Is intermittent fasting right for you?

Hope You Like Puppies
Pets & Animals, Stupid, USA, Vet | Healthy | April 24, 2020
I work in a veterinary hospital. A client walks up to the desk.

Client: “I want to give the vaccine to my dog to make her have no more babies.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Client: “You know! The vaccine you give so she can’t have babies.”

Me: “Unfortunately, there is no vaccine that can do that.”

Client: “Oh, then how do you do it?!”

Me: “It’s a surgery; we remove their uterus and their ovaries.”

Client: “Dios mío, no. I’ll leave now. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Have a good day.”

Might Be Time To Change Doctors
Doctor/Physician, Grand Rapids, Medical Office, Michigan, Parents/Guardians, USA | Healthy | May 31, 2020
I work for a doctor’s emergency answering service. A frantic woman calls in at three am.

Me: “Hello, [Service].”

Woman: “I need [Doctor] to call me ASAP! My son has swallowed a nickel!”

Me: “Certainly. Just let me get some information and I’ll have [Doctor] call you right back.”

The woman gives me all the pertinent info. I call [Doctor] and wake him up from a very obvious sound sleep.

Me: “Sorry to wake you, [Doctor]. I’ve got a call from [Woman]; she says her son has swallowed a nickel.”

There’s a five-second pause.

Doctor: “So, is he choking or does she want me to make change?”

What A Heartless Joke!
Bizarre, Malaysia, Medical Office, Pranks, School, Students | Healthy | May 29, 2020
My friend’s dad is a lecturer at a medical school. He has a friend with a rare condition called situs inversus, meaning his internal organs are mirror images of the usual configuration. He likes to pull a prank on first-year students.

Lecturer: “Is it possible for a person to have their organs the wrong way around and still be alive and healthy?”

Students: “No, sir!”

At some point later he brings his friend in as a model patient and has a student try to find his heartbeat.

After muddling around with a stethoscope, one particularly confused student responded, “Sir, this man has no heart!”

The Editors Thank You For This “Life Hack”!
California, Friends, Health & Body, Home, USA | Healthy | May 28, 2020
I’m visiting a friend who is very fit and an avid hiker. As we’re both middle-aged, we’re commiserating over the usual aches and pains.

Friend: “Since my last hike, my lower back has been hurting. It’s not injured, just sore.”

Me: “That happens to me, too. Try stretching your hamstrings.”

Friend: “What? No, my legs are fine. My back hurts.”

Me: “Yeah, but sometimes tight hamstrings can pull on your lower back.”

Friend: “That doesn’t make any sense. My hamstrings are probably tight from hiking, but it has nothing to do with my back.”

Me: “Another woman in my ballet class didn’t believe me, either. But when she stretched out her hamstrings, her back felt better.”

Friend: “I just don’t see how it can work.”

Me: “Look. It’s safe and easy to try; just do it.”

Friend: “I don’t know.”

After about ten minutes of this back and forth, my friend finally puts her leg on a surface about hip height and gently stretches the back of the leg. Then, she does the other side. When she’s done, she tests her back.

Friend: “Hey! The pain’s mostly gone!”

Me: “Great!”

Friend: “Hamstrings affecting the back… Who knew?”

Me: “Me! I knew!”

We Know A Few People Who Could Use That Procedure
Impossible Demands, Jerk, Pharmacy, USA | Healthy | May 27, 2020
I’m a pharmacy technician at a national pharmacy chain. On this particular morning, it’s just me and the pharmacist working. About two minutes after opening, an old woman comes up to the register.

Me: “Good morning. Could I get your name and date of birth, please?”

She gives me her name and birthday. I punch her information into the register and see that we have a prescription ready for her. I grab her prescription from the bin.

Me: “Okay, so, I’ve got your [commonly used blood pressure medication] ready for you.”

Customer: “No, no, no! I don’t need that; I need my Valium!”

From having entered her information into the register, I know we do not have any Valium ready for her, nor are we currently working on any for her. However, if a patient’s medication is on hold, or if we’ve just received it from the doctor and haven’t entered it yet, it won’t show up on the register. I inform the woman there’s no Valium in process for her but that I will check my computer to see if we have any for her.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t have any Valium in my system for you anywhere. It’s possible that the doctor’s office hasn’t sent it to us yet; I would recommend that you give the office a call.”

Customer: *Now furious with me* “No! You’re lying! I know they sent it to you! They sent it to you yesterday and I need it now because I’m having brain surgery in forty-five minutes at [Hospital in a town thirty minutes away]!”

I’m just dumbstruck that someone would plan this poorly, but I maintain my professional composure.

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, but I have not received any Valium prescription for you.”

Customer: “Well, this is just f****** ridiculous. This kind of s*** is why I changed pharmacies months ago.”

Me: *Slight pause* “Well, then… perhaps your prescription was sent to your current pharmacy?”

Customer: “No! I know for a fact that it was sent to you because I was standing right there when the doctor called you!”

I know this is a lie because of two things. First, doctors never call prescriptions in themselves; they have a nurse or receptionist do it. And second, Valium is a class IV controlled substance and therefore, in our state, it can only be sent to the pharmacy electronically, not over the phone.

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but again, I don’t have any prescription here for you. My best recommendation would be that you call the doctor and ask them to send it again as soon as possible.”

Customer: “No, there’s no time for that. When I get there, I’m gonna tell them it’s your fault that I have to postpone this operation!”

The woman storms off and I walk back to my workstation, almost in a daze.

Pharmacist: “Well, if she’s having brain surgery, I hope that means they’re going to install one.”

PLEASE Keep Washing Your Hands
Current Events, Doctor/Physician, Medical Office, Patients, Revolting, USA | Healthy | May 26, 2020
I have a job that requires frequent handwashing, even prior to a certain global health crisis. A combination of the handwashing, stress, and weather results in what I suspect is eczema on my hands. I’ve never dealt with it before, and regular moisturizer isn’t cutting it, so eventually I go to see a dermatologist.

The doctor does a quick exam and determines that it is, in fact, eczema.

Dermatologist: “I’d recommend [Hand Cream] and I’ll prescribe you [Steroid Cream]. What did you say you did for a living? Is it possible you could wash your hands less often?”

Me: “I’m… not sure that’s really possible. I work in a lab, studying [bacteria known to cause flesh-eating disease].”

The doctor was speechless for a second and then laughed. I doubt she’d gotten that answer before.

Thanks to the prescription cream and a better moisturizing regimen, my hands are much improved, though I still need to wash them frequently!

Still A Dangerous Question
Family & Kids, Medical Office, Missouri, Nurses, USA | Healthy | May 22, 2020
I’m at the doctor’s. One of the nurses is obviously very pregnant.

Me: “So, when are you due?”

Nurse: *Stares daggers at me* “I’m not pregnant.”

Me: “Nice try, but I heard you talking to the other nurse about being pregnant.”

Nurse: *Smiling* “Dang

Which Is Cuter: The Gecko Or The Kiddo?
Adorable Children, Camp, Children, Funny Kids, New Jersey, Pets & Animals, USA | Right | February 28, 2022
I work at a camp petting zoo every year. The kids are (for the most part) awesome, and the youngest ones are particularly prone to hilarious and/or adorable statements. The following gem made my summer.

I took out a leopard gecko.

Five-Year-Old: “I know what that one’s called! It’s a leprechaun!”

Everyone Is Someone’s Hero
Adorable Children, Home, Homework, Impossible Demands, Siblings, UK | Related | January 2, 2022
I’ve been having a really bad day, though not for any particular reason. I’m just in a grump. I’m still in a grump when my little sister comes home from primary school. She wants to tell me something, and even though I’m not in the mood, I do my best to not get frustrated while trying to understand her.

Talking is difficult for her due to a multitude of health issues, so I’m leaving out the back and forth of figuring out what she is saying and just typing what she wanted to say.

Sister: “We had to write about our heroes in class today.”

Me: “Oh, dear, I hated doing that. Could you think of anyone to write about? I could never think of anyone.”

Sister: “No, I thought of a person.”

Me: “Good for you.”

Sister: “Will you read it?”

Me: “Now?”

She starts getting something out of her bag.

Me: “Ah, uh, well… I’m not really—”

Cue disappointed puppy-dog eyes.

Me: “Erm, maybe after dinner? My eyes are a little, uh, tired right now is all.”

Sister: “Okay!”

I muddle my way through cooking and eating dinner, not looking forward to the effort reading her handwriting is going to be — not that mine is any better. I’m just being a complete butthole about it.

After we’ve eaten, she brings me her exercise book.

Me: “You want me to read this out loud, or am I okay to just read it in my head?”

Sister: “That’s fine.”

I begin to read.

Book: “My hero is [My Name].”

I pause. That can’t be right. I reread the first sentence. She can’t possibly mean me. Who is this other person who has my extremely rare name that she has met and thinks is her hero?

Book: “[My Name] is my sister.”

I look up at her.

Me: “Me?”

My sister nods vigorously, and I return my attention to her book. I read compliment after compliment about how she thinks I’m smart, about how I make her laugh, and about how grateful she is for me looking after her. And as I read these words that don’t feel true to me, I’m crying with a hand clamped over my mouth to stop the noise.

When I finish, I look up at her. She looks concerned, probably because I’m really not supposed to be crying over this.

Me: “Cuddle?”

It was a good cuddle.

The Toddling Adventures Of The Baby Whisperer
Adorable Children, Children, Home, Maryland, USA, Wordplay | Friendly | December 22, 2021
I’ve been volunteering with both special needs and neurotypical kids for years, which means any time I’m visiting family or friends and there are children that need to be taken care of, I’m naturally the one left in charge of them. That’s fine with me since I really do love kids and enjoy watching them.

It’s pretty common for children, especially kids with delayed speech development, to be taught some basic sign language to help them express simple concepts without words. I’ve been around kids taught to sign long enough that I’ve picked up all the standard signs through osmosis.

I’m at a pool party at a friend’s house. I’ve offered to keep an eye on one toddler so her mother can get into the pool. The girl is very communicative, babbling nonstop, and surprisingly good with her signs, given her age. At one point, she approaches me, babbling unintelligibly the entire time.

Me: “Did you want something?”

She signs for food.

Me: “You want to eat something?

She nods.

Me: “What did you want to eat?”

The girl takes my finger and pulls me along to where she has been sitting, and I see there is a can of toddler-bite-sized snacks sitting on the table near her. I pick them up and show them to her.

Me: “Is this what you wanted?”

She starts babbling more excitedly, reaching up toward the snack can in what is a clear “I want” gesture regardless of not being a proper sign. I quickly get confirmation from her mother that the girl is allowed to have more before returning to the girl.

Me: “Your mommy said you are allowed to have some. Do you know how to say, ‘Please’?

She signs, “Please.”

Me: “Oh, very good! I’d be happy to help such a nice girl.”

I pour some more snack bites on her plate.

Me: “Do you know how to say, ‘Thank you’?”

Surprisingly, considering how hard it is to teach “thank you” to such young kids, the girl manages a decent approximation of the gesture.

Me: “You’re welcome!”

As I return to my seat, I see one of my friends staring at me as if impressed.

Friend: “You can understand her? That just sounds like gibberish to me.”

I realize he thought I could understand the girl’s constant babbling. I consider telling him the truth but decide that would ruin the fun.

Me: “Yep, that’s me: the baby whisperer.”

For the rest of the day, he would occasionally ask me to “translate” the toddler’s babbling out of curiosity. Instead, I translated what she was probably thinking based on her body language and actions. He never caught on that I couldn’t magically understand babbling.

Insert The Dutch Words For “Adorable” And “Awesome” Here
Adorable Children, Belgium, Inspirational, Non-Dialogue, Public Transport, Strangers, Wordplay | Friendly | November 18, 2021
The tram I was on going to work announced the next stop. A little girl — she was three, as it would turn out — repeated one of the words as kids of that age so often do. Carefully and slowly, and with a little roll of her hand, she repeated, “De volgende” — Dutch for “next” — over and over again. Then, I caught on. It was actually the mother repeating the words that the little girl so patiently uttered.

As I overheard the mother explaining to a fellow traveler in a very understandable Dutch, she was of Spanish descent and learning Dutch from her daughter — or with her daughter; the mother certainly could express herself in Dutch but did not grasp as yet the full extent of the language. Being Hispanic, she had problems distinguishing “v” and “b” and when she finally got it (almost) right, the little girl awarded the mother with a thumbs-up.

It was the cutest start of the day, and whenever I needed a little pick-me-up during the rest of the day, I just had to think of the solemn thumbs-up and smile the little girl gave her mother and I had to smile, as well. Apparently, the little girl spoke already three languages and if the little Dutch I heard is any indication, on a level that few three-year-olds have in one. Kudos to her and kudos to the mother, as well, for willing to be taught by her daughter to acquire a new language faster and for raising such a polite and gentle girl.

The Toddling Adventures Of The Baby Whisperer
Adorable Children, Children, Home, Maryland, USA, Wordplay | Friendly | December 22, 2021
I’ve been volunteering with both special needs and neurotypical kids for years, which means any time I’m visiting family or friends and there are children that need to be taken care of, I’m naturally the one left in charge of them. That’s fine with me since I really do love kids and enjoy watching them.

It’s pretty common for children, especially kids with delayed speech development, to be taught some basic sign language to help them express simple concepts without words. I’ve been around kids taught to sign long enough that I’ve picked up all the standard signs through osmosis.

I’m at a pool party at a friend’s house. I’ve offered to keep an eye on one toddler so her mother can get into the pool. The girl is very communicative, babbling nonstop, and surprisingly good with her signs, given her age. At one point, she approaches me, babbling unintelligibly the entire time.

Me: “Did you want something?”

She signs for food.

Me: “You want to eat something?

She nods.

Me: “What did you want to eat?”

The girl takes my finger and pulls me along to where she has been sitting, and I see there is a can of toddler-bite-sized snacks sitting on the table near her. I pick them up and show them to her.

Me: “Is this what you wanted?”

She starts babbling more excitedly, reaching up toward the snack can in what is a clear “I want” gesture regardless of not being a proper sign. I quickly get confirmation from her mother that the girl is allowed to have more before returning to the girl.

Me: “Your mommy said you are allowed to have some. Do you know how to say, ‘Please’?

She signs, “Please.”

Me: “Oh, very good! I’d be happy to help such a nice girl.”

I pour some more snack bites on her plate.

Me: “Do you know how to say, ‘Thank you’?”

Surprisingly, considering how hard it is to teach “thank you” to such young kids, the girl manages a decent approximation of the gesture.

Me: “You’re welcome!”

As I return to my seat, I see one of my friends staring at me as if impressed.

Friend: “You can understand her? That just sounds like gibberish to me.”

I realize he thought I could understand the girl’s constant babbling. I consider telling him the truth but decide that would ruin the fun.

Me: “Yep, that’s me: the baby whisperer.”

For the rest of the day, he would occasionally ask me to “translate” the toddler’s babbling out of curiosity. Instead, I translated what she was probably thinking based on her body language and actions. He never caught on that I couldn’t magically understand babbling.

Insert The Dutch Words For “Adorable” And “Awesome” Here
Adorable Children, Belgium, Inspirational, Non-Dialogue, Public Transport, Strangers, Wordplay | Friendly | November 18, 2021
The tram I was on going to work announced the next stop. A little girl — she was three, as it would turn out — repeated one of the words as kids of that age so often do. Carefully and slowly, and with a little roll of her hand, she repeated, “De volgende” — Dutch for “next” — over and over again. Then, I caught on. It was actually the mother repeating the words that the little girl so patiently uttered.

As I overheard the mother explaining to a fellow traveler in a very understandable Dutch, she was of Spanish descent and learning Dutch from her daughter — or with her daughter; the mother certainly could express herself in Dutch but did not grasp as yet the full extent of the language. Being Hispanic, she had problems distinguishing “v” and “b” and when she finally got it (almost) right, the little girl awarded the mother with a thumbs-up.

It was the cutest start of the day, and whenever I needed a little pick-me-up during the rest of the day, I just had to think of the solemn thumbs-up and smile the little girl gave her mother and I had to smile, as well. Apparently, the little girl spoke already three languages and if the little Dutch I heard is any indication, on a level that few three-year-olds have in one. Kudos to her and kudos to the mother, as well, for willing to be taught by her daughter to acquire a new language faster and for raising such a polite and gentle girl.

Shopping Follows The Circle Of Life
Adorable Children, Children, Funny, Germany, Retail | Right | October 18, 2021
We’re a popular outlet and it’s a Saturday, so it’s beyond crowded. A panicked parent has approached my manager; she’s lost her son and has given a description.

Manager: *Via headset* “All right, team, we’re looking for [Child], three years old, [description of clothes]. His mother is here and he is not accompanied by other adults!”

Doors are shut, music is turned off, and my manager climbs on a waist-level shelf and starts talking LOUD.

Manager: “Attention shoppers! We’re looking for a young boy, wearing a black [Brand] shirt, blue shorts, and white [Brand] shoes, with blonde hair. Again, we’re looking for—”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME?!”

He holds up a child perfectly matching the description, “The Lion King” style.

Little Boy: “HELLO! I am looking for my mum? She is tall and blonde and has a large purse, but I am not allowed to say her name to strangers!”

Mother and son were reunited and shopping resumed. We got glowing reviews from several shoppers.

Weighing Your Options
Impossible Demands, Liars/Scammers, Michigan, USA, Vet | Healthy | May 20, 2020
I am a veterinarian working at a hospital, performing a routine examination on an animal. Falsifying any medical records, no matter how small, puts me at risk of losing my license.

Me: “Fluffy looks really good except for some dental tartar. We’re just here to update the rabies vaccine, right? I don’t believe he’s due for anything else.”

Owner: “Yes, and if you wouldn’t mind, I need you to change his weight on the rabies certificate; my new apartment won’t let dogs live there who weigh over fifty pounds.”

I look down at the dog, who is pushing eighty pounds.

Me: “I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that today for you. Is there anything else you need, though? Heartworm prevention?”

Owner: *Sighs heavily* “Well, they’ll kick me out if you don’t put down a lower weight, and I just recently got divorced, and all of this has just been a huge hassle.”

Me: *Gives the vaccines* “Yes, I understand. That sounds like a difficult time you’re going through. Well, Fluffy did really well! My assistant will check you out at the front desk.”

I proceed to leave the room and a moment later, I hear from the receptionist that the lady is getting pushier about changing the weight so I go up there.

Me: “It really isn’t possible. The certificate is a legal document and your dog is nowhere near fifty pounds.”

Owner: “Well, that’s just really not helpful. You’re making a difficult time even harder for me!”

I reiterated myself several times before the lady left fuming. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only time I’d been asked to falsify things.

The Right Dentist Can Make You Smile In So Many Ways
Awesome, Colorado, Dentist, Doctor/Physician, Inspirational, Jerk, USA | Healthy | May 19, 2020
Like a lot of people, I hate going to the dentist. My first memory of going to the dentist was traumatic and growing up I inherited my parent’s bad teeth, which made dental visits painful and embarrassing. Unfortunately, my attempts at better dental hygiene ended up ruining my teeth; it got to the point where every single tooth was rotting and needed to be pulled.

The first dentist I went to for a checkup and to discuss my options insisted on pulling my teeth that day. He went on and on about how the infection was going to spread to my brain and kill me. The staff insisted my insurance would cover it, but only the novocaine. He didn’t pull all my teeth — ten or less — and it lasted two hours. Later, I received a bill for all the little fees that the staff conveniently didn’t go over. I decided infection and potential death wasn’t too bad if it meant avoiding bills.

A couple of years later, after I had to switch insurance, and at the insistence of my therapists and case manager, I went to the dentist again — a different place this time.

The first visit was a check-up and only that. We talked about my options, and there was no pressure on what I should do or that I needed to get it done right then and there. The assistant even expressed sympathy when she saw how bad my teeth were instead of being judgmental. I set up several appointments to get my teeth pulled and get dentures.

Despite having to do everything in stages, the process was quick. My insurance would cover the surgery, but only the basics. The dentist, who had a heart of gold, gave me laughing gas anyway, no charge.

They made dentures on-site, so I was able to get dentures fitted as soon as I was healed. For the first time since I was a child, I smiled without covering my face and the staff was thrilled. I can’t thank them enough for all the kindness they showed me.

When A Date Leaves You Cold
California, Dating, Non-Dialogue, Skating Rink, USA | Healthy | May 18, 2020
Back in January of this year, I went on a date with a guy I had met on a popular dating app — the one where the girl has to make the first move.

We met up for dinner and drinks and things were going very well! He was nice and funny and I was enjoying his company. He was an EMT; this is important later in the story.

After dinner, he suggested we go to an ice rink to go ice skating. I was skeptical, as I’m a very clumsy person and can barely stand up on my own two feet on solid ground, and I knew I was going to thoroughly embarrass myself at the rink. But I said yes anyway.

For the first hour, things went well. We were both hobbling along the side of the wall and making fun of each other’s form, but I got cocky, pushed away from the wall, and ate it. I landed on my butt and tried to catch myself with my arm. I landed so hard my ears were ringing and I was woozy.

My date had to help me off the ice and he immediately went into EMT mode, rolling up my sleeve and feeling around my arm to see if he could feel any breaks.

Besides the numbness in my arm, we both agreed that it probably wasn’t broken, and I turned down his offer to take me to the emergency room.

We spent the next six hours on a cliff overlooking the beach, with me flinching at the slightest touch to my arm.

When I woke up the next day, I was in tears. My entire arm was black and blue and swollen beyond belief; I couldn’t even put a shirt on without crying out in pain. I had to have my brother take me to Urgent Care.

While at Urgent Care, the doctor on call told me that not only was my elbow broken, but that I had fractured my wrist, as well, when I tried to stop myself from falling. The impact of me landing on my wrist fractured it and broke my elbow almost immediately, but the massive swelling that immediately took place is what made my date unable to tell that my arm was broken.

There was so much fluid in my arm that it felt like a normal arm.

I was immediately taken off work for the next four months, as I am a barista while finishing school, and I teased my date about my arm all the time. We dated for a month but decided we were better off as friends.

We’re still friends to this day, and I still give him crap about my elbow.

It still hurts when the weather gets cold, too, even after having it out of a sling for six weeks.

Nurses Aren’t Always Faithful To Listen To Their Patients
Doctor/Physician, Ignoring & Inattentive, Medical Office, Minnesota, Nurses, USA | Healthy | May 16, 2020
Unfortunately, I have notoriously difficult veins to hit when I need blood drawn. Many, many seasoned medical professionals have tried and failed to hit the veins in my arm. Usually after poking me up to six times — ouch! — they find a vein in my hand they can use that I have started calling Old Faithful.

Doctor: “We’re going to draw some blood for labs.”

Me: “Okay, but I have really, really bad veins despite all the water I drink. Send in your best vein finder — it’ll save everyone a lot of time — and tell them to go for this vein in my hand.”

Doctor: *Chuckles* “Oh, I’m sure it’s not that bad. People always say they have bad veins but usually it’s because they had a bad experience. You’ll be fine.”

Me: “I had cancer two years ago. My blood is drawn all the time at every doctor I visit. My veins are so bad people have had to use ultrasound machines to find them. Whoever is drawing my blood needs to go through my hand after using a warming pack. I cannot stress enough just how hard my veins are to hit.”

Doctor: “It’s more painful when we stick your hand instead of your arm.”

Me: “Usually, it’s more painful, yes, but I have Old Faithful here, and someone hitting her on the first or second try is much better than them trying four or five times on each arm before going through my hand anyway.”

The doctor leaves, shaking his head, and sure enough, the nurse who comes in ten minutes later tries my arm first despite my pleading. She tries twice before I say anything more.

Me: *Pained* “Please just use my hand.”

Nurse #1 : “Oh, but it’s so painful through the hand! I’ll go get [Nurse #2 ]; she’s very good at hitting veins!”

[Nurse #2 ] enters and sticks my arm three more times before switching to my other arm, despite my protests. My entire forearm hurts at this point, and I’m annoyed that three different people have ignored me. [Nurse #2 ] misses yet again.

Me: “Go through my hand, please; you’ll hit Old Faithful so much faster.”

Nurse #2 : *Trying my arm yet again* “The hand is more—”

Me: *Snappy* “More painful! Yes, I know! Everyone keeps saying that, but you know what really hurts? Being jabbed seven times in the wrong place because no one will listen when I tell them I have bad veins! Just go through my hand, please!”

Nurse #2 : “Fine, fine, I’ll give it a try. It’s gonna hurt.”

She hit Old Faithful easily and immediately and got the blood needed in less than two minutes. The arm that was jabbed five times predictably had four large bruises — two had merged into one huge super-bruise — where the vein finding attempts were made, and now I refuse to let anyone touch me until they confirm they’ll try my hand first. Old Faithful hasn’t let me down yet.

“Patient Presented With Symptoms Of Not Being Dead”
Health & Body, High School, Nurses, Teachers, USA, Wisconsin | Healthy | May 15, 2020
In gym class, we are learning how to check our pulse by placing our index and middle fingers on the carotid artery, on the neck to the side of the windpipe. The teacher is having the class run laps and take our pulse.

My friend is having a hard time finding her carotid artery and can’t take her pulse. She approaches the gym teacher for help. The teacher tries to find her carotid artery on her neck.

Teacher: “I don’t know… Go see the nurse.”

Friend: “Seriously? I have a pulse. I’m fine.”

Teacher: “Well, I can’t find it. Go see the nurse.”

My friend reported to the very puzzled school nurse who confirmed that she did, in fact, have a pulse and helped her find it. I sometimes wonder if that nurse had to keep medical records for students, and what on earth she wrote for that patient encounter.

Preventative Procedures Protect Patients And Pets
Current Events, Jerk, Patients, Pennsylvania, USA, Vet | Healthy | May 14, 2020
Because of the recent health crisis, our vet has decided not to allow people in the building. This is made clear when you make the appointment. You call to say you’ve arrived and someone comes out to take your pet. Then, the vet calls to discuss the visit and payment is taken when your pet is returned. It’s extra work and wait time, but I understand their caution.

I am waiting in my car for my vet to run my bank card when a woman pulls up and gets out of her car. She has a small dog in a blanket in her arms. She approaches the door and pushes, but it is locked. She looks through the window, knocks, and then steps back. I think that is when she notices the sign on the door, explaining the new procedure. The woman takes a picture of the sign using her phone camera and then knocks again, harder this time.

Finally, the receptionist comes to the door. Before unlocking it, the receptionist pulls her mask over her face. The woman on the outside — who is not wearing a mask — rolls her eyes and twirls her free hand in a “hurry up” motion.

Receptionist: “Yes, ma’am?”

Woman: “We have an appointment.”

She tries to push the door open but the receptionist holds her ground.

Receptionist: “Okay, I’ll get your paperwork together if you’ll just head back to your vehicle and—”

Woman: “No, just move. This is ridiculous.”

Receptionist: “I know it’s strange, but we have adapted a new protocol because of—”

Woman: “I don’t care. You can’t deny me entry when you’re expecting me.” *Pushes again* “Move!”

The receptionist does not move but pushes the door shut and locks it. The woman pounds on the glass so hard it shakes. A moment later, the receptionist returns with the vet. This time they do not unlock the door.

Woman: “Finally! This girl won’t let me in!”

Vet: “I am sorry, but we cannot allow you in the building.”

Woman: “This is illegal!”

Vet: “No, ma’am, I assure you it’s not.”

Woman: “How can you do this?”

The vet explains how things are currently being run.

Woman: *With her nose in the air* “Well, I’ll just go to another vet!”

Vet: “Have your new veterinarian call me for your dog’s medical history.”

The vet and receptionist walk away, leaving the woman fuming at the door. She stands there for a little while before getting back in her car and driving off. The receptionist then comes out with my bank card and receipt.

Receptionist: “Hi, sorry for the wait. I was coming out to you before… but… that woman…”

Me: “Totally understandable. I wouldn’t have come out, either.”

I don’t know what happened with that woman, but I do know that every vet office in