretty broad range of services, we have a lot of patients who labor under the belief that we are associated with the county. We are not and never have been. I overhear my colleague who is working the front desk engaging with a patient.)
Patient: “So you’re part of the county, right?”
Colleague: “No, we are in no way associated with the county.”
Patient: “Oh, so you contract with them?”
Colleague: “No. We are not contracted by, subcontract with, or in any way work for or answer to the county.”
Patient: “So, you’re subcontracted with the county.”
Colleague: “No, we are not. We are in no way, shape, or form any part of the county services.”
Patient: *sounding confused* “Oh.”
(A moment later.)
Patient: “So can you send [paperwork] through this fax machine?” *gestures at printer*
Colleague: “That isn’t a fax machine.”
Patient: “Can you fax it from here?”
Colleague: “No, we do not have a fax machine here.”
Patient: *confused* “Oh.”
(After the patient has been called in to see the provider.)
Me: *to Colleague, teasing* “So hey, [Colleague], aren’t we part of the county?”
Colleague: *throws hands in the air* “Apparently!”
Me: “Someone should tell [Boss]. He won’t have to worry about that [specific] grant anymore!”
Millennial Problems Don’t Have Legs To Stand On
Grocery Store, Ohio, USA | Healthy | November 24, 2017
(I’m 20, and I use a wheelchair because my leg muscles can’t support me. I’m at the grocery store with my boyfriend and talking to someone at the bakery who we know personally when a woman walks up to us.)
Woman: “Oh, another lazy teen. Why can’t you just walk normally?”
Me: “Uhm, because I have a medical condition?”
Woman: “Don’t you lie! You just don’t wanna walk like everyone else!”
Boyfriend: “She can’t even stand up without assistance. She’s not lazy.”
Woman: “Oh, so you’re in on this, too?!” *looks at bakery clerk* “Do you see what this generation is doing?!”
Clerk: “Yeah, people who regularly see a doctor about their medical problems. She’s been in a wheelchair since I met her.”
Woman: “UGH! LAZY ENTITLED BRATS!” *storms off*
(We laugh after she leaves. The bakery clerk gives us a couple baked goods for half off for the trouble.)
An Acute Case Of A**-holery
Hospital, Israel | Healthy | November 24, 2017
(I work at a hospital. It’s my lunch break, so I go to sit with a friend, who works as a secretary for the hematology clinic. We’re just talking about stuff; there aren’t many clients when this one guy comes in.)
Client: “My name is [Client].”
Friend: “Just a second…” *goes through the appointment list*
(Should be noted that he should’ve brought a referral with him, which he didn’t. Nevertheless, we find the appointment on the list.)
Client: “My case.”
Friend: “Okay, I know. I’ll give it to the doctor—”
Client: “My case, now.”
Friend: “Okay, I get it, I’ll bring it to him now.”
(This guy then followed my friend around to the doctor’s room. When he left an hour later, he didn’t even acknowledge us. He just talked loudly on his phone until my friend gave him his next appointment date and then he just left. That’s an a**-hole, if you ask me…)
Doctor, You Pain Me
Hospital, USA | Healthy | November 23, 2017
(I’m talking to my doctor about a procedure that will prevent future pain. He is familiar with my medical history.)
Doctor: “The surgery will really hurt.”
Me: “But it will be temporary right?”
Doctor: “Yes. But it will REALLY hurt.”
Me: “I’m fine with that if it stops the current pain.”
Doctor: “I don’t think you understand. This will be horrible pain. You’ll have to lie in bed for at least a week.”
Me: “Doctor. I’ve been run through. Do you think it’ll be worse than that?”
It’s Halal, Not Ha-LOL
Hospital, North Carolina, Religion, USA | Healthy | November 23, 2017
(I am a white teenage girl, just admitted to a ward and I am asleep. The nurse saw me come in with a t-shirt and jeans even though now I’m in a normal hospital gown.)
Dad: “Can my daughter get special meals?”
Nurse: “What kind? Is it an allergy?”
Dad: “She’s Muslim and needs halal food.”
Nurse: *odd look* “Muslim?”
Dad: “Yes.”
Nurse: “That’s ridiculous. She didn’t wear a hijab.”
Dad: “She rarely does, but she is Muslim.”
Nurse: “Then she isn’t really Muslim. She just plays dress up and has a fad diet like all teenagers.” *starts leaving*
Dad: “Oi! She is Muslim and needs halal food. She’s strict about that.”
Nurse: “Yeah, right.”
(My dad gave up and found another nurse who understood and made sure I got halal meals. It could have been much worse.)
Graduated Up To A Personalized Service
Pennsylvania, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | November 23, 2017
(I am picking up my medicine and in order to do so, you must give your name and birth date, including year.)
Clerk: “Name?”
Me: “[My Name].”
Clerk: “Birthday?”
Me: “[Date].”
Clerk: “That’s the same day I graduated. To the day.”
Me: “And year. Next time you ask, I’m just going to say, ‘the exact day you graduated.’”
Sickening Lack Of Attentiveness
Hospital, Switzerland | Healthy | November 22, 2017
(I’m staying at the hospital because of an exploded appendix. Unfortunately, the surgery goes wrong and I end up with several complications. One of them includes not being able to hold any liquid, not even the liquid my stomach produces. So despite not eating or drinking anything, I spend several days (around a week) vomiting up green goo until I finally manage to get that under control. A few days later, I’m chatting with a nurse when I suddenly feel the need to barf again! Thankfully, there’s a vomit-bag sitting right next to the nurse.)
Me: *with some urgency* “Can you please give me the vomit bag?”
Nurse: *shocked* “What? I thought you were done with that?”
(At this point I’m afraid that if I talk any more I will just start projectile vomiting so I just stare at her, hoping she’ll get the hint. But the nurse just stares back at me for what seems like an eternity, expecting me to answer the question.)
Me: “Quickly!”
(The nurse finally scrambled to get the bag, but by the time she got it, I’d already started vomiting all over the floor. I sure hope she’ll be more attentive in the future!)
The Sad Estate Of This Family
Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | November 22, 2017
(I work at a long-term care pharmacy. We service patients in nursing homes, assisted living, etc. and bill prescription costs monthly. Of course, this means we have trouble with people not paying their bill. Part of my job is to make collections calls. I hear all kinds of excuses, but this was a first.)
Man: “Hello?”
Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] calling from [Pharmacy]. Is [Person #1 ] available?”
Man: “Nope, he’s in jail over in [County].”
Me: *not sure how to respond* “I’m sorry to hear that… I also have [Person #2 ] listed as an authorized contact. May I speak with her?”
Man: “Nope, can’t talk to her either. She’s dead.”
Me: *now REALLY not sure how to respond* “I’m sorry to hear that, too. I’m calling in reference to [Patient]’s account. Who could I speak with that handles [Patient]’s finances?”
Man: “Not him. He’s dead now, too. His wife’s still living but she’s got ‘all-timers’ disease so she won’t be much help.”
Me: *basically at a loss for words at this point* “There must be someone handling [Patient]’s estate. Who would that be?”
Man: “Couldn’t tell you. The only one I know of that’s not dead, locked up, or crazy is [Person #3 ]. She’s probably the best you’re going to get.”
(Turned out [Person #3 ] was extremely nice and helpful, and promptly sent a check for the full balance. She must have been the shining star in a family of “dead, locked up, and crazy!”)
Making Sure You All (Co)Pay Dearly
Money, Pharmacy, Stupid, USA | Healthy | November 22, 2017
(I work at a long-term care pharmacy. We bill prescriptions monthly, and always get angry phone calls a few days after statements go out.)
Me: “[Pharmacy], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”
Angry Man: “What kind of scam are you all running out there?”
Me: “Sir?”
Angry Man: “Do you think you’re going to get away with charging these outrageous prices? I should report you for robbery!”
Me: “If you have questions about any charges, I’d be happy to explain them to you.”
Angry Man: “As a matter of fact you can! I’d like to know why you’re charging me $50 for a month’s worth of [medication]!”
(I pull up the claim and go through my normal spiel of how we submit a claim to the insurance company, they respond with how much they’ll pay and how much of a copay we need to collect from the patient, and how we have no influence over the cost of the copay, as this is determined by the plan, etc.)
Angry Man: “Well then, how come I can go to [Other Pharmacy] and get three months’ worth for $150?”
Me: “Sir, that’s the same price.”
Angry Man: “You’re trying to tell me that $50 and $150 are the same thing? How stupid can you be to have your job?”
Me: *remembering to be professional and not sarcastic* “No, sir. I’m telling you that $50 for a 30 day supply and $150 for a 90 day supply is exactly the same price.”
Angry Man: “I can’t pay $50 every month for one prescription! I’ll go broke! I’m going to be using [Other Pharmacy] from now on so I can get more for a decent price! And I’m going up to [Nursing Home] and telling everyone there that you’re robbing them!”
Me: *slowly losing professionalism* “You have the right to use whatever pharmacy you like. If you feel the need to tell them that, I can’t stop you. But if they can do basic math, they’ll realize that copays are no different with us than they are anywhere else.”
Angry Man: “I know the tactics you people use to try to confuse me. You talk over my head hoping I’ll give up and pay your ridiculous price! You’re not going to fool me. I’m no dumb-a**!”
(At this point I was contemplating whether it would be worth the complaint I’d get if I said “Well, sir, you certainly could’ve fooled me,” but he slammed the phone down, making my decision for me. People are unbelievably dumb!)
Doctor Nose Best
Boston, Family & Kids, Massachusetts, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | November 21, 2017
(I am a pediatrician. A woman has come in with her little girl who is suffering from a rather infected finger. He diagnoses her with a staph infection, prescribes some antibiotics, and sends them home. At the end of the antibiotics the woman is back in his office, and the infection has spread to several areas; a spot on the little girl’s face, the inside of her nose, and a spot on her leg. She demands that I run a million tests because I’m clearly a “failure of a doctor.”)
Me: “Ma’am, it appears that your daughter has spread the infection to other areas of her body, most likely through scratches or by touching a scratch that was already there.”
Mother: “That’s impossible! How would she get one in her nose? You’re just making excuses because you don’t want to run any tests!”
Me: “I can assure you, ma’am, that’s not the case. If I felt the need to, I would certainly run more tests, but there is no need for all that time, effort, and money when I can clearly see what the cause is. It’s more than 99% certain that she spread it through her nose by a scratch as the bacteria causing the infection is located under her fingernails. She picked her nose, scratched it, and spread the infection there.”
Mother: *turns bright red* “That’s ridiculous! My little princess would never do anything so disgusting as pick her nose! We’re just going to go and get a second opinion! You’ll be run out of business, you’ll see!”
(We turn around to see her “little princess” with a finger very far up her nose indeed. The mother grows nearly purple at this point and swats her daughter’s hand away from her face.)
Me: “So I’ll be prescribing that next round of antibiotics, then?”
His Humor Is Straight As An Arrow
England, Hospital, Non-Dialogue, UK | Healthy | November 21, 2017
Before I retired, I spent many years working permanent nights in operating theatres, giving skilled assistance to the anaesthetist. We performed emergency surgery in quite a few fields but our main area of expertise was plastic surgery.
One night, a young man was brought into the anaesthetic room conscious, calm, and pain-free. We started to talk about what had happened to him. He was a competitive archer and he presented with a carbon fibre arrow through his left hand! On one side there was about a foot of gleaming black arrow with a perfect flight and on the other side there was a hideous splay of fractured carbon fibre. He explained that the only problem with carbon fibre arrows is that they are susceptible to damage if one strikes another in the target. He simply didn’t notice that this particular arrow had been weakened and when he released it the torque caused it to fracture and it punched through his hand.
I started to formally check him in: looking at his wristband I asked him to state his name and date of birth. Both tallied. “When did you last have anything to eat or drink?” Quite a few hours, so no problem. “Are you allergic to anything, especially any drugs or medicines?” No allergies. “Do you have any jewellery or body piercings?” He gestured towards his left hand: “Oh, just the one…”
I felt myself going bright red and we both giggled. We sent him off to sleep and the surgeon removed the arrow, cleaned up and debrided the wound, and carefully checked to see if he’d damaged any of the structures inside his hand. Fortunately, nothing significant had been affected – he was very lucky.
On nights we multitask, so I had to supervise his recovery from the anaesthetic. Before discharging him to the ward, I made sure that he could remember his snappy reply. “You’ll be dining out on that one, I’m sure!”
The ‘Feeling’ Is Mutual
California, Phone, USA | Healthy | November 21, 2017
(I’ve had some pain for several weeks, but recently had a medical test that found nothing wrong. After telling me this result, the doctor left and sent me on my way without any recommendations about how to feel better. I was frustrated so I asked her assistant to have the doctor call me back as soon as possible. I don’t get the call for a few days, and when the doctor finally does call, she sounds annoyed and uninterested.)
Doctor: *on the phone* “So there’s really nothing I can do for you. This sort of thing happens to everyone as they get older…” *stops listening to me and launches into a long standard spiel about aging and health*
Me: *struggling to get a word in edgewise, I finally have an idea* “So, how are you feeling?”
Doctor: “Wha… what?”
Me: *trying not to laugh at how I finally stopped her in her tracks* “I said, how are you feeling?”
Doctor: “You… you’re not supposed to ask me that! I’m supposed to tell you what to do!”
Me: “Well, you must feel one way or another. You are human, right?”
Doctor: *speechless*
(When she finally got her brain back on track, she humbly recommended a doctor at a different hospital who might actually be able to help me!)
Flu Right Past The Diagnosis
Hospital, Las Vegas, Nevada, USA | Healthy | November 20, 2017
(I am in so much pain that I have a friend drive me to the ER. Note: I commonly have stomach problems and this pain is certainly NOT in my stomach. I get seen fairly quickly and given pain medicine but am still in some pain in spite of it.)
Doctor: “Did you recently have the flu?”
Me: “Yes, but this isn’t the flu.”
Doctor: “Yes, it is; it is causing you more pain because you’ve gotten it two times in a row. The pain is in your colon.”
Me: “I’ve had issues like that before. This is not it. Digestive pain does not happen on one side. Check your tests again.”
(The doctor leaves. I continue to experience pain and walk around to try to relieve it as sitting down seems to make it worse. Finally a nurse comes and tells me they are taking me to get an ultrasound.)
Me: “So what happened? Did he finally believe me?”
Nurse: “Yes, your pee sample came back and you had blood in it. You probably have a kidney stone.”
(Guess what was confirmed by the ultrasound? Never have I wanted to punch a doctor so badly. The flu indeed!)
Bleeding Puns
Hospital, Iowa, Punny, USA | Healthy | November 20, 2017
(I’m in the ER with some potential heart issues. At one point, I get a very nice lady in to draw some blood, and she’s joined by a coworker who’s about to go off shift. My elbow veins aren’t cooperating, so I have to get blood drawn from the back of my hand as well. It goes faster after that, and soon, the lady who’s leaving heads out, then pokes her head back in the door.)
Phlebotomist: “Thanks for letting me stick around!”
(My mom and I couldn’t stop laughing. Definitely made the whole visit bearable!)
MRI = Milk Restrictive Invention
Australia, Hospital, New South Wales, Sydney | Healthy | November 20, 2017
(It took my husband and me several years to conceive. I wasn’t overly impressed with my induced labour of 48 hours that resulted in emergency C-section, and I struggle with breastfeeding that can’t be resolved by any method. I am feeling pretty down about not being able to do anything unassisted and am not 100% happy about having to top up every meal with formula but I am determined to keep going with breastfeeding. I’ll admit this is probably out of stubbornness, but it means a lot to me. Meanwhile, I have to have an MRI that I had to reschedule while pregnant and when I make the appointment, I ask if it is safe while breastfeeding. I am assured it is and though I am dubious, I will admit that I don’t look into it further, assuming they know better than I do. The appointment comes up and I leave my six-week-old baby for the first time with my husband and drive myself (also for the first time since the operation) to the radiologist.)
Receptionist: “Yes?”
Me: “Hello, I have an appointment for an MRI. My name is [My Name].”
Receptionist: “Here.”
(She thrusts paperwork at me. I fill it out, listing my allergies and so on, and note that there’s a question asking if I might be pregnant or breastfeeding. I put a tick next to it and finish the form. Handing it back to the receptionist, I ask about the question. She says it’s fine and tells me to sit down. Since I am the last patient of the day, I am taken in before I have a chance to ask her more and I figure it’s better to ask the tech anyway. The radiologist technician glances briefly at my form and sprints off down the corridor with me struggling to keep up. He obviously wants to get out for the day because he’s saying all his introductory explanation spiel to me similar to the squirrel from Hoodwinked. When he comes up for air, I manage to talk.)
Me: “The form asked me if I am breastfeeding.”
Tech: *casually* “Yes, you can’t breastfeed.”
Me: *thinking over his poor choice of words*
Tech: “…are you breastfeeding?”
Me: “Yes, I am breastfeeding. I did ask about this when I booked the appointment. They said it’s fine.”
Tech: “We have to put the dye in you and it’s toxic so you can’t breastfeed for three days after the MRI.”
Me: “That doesn’t explain why they didn’t tell me this when I booked.”
Tech: *looks confused*
Me: “I asked reception today, too. She said it’s fine.”
Tech: “What would they know?”
Me: “Actually, I’d imagine they’d know who can and cannot come for an MRI since it’s their job to book and take appointments.”
Tech: “Oh, yeah, probably then. Well, I can’t answer for them but the dye is toxic. You can’t breastfeed for three days. So just don’t breastfeed and you’ll be all right.”
Me: “That’s okay. I will just reschedule.”
Tech: “Can’t you just stop for a few days?”
Me: *feeling pretty crappy* “I am sorry but I can’t just casually stop breastfeeding.”
Tech: “Just breastfeed more and store up milk for three days.”
Me: “…”
Tech: *cheerfully* “You know you can freeze it, right?”
Me: “It would take me at least a month to build up three days worth.”
Tech: “Okay, we’ll reschedule for a month. That will give you time.”
Me: “…”
Tech: *getting irritated* “Or, just go buy formula. It’s really not that bad.”
Me: “Of course formula isn’t bad, but that’s not the point. If I stop I might not be able to keep going at all.”
Tech: *getting angry* “Then go buy a pump and just throw it away for three days. But make sure you wash it properly because it’s toxic.”
(I am thinking this is not his business and I don’t want to talk about it, but also as I am now teetering on a cliff between furious and devastated, I go on.)
Me: “I need to physically feed her and I can’t just stop. Yes, I pump, but I need to do both. It’s not your business but I have been through too much to throw it away casually like you want me to. Forget the MRI. I am leaving.”
Tech: *cheerful as his workday has ended sooner than he expected* “No worries. We can book you in when you’re ready.”
Me: “Thanks, but I will go somewhere else, with properly trained staff who know what services they can and cannot provide and give proper information in an understanding way, when I am no longer breastfeeding.”
(I was temporarily impressed with my own ability to string more that three words together because I never stick up for myself and I was shaking like a leaf, and I made my way back down the maze-like corridors without getting lost. I also managed to get my referral back from the receptionist who talked to the tech in front of me about how I couldn’t get the MRI because I am breastfeeding, to which the receptionist asked “so when do you want to rebook?” and I responded “like h*** I will be,” before leaving and getting in my car. I cried in the car and they never knew it. For that, I was thankful.)
Oh The Eye-rony
Canada, Marriage & Partners, Ontario, Optometrist/Optician, Toronto | Healthy | November 19, 2017
(I walk into my optometrist’s office and find a new secretary. I’m curious about what happened to “Jane,” the last one, especially since “Jane” and the doctor were married! I’m the only one in the office right now so I decide to be nosey
Me: *after the preliminary sign in conversation* “So, Jane is no longer here?”
New Secretary: “No, she’s gone.”
Me: “I’m surprised considering her relationship with the Doctor.”
New Secretary: “It was all very awkward, Jane needed to start wearing glasses but she refused to. The doctor had to fire her because she was giving out the wrong prescriptions to people and messing up things like that.”
Me: “Ooh, that’s not good. Wait, she was married to an optometrist and worked in an optometrist’s office and refused to wear glasses?”
New Secretary: “Yup. I shouldn’t say this but I believe it was a case of vanity gone wrong. They’re getting divorced now, too.”
Let’s Hope It Was A Clean Break
Australia, Home, Ignoring & Inattentive, Queensland | Healthy | November 18, 2017
(Our two storey house has a lot of windows, many of them quite high up, so we use a window cleaning service. We’ve used the same guy every time. One day, he brings a coworker with him. He introduces me to the coworker, who responds to my greeting by saying curtly
Coworker: “Yeah, hi. Where are your taps? We need to get started.”
(I’m working in my home office, which is upstairs. I see the ladder resting against the side of the house and our window cleaner ascending it. He gives me a friendly smile and wave and right then, the ladder wobbles and he falls. I race outside and he’s lying on the grass unconscious. I rush into the house for the phone and as I do, I pass the coworker.)
Me: “[Window Cleaner] has just fallen from his ladder; he’s out cold! I’m calling an ambulance!”
Coworker: “You do that.”
(He doesn’t make a move to check on his colleague; he just carries on cleaning. I call the ambulance and rush back outside.)
Me: “Didn’t you hear what I said? [Window Cleaner] has had a bad fall. Why aren’t you checking on him?”
Coworker: “You just said you’d called the ambulance. What do you want me to do about it? Do you want your windows cleaned or not?!”
(I’m not about to stand there arguing with him and I rush round the house to open the gate for the paramedics and to stay with my window cleaner until they arrive. As they are assessing him he starts to come round, but is later revealed to have a broken ankle, a broken collarbone, and a concussion. After the paramedics have taken him away, I go back to the coworker.)
Me: “I think he’ll be okay. They’ve taken him to [Hospital]. Shouldn’t you follow the ambulance or let his wife know or SOMETHING?”
Coworker: *after a long pause in which he just stares at me* “That’ll be $160.00.”
Using His Outdoor Voice Inside
Australia, Medical Office | Healthy | November 17, 2017
(I am opening the clinic, getting to work at 8:30 am when we open at 9:00 am. I am an avid believer of keeping the shutters closed and main lights off until I am completely ready to accept people. I leave the back-door unlocked for the remainder of staff to come in, as not everyone has a key. The back door has a ‘Staff Only’ sign. Walking around the department in the dark, paper-like bed sheets in my arms, I hear a strange yelling sound. Outside it is incredibly windy and the back door is unlocked so I assume it has something to do with that. While replacing toilet paper in the bathrooms, there is another yell. This time I poke my head out the back door and see nothing. I am finally behind the desk logging into the systems when a loud slamming sound makes me jump and in full view of the back room across the hall I see an unhappy older man march in. The lights are still off. The shutters out front are closed. There are no escape doors for me. The setting made it seem terrifying, but I really only stood there in shock. It is 8:40 am.)
Patient: *yelling as he walks up* “Your doors are closed! I have an appointment at nine!”
Me: “Y-Yes. We don’t open for another twenty minutes, sir.”
Patient: “I have an appointment! Do you expect me to wait outside in the cold? I’m not waiting outside!”
(I am still genuinely scared and consider calling the police because he is being very aggressive and I fear for my safety. Then I think, why is he not waiting in his car? Did he expect everyone to open twenty minutes early just because he was there?)
Me: “I’m not prepared to take anyone yet. That’s why everything is still closed. My computer hasn’t finished signing in.”
Patient: “FINE! I’ll wait here! I’m not waiting outside!”
(Still scared, but somewhat mad now, I left the desk and made myself busy. Then I went to the tea room and waited until 8:50. Meanwhile, the techs had come in with strange looks, wanting to know what the man’s situation was. After that, I returned, turned on the lights, and opened the shutters. His car was parked outside. Point of the story: patients genuinely scare staff when they get like this. When it comes to people’s health, they are capable of anything. I thought he was going to hit me!)
It’s Our Morning Period
Arizona, Medical Office, Phoenix, USA | Healthy | November 17, 2017
(Our office is only open a half-day on Friday. This takes place at about 11:00 am.)
Patient: “So, today is your half-day, right?”
Me: “Right; we’re only open half the day on Fridays.”
Patient: “Are you open in the morning or the afternoon?”
Me: *looks around at the waiting room full of patients, including her* “Uh… Morning.”
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