Have A Heart, Use Your Brain

This One’s A No-Brainer
AUSTRALIA, NEW SOUTH WALES, PHARMACY, SYDNEY | RIGHT | FEBRUARY 13, 2010
Customer: “My mother is taking some medication and it is making her sick. Can you stop giving it to her?”

Me: “I’ll have to ask the pharmacist for you. What medication is it?”

Customer: “It’s a little white pill.”

Me: “You don’t know the name of it, sir? We do have many white pills in the pharmacy.”

Customer: “I think it’s for her heart… or her brain.”

Noah Already Had Two Customers On The Ark
PHARMACY, STUPID, WEATHER | RIGHT | OCTOBER 26, 2009
(Much of our area is suffering from massive flooding. A man walks into our chain pharmacy, completely drenched from the chest down.)

Me: “Wow, what happened to you?”

Customer: “I tried to go to your other location and it was closed!”

Me: “That location is flooded, sir. There’s about four feet of water surrounding it.”

Customer: “I know! I had to wade all the way up to the door before I found out it was closed! How do you think I got so wet?”

Not A Case Of If, But When…
ALCOHOL, PARTY, PHARMACY, POLICE, TEENAGERS | RIGHT | AUGUST 20, 2009
(While waiting in line, I overhear a conversation between a teenager and a police officer, both of whom are also waiting. The boy has red plastic cups and ping pong balls in hand.)

Officer: “Can I ask what those are for?”

Teenage Customer: “No, no questions.”

Officer: “Where’s the party?”

Teenage Customer: “No parties.”

(The kid checks out, and as he’s walking out the door yells “SODA PONG!” and flicks his wrist.)

Officer: *to me* “Yeah, I’ll get the call in a couple of hours.”

Hard Drugs And Harder Pharmacists
CRIMINAL & ILLEGAL, EDITORS' CHOICE, NEW JERSEY, PHARMACY, PHYSICAL, USA | RIGHT | JULY 31, 2009
(A teen approaches my cash register very slowly.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Give me all the f****** medicine!”

(The teen pulls out an airsoft pistol with orange tip still glued to the front.)

Me: “The pharmacy is in the back of the store.”

Customer: “Oh… okay.”

(He holsters the airsoft gun in his belt and darts down the aisles to the back of the store. My manager comes out of the back room because of the commotion.)

Manager: “Who was that?”

Me: “Some kid looking for drugs. He went back to the pharmacy.”

Manager: “Why didn’t you call the police?”

(The teen runs screaming from the back of the store, out of the front door, followed closely by the pharmacy technician, a 35-year-old boxer built like a fridge.)

Me: “Doug started working today.”

The Truth Is A Bitter Pill To Swallow
BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA, HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY | RIGHT | JUNE 25, 2010
Customer: “Why isn’t my prescription ready yet?”

Me: “We’re trying to get in contact with your doctor because of a problem with the prescription. Your profile says you’re allergic to penicillin. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, that stuff is really bad for me!”

Me: “The medication your doctor prescribed has penicillin in it, so we’re trying to get a hold of him to find out what he wants you to take.”

Customer: “Oh, well, he wants me to take the penicillin. That’s what he wrote down, right?”

Me: “Yes, but you said you were allergic to it.”

Customer: “But he’s a doctor, so he knows what’s best. If that’s what he wrote, then just give me that.”

Me: “Well, we’ll check with him first to make sure that it’s safe for you.”

Customer: “Of course it’s safe for me or the doctor wouldn’t have prescribed it! He probably just cured my allergies. Check my old prescriptions; I bet he prescribed me something to cure my allergy!”

High School Dropouts Work On The Pharm
BAD BEHAVIOR, BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | JUNE 12, 2010
(I work as a pharmacy tech at a chain pharmacy. I am also currently in pharmacy school and will be a pharmacist one day.)

Customer: “You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Can I help you with something?”

Customer: “No! I refuse to be helped by a high school dropout! You should be ashamed of yourself for working where children can see you! You are going to make them think that it is okay to not have an education!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not a high school dropout. I have a high school diploma and I am currently in pharmacy school working towards a Doctor of Pharmacy. I am going to be a pharmacist one day.”

Customer: “Stop lying! I have never heard of a pharmacist before. You are a high school dropout!”

Manager: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes! Your employee is lying to me! She says she is going to be a pharmacist! That job doesn’t exist!”

(The manager looks at our pharmacist who is near tears from laughing so hard.)

Manager: “Ma’am, see the man over there? He’s the one who filled your prescription. He is a pharmacist.”

Customer: “No, he isn’t! He just counts pills! You don’t need school for that!”

Health Care(less)
HEALTH & BODY, MONEY, PHARMACY, SOUTH CAROLINA, USA | RIGHT | MAY 19, 2010
Me: “That will be $43.78, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, no, it won’t.”

Me: “I’m sorry, did you have insurance? You weren’t in the system. Do you have your card on you?”

Customer: “No, I don’t have insurance. Obama said health care is free.”

Me: “I don’t think that’s how it works, ma’am.”

There’s No Pills Like Home, Part 2
HEALTH & BODY, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, NEW JERSEY, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | APRIL 19, 2010
(My phone number is one number off a nearby pharmacy. We get a lot of misdials. My father happens to actually be a pharmacist but he doesn’t work there.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello? You just say, ‘Hello’? How dare you be so rude! You should say, ‘Thank you for calling’!”

Me: “Oh, you must be looking for [Pharmacy]. You have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Liar! How would you know what store I’m looking for? You’re just trying not to get in trouble. Give me your manager.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have a manager. You’ve called a private residence. The number for the pharmacy is close to our number, so we get a lot of wrong calls.”

Caller: “This is outrageous! Give me your manager! I will not be treated this way!”

(The caller is rambling and being rude so I hang up the phone. She calls back, and my father answers it.)

Father: “Hello?”

Caller: “Is this the manager? Thank God! I want to know if [drug] can be taken with food! And you should fire that girl that answered before; she was very rude to me! I want to file a complaint!”

Father: “Ma’am, this is not the grocery store pharmacy. You just told off my 14-year-old daughter. I happen to be a pharmacist. That drug does not need to be taken with food. However, you should see a doctor about your ears, as you clearly can’t hear a word anyone says.”

Seriously Bad Hair Day
AUSTRALIA, MELBOURNE, PHARMACY, TIME, VICTORIA | RIGHT | MARCH 11, 2010
(It’s 10 pm. We are in the final motions of locking up: registers closed and lights off. I’m just locking the door.)

Customer: *runs up in a panic* “Oh, no! You are closed? It’s an emergency! I really need to buy one thing!”

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed. Maybe you could come back in the morning.”

Customer: “No! I can’t wait that long-this is an emergency! Please help me!”

Me: “Okay, I suppose I can help you quickly for an emergency. Do you need antibiotics or paracetamol or something?”

Customer: “I need a packet of hair pins!”

Feeling Pooped
HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY, REVOLTING, SPOUSES & PARTNERS, USA, WISCONSIN | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 12, 2010
(A couple approaches the counter.)

Me: “Can I help?”

Customer: “Yes, can you give me advice about his stool?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give medical advice. Perhaps you’d like to speak to our pharmacist, or consult your doctor?”

Customer: “No, I’m sure they’re very busy. I just want someone to tell me if it’s normal.”

Me: “The law says I can’t give advice. Let me get the pharmacist.”

Customer: “No, really, I have some here.” *whips out a clear bag of poo on the counter* “See, it’s all gritty. That’s not normal, is it? Do you have pills for that?”

Me: “Ma’am, you might want to take that to your doctor. We can’t accept biological waste.”

Customer: *to her husband* “See, Joe, I told you it was wrong. That’s why I save them.”

Rectify The Situation
HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY, UK, WORDPLAY | RIGHT | AUGUST 12, 2010
Customer: “Hi there, do you sell rectums?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Rectums. I need a rectum. Do you sell them?”

Me: “Why do you need it?”

Customer: “I have some tablets here and it says ‘insert via rectum’ and as I don’t have one, I thought I better buy one.”

Me: “I think I better call the pharmacist in.”

(I called the pharmacist in who explained to the man exactly what a rectum is. He left, red-faced.)

Don’t Hold Your Breath For This One
COLORADO, DRUGS, HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | JULY 16, 2010
(I am counseling a patient on using an inhaler.)

Me: “Do you know how to use an inhaler, sir?”

Patient: “Nope, never used one.”

Me: “Okay, you’ll want to begin inhaling, and then depress the inhaler as you are breathing in. Then, hold your breath for as long as possible to allow the medication to be absorbed into your lungs.”

Patient: “Oh, sort of like smoking pot…”

Hollywood, M.D.
BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA, HEALTH & BODY, IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, PHARMACY | RIGHT | JULY 1, 2010
(A customer comes to the counter with a bleeding hand.)

Customer: “Have you got a first aid kit back there? I caught my hand and it’s bleeding.”

Me: “Of course. I’ll go get it.”

(I come back with the kit and take out some antibiotic ointment and some bandages.)

Customer: “Oh, I shouldn’t need the bandages.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s bleeding quite a lot.”

Customer: “Well, that ointment will just fix it, won’t it?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “That stuff you’ve got in your hand; that’ll just heal it up, right?”

Me: “This helps it heal faster and prevents it from getting infected, but it doesn’t heal it immediately.”

Customer: “Don’t you have the stuff that just fixes it right away?”

Me: “I don’t believe they have anything that does that, ma’am.”

Customer: “They do, I saw it before!”

Me: “Where did you see it?”

Customer: “I saw it on some movie. I don’t want that stuff there. I want the stuff I saw in the movie. Just get that stuff and fix this already, will you?”

Medication Frustration
BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA, HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY, STUPID | RIGHT | JUNE 28, 2010
Customer: “I’m picking up a prescription for [Name].”

Me: “Okay. Just a second.”

(I check the drawer for the prescription and can’t find it.)

Me: “When did you order it?”

Customer: “Well, I saw the doctor on Monday.”

Me: “So you came in on Monday?”

Customer: “No, I went to the doctor’s on Monday.”

Me: “Okay, so when did you drop your prescription off?”

Customer: “What do you mean? I went to the doctor.”

Me: “And did he give you a piece of paper that said what drugs you needed?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “That’s a prescription. You need to bring it here so that we know what you need.”

Customer: “But I saw the doctor on Monday! Why didn’t he do it?”

Me: “That’s not his job. That’s what pharmacists are for.”

Customer: “So, what, he’s a doctor but he’s not a pharmacist? Look, I saw him on Monday so he probably just did it then. You’re just not looking hard enough. Look for the things done on Monday!”

Ear-Waxing Lyrical About Bad Service
BAD BEHAVIOR, ENGLAND, FUNNY, HEALTH & BODY, LONDON, PHARMACY, UK | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 1, 2010
Customer: “I’ve come to pick up my prescription.”

Me: “Oh, I’m really sorry. Due to extenuating circumstances we don’t have a pharmacist at the moment so legally I can’t give out any prescriptions. But if you wait five minutes, a replacement pharmacist will be here and then you can take it.”

Customer: “But I need it. Give it to me!”

Me: “I understand your problem but I would be breaking the law if I gave it to you.”

Customer: “I work in the pharmaceutical industry and I know for a fact you are lying! Give it to me now!”

(The pharmacist arrives and I explain the problem.)

Pharmacist: “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience but my colleague was right, There was nothing she could do. But now that I’m here, you can take your prescription.”

Customer: “Your colleague is a cruel, moral-less b**** with the intelligence of a moron. She has endangered my life! I shall take this to court and win!” *storms out*

Me: *to pharmacist* “What was in her prescription?”

Pharmacist: “Drops for excessive ear wax.”

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Retired & Extremely Dangerous
BAD BEHAVIOR, GEORGIA, PHARMACY, RUDE & RISQUE, USA | RIGHT | OCTOBER 18, 2010
Me: “Thank you for calling [Pharmacy]. May I help you?”

Elderly Female Customer: “I would like to get these two of my medications refilled and I want to pick them up tomorrow afternoon.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that will be fine. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Elderly Female Customer: “Honey, you can come to my house and do me anytime.”

Me: “I, uh, oh, uh…”

Elderly Female Customer: “I hope I didn’t offend you, but I’m old so I can say things like that!”

Discount Discounted
AT THE CHECKOUT, CALIFORNIA, JERK, MONEY, PHARMACY, USA | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 29, 2010
Me: “And do you have a free rewards card with us, ma’am?”

Customer: “A what? I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know.”

Me: “If you think you have one, I can look it up by your phone number?

Customer: “My what?”

Me: *louder* “Your phone number, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t have one of those! I don’t think I have one! I don’t have a phone number! I don’t have one!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s fine. Your total today is $26.74, and just to let you know, you could have saved $5.90 if you had the rewards card.”

Customer: “A discount? My phone number is [number]!”

Will Power On Aisle 2
CANADA, HEALTH & BODY, PHARMACY | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 28, 2010
Teenage Girl: “Do you guys sell that contraceptive ‘abstinence’?”

Me: “Abstinence?”

Teenage Girl: “Yeah! Abstinence! I read that it’s the only 100% way to not get pregnant!”

Me: “That’s right. But, abstinence is to not have sex, like, abstain from.”

Teenage Girl: “Well, that just sucks!”

Misunderstood “Total Coverage”
INSURANCE, MICHIGAN, PHARMACY, STUPID, USA | RIGHT | SEPTEMBER 17, 2010
Me: “Our records show you’ve never had a prescription filled here before, so I’ll need an ID and your insurance.”

Customer: “Here’s my ID. I don’t have my insurance on me, but it’s through [Car Insurance Company].”

Me: “Sir, I think that’s your car insurance. Do you have health insurance?”

Customer: “You mean there’s more than one kind?”

So Mummy Can Have Birds Without The Bees
CHILDREN, PHARMACY, UK | RIGHT | JANUARY 30, 2011
(I am a customer in line at a pharmacy. A mother and her two young boys are ahead of me. One of the young boys is sitting on the floor pointing at random medicines.)

Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

Mother: “That’s for an itchy head.”

Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

Mother: “That’s for when you can’t sleep.”

(The boy then points at the pregnancy tests.)

Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

Mother: “That’s to see if you have a baby growing inside of you!”

(The boy then stands up and gets back in line with his mother.)

Mother: *to me and the pharmacist* “Thank god he didn’t point at the condoms!”

Two Pillows On The Couch, Once Daily
BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA, EDITORS' CHOICE, FUNNY, PHARMACY, SPOUSES & PARTNERS | RIGHT | JANUARY 26, 2011
(I need to make a new profile for the customer’s wife on our computer system, so the customer calls his wife.)

Customer: *to wife* “Hello? What’s your card number? It’s for the prescription.”

(The customer relays the card number to me. I ask for her birthday.)

Customer: *to wife* “When’s your birthday? No, of course I remember. It’s December 7th!”

(I hear his wife cry out loudly over the phone.)

Customer: *to wife* “What? It’s September 22nd?!”

(The customer ends the conversation and hangs up the phone.)

Me: “Are you going to be all right when you go back?”

Customer: “You should warn me next time you have to ask for her birthday.”