Old People Can Get All In A Muggle
Assisted Living, Geeks Rule, Michigan, Patients, Silly, USA | Healthy | October 18, 2018
(I work at the front desk at an assisted living home for seniors. I’m just sitting here, minding my own business, when a rather upset resident in her 80s comes up to the desk.)
Me: “Hello, [Resident]. What’s the matter?”
Resident: “I don’t know if I should tell you…” *wringing her hands*
Me: “It’s okay; you can tell me.”
Resident: *shifts eyes around before leaning in close* “He’s coming back. Voldemort.”
Me: *eyes go wide* “Uh…”
Resident: “You don’t believe me. No one does. But Voldemort is coming, and the children are going to die.”
(I called for staff to come help her to her room, and just stared as they walked her back to her room while she continued on about Dark Marks and wards and spells. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh at the riddikulus-ness or be super impressed that an 80-year-old had Harry Potter knowledge. I think I’ll go with both.)
Some People Act Like Babies
Bad Behavior, Medical Office, New Jersey, Patients, USA | Healthy | October 17, 2018
(I am going for my annual gynecologist appointment. Just as I am walking into the office, I see my doctor running out. He tells me he has to go deliver a baby. I wish him luck and head in to sort out my appointment, and see a woman talking loudly and angrily with the receptionist.)
Woman: “When will he be back?!”
Receptionist: “I don’t know. He actually said to cancel his morning appointments. He said he’d be back in an hour.”
Woman: “I can’t wait that long!”
Receptionist: “We do have an opening at one pm or you can reschedule!”
Woman: “No! This is unbelievable! I have my appointment! How dare he leave to deliver a baby?!”
(At this point, the receptionist, another patient, and I are all wide-eyed.)
Receptionist: *slightly losing her cool* “Ma’am, he’s delivering a baby. It’s an emergency.”
Woman: “No, it’s not! A c-section isn’t an emergency! I need my appointment!”
(They argue back and forth a bit before she walks off and I head to the counter.)
Me: “Hello. Should I wait or just come back? I know delivering a baby might take some time.”
Receptionist: “You can take the one pm appointment; he’ll be back by them. Some people don’t understand that someone having a baby is an emergency.”
Needs To Take A Breath At Such Incompetence
California, Doctor/Physician, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Jerk, USA | Healthy | October 17, 2018
(I’ve had a cough for a while that just isn’t going away. On the weekend it gets so bad that I have difficulty breathing. Since it’s the weekend, I have to go to the emergency room. Even though I’m an adult, my dad goes with me, because being female and fat I often don’t get proper treatment. This time around, I don’t even get a doctor; I get a physician’s assistant. I’m too busy coughing and gasping for a decent breath to talk at this point. She doesn’t even bother to examine me and snaps at me the very second she comes past the curtain.)
Physician’s Assistant: “You have the flu. Go home!”
Dad: *looks at the woman in shock* “You didn’t even listen to her lungs, or touch her at all.”
Physician’s Assistant: “I don’t have to. She has the flu. Go home.”
Dad: “She’s having problems breathing. You need to listen to her lungs!”
Physician’s Assistant: *makes a great show of “listening” to my lungs, which lasts less than five seconds* “She has the flu. Go home!“
Dad: “Can’t you at least give her a Rocephin shot?”
Physician’s Assistant: “It won’t do anything for the flu. Go home!“
(She then flounced out and insisted I be discharged. The next day was a weekday and I went into my doctor without an appointment. He immediately informed me that I had a severe infection that required antibiotics, NOT the flu. He then gave me a Rocephin shot and I started to feel better by the afternoon. You can bet the hospital got a REALLY stern letter from me.)
Her Name Is “Grandma”!
Hospital, Stupid, Teenagers, USA, Utah | Healthy | October 16, 2018
(I work as a nurse in a cancer hospital. One day I see a teenage boy, maybe 15 or 16, standing at the front desk of our inpatient unit. As I have a few spare moments, and it doesn’t appear that anyone else has helped him yet, I walk over to him.)
Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”
Teenager: “Um, yeah. I’m here to see my Grandma?”
(Yes, it came out as a question, but I just brushed it off as being nerves at having to talk to a stranger.)
Me: “Fantastic! If you’ll just tell me her name, I can point you in the direction of her room.”
Teenager: “Uh… I don’t know.”
Me: *blank stare* “You don’t know what?”
Teenager: “I don’t know her name.”
(We blink at each other for a few seconds, as I’m too stunned to say anything.)
Me: “I’m sorry; I really don’t think I can help you out.”
(We have over 150 patients in our hospital. And how you don’t know your own grandma’s name is beyond me!)
Shake Your Fist At Them
Health & Body, Patients, Retail, Silly, USA | Healthy | October 16, 2018
(I’m chatting with a customer and it comes up that her entire arm, from the elbow down, was badly broken in a car accident. She is only just starting to get enough control of her hand to limply hold a pen. The conversation, of course, drifts to her physical therapy, and she talks about her progress as I encourage her.)
Me: *single fist-pump* “You can do it!”
Woman: *laughing* “No, I can’t! That’s the problem!”
Me: *single fist-pump* “You’ll eventually be able to do it!”
(We chatted for another minute or so before she left. I hope she recovers quickly, or, at the very least, is able to keep smiling as she goes!)
It’s A Bad Sign-us Infection
Doctor/Physician, Germany, Home, Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Non-Dialogue | Healthy | October 15, 2018
Several months ago my cousin woke up with an absolutely massively swollen right eye, so naturally, she went to the hospital to have that checked out. They administered two CT scans, diagnosed her with a large, inoperable, cancerous tumor sitting right behind her right eye, and gave her six months to live.
Cancer is rampant in our family, so this makes sense in the context. However, she’s always been kind of easy-going and also, she refuses to believe it, so she just didn’t tell anybody and went about her life as usual.
A few weeks after the diagnosis, she was at a normal dentist appointment, and whenever anything touched her right cheek, it hurt a lot, more than it ever had at the dentist, even though she was just having a check done. Her dentist informed her that she had a severe sinus infection. She told him about her recent diagnosis, and he was absolutely not having it.
The next day they went back to the hospital together, in his free time, and he demanded they do another check and pointed out her sinus infection. It turned out he was right; she had a severe sinus infection, not a deadly tumor, that had spread up to right behind her right eye, and had caused an infection. She received normal treatment for that, and within a short time everything was back to normal. The first CT scan had been incorrectly calibrated, and the second one had been incorrectly interpreted.
Having spent many of my teenage years in hospitals myself, I’ve seen a lot, but I had never personally encountered a doctor as dedicated as that dentist before.
Don’t Go (Down) There
Patients, Pharmacy, Stupid, USA | Healthy | October 14, 2018
(I stop by my local pharmacy to pick up my prescription of birth control pills and to talk to my buddy who is a pharmacist. I notice on the package it says, “To be taken orally.” I point it out to my friend.)
Me: *with a laugh* “Well, what idiot doesn’t know that?”
(My buddy’s eyes grow big and she says
Buddy: “Oh, no. You would be surprised! The reason that is now on there is we actually had a woman sue us because she claimed we didn’t properly instruct her on how the pills had to be taken orally, and she got pregnant.”
Me: “Well, then, how the heck did she use them? Where did she put them?”
(Then, it dawns on me where she must have put the pills.)
This Bureaucracy Is Killing Me!
Coworkers, Hospital, Jerk, Rotterdam, The Netherlands | Healthy | October 13, 2018
(I am working the night shift in a student team. One of our tasks is getting blood and stuff for the operating surgeons all around the hospital. This night a sixteen-year-old boy on a scooter has been hit by a car and is haemorrhaging profusely. I am called to get blood for the blood transfusion that needs to be done. However, due to the fact the boy is being reanimated while receiving a blood transfusion and an operation, there is no time to fill in a form. This is the conversation I have with the man at the blood lab
Me: “Hey, I don’t have a form, but I need blood for the sixteen-year-old patient that’s bleeding out downstairs.”
Blood Lab: “If you don’t have the form, you don’t get the blood.”
Me: “But they don’t have the time to fill in a form, as they are operating on him while giving a blood transfusion, and he was just reanimated.”
Blood Lab: “But you don’t have a form.”
Me: “Yes, I know, but the boy is dying.”
Blood Lab: “Well, it’s not my fault if he dies; come back when you have the form.”
(Sir, I know that you were technically right, but is a form more important than the life of a sixteen-year-old boy?!)
Looking After One Child So Much You Forget About The Other
Hospital, Ignoring & Inattentive, Kansas City, Missouri, Parents/Guardians, Patients, USA | Healthy | October 12, 2018
My mother was a pediatric cardiac nurse and was taking care of a boy who had just had open heart surgery. She left for the weekend, and this story was relayed to her the next morning she was in.
The mother of the young boy suddenly started to have severe abdominal pains during the night. The nurse realized after checking her over that she had forgotten to ask her a very important question: when was the last time she had had her period? The mother said, “Oh, it’s coming any day now.”
The nurse looked at the nurse supervisor who was helping her. This is a children’s hospital, so they had no labor and delivery ward. The supervisor started to panic. This hospital is up the road from another, adult hospital. So, the supervisor decided to put the mother in a wheelchair and push her down to the adult hospital. This hospital is located at the top of a hill, so as he was pushing her down to the other hospital, the wheelchair slipped out of his hand. Luckily, he caught her before she got too far away, and got her to the adult hospital before she delivered the baby.
When my mom got back that Monday, she went to the boy’s room and saw that the mother was back already. She found that the mother had been so focused on taking care of her son before his surgery and getting him the surgery that she hadn’t realized she hadn’t had her period in over seven months.
Luckily, both the son and baby were able to leave the hospital soon after, and last my mother heard they were all doing well.
The Pharmacy Version Of “I’m Looking For A Book That’s Red”
Australia, Health & Body, Impossible Demands, Melbourne, Pharmacy | Healthy Right | October 10, 2018
Customer: “I need to get a repeat on my medication. I’ve ran out of the script so can you give me an owning? I’ve been here many times.”
Me: “Sure, that shouldn’t be a problem. Can you give me your name and the name of the medication you want owning?”
Customer: “My name is [Customer] and I don’t know what the medication is called.”
Me: “Oh, okay. Do you know what the medication is for?”
Customer; “No. Just look up the medication I’m on.”
Me: “You’re on a few different medications.”
Customer: “It’s a little white tablet.”
Me: “All but one of the five medications you are on are white. Box or bottle?”
Customer: “No idea. Just give me an owing.”
Me: “Sir, sorry, but without know what the medication is for or what it is called, I cannot give you an owing. But would you know what it is if I showed you the packages it comes in?.”
(I quickly grab a few bottles and boxes of medications that the customer is on, hoping it jogs his memory.)
Customer: “Nope. I don’t know which one it is. Just give me an owing. It’s a little white pill! You’re suppose to know what I want!”
Me: “Sir, as I said, a few of your medications you are on are small white pills., I’m sorry but I want to make sure I am giving you the right medication. Are you sure you don’t know what the medication is called or what it is used for?”
Customer: “You’re no help. You’re suppose to know what I want!” *leaves the store*
How To Nurse A Case Of The Hiccups
College & University, Colorado, Nurses, Silly, Students, USA | Healthy | October 10, 2018
(We are sitting at break in my Med/Surg Nursing course one afternoon, and we’ve just finished clarifying that our final exam is NOT cumulative. I notice my classmate next to me has hiccups.)
Me: “Got hiccups?”
Classmate: “Yeah.”
Me: “Want me to scare them out of you?”
Classmate: *sleepily* “Nooooo! Don’t scare me.”
(Jokingly, I throw my arm around her and lean in.)
Me: “Hey, hey, [Classmate], the fourth test is cumulative!”
Classmate: “WAIT, WHAT?!”
Me: “Oh, my God, no! We just finished discussing this! I’m joking.”
Classmate: “…”
Me: “HOLY CRAP! It actually stopped your hiccups!”
(We all lost it. Forget “boo.” If you want to scare a nursing student, just tell her the exam will be harder!)
Wish You Could Take The Blue Pill And Forget
Ignoring & Inattentive, Iowa, Patients, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | October 8, 2018
(I’m a Certified Pharmacy Technician at a midwest grocery and pharmacy chain. I’m not exaggerating when I say I get far too many of these calls EVERY DAY.)
Me: *answers phone with usual friendly attitude* “This is [My Name] at [Pharmacy]; how can I help you?”
Customer: “I need a refill on my prescriptions.”
Me: *pulls up profile after asking for name and birthdate* “Okay, which ones did you need refilled today?”
Customer: “Oh… I don’t know the names.” *describing various pills*
Me: *sighs and facepalms* “Right, let me get you on with the pharmacist.”
(Long story short, folks: you, as the customer, are personally responsible for knowing exactly what goes into your body and what prescriptions need to be refilled. WE DON’T HAVE ALL DRUGS MEMORIZED JUST BY HOW THEY APPEAR IN OUR HEADS!)
Hopefully Stress Therapy Is Also Covered
Georgia, Insurance, Lazy/Unhelpful, Stupid, USA | Healthy | October 7, 2018
(My daughter requires glasses to see, so we go in for our regular eye appointment in November. Everything goes well until it comes time to pay for the appointment and glasses, at which point the staff inform me that my daughter’s vision insurance has already been used this year, and therefore won’t cover her new glasses. Confused, since her last appointment was fourteen months ago — definitely over a year — I head home to contact our insurance company to get things straightened out.)
Me: “I’m trying to figure out why my daughter’s insurance has been marked as used this year. Our last appointment was in September of last year, fourteen months ago.”
Insurance Rep: “Oh, we have an appointment on file from January of this year, so her insurance has already been used.”
Me: “But we didn’t have any eye appointment in January. Something’s not right here.”
Insurance Rep: “I don’t know what to tell you. You had an appointment in January, so you have to wait until next year to use her insurance again.”
Me: “And I’m telling you her last vision appointment was September of last year. We didn’t have any January appointment. Your records are wrong.”
Insurance Rep: “Give me a moment to check.”
(She puts me on hold for a while as she looks into this.)
Insurance Rep: “I don’t know what to tell you. You used her coverage for an appointment in January at a clinic in Missouri.”
Me: “We live in Georgia. We haven’t been to Missouri in the last year, let alone for a vision appointment. Who was the appointment for?”
Insurance Rep: “Oh, [Male Name, nowhere near my daughter’s relatively unique name].”
Me: “That’s not my daughter.”
Insurance Rep: “Oh. Let me look into this some more.”
(She puts me on hold again.)
Insurance Rep: “Okay, so, it looks like that vision clinic put the wrong patient information in when they filed his appointment.”
Me: “So, this is going to be fixed, and my daughter can get her glasses, right?”
Insurance Rep: “Unfortunately, it’s going to take six weeks or more to correct this error.”
Me: “But that puts us in next year, and my daughter needs her glasses.”
Insurance Rep: “I’m sorry, but that’s the best we can do.”
Me: “Even though it was your company’s mistake?”
Insurance Rep: “I’m sorry. Perhaps you can work something out with your vision clinic in the meantime?”
Me: “Fine.”
(Luckily, the vision clinic is at least willing to work with me on a reimbursement plan that will allow us to get the glasses now and have the insurance company cover the cost once they finally get around to fixing the problem without it applying against the next year. But aside from our insurance company not realizing that an adult man in Missouri is not my 10-year-old daughter in Georgia, the real gem is what happens when my husband calls the insurance company for a follow-up.)
Husband: “So, how can we be sure this doesn’t happen again next year?”
Insurance Rep #2 : “You’ll just have to call in every now and then to make sure her insurance hasn’t been used yet.”
Husband: “You mean you don’t have anything in place to make sure that my daughter’s insurance doesn’t get accidentally applied to someone else’s appointment in another state?”
Coming To A Painfully Obvious Realization
Canada, Hospital, Nurses, Stupid | Healthy | October 5, 2018
Nurse: *while drawing blood* “Wow. I’ve stuck you, like, a dozen times, and I haven’t gotten the needle to work!”
Me: “I know. I’ve got the worst genetics — tiny, deep veins that deflate! I’d rather not be here all day.”
Nurse: “Really? Oh, I could do blood draws aaaaall day, but the second I need my blood taken I’m like, well, no! I wonder why that is?”
We Think We Know Where That Nausea Came From
Chicago, Hospital, Liars/Scammers, Non-Dialogue, USA | Healthy | October 5, 2018
A patient has called for an ambulance because they feel nauseated.
Once in their hospital room, they order two medium pizzas from [Pizza Chain].
An Armful Of Judgement
Bigotry, Doctor/Physician, Georgia, Medical Office, USA | Healthy | October 4, 2018
(I wake up one morning to find both arms so numb that I can hardly use them. In a panic, I get my mother to drive me to the local doctor’s office. He sends me to get bloodwork done at a different facility. This takes place during the follow-up visit.)
Nurse: *while taking my vitals* “And are your arms still numb?”
Me: “Yes, but they’re a bit better than before.”
(The nurse leads me to the exam room. The doctor enters after a few minutes.)
Doctor: “Okay, your blood work looks good, except for cholesterol. You really need to lose weight. Do you drink a lot of Cokes?”
Me: “Well… yes, but—”
Doctor: “You should give up all caffeinated drinks. They’re making you fat, and it’s very bad for your health.”
(The doctor proceeded to ramble about how I needed to stop eating sugar and start losing weight. He left the room with a final order to stop drinking Cokes. I never got a chance to ask him about my numb arms, and he never once said anything about the issue I’d gone there for in the first place. I don’t have insurance and am unemployed, so I couldn’t afford to go somewhere else. I ended up asking friends online for help and figured out how to address my problem through them.)
Why Are You Hitting Yourself? Why Are You Hitting Yourself?
Bizarre, Home, Non-Dialogue, Ohio, Patients, USA | Healthy | October 3, 2018
My husband is a very gentle man. Because of this, I was more shocked than angry when I was slapped awake one night. I had been deeply asleep, thanks to a muscle relaxant, so it took me a moment to fully process what happened.
I was turning my head to ask why he’d slapped me; what happened? Then, I saw movement near my waist. A hand came up and slapped my face again.
It was my own d*** hand!
Apparently, trying to strengthen my arm after a rotator cuff injury caused my arm muscles to spasm strongly, bringing my hand up fast and hard.
A Purposeful Discussion About Women’s Health
Bigotry, Doctor/Physician, El Paso, Home, Patients, Texas, USA | Healthy | October 3, 2018
(My mom and I are discussing a cousin who lives in different state. She has been hospitalized and is losing blood due to problems with her uterus.)
Mom: “I just don’t understand why the doctors refuse to just remove it. She doesn’t intend to have any more children, and this thing is threatening her life. I had to argue for them to remove mine when I started having issues, and I was almost fifty with two adult kids already!”
Me: “Mom, let me tell you: doctors maintain this idea that a woman’s main purpose in life is to have children. They think that removing her uterus is equal to cutting off both legs. They view it as the last, most desperate act they can take. It’s ridiculous, outdated, and flawed, but it’s the sad truth.”
Sister: *who has been listening* “That actually explains a lot.”
Name, Time, And Place
Boston, Dentist, Ignoring & Inattentive, Massachusetts, Reception, USA, Wordplay | Healthy | October 2, 2018
(I’ve chipped a tooth. My regular dentist puts a filling in, but recommends a crown as a more stable, long-term repair. Since I already have a rather large cavity and filling in that tooth, they also refer me to an endodontist to see if I’ll need a root canal first. I call their office to set up a consult.)
Receptionist: “Good morning. Thank you for calling [Office].”
Me: “Good morning. I’ve been referred to you by [My Dentist]. I need a consultation to see if a root canal is necessary.”
Receptionist: “Okay, are you a patient of ours?”
Me: “No, I’d be a new patient.”
Receptionist: “Can I have your name?”
(I give my first and last name. My last name is somewhat unusual, and has a lot of letters that sound like other letters, so I always go the extra mile and spell it out using the phonetic alphabet.)
Receptionist: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”
Me: *spells it again, still phonetically*
Receptionist: *spells it back, inverting the last two letters*
Me: “No, no.” *spells it out again*
Receptionist: “Oh, okay, no R.” *spells it back incorrectly*
Me: “No, there is an R.” *spells it AGAIN* “It’s like [word], but with an A at the end.”
Receptionist: *finally gets it right* “I’m not finding you in our system.”
Me: “Right, no, I’m a new patient; I’ve just been referred for a consultation.”
Receptionist: “Oh, I’m sorry, okay. I’ll need more information from you, then.”
(We very slowly and carefully go through the rest of my details.)
Receptionist: “And what do you need done?”
Me: “Just a consultation right now. I’m getting a crown, but my dentist would like to see if I should get a root canal first.”
Receptionist: “You need a root canal?”
Me: “No! Just a consultation.”
Receptionist: “Okay, a consultation. When would you like to come in?”
Me: “Anytime Monday is good.”
Receptionist: “We have 3:30 on Monday?”
Me: “Yes, that would be fine.”
Receptionist: “Okay, there’s also 1:50?”
Me: “Um, either one, I guess? 3:30 or 1:50, whichever is more convenient for you.”
Receptionist: “Okay, 1:30 on Monday, then.”
Me: “I’m sorry, 1:30 or 1:50?”
Receptionist: “Yes, 1:50.”
Me: “Great, thank you.”
(I think I’ll show up before 1:30, just to be safe!)
In The Sun But Not Very Bright
Canada, Health & Body, Ontario, Patients, Pharmacy, Stupid | Healthy | October 1, 2018
(I’m a pharmacist. I’m counselling a client on how to apply the rosacea cream his doctor has prescribed for him.)
Me: “…and remember, even if you use this regularly, the most important way to prevent rosacea flares is to stay out of the sun.”
Patient: “I’m in the sun all the time!”
Me: “May I suggest sunscreen?”
Patient: “Oh, no, I don’t wear sunscreen. I don’t want to put chemicals on my face.”
(I looked at the box of expensive prescription face chemicals and died a little inside.)
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