A Cyst-emic Problem In Healthcare
BAD BEHAVIOR, BIGOTRY, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, MEDICAL OFFICE, MINNESOTA, USA | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 14, 2019
(I get fed up with my old doctor refusing to do anything other than tell me to “just lose some weight” and I go to a new clinic.)
Doctor: “I see you changed practices. Do you have any medical files with you or are they sending them over?”
Me: “They might send them over, but they’re going to be next to empty and claim I’m only overweight. My last doctor didn’t pay any attention to any of the symptoms I would tell him about. If it doesn’t happen in front of him he thinks it doesn’t happen ever, and all he would ever tell me is that I need to lose weight. I know I need to, but I’ve honestly been dieting and exercising and nothing has happened. I’ve had hormone problems my entire life, but he just kept telling me to eat better.”
Doctor: “That sounds… bad. Okay, tell me what’s going on with your hormones, and I’ll have a nurse come in and draw your blood for labs. You also seem to have a small lump on your neck.”
Me: “Yeah, I’m prone to cysts. I was going to get it looked at if it didn’t go away. Getting them drained isn’t pleasant, so I wait and see if they take care of themselves before I go in.”
Doctor: “I’ll take a look at it, anyway. You’re already here, might as well.”
(I leave the appointment satisfied that the doctor didn’t mention my weight at all except to ask if I’ve noticed any fluctuation with it. A week later, the doctor calls me back in.)
Doctor: “I ran your labs and, like I thought, you also high levels of testosterone. You have something called–“
Me: “Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS?”
Doctor: “Exactly.”
Me: “I asked my old doctor about that years ago since I’m prone to getting cysts on my ovaries, but he never tested me for it.”
Doctor: “Well, I did, and you definitely have it. You also seem to have some thyroid problems, and I’d like for you to get a biopsy of the lump on your neck.”
Me: “Really?”
Doctor: “Yes, since I saw you last week, it’s gotten bigger, and I don’t think it’s a cyst.”
(It wasn’t. It was a cancerous tumor on my thyroid. When the surgeon opened me up to remove it, cancer had already spread to the surrounding lymph nodes, which then also had to be removed. After some radiation and chemo, I’m in remission, but if I had stayed with the old fat-shaming doctor, I’d be dead. Thankfully, that doctor retired and no longer “treats” patients.)
What A Diabeetus, Part 10
JERK, OPTOMETRIST/OPTICIAN, PATIENTS, RECEPTION, USA | HEALTHY | OCTOBER 13, 2019
(I work as a receptionist and an assistant for an optometrist. Multiple patients are very ignorant about optometry; they say they need to update the “medicine” in their glasses or tell me I shouldn’t set their glasses down a certain way because the “medicine will drain out,” among other similar statements. Some people just don’t understand that it is the way lenses are shaped and that fixes their vision, not an actual medication. But some people top the cake. This patient has insurance.)
Patient: *answering my questions* “Yeah, I do have diabetes, but what does that matter? I’m just getting my eyes checked for glasses!”
Me: “Yes, ma’am, I understand. However, if your sugar levels aren’t stable it can cause a drastic change in your prescription. For that reason, since you have stated you are almost never stable, the doctor may find it in your best interest to check you and have you come back in a couple of weeks, at no extra charge, to make sure the prescription does not fluctuate before finalizing it. This is to ensure you do not purchase lenses that may not work in a few weeks. However, the doctor will discuss this further with you in the exam room to see if this applies to you or not.”
Patient: “You saw my [relative] a few months ago and this wasn’t an issue! You’re just trying to scam me! Her blood sugar is never stable, either!”
Me: “Ma’am, like I stated, it is truly up to the doctor, and you may not have to come back. Also, the followup would not charge you any extra.”
Patient: “Fine. I don’t want to be seen. I’ll go somewhere that knows what they are doing! You just didn’t bother with all of this with [relative] because she was a cash payment!”
Me: “No, ma’am, that is certainly not the case. Each patient is different. In this case, I will guess that the doctor was okay with finalizing her prescription based on the exam, and that just might be your case, as well. I am just informing you of the possible outcomes. Also–“
Patient: *cutting me off* “NO! I DO NOT WANT TO BE SEEN! I NEED MY EXAM. TODAY! NOT IN A FEW WEEKS! I’M DONE WITH THIS AND I’M LEAVING!”
(The patient storms out of the office. The doctor has just finished the exam before her.)
Doctor: “Did you mention that she could possibly get it today, but I’d have to see her first?”
Me: “Yes, sir, but she seems to think we were trying to scam her because her [relative] got hers the same day, and since she’s using insurance, unlike her [relative], we’re trying to get more out of her and take advantage. I remember her [relative]’s name. I’ll pull her chart…”
(A few minutes pass as we’re looking over the relative’s chart.)
Me: “Huh… [Relative] said nothing about being diabetic or unstable with her blood sugar.”
Doctor: “Of freaking course. Did you get a chance to tell her we get paid more from insurance versus cash pay? So really, [Relative] got the better deal?”
Me: “Well, I tried, but she stormed out calling me a scammer and a dumba** before I could.”
(Yeah, our cash price can range from $20-80 LESS than what insurance pays us. It’s fun working in healthcare! I mean, we’re only there to write prescriptions and not check anything else, right? Trust me, your optometrist or ophthalmologist checks A LOT more than just your prescription. Gets your eyes checked, people, even if you don’t need correction. Sometimes health issues pop up with no signs!)
What A Diabeetus, Part 9
CALIFORNIA, EDITORS' CHOICE, HEALTH & BODY, JERK, RETAIL, USA | RIGHT | AUGUST 31, 2019
(I work at a chocolate shop during the summer in order to help pay for college. This exchange happens at least three or four times a day. I live in a very rich yuppie town, full of dieters.)
Customer: “God! I don’t know how you work here. I could never! I’d gain about twenty pounds a day!”
Me: *currently overweight* “Uh-huh…”
Customer: “Or get diabetes! God, I’d just walk in and bam! Diabetes! Can you imagine how awful that would be?”
Me: “…”
Customer: “Oh, hey, what’s that thing on your arm?”
Me: “The big one’s an insulin pump, and the small one is a blood sugar monitor. I’m a type 1 diabetic.”
Customer: “OH! Did you get diabetes from working here?”
What A Diabeetus, Part 8
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, JERK, MEDICAL OFFICE, OREGON, USA | RIGHT | AUGUST 5, 2019
(I have just moved from California to Oregon and need to get a new prescription for my asthma medication. I go to a doctor in my new city. I’m a new patient, so of course, he takes a bit of time with me going over all my stuff. Then, this exchange takes place. Note: I am an overweight guy, but not extremely.)
Doctor: “How long have you had diabetes?”
Me: “I don’t.”
Doctor: “Of course, you do; you are overweight. I’m going to write you a prescription for that. How long have you had high blood pressure?”
Me: “Was my blood pressure high when the nurse took it? I thought it was normal.”
Doctor: “It was normal, but I’m pretty sure you have high blood pressure, so I’m going to write you a prescription for that. I’m also going to write you a prescription for high cholesterol and one to help you lose weight.”
Me: “How do you know I have high cholesterol if you haven’t taken blood?”
Doctor: “I’m sure you do.”
Me: “What about my asthma medication?”
Doctor: “Oh, I’ll give you that, too.”
(I ended up leaving with the one prescription I needed, and four I didn’t ask for. I never went to him again. I found a better doctor who ran all my blood work and looked me over and said I didn’t need any of that, and that the weight loss drug had just been pulled off the market for causing heart issues.)
What A Diabeetus, Part 7
ADELAIDE, AUSTRALIA, HEALTH & BODY, INSTANT KARMA, JERK, KIOSK, SOUTH AUSTRALIA | RIGHT | AUGUST 1, 2018
(I work as a supervisor in a kiosk at a sporting complex. This happens during our rush when I am at the other end of the kiosk. I have had type 1 diabetes since I was two, for eighteen years now.)
Customer: “I would like to talk to the supervisor.”
Me: “Sir, I am the supervisor here; what seems to be the problem?”
Customer: “Do you have any drinks that are sugar-free? I’m diabetic and I can’t have sugary drinks.”
Me: “We have Coke Zero, Diet Coke, and water, sir.”
Customer: “Nothing else?”
Me: “I’m afraid not, sir.”
Customer: “You should have other sugar-free drinks! This is discrimination against me; you’re discriminating against diabetics.”
Me: “Sir, I can assu—”
Customer: *cutting me off* “Do you know what it’s like to have diabetes?”
(He launches into a rant of rhetorical questions about having diabetes. It lasts a couple of minutes, drawing the attention of everyone in line. I haven’t been able to get a word in since he started, but I can’t serve the queue until he is finished. So, I wait for him to take a breath.)
Customer: “And you don’t know what it’s like to have diabetes. I’ve had it for five years; I deserve some respect for that, but no, there are no sugar-free drinks because you don’t know.”
Me: *with a slightly raised voice* “I’ve had it for eighteen years.”
(He freezes, and it’s like the entire queue holds its breath as I smile and continue.)
Me: “Now, is there anything I can help you with today, sir?”
(He shakes his head, looking meek.)
Me: “Very well. The register is right behind you, and I hope you enjoy the game.”
What A Diabeetus, Part 6
DEPARTMENT STORE, HEALTH & BODY, JERK, NEW MEXICO, USA | RIGHT | JUNE 12, 2018
(I work at a well-known retail chain as a cashier. We’re doing a temporary fundraiser for diabetes research and have to ask each customer if they’d like to donate some money towards the cause. My father has diabetes.)
Me: “Hello! Would you like to donate to help diabetes research today?”
Customer: “No, sweetie. I believe that if you just don’t eat white flour or sugar, the whole diabetes thing disappears!”
Me: *stares at her in disbelief for a few seconds* “Would you like a bag?”
(She needs to either get her head out of the organic movement or do some research on diabetes. It can’t merely be fixed by eating differently, ma’am!)
What A Diabeetus, Part 5
BOSSES & OWNERS, BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA, HEALTH & BODY, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, OFFICE, VANCOUVER | WORKING | APRIL 4, 2018
(This happened to my dad. He was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, and because of this, he has to have something to eat every two or three hours. His boss knows this. One day, the boss comes over to Dad’s desk to discuss something.)
Boss: *talking without paying attention*
(At that moment, the coffee cart rolls by.)
Dad: “Excuse me for a minute—”
Boss: *ignoring him*
Dad: “Uh, [Boss]? Just give me a minute—”
Boss: “Why?”
Dad: “I need to go get something from the coffee cart.”
Boss: *annoyed* “Now?”
Dad: “Yes, now.”
Boss: “For Pete’s sake, would it kill you to wait?”
Dad: “Literally? Probably not. But it won’t be healthy for me.”
Boss: *pause* “Oh, the diabetes thing. Right.”
(It wouldn’t have been such a big deal, except that this happened at least once a month.)
What A Diabeetus, Part 4
ALABAMA, BIRMINGHAM, MEDICAL OFFICE, STUPID, USA | HEALTHY | JANUARY 26, 2018
(I am sitting at my desk behind the nurses’ station when one of our new patients approaches me.)
Patient: “Can you do me a favor and check my lab work for me?”
Me: “I sure can, sir. Let me get you pulled up, here. What did you want me to look over?”
Patient: “Can you check to see if there’s any diabetes in my blood?”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Patient: “Diabetes. In my blood.”
Me: “Did you mean your glucose level, sir?”
Patient: *clearly exasperated* “No, I mean if the doctor found any diabetes in my blood.”
What A Diabeetus, Part 3
COLORADO, HEALTH & BODY, HOSPITAL, USA | HEALTHY | JANUARY 23, 2018
(I work in the kitchen of a small hospital. I go to each room and take the patients’ orders for their meals. One new patient is a woman who is on a diabetic diet.)
Patient: *after ordering a huge meal, including iced tea with “a crapload of sugar”* “…and can my brother order something, too?”
Me: “Sure. It’s $5.40 for a guest tray, and you can order whatever you want.”
Patient: “Wait, you mean he can get all the food he wants for $5.40? Holy crap! This is the best hospital ever.”
(The patient’s brother orders a large meal, including a diet soda.)
Me: “All right. Now, since you’re on a diabetic diet, we’ll probably have to cut some of this out, because the rules say we can only give you so many carbs.”
Patient: “Whatever. I eat what I want.”
Me: “Okay. I’ll see what I can do.”
(We end up sending her about half of what she ordered, and using artificial sweetener instead of sugar.)
Patient: *calling back after getting her food* “Um, I didn’t get all my food.”
Me: “Since you’re on a diabetic diet, we can only send you that much. Sorry.”
Patient: “Well, my brother didn’t get what he ordered, either. He was supposed to get…” *she proceeds to list the things she didn’t get*
Me: *after a bit of futilely trying to reason with her* “All right. I can bring a little more food to him.”
(The cook lets me bring some more food to the brother.)
Me: “I’d like to see him put sugar in his diet soda.”
What A Diabeetus, Part 2
BAD BEHAVIOR, GROCERY STORE, HARASSMENT, IGNORING & INATTENTIVE, NEW JERSEY, USA, WILD & UNRULY | RIGHT | NOVEMBER 6, 2017
(A customer is getting her money out of her bag. I had put in a low blood-sugar reading in my insulin pump a couple minutes earlier, and it always beeps to remind me to check it again. It beeps, and I unclip it from my waist and turn the screen on. The customer looks up and her eyes go wide.)
Customer: “Of course!”
Me: “What’s the matter?”
Customer: “This is the reason I hate this store! They hire teenagers that look at their phones all the time! They don’t even care about the customers.”
Me: “What? Oh! This isn’t a phone, ma’am.” *presses “okay” and clips it back to my waist*
Customer: “Yes, it is! Give it to me so I can report you to your manager!”
Me: “One, it’s not a phone. Two, I can’t take it off because it’s an insulin pump. I have type-one diabetes.” *shows her my medical alert bracelet* “My manager knows this.”
Customer: “You don’t have diabetes! You’re not obese!”
Me: *tries to resist the urge to face-palm* “Ma’am, I have type-one. The one you’re thinking about is type-two. Please give me the money and leave.”
Customer: “No!” *reaches for my pump, which has a tube that connects to something on my stomach*
Me: *calmly* “Please leave.”
(The customer once again reaches for my pump, and pulls it off my pants. She pulls it forward and realizes there’s a tube on it.)
Customer: “How do you disconnect the charger?”
Me: “That isn’t a charger wire, ma’am. It’s a tube. You can see it’s clear. Please let go.”
(I reach to take my pump back. The customer pulls it forwards again, and I jerk forward. A lot of the time I drop my pump, and it pulls on my stomach. It’s never torn out the thing on my stomach, but this time it’s about to. Luckily, my manager arrives before it does.)
Manager: “Let go of that right now and leave. It’s good that you hate this store, because you’re not coming back.”
(The customer places the pump on the counter and runs to the door, not taking her money or things.)
Me: “Thanks.”
Manager: “Take her money; you deserve it. I’ll put her stuff back.”
(Suddenly, I heard a beep. My manager was also a diabetic, and also had a low earlier. He pulled out his pump, which looked like mine. I heard a loud scream and the door slamming shut.)
Specializing In Being Sus AF
BIZARRE, IMPOSSIBLE DEMANDS, MEDICAL OFFICE, RECEPTION, USA, WASHINGTON | HEALTHY | MARCH 15, 2021
My primary care physician finds some dangerous anomalies in some routine blood work and refers me to a specialist. I call the specialist’s office to make an appointment and I run into an obstacle.
Receptionist: “Before the doctor can see you, you will need to get your records from your former visit.”
I suddenly remember that I saw this same doctor five years ago for something similar.
Me: “You don’t have the records?”
Receptionist: “We moved buildings and changed our name, so no.”
Me: “Why can’t you use the records on file from my primary physician?”
Receptionist: “We need our former records.”
Me: “And you don’t have them.”
Receptionist: “No. We moved buildings.”
Me: “…”
Receptionist: “Call this number and get your records or the doctor can’t move on with treatment.”
I am frustrated by this, as my health issue is potentially life-threatening and I just want to get started in treatment, but I hang up and call the number. The call leads me to a badly recorded message that’s just some guy saying that if I want records I have to mail twenty-five dollars and a signed note to a PO box. I hang up on that mess, call the specialist’s office back, and speak to the same receptionist.
Me: “That was a weird message asking for money. I won’t be doing that. I can get you the records of my treatment from my doctor. It was only a one-year course of [medication] five years ago. Nothing else.”
Receptionist: “Nothing else?”
Me: “One medication. That was all.”
Receptionist: “Well, you have a week before your appointment. Just get those records or the doctor can’t treat you.”
She hung up on me. Maybe this is common practice for a medical office that has changed buildings, but it seems way too shady to me. I called my PCP and got a referral to a different specialist.
Did… Did It Work?
BIZARRE, CURRENT EVENTS, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, MALAYSIA, RELIGION, SILLY | HEALTHY | MARCH 14, 2021
This is a story my colleague told me about his uncle. His uncle is rather superstitious and believes in a lot of weird things. When he tests positive for a certain rapidly spreading illness, his first reaction is to go to a bomoh — Malaysian witch-doctor — for an exorcism. For various reasons, my colleague is stuck accompanying his uncle to the bomoh.
Bomoh: “Okay, I can exorcise you. Hold still, please.”
Uncle: “Okay.”
Bomoh: “Begone, evil spirits!”
He pulls out a toy laser gun and points it at [Uncle]’s head.
Bomoh: “All-laaah!”
Typing this out does not give it justice. The way my colleague repeated it, it sounded like a mix of singsong, bombastic, and high.
Alas, Poor Howard! A Fellow Of Infinite Thrift!
BIZARRE, THRIFT STORE, USA | HEALTHY | MARCH 13, 2021
On a break between classes, I decide to browse through a thrift store up the street. It’s shortly before Halloween, so there’s the usual assortment of worse-for-the-wear stuffed witches and sequined black cats… and then, between a bag of fake cobwebs and a dented plastic jack-o’-lantern, I find a human skull. A real one.
It’s been prepped for anatomy classes, with the jaw hinged and all the cranial sutures labeled, so my guess is that someone just assumed it was another Halloween decoration without bothering to look any closer. I immediately grab it; I’m a medical student with a deep sense of the macabre, and I’d love nothing more than to have a human skull to put in my office someday. Now, the question is whether it’s legal for me to have it and whether bringing a skull home would bother my boyfriend.
Five minutes of frantic Googling informs me that it’s perfectly legal for a private citizen to own human body parts in my state, but it’s illegal to sell them without a license. Given that the skull is in with the Halloween decorations and already showing a few cracks from rough handling, I decide that’s a risk I’ll run, and I text my boyfriend.
Me: “I found a human skull in a thrift store. It’s $4. I’m pretty sure they thought it was a Halloween prop.”
Boyfriend: “Did you just stumble into a murder mystery? I don’t want to have to rescue you from mysterious kidnappers.”
Me: “No, it looks like an anatomy class skull, so it probably wasn’t a murder victim. Would it bother you if I bought it?”
Boyfriend: “As long as it’s not murder evidence, go for it. That used to be really important to someone; it seems wrong for it to be sitting on a shelf for $4.”
Having gotten the okay from my boyfriend, I grab a cheap towel to cushion the skull and finish looking through the store. There’s a huge stack of outdated dentistry books from the 1960s and a few gummy, faded classroom models of teeth and jaws one shelf over, so my guess is that the skull used to belong to a retired dentist and was donated and put up for sale without anyone noticing it was real. As soon as I get back to campus, I take it to one of my professors. He confirms that, yep, it’s real, and tells me that based on the facial structure and the way it’s been prepped, it’s probably a male from the 1940s. My professor also points out a couple of signs of disease-related bone damage and asks if he can borrow the skull during the class unit on tuberculosis.
My boyfriend and I have named the skull Howard. He lives on our mantlepiece and visits the class with me once a semester. I do not regret buying him.
We Don’t Want To Know Where She Was Looking
HEALTH & BODY, MEDICAL OFFICE, PARENTS/GUARDIANS, SEATTLE, USA, WASHINGTON | HEALTHY | MARCH 12, 2021
I’m at the doctor’s office, and a woman comes in crying and shouting.
Woman: “I can’t find my daughter’s prostate!”
The nurse calmly explained to her what the prostate is for and why women don’t have them. The woman left, looking humiliated.
It’s Not Just In The Media
EMERGENCY SERVICES, LAZY/UNHELPFUL, PENNSYLVANIA, PITTSBURGH, USA | HEALTHY | MARCH 11, 2021
It is a day or two after my dad has had a pacemaker finally put in after several years of him dying due to an extremely slow heart rate. It is quite early in the morning and I am awoken by my dad telling me to call 911 as he’s experiencing severe chest pain. He goes back to his room and I quickly run to grab the phone and I call 911, which is when things go south.
Operator: “Hello?”
I think I’ve called the wrong number somehow.
Me: “Hello?”
Operator: “Hi. Did you need something?”
Me: “Yeah, is this 911?”
Operator: “Yes. Did you need something?”
Me: “Sorry, it’s just that in the media you guys always say, ‘911, what’s your emergency?’ and you threw me off. Anyway, I need an ambulance to my house.”
Rise Like A Very Confused Phoenix
CANADA, DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, ONTARIO, VET | HEALTHY | MARCH 10, 2021
My indoor tabby cat is ten years old. Recently, we had a little health scare with him that got so bad we thought we were going to lose him. Luckily, he pulled through. We decided from then on we were going to take him for regular vet checks. Yes, I know we should have been taking him regularly before.
After having a bad experience with one clinic, we are recommended to a better clinic. They are great with my boy and super nice.
After the first visit, I talk to the vet.
Vet #1 : “Phoenix is in great health. His ticker is good, his teeth are great, and he is very well-behaved. Since he is ten now, I’d like you to put him on senior food.”
Six months later, we go back to the vet to get some vaccines.
Vet #2 : “I am really concerned about Phoenix’s teeth. He has some bad gingivitis; you won’t be able to see it if you looked but I have a trained eye so I can see it. Also, why do you have him on a senior food?”
She’d Be Swelling With Pride
AUSTRALIA, CHILDREN, CURRENT EVENTS, HOSPITAL, VICTORIA | HEALTHY | MARCH 9, 2021
I’m at the hospital.
Little Boy: “Why aren’t you wearing a mask?”
Me: “Oh, hi, kid. The masks don’t fit me right now. Can you go back to your mum? I can’t talk well right now.”
Little Boy: “Mummy says that everyone has to wear a mask.”
Me: “Normally she’d be right, but the doctor has given me special permission just this once.”
Little Boy: “But Mummy says that people who don’t wear masks are selfish b*****ds.”
Me: “Go back to your mummy and I’m sure she’ll explain it. I can’t fit into the masks right now.”
Little Boy: “Why not?”
Me: “Because my face is all swollen up, see?”
Little Boy: “Isn’t that what you normally look like?”
Me: “No?”
Little Boy: “Oh, all right, then.”
In the mother’s defence, the woman he wandered back to was trying to comfort a little girl with a lot of blood on her face. I think she was a bit preoccupied to realise what had happened.
Medical Work Can Make You A Little Nutty
BIZARRE, MEDICAL OFFICE, NURSES, USA | HEALTHY | MARCH 8, 2021
I’m at my orthopedist’s office to treat an inflammatory injury to my hand. They assess the damage and decide to give me an anti-inflammatory injection to treat it. I do extremely poorly with shots and realize at the last second that I’ve forgotten to eat breakfast, which makes it worse. Shortly after the injection, I have one coherent moment where I look at my nurse and tell her I think I’m going to puke before I go mostly incoherent and nearly black out.
When I’m feeling a little more lucid, I notice there’s a different nurse than my original nurse, who I find out got freaked out when she realized I might faint and got another nurse to take care of me.
Nurse #2 : “Yeah, she was freaking out. Halfway through, she says, ‘Her lips are blue! They’re blue! They’re blue!’ I had to tell her, ‘Yeah, she’s passing out. They’re gonna do that. She’ll be okay.'”
Me: “Ha, I don’t even remember that… Um, am I able to get some water?”
Nurse #1 : “Oh, good. That’s the last thing we need! I went to get the ice as quick as I could but I realized none of it was crushed so I grabbed a jar of peanuts to crush it with but I broke the jar and got some peanuts on the ice.”
Me: “Oh… thanks.”
[Nurse #2 ] and I stare at her as she leaves the room and I turn to look at my ice, which isn’t crushed and is in giant pieces. I feebly scoop out a giant ice cube with my hand since she didn’t bring me a spoon. [Nurse #2 ] looks exhausted as she sighs.
Brace For Impact!
BIZARRE, DENTIST, FUNNY, SOUTH CAROLINA, USA | HEALTHY | MARCH 6, 2021
I got braces a week ago. It’s a rather boring day, so my friends and I decide to goof off on the trampoline. While doing a flip, I fall and faceplant, and my braces get caught in the mesh.
We’re all laughing like idiots until it becomes apparent that I cannot free myself. One of my friends runs and grabs a pair of wire cutters and uses it to remove the wire from my braces, freeing me. In the process, a few brackets pop off, but it’s far better than having to call emergency services for help.
A few days later, I’m at the orthodontist, getting the wire and brackets put back on.
Orthodontist: “Good lord, what did you eat?”
Me: “Uh, actually, I got my face caught in a trampoline.”
Orthodontist: “What?”
Me: “Yeah. My friend was doing flips and I tried to copy them and landed on my face. And, uh, we had to get me free somehow.”
Orthodontist: *Laughing* “That’s a new one.”
There was no permanent damage and my braces ended up working out perfectly. But I wonder if anyone else has ever had that happen. I can’t be the only mega klutz that’s had to be freed from a trampoline.
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You’ll Knock That Migraine Out Real Good
DOCTOR/PHYSICIAN, HOSPITAL, USA | HEALTHY | MARCH 5, 2021
I get migraines that can take me out for days. Before the headache sets in, I lose sensation in the left side of my body, followed by nausea and vomiting, and then tunnel vision. It is impossible for me to work when it gets to this point, so I try to take care of it as soon as the first symptoms start.
I get to work early to set up and start losing sensation in my neck and shoulder on the left. I immediately take all the meds my doctor tells me to, hoping it’s not too late. I ask the front desk to cancel my first client so I can go to the urgent care next door and see if they can do anything.
I turn off a few lights in the exam room to ease the pain and try to focus on the poster in front of me. It is a PSA on “How to prescribe opioids properly.” I grew up in a place where opioid addiction is an epidemic and have lost many friends to overdoses.
The doctor finally comes in and switches on all the lights.
Doctor: “I’m going to give you something for the nausea and twenty-two Percocet.”
I stare at him in disbelief. Twenty-two Percocet for a migraine? He sees my look.
Doctor: “Okay, twenty-four, then, and here’s a note for work.”
I was too upset and flabbergasted to say much more but I took the scripts and left. I went back to work and explained what had happened and that I needed to go home. One of my coworkers offered to sell my script!
I lost it on them and took an Uber home and just slept it off. I just couldn’t believe the doctor’s reaction or my coworker’s lack of awareness.
This’ll Make You Clench Your Teeth
BELGIUM, HOSPITAL, PATIENTS, REVOLTING | HEALTHY | MARCH 4, 2021
I work as a secretary in the Medical Imaging department at a local hospital. We offer appointments for MRIs. When a patient checks in, we ask them to fill out a questionnaire. This is to check if they have materials inside their body that can be dangerous because of the electromagnetic waves of the MRI.
Sometimes people can’t fill in the questionnaire. Some forget their good glasses, some can’t read or write, some don’t speak the language. Whatever the reason, we offer to read the questions to them and fill it in.
A patient comes up to me and says he can’t fill the questionnaire in on his own. I go over the questions with him. One of the questions is about dentures and whether they are magnetic.
Me: “Do you have dentures, sir?”
Patient: “Yes.”
Me: “Are they magnetic?”
Patient: “No, they are fastened with hooks. Here, look!”
The patient proceeds to pull down his mask and pull out his dentures, and he tries to shove them in my face!
Me: “That’s all right, sir. I believe you.”
I have never been happier that we had plastic shields installed at our desks.
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